Well, then, here we are: 52 (
strike that, 51) weeks later, we've had our "
greatest phase of change" and "
every major event and and nearly every character spinning in and out of the story." (So sayeth
Dan DiDio) So, never minding the
sheer editorial incompetence I discussed yesterday, what,
exactly, did we learn about the
DC Universe? What was the story about, and how was it told? Did
Countdown matter, even if ineptly executed?
In terms of the story, at least, we learned
virtually nothing. The climax of the storyline, in issue #2 (because
most countdowns climax at two, you see) was just the wrap up-up of the storyline from
Death of the New Gods. That's right, the the 8-issue limited series
DoNG didn't even wrap up on it's own, but was
to-be-continued in Countdown. Unfortunately, issue #8 of DoNG appeared AFTER Countdown #2, so we got the story's
ultimate chapter before it's
penultimate chapter...way to go, guys.
Seriously, that was about it...the
entire point of Countdown was to show the outcome of some other mini-series. It turns out the whole reason we were on board for 52 (
ahem, 51) issues was to watch
Orion kill
Darkseid. So why not make DoNG a 9 issue mini-series? Good question, padawan...
What else did we learn? We learned that we were
severely misled, as the series premiered with a cover promising this:
and delivered us a series starring
this:
Not a good way to start a relationship, lying to us like that (probably a wise
marketing decision, though).
We also learned that
the emperor has no clothes...
Paul Dini, that is. Sure, he's pretty good at
Batman, and he wrote some decent cartoons (okay, some
really good cartoons), but this series showed that he's
not good at plotting something epic length, and that he's not
at all good in keeping continuity in a fully shared universe. He has
little feel or regard for how characters were portrayed before he took them up, and showed a
total inability to explain anyone's motivations. And the number of loose ends left untied, even after 52 (
ahem, 51) padded and rambling issues, is
stunning.
Let me say one thing before we continue on: I'm tired of hearing "
it was mandated by editorial" as an excuse for a
crappily written story. Sadly, that's become a convenient excuse to let writers that we like off the hook for
piss-poor execution. And frankly, it's self-serving: as we saw with
JMS's Spider-Man comments over the years, he's always been quick to publicly declare that
every story fans hated was the editors' fault, and everything fans liked was all his doing. Conveniet, eh?
Yes, there are a
TON of sins that can be laid at the feet of
Mike Carlin and Dan DiDio; but at some point Dini himself is the one who put plot and words to paper, and he has to take his (ample) share of the blame. (And yes, we can always blame some of the "co-writers" and "creative consultants," but Dini was "head writer" throughout this mess, and that means nothing if we keep shifting the blame off to others).
Examples? How about
Pied Piper?
Excuse me, Paul Dini, but Piper
ALREADY was on the side of the angels. He had reformed, remember? He and
Trickster were just infiltrating the
Rogues to get the dope on their plans, remember? You ought to remember,
because that's exactly what you wrote in #51! So for the big climax to the arcs of one of your main characters, you
forgot whether he was a good guy or a bad guy. Smooth.
Example:
Captain Atom/Monarch. You know, I won't say Captain Atom is one of the top guns of the DC Universe, but he's
hardly insignificant, either. And when someone like him goes
off-the-deep-end rogue you really need to have
SOME discussion in the series he's "
starring" in about
WHY he's gone bad, don't you? (Unless, of course, he was
possessed by the color chartreuse or some such nonsense) However, we had no such discussion, no characterization, nothing. Hell, we hardly had any mention that he used to be a hero.
Example: Monarch &
Superboy-Prime: They were both prime movers in this silliness. They faced off in issue #13, and theoretically killed each other: Prime ripped open Monarch's suit, and the resulting explosion destroyed
THE ENTIRE UNIVERSE of
Earth-51 (don't worry--it got better.
Really). But Captain Atom has survived things like that before, either being thrown about in space/time or into another dimension. And Superboy-Prime survives (he's one of the villains in the upcoming
Legion of 3 Worlds, so he was most likely just thrown forward in time). Yet despite the fact we've been beat over the head with how dangerous, how huge a threat to the multiverse these two are, there's not even a
single inquiry into their final fate. Not a word balloon, not a thought balloon, not a caption, nit an asterisk, nothing.
Nada.
Zilch.
Example:
The Challengers of the Unknown (what are they challenging? It's
unknown!!). We've been shown
REPEATEDLY through Countdown that these guys were no match for a single
Monitor...but somehow we end up with this:
These guys couldn't take down
Lord Havok and his
Extremists...yet now they're going to boss around
ALL the Monitors? Really? Does that make a lick of sense?
Example: The
Morticoccus. OK, those of you who haven't read this series aren't going to believe me on this. The sole point of having
Karate Kid in this series (the
SOLE point!) was that he was infected with the Morticoccus, a
sentient super-virus that can exist in multiple dimensions and is essentially death on wheels. KK's version was especially deadly because it came from the future, and so was already assimilated to
31st century medical technology, and laughed at our medicine. (Note to
Brainiac-5: exiling people to the past with
extinction-level diseases can't be good for the timeline...) Earth-51's universe is destroyed (
the second time) by the Morticoccus...yet despite the contention that it was now airborne and that their immunizations were temporary, the Challengers traipsed back to Earth-1 with
no ill effect, and Morticoccus was
never mentioned again. At all. The whole "threat to all universes" bit was completely forgotten. The fact that
Ray Palmer had to go around spreading his immunity to other universe was never mentioned again. Karate Kid was in this series just so we could spend
3 entire issues showing the origin of the
Kamandi universe (which Kirby could have done in 3 pages, or even 3 panels...).
I could go on, with the pointlessness of it all.
Jimmy Olsen: got superpowers, lost superpowers, absolutely no character growth. Why was he in this series?
Jason Todd: still a vicious killer and torturer of criminals. Why was he in this series?
Holly and
Harley: were
Amazons for 5 minutes, had gods-granted powers for 5 minutes, now they don't have them and are back in
Gotham (with no mention of
WHY they left Gotham in the first place, or any particular character arc whatsoever). Why were they in this series?
Kyle Rayner: well, he was in this because...well, I don't have any idea whatsoever. Now he gets to moonlight by Monitoring the Monitors (get it?
GET IT?!?!), with absolutely no mention of whether he gets to keep his day job in the
Oan Honor Guard.
Hey, you want a fun drinking game? Check and see how many
unexplained events and
unexplained characterizations had to be covered by Carlin & Co. in the
Newsarama re-caps each week, and drink for each one that is
NEVER covered in the 52 (
ahem 51) issues. Just don't plan on making it to work the next day.
I used to complain that there wasn't enough story here for 52 (
ahem, 51) issues, so all we were getting was
padding and repetition. The sad truth, as it turns out, is that there was no story,
period. The climax to
another (shorter and better) mini-series, the creation of a new group that I guarantee will have less impact (and not last as long) as the "
New Guardians" spun out of
Millennium, and
Mary Marvel being completely destroyed as a character. Seriously, that was it. Anyone care to wager on how much of this gets followed up in
Final Crisis?
Any of it?
A 52 (
ahem 51) issue series with no plot, no characterization, and no reason for being? I'd like a refund, please.