Hank, Jan and special guest Nighthawk have just stopped the Porcupine--yes, the Porcupine--from robbing one of Jan's fashion shows...


Oh, yeah!!



Man, that never got old!!

From the same issue...

"People beeper."

The Avengers--always keeping things topical!!

From Avengers #167 (1978)

Sometimes the best Friday Night Fight is one that didn't actually happen...in Marvel-616, at least.

Yeah, the Watcher is breaking the rules by telling all of us about one of them there alternate reality thingamabobs.

Long story short? On this Earth, when Hulk quit the Avengers (in Avengers #2 (1963), natch), Thor also quit, because he thought Tony Stark was being a jerk--go figure. So Giant-Man and the Wasp quit, too, because without Thor and Hulk, they think "'the Mighty Avengers' is a joke!"

Ahh, but Namor and the Hulk still team-up to conquer the world, and still need to be stopped. So like a man with a hammer who sees every problem as a nail, Stark "fixes" things by making suits of armor for Rick Jones & Pym & Jan.

They're reluctant, so Tony super-charges his own armor and goes off to face the terrible twosome alone. He puts up a good fight, but ends up getting beat badly.

Fortunately, the others come to their senses, and come to help. But are they too late?






Take that, Hulk!!

Just as in "our" world, the Avengers manage to break up the alliance. But in this world, the cost is higher...

Awwwww...

Spacebooger wants the next Marvel Event to be Tony making armor for literally every hero.

Mark Waid's favorite Avengers story is from What If? #3 (1977), by Jim Shooter (writer, co-plot), Gil Kane (pencils, co-plot) and Klaus Jansen (inks)

Now is the time for you to go and vote for my fight. Why? Consider the cruel outcome in an alternate universe where you voted for someone else!! So go and vote!!

There are some relationships that we should have been able to tell were doomed from Day 1.

Janet Van Dyne is late for a date with Hank. The Wasp is pursuing a thief who has robbed a jewelry store, and is trying to hide his loot in an abandoned sewer line.

Now, this is before Henry Pym developed her mechanical stingers, so Janet didn't really have a way t stop the guy. So she uses her moxie and gumption to come up with a fairly clever plan!





Whaddya know? It worked!! Good job, Jan.

You'd think her boyfriend/mentor would be pleased, but...




Holy. Shit.

Reminder--Hank fell in love with Jan because she resembled his dead wife (hi, Scott Summers!). And Jan tricked Hank into marrying her while he was having a mental breakdown and didn't even realize he was Hank Pym.

Healthy couple, am I right? Who could ever have foreseen trouble in paradise?!?

From Tales To Astonish #57 (1964)

Tony Stark is just noodling around, minding his own business in 1968, when he's kidnapped by dickweeds from the future!!



Take that, Bill Gates and Steve Jobs!!

Uh-oh!

[P.S. Sorry, Manchester!]

See!! It isn't just Hank Pym that creates world-destrying artificial intelligences!!

I'm not sure of the scientific explanation for everyone regressing to caveman/gladiator gear...


Well, fortunately, as predicted, Cerebrus detected their time travel energy, and attacks--good job, future dickweeds.

Tony finds a more sympathetic rebel, who helps Tony find a well-preserved suit of armor in a museum. And after some pointless punching and kicking, well, Tony just Kirks the hell out of the damn computer!


Works every time!!

And then Tony travels back to 1968, and doesn't invent Skynet.

What the hell have you done to clean up your mess lately, Pym?!?!

From Iron Man #5 (1968)

The Avengers are choosing a new line-up!!

And as filler/a framing device, the media is giving us Avengers history.

Things get puzzling when they get to Hank Pym...




When reporters admit they don't understand the topics they're covering!! Tonight at 11!

I hope this poor reporter is retired now, because with several more identity changes/mental breakdowns, he would probably find Pym even more confusing. And with new costumes and female Hawkeyes, well, his poor head would explode.

From Avengers #151 (1976)

Jan has accidentally dropped a box of vacuum tubes that Henry Pym needs for his experiment:

Now, that seems a fairly mild rebuke to me, but it was enough to convince Jan that she should leave him, because soap opera:




And Hank's response? Completely normal and sane, not at all unstable...




So, Pym loses control of his size-changing, smashes up his home and accidentally electrocutes the hell out of himself.

Yeah, the guy has always been unstable...

From Tales To Astonish #64 (1965)

Did you ever wonder why Atlantean warlord Attuma never succeeded in conquering anything?

Perhaps because he's rather stupid.

Exhibit A: He's just learned that there is a "surface world," and by gum, he's going to conquer it!

Ah, but first: the homework!

Well, the plane full of hu-mans he captures just happens to include one Janet Van Dyne, so we know what's going to happen, right?

And...

But beware, Hank Pym--TREACHERY!!


Whew!!

And then our titanic twosome proves why Atlanteans were never really a threat to us...


Attuma: none too bright!


And that master plan?

But...


And so, Attuma draws the only possible conclusion:

Yup, you've seen two who can do it, so they ALL can do it.

They don't grow 'em smart under the sea, do they?

[SPOILER ALERT: Attuma did return. Liar!]

From Tales To Astonish #64 (1965)