Well, almost...

See, Metallo has come to Gotham to rob their S.T.A.R. Labs, and we all know who is not going to put up with that nonsense!

Well, not a robot...but we'll give you a pass on that, Batman!

[Editor's note: This is the second Metallo, Roger Corbett, who did indeed have his severed head attached to a cyborg body, and not just the brain salvaged, like his brother, John.]

Batman uses that fact to kick Metallo's butt...

Until...


What?!?

[Editor's note: Metallo is stuttering because he's dying of radiation poisoning (in his still human brain) from the uranium he uses to power himself when he can't find enough kryptonite.]

During their second encounter, when Batman is getting zapped again, Corbett explain how this works:



SCIENCE!!

So, you'd think that know that he knows the score, Batman would be fully prepped, and ready for Metallo's weapon in their 3rd encounter.

Nope.


Don't worry...

...Lois Lane swings in to save him!!

Now, you'd think that this development--kryptonite radiation can be altered to harm humans--would have gotten lots more play in the pre-Crisis DC Universe. Remember, it was canon back in those days that only Kryptonians could be hurt by Green K. It was only post-Byrneboot that it was revealed that enough exposure to kryptonite could indded cause cancer in humans--which is how Luthor lost his hand.

But if Roger Corbett--who was no genius--could figure out how to make kryptonite hurt anyone, why didn't that get passed around the underworld? Why wasn't it used more against Batman, or the Justice League, or whomever? Why didn't Firestorm use "slow particle emission" kryptonite to take down villains, since he could presumably create it out of thin air? Why wasn't Dr. Alchemy using it against the Flash?!?

Missed opportunity, is all I'm saying.

From The Brave And The Bold #175 (1981)

From 1930...

Obviously Red Kryptonite, right?!?

From 1936...

Now they're after Gold Kryptonite!!

And from 1929:

$300 bucks for the best short short story about this cover? OK, here goes.

As Brainiac kidnapped the Daily Star, his ship fired its Green Kryptonite lasers full blast! THE END

Where's my 3 Benjamins, Hugo Gernsback?

Covers, in order, by Frank R. Paul, Frank R. Paul, and...Frank R. Paul...hey, wait a minute. What's going on here? TGhis is some kinda plot, right? Frank R. Paul must be a pseudonym for a time traveler stuck in the past, putting his knowledge of the future and artistic skills together to make a meager living until he can repair his time craft...

If there's one thing that DC needs to restore from their pre-Crisis, pre-nu52, pre-Rebirth universe, it's crazy red kryptonite transformations.

Take, for example, just these that happened to Superboy...

That was good enough for a Star Trek episode!! And really, is Red K any more unlikely than a malfunctioning transporter?

Again, good enough for Star Trek Deep Space Nine. A "subspace compression anomaly"?!?! Come on, just say kryptonite, dudes!!

Yes, but 300 pounds under Earth's weaker gravity and yellow sun!!

The Amazing Colossal Superboy!!

This really needed to be a Batman crossover...

Oh so weird and creepy...

Iron Man does this, we call it a classic story. DC and red kryptonite, we dismiss it as silly...

All right, you win, this one was just dumb.

But what about your toes, Superboy? What. About. Your. Toes?!?!?

The opposite of the "mullet."

"I'm not hitting myself!!"

Here's the key to where these stories appeared, if you're interested.


All I'm saying is, DC could use a little more levity these days, and red kryptonite stories were a great way to let off steam. Bring 'em back, DC!

From Superboy #146 (1968)

Long story short: exposure to red kryptonite has turned Clark Kent into a selfish jerkwad, and he has revealed his secret identity as Superboy to the world.

So of course, crooks turn up at his doorstep with a hunk of green kryptonite. Gee, that's a well thought-out masterplan, guys.

Clark is back to normal now...but how can he regain his secret identity? And how can he survive the kryptonite?



So how did young Kal-El protect himself from the green K?

Uhhhh...OK.

"Spraying a quick-hardening green luminous lead paint quickly out of tiny opening in the belt buckle"? Or taking a super-whiz on it? You make the call...

From Superboy # 107 (1963)

There is a question that's bugged me for years...and I'm not the only one, it seems:

Yeah, what does give?

It's canon that anything that comes from Krypton is indestructible in our environment--cloth, glass, whatever.

But Earth criminals seem to have no problem taking Kryptonite and fashioning it into whatever size & shape they need--rings, bullets, knives, paint, doorknobs, whatever...shouldn't actual chunks of Krypton be at least as indestructible as thread from Krypton?

Well, of course, there's an answer:

Oh, DC..."space clouds"? Really??

Of course, if it was so unlikely that any Kryptonite which hadn't passed through the clouds could reach Earth, you have to wonder how Kal-El's rocket managed to make it to Earth without passing through one of them and "removing" the indestructibility of the rocket's glass windows, blankets, etc.

Also, it's too cute by half to insist that even though the Kryptonite was rendered not indestructible, it still somehow magic remains "friction-proof" (a necessary fiction or else most of the Kryptonite meteors would disintegrate whilst plummeting through Earth's atmosphere).

Not indestructible, but friction-proof.

DC SCIENCE!!!

From Superboy #134 (1966)