This is either the worst use ever of the Absorbing Man, or the best ever use of the Absorbing Man. Probably both simultaneously.

Crusher Creel has just broken out of prison, where he had become addicted to drugs (in part because the prison officials there were using drugs to keep the super-powered inmates under control).

Anyway, Creel makes his way to New York, where he becomes an enforcer for the Owl. Unfortunately, along with his usual lack of intelligence, Creel's jonesing for drugs is making him far more of a liability than an advantage.

So the Owl has a plan...pay him in drugs!! Why...?




All right...someone had been watching Scarface, right?







This is going to lead to a really big EEEEEWWWW later, isn't it?

OK, so what does snorting Crusher Creel get you?





Yeah, so it turns out that ingesting Absorbing Man kinda sorta gives you his powers, for an hour or so. Which leaves poor Spider-Man to try and clean up the mess...


 Gee, Spidey, you didn't react that way when Harry Osborn was tripping out!

Of course, the drug is a hit!!


But what about poor Crusher Creel, you ask?


Yes, the Absorbing Man reforms from the tears of junkies. Because EEEEEEEWWWWWWWWWWWW...

From Marvel Knights Spider-Man #15-16 (2005)

Look, you addlepated maroons,your government loves you...

...even if they call you names and talk down to you!!

The biggest lesson of this government pamphlet is...

...ANY CHANGE IN BEHAVIOR WHATSOEVER IS CAUSED BY DRUGS!!!

Oh, we've got details...

Given that you just spent pages telling us that every change in adolescence is really caused by drugs, I think you're the one causing all this "fuss" over drugs, sir.

I also like the way the work in the word "dig", so they seem hep to all the kids, in the same panel where they use "rumpus." Well played!

Yes, we must accuse the user!!

Yup, you have an "inadequate personality"!!!

"Too weak of character." Heh.

And of course...

Funny, I'll bet 99.9% of those hooked on "harder" drugs also smoked and drank first, but no one calls tobacco and alcohol "gateway drugs."

Oh, and watch out for that barbiturate withdrawal!!

You have a clear choice, young dudes:

Wait, wait...if the person who becomes addicted is "psychologically inadequate," how can you say the made their own decision?!?!

Anyway, it's back to the "snitch on anybody who changes their behavior in any way at all" section of our book:

Call your clergy, dammit, Billy's getting surly!!

Teen-Age Booby Trap is from 1970. Dig?