We're out at sea!! Simon Stagg goes overboard!! Metamorpho springs into action!!



Wait!! What was that?!?!

Oh, Bob Haney...

Meanwhile...

...Joe Orlando kind of loses it here, because that's the oddest damn shark I've ever seen!!

But Rex has saved the day, after all, so surely Stagg is properly grateful, right? Right??

Nope.

From Metamorpho #6 (1966), as reprinted in World's Finest Comics #224 (1974)

There's been a sudden trend in New York of people jumping into the water--and disappearing!!


Sounds like a job for...Namor, The Sub-Mariner!!

And what does old Fishhead find?

People attacked by sharks...on dry land?!

Sharks teaming up to attack boats?!?


Mysterious strangers making mysteriously gloating comments?!?

Yeah, Namor was a dickweed even back in the day.

Well, he sets up a stakeout on the beach, and...






Exposition time:



That makes perfect sense to me!!

Now, for something you don't see every day:




A great white shark committing suicide! 

(For the record, this story was pre-Code. But it was reprinted, 100% intact, in Giant-Size Defenders #2 (1974), where I first read it. It scared the crap outta young snell, I must say...)

Anyway, now that Namor knows the deal, he has a plan:




And so...

Sufferin' shad!! 

Well, of course, it's obvious what happened. Some of these super-intelligent space-sharks escaped, and went on to menace teenagers, innocent boaters, and waterparks on motion-picture screens throughout the 70s and 80s.

Plus, it would explain Jabberjaw...

From Young Men #25 (1954)

It turns out that man-on-animal action isn't just an activity for dry land, as this week's Friday Night Fights takes us underwater!

The father of one of Jay Garrick's friends is having some problems with a criminal gang trying to hijack the search for a sunken Spanish galleon filled with Aztec gold! Because Golden Age!

So the Flash decides to do a little underwater investigating!


Who needs Aquaman?!?!

But...






"Mamma! Help, Mamma!"

Spacebooger speculates that this shark was also the one who was chomping on Batman's leg in the 1966 movie...rough life.

Jaws 0 is from All-Star Comics #3 (1940). This story is by Gardner F. Fox and Everett E. Hibbard

Now is the time for you to go and vote for my fight. Why? Jay Garrick just made a shark cry for his mamma, that's why! Now go and vote!!

You may remember how upset I was recently at an issue of Tarzan that featured him fighting a shark on the cover, and there wasn't even a single shark anywhere in the issue.

My mood was not brightened by a later issue of Tarzan which featured him fighting sharks on the cover. And while this issue did have sharks in it, Tarzan did not fight them...he merely escaped from them.

So, that's it. I will no longer be taken in by comic books that promise heroes fighting sharks in their covers. Nope, I've learned my lesson. Won't happen again...

Wait. What's this?!? Oh, all right, I'll try again. It's only a quarter...and a Disney comic wouldn't lie to me..would it?

Of course, THERE IS NOT A SINGLE SHARK IN THE ENTIRE ISSUE.

Super Goof #51 (1979), you are dead to me!!

No, of course you're not. How could I stay mad at you, Super Goof? Especially when you feature a story with dozens of Bizarro Super Goofs?




"Swarm of sinister Super Goofs". OK, all is forgiven for the shark business...this time.

You may recall last month how profoundly angry I was at this cover...

 ...as the interior story didn't even have a single shark in it, let alone Tarzan fighting one to rescue a damsel fair.

Well, Lord Greystoke has a shot at redemption now:

They can't bait and switch me like that again, can they?!? We'll see...

Tarzan and a motley group have been marooned on an uncharted island, and discover a lost tribe of Mayans there!!

Now, Joe Kubert isn't making this stuff up--he's just adapting Edgar Rice Burroughs' Tarzan And The Castaways, which sadly does not involve a crossover with Gilligan. Because man, that would have been great!

Anyway, Tarzan rescues a Mayan woman, Itzl Cha, from being ritually sacrificed, even though she was kind of down with that. Later, as her tries to rescue their group's inevitable blonde beauty from being next on the chopping block, he ends up captured. And because he refuses to love Itzl Cha and run away with her, she turns on him, and demands Tarzan be punished for preventing her own sacrifice.

Hmm...still not a lot of sharks, here...but on to the ceremony:



Whoa...an extinct volcano full of sharks?!? Now we're talking!!! (And take that, Blofeld--the lost Mayans have just upped the game on volcano hideouts!!

So we are finally going to get Tarzan versus sharks, right?




Yes, it's going to happen!!

Uh-oh, what's this...?



OK, now he can avenge her, right? Now it's full-on Tarzan versus sharks, right?!? Right?!?

D'oh!!!

Tarzan #243 (1975)...you are dead to me!!!!

All a boy wants is Tarzan versus sharks...(sob)...is that too much to ask? (sob)