[go: up one dir, main page]

Showing posts with label Zatanna. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Zatanna. Show all posts

Thursday, November 8, 2018

How To Make Zatanna Even More Annoying!!

Look, I know my dislike of Zatanna's "backwards-talk" magic is just a personal bugaboo of mine.

I mean, aside from the fact that it's the same shtick dozens of Golden Age magician heroes used, so I'm pretty tired with it already; and aside from the fact that it's a pain in the ass to read; and aside from the fact that it's pretty boring--she can make anything she says backwards literally happen--where's the challenge in that?; and...

Anyway, as I said, just a personal bugaboo.

But I should thank my lucky stars, but it could have been much, much worse.

In her very first appearance, when Hawkman is investigating something in China...

OK, what?

Meanwhile, Hawkgirl is encountering the same thing at the exact same time in Ireland!

When they compare notes...


Oh for heaven's sake, cut that out!!!

Thank Odin they didn't stick with that ridiculous premise.

So how did she get split in two?
Oh, never mind, I've heard enough.

Sorry, Zatanna, it's me, not you...

From Hawkman #4 (1964), as reprinted in Supergirl #5 (1973)

Saturday, July 29, 2017

Spoiler Saturday--Doomed To Repeat Yourself!!

One of the few good things about the nu52 is that it removed that cankerous sore, Identity Crisis, from continuity.

FUN FACT: The Young Adult Library Services Association (YALSA), the "fastest growing division of the American Library Association (ALA)", picked Identity Crisis as one of their Great Graphic Novels for Teens for 2007.

Hey, young adult librarians, which was the best part that "great" book for teens--the murder of Firestorm with the weapon of a Golden Age hero? The murder for hire of Robin's father by an overweight, bumbling Captain Boomerang?? Turning a classic villain into a drooling rapist, and having him violate one of DC's more beloved supporting characters? Man, how can you choose--that was all great stuff for teens to read.

Or how about the part where our heroes turn on each other, and Zatanna erases Batman's memories?!?

Ahh, but at least that's off the books now, right?!?!

Hahahaha, as if the sadistic frakkers at DC will ever stop worshiping and referencing that pile of fetid turd.

In this week's Detective Comics #961, we're flashing back to young Bruce Wayne's apprenticeship with Zatara, when Bruce stumbles upon some magical knowledge that the magician deems too dangerous for him to have:


Exact same spell, exact same facial expression on Bruce.

Slow clap...

Thank you, James Tynon IV and Alvaro Martinez, for reminding us that many at DC still consider Identity Crisis good, and worthy of homaging.

Go frak yourselves. DC.

Thursday, April 27, 2017

April Madness, 2nd Semifinal--Those Wonderful Toys!!

It's the second semifinal of The Seven Justice Soldiers Of The Victory League Society!!

Last time was pretty easy for....

Will they work up a bigger sweat against a lot of analysts' sleeper pick?

As the action begins, Batman pulls a device out of his belt, presses a button, and...and...

Oh dear heavens, Red Tornado has just turned into on OMAC!! Batman, who invented OMACs, has found a way to weaponize it to take over Red Tornado!!

Oh, god, the humanity!!! OMAC is just pummeling the living hell out of Zatanna and Flash!! This is brutal!! Team Batman is just sitting around watching....!!

And that's it!! Officials have called the fight!! Once again, Team Batman got maximum beatdown for minimum effort!!

Remember, we did warn you earlier the Red Tornado was potentially this team's Achilles heel--and we were right!!

Will tricks like that work against Team Superman, though? Turn in tomorrow morning for the riveting final!!

Wednesday, April 26, 2017

April Madness Round IV--The Weakest Link!!

It's the final preliminary battle in The Seven Justice Soldiers of The Victory League Society!! Which grouping of heroes will reign supreme?!?

This is the most fascinating battle of all the first rounders, featuring

vs.

Now, Flash and Zatanna are pretty powerful. I toyed with making them a higher seed, but...well, there's Red Tornado.

You know with all your being that, at some point, Red Tornado is going to start crying, or self-destruct, or get taken over by someone. Everyone knows this:

It's just a question of whether it happens during one of our battles our not. So our third seed has a significant handicap.

Then again, so does the other team.

More than one of you suggested that the Thunderbolt is so powerful, his team should just win automatically. As commentator Mista Whiskas put it, "The Thunderbolt could just will all the teams out of existence, right?"

Well, yes...except for one thing. The Thunderbolt can't operate independently. He has to wait from order from Johnny Thunder, who is, well, as stupid as a bag of stupid hammers:

I mean come on, you're saying plenty of two and three syllable words, but the hiccups mean you can't get out "Cei-U"?!?!?

It's an illustration of snell's Third Law Of Comic writing: The more powerful your character, the STUPIDER the obstacles you have to create to keep him from solving the dilemma in one panel. So, Thunderbolt is powerful, yes. But wielded by a moron.

Which means this battle goes about as you'd expect. Zatanna immediately shuts Johnny up ("!htuom s'ynnhoJ no raeppa gaG"). Flash creates a speed vacuum so no one can hear Canary's scream. And hey, Red Tornado doesn't malfunction this time around, deflecting all of Ollie's arrows with his wind while Flash gives him a love tap.

Team Flash/Zatanna/Red Tornado is pretty powerful...but can they take on Batman's group? Find out tomorrow, as we head for the semi-finals!!

Saturday, March 18, 2017

Zatanna Vs. Flautists!!

Zatanna's manger has some advice for aspiring stage magicians:

Oh, Zatanna's manager...oh wait, I should really say it this way:

Reganam s'annataZ, uoy era yletelpmoc gnorw!

Observe:


OK, I'm the first to admit that one may not be kosher with the unseen but amazingly perfectly in-synch backing band setting off your spider-sense. Me too.

However, let's talk about this guy, who is so freakin' badass that WB should immediately hire Jean Reno to play him in the Justice League movie:



See?

So maybe you owe the dude an apology, Zatanna's manger Jeff?? (Not to mention, maybe Zatanna herself owes a long-overdue apology for brainwashing and erasing memories in Identity Crisis??!?)

From World's Finest Comics #274 (1981)

Monday, March 14, 2016

Manic Monday--The Zatanna In The Stone!!

Some magician has been playing pranks in the park, so Zatanna goes to investigate.

But she finds...




What the Houdini? It the mischievous sorcerer Merba! (Who??)

Dammit! I was hoping it was Mxyzptlk!!

Anyway, back to the exposition...


D'oh!! Merlin's descendant is a dickweed!

Even Zatanna's annoying backwards-speak spells can't help her here:


After several more tries...




Until finally...



Yup, let's just kidnap a toddler right in front of his frightened parents!!


Oh, don't worry--Ms. Z took him home, and made sure his birthday was memorable:

The kid's gonna grow-up knowing that the highlight of his life came when he was too young to remember it!! And no one is even taking pictures!!

From Supergirl #4 (1973)

Tuesday, August 6, 2013

DC In 1978 Was The Bizzaro Version Of DC 2013

Let us check out a blast from the past, a time when things at DC were a little bit different:

Wait...DC had letters pages?

Wait...DC cared about, and actually solicited, fan opinon?

Wait...DC actually gave fans what they wanted?

Wait...DC listened to fan wishes to bring back a long absent fan favorite female character, and the co-publisher didn't stall opine that they didn't want to "rush" to re-introduce her, that they were waiting for her "to emerge naturally"???

Truly, this must have come from Bizarro world!!

Anyhoo, back to the fan poll. Interesting that Zatanna crushed the competition so handily, getting more votes than #2 & #3 combined.

Captain Comet #2? Really? Today he's pretty much a forgotten character, but I guess that back in 1978 he was pretty popular. His starring role in Secret Society Of Super-Villains certainly helped here, I'm sure...

Black Lightning and Supergirl were in a virtual tie. Kara received more 1st place votes, but Jefferson had deeper support, receiving a fair amount more total votes. Interesting.

I'm a bit surprised that Metamorpho didn't finish higher...

Who else might of gotten votes? It's interesting, because in 1978 a lot of people we'd think of as obvious candidates were a) relegated to Earth-2 or Earth-S or Earth-X pre-Crisis; or b) hadn't been created yet...no Outsiders, no Infinity Inc members, no "new" Titans...

Firestorm was pretty new, but he wasn't that much newer than Black Lightning...who else is left, that wasn't already a member? Creeper? Orion? One of the Metal Men? Adam Strange? Swamp Thing? Shade? One of the sidekicks? Surely I'm forgetting someone...

Hey, Bob Rozakis, if you're reading this, I'd love to see that "complete tally." Got one laying around?

From Justice League Of America #160 (1978)

Thursday, July 18, 2013

Kcid A Si Kltpzyxm

It's time for fun at the circus!!



Great...whose gonna pay for the lifetime of therapy the kid will need now, Mxy??

Hey, by the way: why haven't we ever had a story with Zatanna and Mxyzptlk?? She could try a spell to get him to say his name backwards, but she'd have to say it backwards backwards, which is forwards, so it wouldn't work, and...Seriously, why has this story never been done?

From Superman #351 (1980)

Friday, June 14, 2013

Friday Night Profanity

As we endure the continuing national tragedy that is the "Channel 52" feature that runs in the back of DC books each week, let us note two things:

A) They're going to bleep a backwards profanity? Well, nmad!

B) For the joke to actually work, shouldn't it have been [PEELB] instead of [BLEEP]?? I mean, c'mon, guys, if you're seriously going to do "comedy" bits about Zatanna, don't blow the most basic jokes...

Seriously, DC would be better off running two bank pages each week...

Thursday, January 14, 2010

New Evidence On The Use Of Drugs In 1949

As I've mentioned here before, I'm not a big fan of magical characters. And I've especially not been a fan of Zatanna, as that talking backwards shtick gets awful old awful fast (your mileage may vary, especially if you're easily distracted by fishnet stockings).

But her father, Zatarra?? That dude was straight trippin'. Serious, brain-melting oddness, without self-consciousness or distracting cheesecake.

Our story? As with all 1940's magicians, Zatarra is making sure that small-town mayors keep their campaign promises (huh?).

It seems that Mayor Martin Morton used a ghost writer to craft his stirring speeches, which the story treats as a sign of moral turpitude. How quaint.

Anyway, along with many broken campaign promises, Morton is refusing to pay his ghost writer. Damn, it, it's time for a magician to intervene!!


Dude, you killed him!! That's a good thing??


Well, the mayor seems convinced to do better...but Zatarra ends up doing all the actual work!! First, turning the dump into a playground:


Yes, speaking backwards isn't enough--the cans must grow legs and roll around to "smooth the ground."

See what I said about trippin'?

Next, how to clean out corruption? Anthropomorphic torches!!


Build a town swimming pool? Let's just play Fantasia!!


You know, I'm not sure that Zatarra understands the fundamentals of pool construction...

Bad housing??

HE'S TALKING TO A HOUSE, AND THE HOUSE IS TALKING BACK!! AND COMMITTING SUICIDE!!

That's OK--little bricks with arms and legs will build themselves into new, better housing!!


Wow. I mean, wow! If Zatanna stories were this relentlessly insane, I'd be a bigger fan. Damn the fishnets--bring me the weird!!

I really wish I had access to the stuff Joe Samachson and William F. White were on when they created this story for World's Finest #39 (1949).