It's time to get a wee bit nostalgic here as we do this week's Friday Night Fight. Because, if you grew up in the 1970s, this little clip explains everything about you, probably:



I'm serious...if you were of the right age when The Six Million Dollar Man aired, your attitude towards pop culture, science fiction, spy action, television in general, and giant alien Sasquatch androids in particular, were permanently transfigured.

So, tonight, we bring you some classic Steve Austin action--and no, not that "Stone Cold" clown.

The Bionic Man has been assigned to protect a young woman, Honey Pope (seriously). It seems she's in possession of some secret info passed on by her departed scientist father, and enemy spies want it.

Suddenly, Steve and Ms. Pope are ambushed by a motorcycle gang!

Hey, wait a minute!! Those guys are wearing Flash logos!! On motorcycles?!?! Is that Hot Pursuit, the time-traveling motorcycle cop from an alternate timeline who was really an alternate Barry Allen? Maybe he just came back to the same point in space-time 3 times, to triple of chances of grabbing Honey Pope?

No, of course it isn't (probably). Still, since Hot Pursuit was lame, and the harbinger of the Flashpoint, I kinda hate him. And, since Steve Austin is the good guy, I know he's gonna kick these motorcyclists' asses. So, in my mind, I'm going to pretend that this is multiple visitations by Hot Pursuit.

Fortunately, even a Speed Force-powered motorcycle is no match for two bionic legs!!



BOOM! Down goes faux Barry Allen #1!




GYMKATA!!! Down goes lame idea of a Barry Allen knock-off #2!!



POW, down goes innocent-person killing and all-around lousy cop alternate Barry Allen #3!!

Sigh. I know it wasn't really Hot Pursuit. But I'm certain Spacebooger got quite a kick out of seeing his boyhood hero kick the crap out of dudes on motorcycles, right?

Joe Gill and Demetrio Sánchez Gómez gave us man-machine versus men-on-machines in Charlton's The Six Million Dollar Man #5 (1977).

Now, I'm sure there are other good fights this week. But if you don't vote for me, some clowns at DC will decide that it's all right to bring back Hot Pursuit into the nu52. And we can't have that. So vote!!

Look, everybody else and their grandmother has already reviewed Justice League #1. So this isn't a review of the issue, it's not a post about what I think of the story.

[OK, if you must know, it was pretty standard Johns-Lee: too many splashes; too few panels on most pages; loaded with more testosterone then an entire NFL team and a complete lack of any female presence; what plot there was could have taken place in the first 4 pages of a 1970s issue of Marvel Two-In-One, when the heroes would realize that they were both heroes and would spend the next 18 pages actually accomplishing something.]

[And, not to be too harsh on Johns' script, but it borrowed so heavily from other sources that it needed a few "story by" credits. This type of Batman/Green Lantern interaction, if it's what you like, was done far better in All-Star Batman & Robin--I know, I can't believe I just said that; the "we hate super beings" was done better in Legends, and yeah, that was a Darkseid story, too; and the ending was completely lifted from Cosmic Odyssey (arrogant GL locks up accompanying hero behind because he knows he can handle the problem by himself, surprise, he can't).]

[Plus, Johns doesn't seem to grasp the concept "note to self":

Note to self, Geoff: that's not how it works.]

No, what I'd like to talk about here is what JL #1 was supposed to accomplish (aside from "huge" sales that are probably actually less than what the combined sales of 13 regular books would have been that week, had DC not pulled a stunt...go figure).

After all the hype, all of the carelessly throwing around words like "historic" and "game-changing", there's almost no way the book couldn't have disappointed. Hell, JL #1 could have cured cancer, and it would have lived up to the massive propaganda blitz DC engaged in.

But is it what we were promised? Way back in May, DC VP Of Sales Bob Wayne said, in a letter to retailers, that "(a)ll stories will be grounded in each character's legend -- but will relate to real world situations, interactions, tragedy and triumph." [Emphasis added]

Was Justice League #1 anything like that? Did we see any real world situations or interactions? Was there anything in JL#1 that couldn't have been done without a line-wide reboot? Anything different in storytelling style, in story construction, in tone or content, that couldn't have been done in a "The Secret Origin Of The Justice League" 6-part mini-series, as Johns did with GL and Superman when he wished to adjust their continuity in the old DCU?

At this point, I would normally do a pullback here, and say that it wasn't fair to blame the creators of this particular comic, because the hype wasn't their fault, and they didn't choose to make their comic the debut of the nu52, etc.

But, in this case, the creators ARE just as responsible for the hype, and they DID decide that this book would be the first showing for the bright, happy shiny nu52. And either the co-publishers of DC were just over-hyping beyond belief, or (much more troubling) the co-publishers of DC had no idea that this masterwork they produced was not really in any way different than what DC has been doing for the past few years.

Of course that's no surprise. When the people in charge of the company come out and say "the comics we've been producing for the past few years have failed," without any questioning of who was responsible for that; and then, with essentially zero changes at the top, say "but now we're going to do it better" without any self-awareness at all, well, what do you expect? The self-aggrandizement of putting their own book first resulted in big sales, sure, but the complete disconnect between what they're saying and what they're actually publishing is not reassuring.

Still, it was better than Flashpoint #5, which Johns obviously deliberately wrote as badly as possible, in order to make JL #1 look good, right? I mean, he couldn't actually have thought that was a good conclusion, could he?

Meanwhile, enjoy the completely unrelated music video:

Why is it that everyone has their own snazzy logos in the Flashpoint universe...

...but when it comes to Lois Lane...

...her logo is one that is entirely defined by someone else? She doesn't have her own logo, she has a logo that says "I'm Not Wonder Woman."

Hell, even Cyborg got a Flashpoint logo, and he's doesn't even have a book!!

Lois, you've come a long way, baby...form "Superman's Girlfriend" to "Not Wonder Woman," and now back to Superman's girlfriend in the upcoming Flushpoint Universe.

I'm just sayin'...

You know, DC dropping the whole bombshell on us yesterday was really unfortunate, for one reason:

Flashpoint, the event, is actually pretty good so far.

There, I said it.

I mean, this week should have been left for the fans to discuss Flashpoint #2, and the first batch of micro-series. To discuss how, even though the basic idea is derivative of Yesterday's Enterprise/Age Of Apocalypse/House Of M, it's been executed pretty well, with a good story, good reveals on the differences in this world, good mystery and intrigue. Based on the first batch of micros, those series are being used to fill in the gaps of this vastly different world and help paint the broad picture, and not just repeat the same old same old from the main event series (I'm looking at you, Blackest Night!).

I know it's early days yet, but so far I'd say this is the best DC event since, oh, I don't know, Invasion. And to my eyes, it's the best work that Geoff Johns has done in quite awhile. It's certainly better, as a series and as an event, than Marvel's Fear Itself (although I'll confess my opinion on that is probably too much influenced for my dislike of how Matt Fraction handles Thor, and especially Odin.).

But instead of discussing that, DC opened the can of worms a week and a half early, and instead of Flashpoint getting the proper recognition, everyone's focused on the Flushpoint revelations (And I'm even more guilty of that than most people, so mea culpa.)

I'm not sure why the PR dump couldn't have waited a week, until after there was some time for the public to appreciate the latest Flashpoint; instead they completely diverted attention from it. But then, that's DC all over, isn't it--in declaring a need to better market themselves, they completely botch the marketing of the best thing they've had in awhile.

So, while I'm still quite leery of the forthcoming Flushpoint world, and we can debate the wisdom (or lack thereof) of DC's Punt, let's not miss the actual story that's being told right now. It's purty good.

From the latest USA Today article on Flushpoint:

The recent emphasis on diverse characters such as lesbian superheroine Batwoman, Hispanic hero Blue Beetle and African-American adventurer Cyborg (who will be a core member of Johns and Lee's new Justice League) also will continue.

Obviously, DC has a different definition of "emphasis" than most of us do.

Maybe actually publishing a comic book starring Batwoman, Blue Beetle or Cyborg would help, as opposed to perpetually putting off Batwoman, cancelling Blue Beetle, and having Cyborg "star" in a series that is explicitly not in current DC reality.

(Or maybe if USA Today actually, you know, reported, rather than blindly passing along DC press releases as news...squawk, Polly want a cracker!)

I'm just sayin.'

OK, so I went on way too long on Twitter yesterday about DC's massive declaration that all of their current comics are inadequate.

I did want to pass along a couple of those observations to those of you who don't follow me on the Twitter thing, but I'm fundamentally lazy, and rather than retype everything with paragraphs and punctuation and grammar, I'll just cut and paste. Yeah, lazy, and shameless self-promotion. There'll be a real post later, I promise.

Plus, it's hard evidence--restricting me to 140 characters doesn't make be any less snarky (nor does it make me any more readable...)

Oh, and please, everybody please refer to the post-Flashpoint DC Universe as "Flushpoint." It will make me ever so happy...













Wow, I really am an idiot in any format...

OK, so everything I wrote earlier today is irrelevant. Sorry. Timing is everything.

The facts: DC will be re-numbering all DC Universe titles starting with #1 in September. Please note, Justice League #1 will debut on August 31, so as I predicted, Flashpoint #5 will NOT be the only release that day. I win that one, at least.

In a USA Today article, Dan DiDio declares

We looked at what was going on in the marketplace and felt we really want to inject new life in our characters and line...This was a chance to start, not at the beginning, but at a point where our characters are younger and the stories are being told for today's audience.

CBR reports that in a letter to retailers, DC VP of Sales Bob Wayne said the massive reboot:

will introduce readers to a more modern, diverse DC Universe, with some character variations in appearance, origin and age. All stories will be grounded in each character's legend -- but will relate to real world situations, interactions, tragedy and triumph. Some of the characters will have new origins, while others will undergo minor changes. Our characters are always being updated; however, this is the first time all of our characters will be presented in a new way all at once.

Let me translate. DC's co-Publisher and Senior VP of Sales are out and out telling you that their current stories are NOT being told for today's audience, the the current DC Universe is not modern and not diverse, that the marketplace has said that the comics they publish need new life.

Has there ever been a more thorough admission of failure? "People don't like the comics we're publishing, they're not at all relevant, so we're going to start over." As if the comics that were allegedly lifeless and and irrelevant and not being told for today's audience were somehow being published by elves or fairies, and not by the exact same people making this announcement. The new product will be much better than the old product!! Pay no attention to the man behind the curtain. Meet the new boss, same as the old boss.

Oh, yeah, and new costumes:

In the 70s we had the DC Explosion, followed by the DC Implosion. Well, now we've got the DC Punt. "We have seen the enemy, he is us, and we're shifting the whole line to Ultimate DC."

Obviously, more to follow.

Let's begin by noting that, like many of my previous flights of hypothetical prognostication, there's no possible way that this is right. Aside from the fact that I'm an idiot, I have no contacts with anyone at DC Comics, and I possess no insider knowledge of any type. I will admit up front that I am 100% certain that this is wrong. This is all just fanciful speculation on my part, unsupported by anything. So take it with a full shaker of salt.

Of course, one of the big hubbubs around the comics internet right now is "what the hell does DC have planned post-Flashpoint"?

A number of factors have created the buzz. DC's solicitations stated that only one book, the final issue of Flashpoint, would be published the final week of August, because of that book's "impact on the DC Universe." From those same solicitations, virtually every other DC title seems to have its current storyline concluding in the August issue. Everyone at DC and the grandmothers have been required to sign non-disclosure agreements, and given the industry's penchant for leaks and hints, DC personnel are being remarkably close-mouthed. And on June 11th, Geoff Johns and Jim Lee will be making "bombshell announcements about the future of Superman and the entire DC Universe," conveniently just before the September solicits are released.

Well, the non-hype hype has worked like gangbusters, because the lack of anything to respond to has led to speculation gone wild. DC will re-launch everything, and have new #1 issues for all titles--maybe with a full reboot! DC isn't going to undo the new reality of Flashpoint--that's going to be the new DC continuity (at least for awhile)! DC is going to put all new creative teams on every book! DC's going to announce they're no longer publishing monthly single issues!!

[UPDATE--Timing is everything. DC just announced today that they're renumbering the entire DC line at #1 in September...that doesn't necessarily preclude any of the other potential changes, though...]

And of course, there are the responses to those theories. They'll never lose the numbering on Action or Detective! They can't do that, because it would mess up what Grant Morrison is doing in Batman Inc! They wouldn't revive all those characters in Brightest Day just to do a reboot!!

Well, Geoff Johns has said "All I would say right now is that the speculation hasn’t been wild enough. The last thing anyone should do is to hold back their imagination." All right, Geoff, you asked for it.

My friends, based on absolutely nothing more than a hunch and a gut feeling, I think DC is going to undo Crisis On Infinite Earths.

There's a couple of reasons I think this. The reason often given for COIE in the first place--DC's continuity was too convoluted and confusing--doesn't really seem that valid anymore (if it ever was). First, in this internet age, any continuity questions a reader has can be answered in seconds. Secondly, the average fan base is growing older, and in a media culture where alternate universes are a much more common concept, the thought that readers can't handle "this occurs on Earth-1, while that occurs on Earth-2" is kind of quaint. Third, the continued successes of Marvel's Ultimate and Max lines show that the market can deal with separate continuities within a company.

And of course, on one level, a bunch of fans never really accepted Crisis, and were never satisfied with the "new" continuity that DC established. Certain characters just couldn't be comfortably "fixed"--Hawkman, Donna Troy, Wonder Woman, Power Girl, or who the hell was in the original line-up of JLA--and were constantly being tinkered with, and entire crossover maxi-series were put together just to "fix" frankly trivial continuity issues. And the wholesale transfer of so many of DC's acquired properties into the "real" DC Universe was never smooth, with characters like Captain Marvel and Plastic Man and the Charlton heroes never really fitting in (or, at least not being particularly well-handled) and often shuffled to the sidelines by a less-than-enthusiastic DC.

Or course, many of those discontented fans went on to become comic creators themselves--and now they were in a position to do something about that discontent. Look at Geoff Johns' DC career--at times it seems as if he's single-mindedly set about to revert DC to 1985. He revived Barry Allen Flash and Hal Jordan Green Lantern. He wrote Infinite Crisis, which turned the heroes of COIE into villains and undid much of what COIE did. He co-wrote 52, in which it was revealed that the multiverse was reborn. He undid large chunk's of Byrne's Man Of Steel, returning Superboy to DC continuity, declaring any newer version of Toyman and Brainiac were really robots or probes or some such, and making sure that the original Legion Of Super-Heroes circa 1985 was the one whose continuity was followed.

And now he's writing Flashpoint, which is apparently going to profoundly change the DC Universe.

There's other indications, too, I think. After going through the gymnastics necessary to resurrect the multiverse, DC has steadfastly refused to do anything with it over the subsequent 4 years, except for the more forgettable bits of Countdown and some glorified cameos during Final Crisis. Dan DiDio has declared multiple times that they're "saving" the multiverse for Grant Morrison to play with, but there's been no sign of any project coming down the pipeline. And the only other real use of the multiverse was the JSA/Powergirl "Earth-Two" annual--written by Geoff Johns.

Yet after letting the concept essentially lie fallow for the past few years, the latest issue of Booster Gold--the only other regular DC comic to be taking part in Flashpoint--went out of its way to mention the 52 worlds of the multiverse not once, but twice. That same issue revealed that there are also no more alternate timelines, just the one--in other words, if we want a different version of DC history, we'll have to use one of the other Earths.

So what do we have? A writer who seems bent on undoing COIE, writing the series that will change everything, and suddenly, we're getting hints that the multiverse might come back into play.

What do I think? I think they're going to have COIE unhappen. No more "everybody merged into one universe and one continuity." The end of Flashpoint will see lots of heroes shifted back to other worlds--the Shazam heroes will be removed from New Earth and sent to Earth-S again, the Quality heroes and the Fox heroes and the Charlton heroes will all be distributed back throughout the universe. That way no one will have to worry how they fit in with "New Earth" any longer. And everyone can have their own Hawkman and Wonder Woman again, and we can stop picking at Donna Troy's history like an itchy continuity scab. And we can do Golden Age Batman and Superman stories without having to make them "Elseworlds," and you just know there are some people chomping at the bit to do that.

Yes, there will be some juggling and suspension of disbelief required, but no more so than was needed for the post-COIE fallout. And since DC continuity is essentially just wikinuity under current their management, they really don't have to do anything more complex than they did when Geoff Johns magically waved his hands while chanting "Superman really was in the Legion Of Super-Heroes as a teen." It worked for him. And for anyone who requires more, well, that's what those September issues will be for, whether they're all #1 or .1 (it's not like Marvel can trademark that, right?) or double-zero or whatever.

Now, do I feel this would be a good idea? Heck no. I'm all for moving forward, for embracing history but keeping momentum going in a positive direction. Even if you believe the COIE was a huge mistake, accept it and move on...or else you eventually end up with Pam finding Bobby Ewing in the shower, and you lose all credibility and respect with your creative audience. Besides, Zero Hour et al show that you will never, ever EVER satisfy DC's continuity porn contingent--they'll just keep scrubbing and scrubbing like an OCD sufferer who never thinks the floor is clean.

But then again, I'm completely wrong here, and DC really isn't going to undue COIE...are they? So we shouldn't worry...right?!?

[UPDATE 5/31-I was right...they just announced that DC will actually publish TWO comics on 8/31--Flashpoint #5 and the new improved Justice League #1]

Well, we've pretty much all seen the surprise statement from the DC August solicits, haven't we?

IMPORTANT NOTE: Because of its impact on the DC Universe, FLASHPOINT #5 is the only title that DC Comics is currently soliciting to arrive in stores on August 31.

Everyone is speculating about what it means, what Marvel's response might be, how comic shops should feel, etc.

Well, allow me to slow everything down a minute, and say "Yeah, right."

Remember, we're dealing with DC, who has little compunction about lying to its audience. Remember how Countdown was supposed to be a 52-issue series, but wasn't? How Countdown's covers lied about who the stars of the series were?

Remember when they out and out fibbed about the number of tie-in series to Final Crisis?

So, if you're taking this announcement at face value, well, you're pretty silly, I think. I will give you 50/50 that this announcement is "revised" at least once before we hit August.

Plus, look at all the weasel words they left in there. "Currently soliciting"?? Why say that, why include "currently," unless you at least thought you might change that in the future?

Obviously, "DC Comics" leaves ample room for Vertigo, Johnny DC and other sundry things to be released.

And "on August 31"--just leave it to DC to release the rest of their comics on Thursday September 1st that week--and technically, they won't have to tell anyone until the September solicits. Too clever by half...but would anyone actually argue that DC is incapable of such a shifty move in the name of cheap publicity?

Yeah, maybe I'm nuts. And maybe I've just been burned one too many times by DC's bait and switch on matters like this.

But only one book the week of 8/31? I'll believe it when I see it.

You know they're going to do it again.

The history of DC editorially since Crisis On Infinite Earths can best be described as an OCD sufferer who simply can't stop cleaning that spot on the carpet, time and time again, even though to everybody else it appears perfectly clean.

This is a group of people who, in the past 25 years, has gone through 5 or 6 different versions of who the founding members of the Justice League were.

This is a set of writers and editors who put out huge, company-wide maxi-series, seemingly just to address whether or not Batman ever caught Joe Chill.

This is a bunch of cats who are so obsessed with making Hawkman and Donna Troy's history make sense that they keep redoing it...and redoing it...and wait, this time we really have it...nope, one more time.

Seriously, 99.9% of readers would be fine with a "this is how it is," a nod and a wink to any inconsistencies, and moving right along. Not DC, though. They're constantly trying to make their past continuity "perfect" (as well as being in line with whatever the latest editorial whim is). They can't stop washing the carpet...

Which brings us to:

So, we've got a House Of Zoom event here, wherein the history of the entire DC Universe is going to be set askew, and, after 50+ issues of sturm und drang, everything will be reset to the way it was.

Except it won't, will it? After Zero Hour and Infinite Crisis, we know that DC is going to return everything to status quo EXCEPT they'll use the whole changing history business as an excuse to re-adjust whatever niggling points of continuity they feel are staining their carpet right now.

So, what will change this time? A reboot for the Shazam family? Sgt. Rock surviving WWII? Power Girl being a founding member of the Justice League? Yet another Hawkman tweak?

Whatever changes they make, though, you can bet that they won't be permanent. 3 months after Flashpoint, someone at DC will look at things and go, "Wait, that doesn't 100% work," and start to stare at that "spot" on the carpet again...

A couple of weeks ago, I pondered how DC was going to be able to pull off 15--yes, fifteen--Flashpoint miniseries and "several" one-shots. I was worried about flooding the market, and I was curious where they'd find the talent to produce that much extra material.

Well, one of the shoes has dropped. As the May solicits reveal, DC seems to be clearing away a lot of the deadwood, clearing the decks, as it were, to make room for Flashpoint-a-palooza.

May will see the final issues of Batman And The Outsiders, Doom Patrol, Freedom Fighters, R.E.B.E.L.S, and JSA All-Stars.

It's not exactly the DC Implosion, but 5 cancelled mags is a lot for one month. Given the timing, it's hard not to jump to the conclusion that DC is freeing up resources and clearing rack space for the summer's 50+ issue Flashpoint power dump.

The question is, are they done yet? Or will more titles be on the chopping block in June?

Wait a minute wait a minute.

So the Flashpoint event is going to include not only the 5-issue series itself (50 quatloos says it expands to 6, as most Geoff Johns projects end up expanding...)? There are going to be 15--yes, FIFTEEN--3 issue tie-in mini-series!! 15???? Plus "several important one shots"????

It seems almost beyond the realm of possibility that DC would have to capacity to come up with 900+ pages of material in addition to what they already publish. Plus, is it really wise to flood the market with so much excess product?

Now, before I get too upset, this post on the DC Source blog makes it sound as if maybe, just maybe, these mini-series will be taking the place of some of the regular DC titles for those months (a la what happened with the X-Titles during Age Of Apocalypse, except seemingly on a grander scale. ). "This isn't a parallel Earth. This isn't a mirror world. This is home."

While on the one hand, if true this would might sense (and at least salvage my wallet a bit). So maybe we will see, for example, The Secret Seven published in place of The Secret Six for three months.

On the other hand, Age Of Apocalypse aside, isn't it completely nuts to scrap a good chunk of your entire line of comics for "alternate universe" versions for the whole summer?? Especially when Flashpoint is by Johns and Andy Kubert, and you know damn well it will finish months late!! (Then again, maybe a 3+ month break will enable Flash's own comic to approach being on time again...)

Obviously, I should wait until more information...and the specific solicits and dates and such ...before I mouth off anymore.

But either way...Holy Moly, has DC gone completely mad??

Below is a list of the scheduled mini-series, with the fifteenth being kept a secret by DC for now...

Whatever Happened to Gotham City?

FLASHPOINT: BATMAN KNIGHT OF VENGEANCE #1-#3
FLASHPOINT: DEADMAN AND THE FLYING GRAYSONS #1-#3

Whatever Happened to the World’s Greatest Super Villains?

FLASHPOINT: CITIZEN COLD #1-#3
FLASHPOINT: DEATHSTROKE & THE CURSE OF THE RAVAGER #1-#3
FLASHPOINT: THE OUTSIDER #1-#3

Whatever Happened to the Aliens?

FLASHPOINT: ABIN SUR THE GREEN LANTERN #1-#3
FLASHPOINT: PROJECT: SUPERMAN #1-#3

Whatever Happened to Science & Magic?

FLASHPOINT: FRANKENSTEIN & THE CREATURES OF THE UNKNOWN #1-#3
FLASHPOINT: SECRET SEVEN #1-#3

Whatever Happened to Europe?

FLASHPOINT: EMPEROR AQUAMAN #1-#3
FLASHPOINT: WONDER WOMAN AND THE FURIES #1-#3
FLASHPOINT: LOIS LANE AND THE RESISTANCE #1-#3

Everything You Know Will Change in a Flash

FLASHPOINT: KID FLASH LOST #1-#3
FLASHPOINT: THE WORLD OF FLASHPOINT #1-#3