Laundry day!!

Wait, what was that?

Man's World 1, Themyscira 0!!

By the way, I fully agree that cleanliness is next to Greek godliness...but is it really a good idea for Diana to wash her Wonder Woman outfit in the public laundry room of her condo?!? What would she do if someone saw?!?


Wow. Straight to the brainwashing and/or deprivation of free will.

Some days, Identity Crisis seems like it might have been inevitable...

From Wonder Woman #246 (1978)

One of the few good things about the nu52 is that it removed that cankerous sore, Identity Crisis, from continuity.

FUN FACT: The Young Adult Library Services Association (YALSA), the "fastest growing division of the American Library Association (ALA)", picked Identity Crisis as one of their Great Graphic Novels for Teens for 2007.

Hey, young adult librarians, which was the best part that "great" book for teens--the murder of Firestorm with the weapon of a Golden Age hero? The murder for hire of Robin's father by an overweight, bumbling Captain Boomerang?? Turning a classic villain into a drooling rapist, and having him violate one of DC's more beloved supporting characters? Man, how can you choose--that was all great stuff for teens to read.

Or how about the part where our heroes turn on each other, and Zatanna erases Batman's memories?!?

Ahh, but at least that's off the books now, right?!?!

Hahahaha, as if the sadistic frakkers at DC will ever stop worshiping and referencing that pile of fetid turd.

In this week's Detective Comics #961, we're flashing back to young Bruce Wayne's apprenticeship with Zatara, when Bruce stumbles upon some magical knowledge that the magician deems too dangerous for him to have:


Exact same spell, exact same facial expression on Bruce.

Slow clap...

Thank you, James Tynon IV and Alvaro Martinez, for reminding us that many at DC still consider Identity Crisis good, and worthy of homaging.

Go frak yourselves. DC.

WARNING: this post contains SPOILERS for this week's Flash #21 and Action Comics #978. If you haven't read 'em yet, come on back later!!

Poor DC. They never, ever know how to pull the band-aid off quickly.

It's been 11 months since the Rebirth special, and almost everywhere we're still treading water, as if they're waiting for some more cocktail napkin scribblings from Geoff Johns before they dare proceed because they really have no idea what's actually happening in this "story." Even double-publishing their big titles every month, a year later we're no closer to understanding what the hell is going on

Hell, we haven't even had the reveal of who our "villains" are yet, which makes this even more dragged out than the pre-Crisis Monitor cameos. Yes, yes, we know who they are...which makes the whole "gee, who is behind all this" even more frustrating.

At this rate, this whole Rebirth project--whose sole purpose is to (re)(de)(un)boot the fiasco of Flushpoint/nu52--is going to take 3 years. Check back in 2020 to see if I'm wrong.

Still, this last week's comics have made clear that the prime motivation of DC is indeed to largely reinstall the continuity of post-Crisis DC...yet somehow keep the stuff they like about the nu52.

Man, that's going to be messy and awful.

Flash #21, for example, pretty firmly reestablishes that the Justice League was formed in the way we had always known, and that you wasted your time and money reading the Geoff Johns/Jim Lee version:

Oh, and that also told us that Identity Crisis is back in continuity, because who didn't miss that charming tale of rape, brainwashing, jealous ex-spouses walking in people's brains, and heroes no longer being heroic?

But the biggest actual confirmed changes are in Superman's life story, as Action Comics very firmly says that the five year timeline of the nu52 is to be forgotten, and that virtually everything post Byrne-reboot is back as official history. But most (some?) of the nu52 happened, too!

His first meeting with Lois, for example:

Note that this confirms that Kal-El did, at one point, wear the red trunks!! So there's really no reason they can't go back to it...

But note--this also means that the Grant Morrison/young Superman in blue jeans and a home-made cape stories from nu52 Action never happened!! Poor Grant--flushed from continuity again!

And Superman's own memories--and the data crystals at the Fortress of Solitude--confirm that pretty much everything post-Crisis did indeed happen in the current Superman's history:

But he still adopted the terrible nu52 costume at some point...

And all of the nu52 stories happened--except for the ones that didn't, like the dalliance with Wonder Woman, or Clark quitting the Daily Planet to be a blogger, or....well, hold on, we'll have to wait for Geoff Johns to tell us what's what.

Oh, but not everything post-Crisis is back on the table. Take this discussion of the Death Of Superman (which definitely occurred):

Wait...one, two, three...somebody's missing...

Oh, yeah, that guy!!

So, really...Conner Kent/Kon-El Kent, clone created from DNA of both Superman and Lex Luthor, the best incarnation of Superboy, isn't coming back with everyone else??

Others have pointed out, they didn't definitively say he wasn't part of the new history--they just didn't list him. Even though they had plenty of room. Maybe. But dude, they made room to show Space Gladiator Kal-El, so you'd think they squeeze in a guy whose own series lasted 102 issues and was a member of Titans and the Legion, if they wanted to,

And as still others have noted, DC is releasing reprint trades of Superboy's series later this year, and that must mean they have plans for him, right? Sorry, I can't agree there--DC is also releasing reprints of Night Force, and I'll wager they're not coming back. No, DC is in a position where they have to keep releasing reprint collections, so they'll have as many as previous years, or their sales will go down versus previous years and someone will be canned, so everything they can tidy up is being reprinted, whether it's relevant to current plans or not.

It seems that DC is so intent on building up their current Superboy, Jon Kent, that they don't want to reestablish the clone Superboy, despite his being a pretty vital part that era of DC history (Legion! Young Justice! Titans! Ravers! The Superman Family!). So much for Rebirth restoring legacy to the DCU!

Of course, this could all be resolved when Geoff Johns mumbles something in his sleep that the listening device in his quarters passes on to DC as holy writ. But for now, it sure likes DC is restoring post-Crisis continuity, but going out of their way to exclude the best incarnation of Superboy. What a shame.

Iris Allen was murdered at a costume party, and Barry is on a tear to find the true identity of everyone who was there, so he can figure out who dosed him with angel dust and killed his wife (see, it isn't just current DC that's awful...).

Anyway, there was one person who was there that Barry definitely recognized:

Uh...and why would "many" of Central City's super-villains crashing a masquerade party?

They're just there to party and pick pockets.

Aim high, Rogues--aim high!!

[Although that "murdering a woman is beneath a gentleman like me" line doesn't play well with the "I was hired to kill Tim Drake's father" Captain Boomerang of Identity Crisis. I know, different reality, but still, it just goes to prove that Identity Crisis sucked worse than anything in the history of sucking.]

From Flash #278 (1979)

Oliver Queen has just lost his fortune--because stupid--and now he's all crazy conflicted about what he should do with his life. So he does what any troubled super-hero would do--he goes to a psychiatrist who talks like Yoda!!

"A highly complex crisis, you have!"??? I bet George Lucas read this...

Ahhh, but he does identify it as an Identity Crisis...and he's not just whistling Dixie!



"ZRRRRRRRZZZZ" with green smoke pouring out is never a good sign...



Doc, I thought you said that this device was perfected?!?

Well, it's not really his fault--it turns that manifestation was caused because Green Arrow was exposed to the magic energy of the "star-being" Aquarius last issue.

And it wasn't just Ollie...





Admit it--this was a much better Identity Crisis than the one we got 10 years ago. Plus--psychiatrist who talks like Yoda!! Winnage!!

Although, c'mon green guys...you've got to do a lot more than tear up an office a little bit before you can earn the title of "evil."

From Justice League Of America #75 (1969)

Lest we ever forget, it's the 10th anniversary of Identity Crisis...

And I know what you're thinking: "Hey, why don't we have the same guy who wrote that tale of 'Deadly Secrets! Private Hells!' write a series of children's books about heroes?"

Well, apparently that's what some publishing executives thought:

To be fair, I haven't read any of these. But really, would we be surprised to find that they portray Mary Todd Lincoln killing Elsa Einstein in an insane bid to win back Honest Abe's love, while having Amelia Earhart brain-wipe everyone before her disappearance so they'd never know the truth about how Nikita Khrushchev raped...nah, can't go there.

I'm just saying that, based on previous experience, Brad Meltzer really doesn't know dick about heroes.

Of course, if they are good books, I can imagine some parent saying, "Jasmine really liked those books, and here's a collection of super-hero stories the same man wrote, I'll bet she'd like that OMG WHAT THE HELL IS THIS?!?!?!?!?!!?!?!?!?!?!"

So that could be fun, after all!


Ad appeared in this week's The United States Of Murder Inc. #4

Perhaps we should have seen it coming, 30 years early...


Ray Palmer's just driving down the road trying to loosen his load, when...

Once more, with feeling?!?!?

Too true, Jean. Far, far too true.

From Action Comics #453 (1975)

So, 6 years ago today I began my little cow-town puppet show of a blog.

And one of the reasons I did was to express some...dismay...at some trends of the Big Two, especially DC and their increasingly cavalier attitude about having heroes kill, and having killers become heroes.

Well, I can finally declare victory. After six-tenths of a decade of profound silliness, overlong rants, and laser-like focus, my goal is accomplished. Sanity has been restored to the comics world, especially DC.

Why, just check out this response to a fan question during the Trinity Wars panel at SDCC:

What crossovers do you look to for inspiration? Johns and Lemire agree Identity Crisis is their number one inspiration - a big world-shattering event but with a mystery at the heart of it.

Wait a moment...that can't be right.

DC's Chief Creative Officer and one of the more popular writers amongst fans both have, as their #1 inspiration, the series that had a hero's wife raped by a villain, and later murdered by the ex-wife of another hero because she thought that was a good way to reconcile? The one that had heroes and villains forcibly brainwashed, their memories erased, by a "hero"? That's their number one inspiration for crossovers?

All right, that's just a couple of guys on one panel, and I guess people are allowed to like Identity Crisis, somehow, for some reason.

But things elsewhere at DC are just fine. Why, let's check out the DC Comics 101: Essentials panel, with John Cunningham (VP of Marketing), Bob Harras (Editor-In-Chief) and Bobbie Chase (Editorial Director). C'mon, "Comics101"! "Essentials"! Surely these bigwigs know what a universe of heroic fiction should be, right?

When asked about Villain’s Month and the longevity of the New 52, the overarching response from the panel was that the goal was for the reader to gain a greater understanding of what the villains actually do, what it is that makes them the way they are, and that ultimately our heroes are defined by the villains.

What?"[U]ltimately our heroes are defined by the villains."?!?



Dammit, I guess I'm not done here after all. This looks like it might take another 6 years...

Look, I could go into an extended rant here. I could decry the nu52 as merely a Elseworlds for "What If The DC Heroes Had Lost Legends."

I could kvetch that the constant treatment of heroes as enemies and outcasts has dampened, if not extinguished, the inspirational (and aspirational) aspects of your intellectual properties, alienating both long-time fans and casual readers, a fact that is only hidden by the constant churn of seemingly continuous #1 issues and "event" months with cover gimmicks to artificially prop up sales.

I could ask DC to analyze why, in his 75th anniversary year, their big budget Superman movie will be lucky to earn 70% of what the second Iron Man sequel did, and ask them to consider whether the unrelenting grimness (and gratuitous neck snappage) might be killing their golden goose, both in comics and other media.

But hey, I'm not in a ranty mood. Let's just let these panels from Invasion: Book 2 (1988) (plot & pencils by Keith Giffen, script by Bill Mantlo) speak for me:









See? Is that so hard?

For your edification, DC bigwigs, here are a few dictionary definitions of "hero" (please forgive the gender bias shown by some):

Dictionary.com: a person who, in the opinion of others, has heroic qualities or has performed a heroic act and is regarded as a model or ideal

Merriam-Webster: a man admired for his achievements and noble qualities 

Oxford Dictionary Of American English: a person, typically a man, who is admired or idealized for courage, outstanding achievements, or noble qualities

Cambridge Dictionary: a person who is admired for having done something very brave or having achieved something great

 Admired. Regarded as a model. Idealized.

Enough, DC. Every character doesn't have to be 1970s Spider-Man, hunted and feared. Enough having heroes kill, or being made to look like they killed. Enough secret government agencies dedicated to controlling/fighting/eliminating heroes. Enough fear and distrust by the press and public when these guys have saved the world seven times over. Enough.

Let. Heroes. Be. Heroes. 

At the climax of The Avengers-Defenders War (in Avengers #118 (1973)), the teams are confronting a now-all-powerful Dormammu, and he's getting a little bit pissy about it:

Well, [SPOILER ALERT], the good guys win. But what about Tony and Don's secret identities?

Uh...well, OK, I guess. It was just the two of them, it was correcting something an interdimensional god did, and presumably they agreed to it.

But, in the epilogue (In Defenders #11 (1973)), they return to Earth, and hook up with S.H.I.E.L.D., who had been keeping the chaos under control. But Nick Fury has questions...


Wait...what?

EVERY LIVING BRAIN?!? Doctor Strange just unilaterally decides to go and muck with every mind on the planet...for his personal convenience?????

(And the Avengers acquiesce to this? And Iron Man actually THANKS Strange for LETTING them remember?!? Earth's Wussiest Heroes, indeed)

(And I'm pretty certain that at some point, Nick Fury would have wised up, and his first step would have been to put a bullet in Doctor Strange's brain. Someone write that story, please)

Perhaps I'm old fashioned. But I've always been of the opinion that the Charles Xavier/Obi-Wan Kenobi/Doctor Strange style of altering the people's minds to be both offensive and unheroic. Overriding the memories and free will of people is something villains should do, not good guys.

For all its many (many, many many) faults, at least Identity Crisis presented such mind-altering hijinks as morally questionable, and having pretty terrible consequences.

Of course, Strange never learned any lesson, as in One Moment In Time, he and Stark and Richards erased Peter Parker's identity from the mind of every person on Earth, making Zatanna look like a birthday party hack magician. And not a single consequence.

(Hey, Dan Slott, here's a story idea for you...it turns out that everyone on Earth is getting seizures and strokes and turning evil as a result of Strange's tinkering with their brains, and Peter has a choice to make...which hopefully includes beating the crap out of Strange as part of the solution...)

Anyway, our lesson?? Don't piss off Marvel, or they'll have their "heroes" muck up your mind. Then again, if it could make me forget Fear Itself...? Hmmmm....

Since we're picking on Henry Pym today, let's look at an instance where he did his own version of DC's Identity Crisis...40 years early!!

We start with Pym being Pym:

Unfortunately, his above average oafishness was observed by "Second-Story Sammy," a loser of a burglar:


PRO-TIP: If you want to have a secret identity, don't carry around business cards with your real name on them. I'm just sayin.'

Well, after a rousing adventure wherein Sammy steals Pym's Giant-Man suit and engages in a series of growing/shrinking burglaries, he's caught. But given the chance, he doesn't spill Giant-Man's secret identity to the press. What gives?

"Just happened to have some memory-loss serum lying around"?!? Memory-loss serum?!?!?! So potent that it turns crooks straight??? Playing judge and jury on his own, just to selfishly protect the secret identity he would abandon eventually anyway?

Hank Pym--making Zatanna look ethical!!

From Tales To Astonish #62 (1964).