Batman and Robin are apparently befuddled by penguin wallpaper!

Cover by Dick Sprang.

It's time for yet another bout on Friday Night Fights, and this week we learn that it's not easy to be a henchman.

Penguin and Terra-Man have a dastardly (and very, very stupid) scheme afoot, and for it to work they need to distract Batman for a few minutes. So Penguin sends his mooks to rob some stores at the mall.






POW!!!

Spacebooger thinks that it's nice that Penguin at least sprung for matching T-shirts for his gang...

Penguin and Terra-Man hypnotize Superman into thinking he's the Sundance Kid so he'll gun down Batman in World's Finest Comics #261 (1980), by Denny O'Neil, Rich Buckler, and Dick Giordano. No, seriously, that was their plan.

Now is the time for you to go and vote for my fight. Why?Matching T-shirts, guys--that's what high crime is all about!! So go vote!!

Hey, it's the Penguin's birthday!

But...

HEY!!

CUT THAT OUT!!

D'OH!!!

Of course, if you look at the messages closely, you'll see:
A) They're under 140 characters
B) They're all heavily trolling 
C)The snarky bon mots are nowhere near as clever as the sender thinks
D) The senders all have cutsie handles

The Gotham underground just invented Twitter five and a half decades early!!

Given his heavy use of bird themes, it makes sense that Cobblepot would be involved in the birth of Twitter!!

Oh, and just like today...

...some powerful people can be sent into an absolute tizzy by a tweet.

From World's Finest Comics #55 (1951), as reprinted in DC Special #14 (1971)

This ad appeared in most DC books this week, and I can't help wondering...

...are they deliberately trying to make Cobblepot look like the Joker, or what? A hint, or just jerking us around?

I report, you decide!!

Master thief The Fox is casing a museum, planning to steal a painting!


Hey, wait a minute--The hat, the monocle, the cigarette holder, the nose--that's really the Penguin, right?

Well, they steal the painting, all right...


Well, that was kind of an easy frame!

Which leads to a 1,000-page fight between the Human Torch and Spider-Man, with an eventual truce, and they (and the cops) discover that the real thief is:

Reynard Slinker!!!

So the getting is good for our bad guys...

Stop right there!! You can't tell me that's not totally the flipping Penguin!!

Man, DC was always ripping off Marvel...

From Strange Tales Annual #2 (1963)

From the letters column in Batman #258 (1974):
 
Ohs, nos.

This is fairly ironic, because Batman #258 was the issue that had the very first appearance of Arkham Asylum. Yes, the first--incredibly, Arkham didn't exist in comics prior to 1974!!

So this letter, calling for more stories featuring villains "consumed by their inner demons," literally appears at the dawn of the Arkhamization of Batman's rogues gallery.

Now, I'm not against complex villains. But does every villain have to be "consumed," and nuts? What's wrong with Batman fighting thieves and crooks and gangsters some of the time?

Well, Atone Perry thinks the villain is boring if they're not motivated by "deep emotional reasons." By this school of thought, every villain will end up tortured and complex and buried in Arkham, which will have to house all of Batman's villains and become a joke because then the only way Batman can fight someone is if they escape. This is the school of thought that transforms Joe Chill into the guy who eventually became the Joker.

So come on, DC editor, let your answer nip this in the bud!! Be firm (but polite) and suggest to Antone that there's room for all types of foes in the Batman Universe! Come on, tell him--

Oh, gods, don't put it up to the readers!! D'oh!!

And thus, we were doomed to the crazification of Gotham City. Thank you, Denny O'Neill and Atone Perry.

You know, the celebrity trash press in Gotham City must be pretty interesting...

And sometimes it gets downright tawdry...

Oh, and that Penguin story?

EEEEEWWWWWWWWW!!!!!

Don't worry, genteel reader...Oswald Cobblepot himself assures us that it isn't true...

Oh, poor Ozzie...

From Birds Of Prey Secret Files 2003

As much as I hate to admit it, there are times when I just have to agree with the Penguin...


You tell 'em, Oswald. It's always a good timer for waffles.

From Birds Of Prey Secret Files 2003