In what feels like a different Film, Gruner- with a different haircut- randomly gets revenge on the Cyborg that nearly killed him.

Well, that was a short Film...
Nope.  

After some narration, we jump ahead to a year later where Gruner is now a pseudo-criminal.

He's blasted by a guy with his face gun.

No- I didn't make that up.
He's forced to work for the Police Chief- Tim Thomerson- and a German guy- Brion James- due to them putting a bomb in him.

What a unique concept.

They want him to track down the lady who betrayed him and the LAPD.
He ends up being betrayed by Thomerson- what a shock- and working for the rebel Cyborgs.

The villains are also Cyborgs, so...muddled message, much?

He escapes from the building by...shooting the floors out to drop away.

Is that where Underworld got that from?!?
He has to fight against Thomerson, who's a lifelike robot impersonating Thomerson's Police Chief Character.

Lots of running.
Lots of shooting.
Lots of stuff that is kind of like Terminator 2 (since they hired an F/X guy from it).

It's all dumb, crazy fun.
This one is fun, but also dumb...and also really pretentious.

This Film is a riddle wrapped up in an enigma.

It has this big, complicated Plot.
It can't stop cutting to long Action Scenes.
It has about 100 Characters that come and go.

To be fair, Gruner is not a great Actor.  He tries to be quippy and...yeah, no.  His accent and delivery also leaves something to be desired.
Mind you, me acting in French wouldn't be great either.

The draw here is all of the big, boisterous Action Scenes.  If you can just kind of skim through the Plot to enjoy them, this one is recommended.
It has a bunch of That Guys in it- from Sven-Ole Thorson to Carey-Hiroyuki Tagawa to Jackie Earl Haley- so keep an eye out for them.

Is it good?  No.
Is it fun?  Yes.

It has Thomas Jane (and he's not wearing pants) if that helps sell you...

A bizarre and fun Film that makes almost no sense.  I look forward to the Sequels- right or wrong.

What a lovely day for Cannibalism!  Today's Film is Mom, a 1991 Horror Film from MGM.  They love it so much that they slapped their Logo on the whole Film.  Well...that or wherever the original source is.  While this one is a bit late, it is still a Mother's Day Film.  It tells the tale of a man and his Mother...and the creature that transforms her into a flesh-eating creature.  While I avoided Flesh Eating Mothers this year, I still ended up with the singular version!  Brion James is here to put the Plot into motion, which is kind of what he's always here for, right?  After taking in the wrong guy to rent a Room, our titular character ends up becoming a Monster.  Was Momster taken?  After all, we had a Manster, so why not?  This is an odd one, to say the least.  The Director only has one Writing and Directing Credit (this one), but he has many other Editor ones- including Scanner Cop II, Warlords from Hell and Baby Einstein: Discovering Shapes. Thanks again, IMDB!
In the cold open, a lady is waiting for the Bus to L.A. when she meets James...who kills her.
After the Opening Credits, he shows up at the title character's house to rent a room.  Her son is a Reporter that is covering the bloody killings, which is surely not related to that opening Scene.
She accidentally sees his yellow eyes (jaundice?) and he bites her, which is 'hilariously' intercut with someone chopping meat.
She's not dead- she's just now a monster.  She tries to hide this from her son (naturally), but he eventually finds out.
James tells the son about what happened, but doesn't actually tell us what he is.  "Werewolves, Vampires, flesh-eaters- it's all the same."

Just for that, I'm glad that they burned you to death just now.
Unfortunately, the son is now left with a Momster that he must try to control and/or cure.  No luck so far...
He takes a Hooker home to feed to Mom, but has second thoughts...so the Hooker just gets herself killed on her own.  Who said that there are no good roles for Women?
Can the son keep the Momster under control until he finds a cure?!?
Nope.  The Police eventually show up and she burns herself to death to stop her own killings.  The End.
Damn.  What an odd one.  It is billed as a Dark Comedy, with a heavy emphasis on the dark.  It certainly has some of that.  People are gutted, have their throats ripped out, get burned alive and got shot.  As far as the Comedy goes, there's...not as much as I was expecting.  Was it just the inherent nature of making an old lady into a Monster?  If so, it is not enough.  Brion James is fun while he's here, playing both sinister and funny.  Sadly, he doesn't make it past the first 30 minutes- oh well.  The make-up effects are good, so I have no complaints about them.  The Tone is pretty bleak for a so-called Comedy.  It is a pretty good Story and the Acting is solid- again, no complaints.  All in all, it works as a pretty good Horror-Drama with some mild Comedy elements.  It is pretty rare, so like-minded people should check it out.  Now for some light reading...
Next up, some random Film that strikes my fancy.  Why tease properly when I can do it vaguely?  Stay tuned...

This is...just wow.  I mean, wow.  Today's film is Pterodactyl Woman From Beveryly Hills, a 1997 Film by Philippe Mora.  Remember him?  He has many weird, weird films.  He is the man who brought us Howling II (featuring Reb Brown and Sybil Danning's boobs), Howling III (featuring Were-Tasmanian Tigers), Communion (featuring Christopher Walken and anal-probing) and, most silly, Snide & Prejudice.  Remember that one?  That is the film in which a bunch of people- including Jeffrey Combs, Richard Moll and Angus MacFadyen- all share delusions that they are Nazis in WWII, so their 'Therapist' has them act out Hitler's rise to power and fall from grace.  Seriously- that's a movie!  This is the kind of person we're dealing with.  So what's this film about?  A Paleontologist offends an Indian, so he turns his wife into a Pterodactyl.  Don't you hate unoriginal plots?  In all seriousness, this starts out weird and only gets weirder.  Throw in silly effects, a Zappa and Meta jokes about said effects & you've got a giant bowl of crazy gumbo.  To see just how random and strange this gets, read on...
The film IMMEDIATELY begins with Stock Footage.  Despite the DVD being a Troma release, they resist the urge to just say that this takes place in Tromaville.  Thank God!

So yeah, this is footage I saw in Planet of the Dinosaurs.  Joy.
In the Present (of 1997), two Paleontologists run afoul of an Indian (who calls himself Salvador Dali, since...funny?).  He tells them that they're assholes and he curses them.

Well, actually, he curses one guy and curses the other's guy's wife.  He doesn't even know her, but whatever.
Sure enough, the lady goes throw some changes in Beverly Hills.  She's a super-sized version of the WASP cliche driven to the max.  Beverly D'Angelo is really infectious here, even when she is only allowed to just make silly noises and wave her arms.
In a cheap and silly effect, she is just now a full Pterodactyl and gets inexplicably-chased by a Stealth Bomber, which just happens to be flying around Beverly Hills.  Why?  How?

It doesn't matter, as this just sets up a Government Agent (Stephen McHattie) going after her.  She's never in full-form again.
Here's something odd: Aron Eisenberg plays the teenage-son of D'Angelo and the Husband.  The problem: the Actor is 28 years old, only appearing young and being short due to a medical issue.

Oh and I just keep running into the guy.  He was in House III, Amityville IV and Puppet Master III.  I don't even know you, so stop showing up in sequels!
Here's another quirk: Barry Humphries shows up in this film, making it his second Philippe Mora film (after Howling III) that I'm aware of.  He adds NOTHING to this film, so thanks for that.
The Husband takes the transformations very well and actually engages in some pseudo-inter-species whoopie.  To horribly paraphrase the Queen: I am not aroused.
They dump a ton of crazy exposition and sub-plots on you.  Here's a quick summary:
* A manipulative 'friend' turns out to be working for the Government.
* The Neighbors want the Dinosaur lady out.
* D'Angelo gets pregnant with a Dinosaur Egg.
* McHattie schemes to get the baby.
* The family goes to the Desert, leading to the return of Stock Footage.
After a lot of Stock Footage (which they Lamp Shade by saying it's a land of Bad Effects and Stock Footage) and a silly speech, the whole problem is resolved.  Your wife still gave birth to an Egg, but whatever.

Oh wait, the real ending is that it might have all been a dream.  Oh...okay.  The End.
I am really confused by this whole thing.  Seriously, I've watched some crazy shit.  I've seen a man time-travel to meet Mary Shelly and Dr. Frankenstein.  I've seen people interact with a ghost in an animatronic doll.  Hell, I've seen Surf Nazis Must Die!  Having said all that, the film is random, silly and has humor broader than the Atlantic Ocean!  There are sometimes jokes, sometimes sight gags and occasionally clever bits.  When all of that fails, they just have people run around and make noises.  Beverly D'Angelo is a Co-Producer on this film, so it makes her tendency to just act silly all the more strange.  The film's other Co-Producer/Star (Brion James) is usually like this, so I'm not surprised.  Usually in films where Actors are only performers, they tend to get thrown into roles like this.  The Director says 'jump' and they ask 'In what silly way?'  As a Co-Producer, it's certainly curious.  I don't fault her for having fun- I just find it odd.  Speaking of odd, everything else.  James plays 3 Roles (sort of) and just acts silly.  Philippe Mora himself even plays a part.  Was your Budget that low or did you just get bored working behind-the-scenes (a la Eric Bischoff in 1996)?  Regardless, this is a tricky recommendation.  If you like purely-silly Comedy and have an open mind, check this out.  I can't guarantee that you'll like it (I'm still not quite sure how I feel ATM), but you are the audience.  As for everyone else, well, you were never going to watch Pterodactyl Woman from Beverly Hills.  Isn't that right, Philippe Mora?
Up next, another Phantom of the Opera film, albeit with a weird twist.  Every Netflix review is 1 Star, so it should be a classic!  Stay tuned...

Oh, the Horror!  After a couple of years away, I finally watched the third film in the House series.  Why so long?  No reason, really.  I added House III to my Instant Queue a long time ago...but just never watched it. All of a sudden, a bunch of my film options were about to expire, including this one.  I said 'Well, I've got two days to watch this crap.  Which is the most important?"  I chose this one- as opposed to Panga or Terrorvision-, so let's see how good my judgement call is?  House III is not actually House III- it's just The Horror Show.  However, the film was marketed overseas as such and the next *actual* sequel was forced to be called House IV.  So while it may not be House III, the next film is still House IV.  If this one doesn't count, is House III in the same boat as Leonard: Parts 1-5?  What is the film about?  Well, a guy is terrorized in his House- hence the title- by the ghost of a killer that he caught and get sent to 'the chair.'  No, this isn't Shocker.  Both films were released in the same year and both did not exactly set the world on fire financially.  However, this film *technically* had a Sequel, allowing it to best its rival.  I can't tell you which is better until I actually see Shocker- which should happen soon enough.  Until then, let's see if this Lance Henriksen 'sequel' to a film he wasn't in is better than The Mangler 2, Mimic III or Damien: The Omen II.  We're setting the bar nice and low here, so let's see if he can limbo under it...
As the film opens with fake home movies of Lance and company, we see the first warning sign: this writing credit...
I soldiered on anyhow and we see a man named Max Jenke (pronounced like the singular form of that Scooby-Doo catchphrase) has killed a bunch of people.  Thanks to some confusing transitions and use of dreams, we're not sure what is happening.  This is especially true...
...when the man appears in bed dressed as Lance's wife.  Ew.
As it turns out, *most* of what Lance dreamed was true.  The man is sent to 'the chair,' but doesn't go down his easy.  Seriously, this dude defies all of the laws of nature here...but he's only just gotten started.
Thanks to, um, being evil or something, his spirit leaves his dead body and begins to make our hero think he's crazy.  Cue a whole slew of Freddy Kreuger-style actions like this weird sight gag below.

Just to note: Shocker is the one made by Wes Craven.  This film is just ripping him off...while he may or may not be ripping them off.  Confused?
The Police think that the daughter's boyfriend was killed by Lance since his body was found in the basement.

I should also mention that the guy is tricked and killed just like in Amityville 1992, which would come later.  I mention that since the son was in Amityville 4...in the same year as this film.  Weird.
After a lot of weird visuals and fake-outs, he attacks the family directly...with illusions.  I get that you like making crazy visuals, but some real things happening would be nice.
On the plus side, this guy's head blows up.  That's one thing off of the check list.
In The End, the villain is beaten when his spirit is zapped with electricity...in a dream world and his real body is shot to death.  I guess a man's corpse suddenly re-appearing clears you...although he is dead again.

The film ends with the missing cat being found and this freeze frame.  We aren't really going to have TWO Aron Eisenberg films about ghosts in houses end with the 'evil cat' bit are we?  Really?!?
For a Horror Show, I wasn't that bothered.  The film is kind of a mixed bag, to be honest.  What makes it interesting is often what causes the problems with it too.  The crazy visuals and tricks are interesting.  You see stuff like that guy's head explode, a decapitated head cry out and a serial killer's face on a cooked turkey.  The problem is that the drama is really hurt by this.  While Elm Street balanced these out a bit, this film just goes full-tilt crazy with them.  I didn't hate them- I just didn't feel much for the drama either.  The film is also full of little things that are either not explained properly or just feel silly.  In one scene, ghost Jenke shows up in the Interrogation Room and splits the table.  When the Cops come by later, the table is broken in two still and NOBODY asks Lance what happened to it!  Do you guys not see that?!?  There's also a weird sub-plot involving the son making fake complaints to get paid off in free samples.  Where does that go?  Nowhere.  What does it lead to?  Nothing.  Why.  Is.  That.  Here?!?  The film does have a great villain, even if his motivations are nothing more than 'Me be evil' and his powers come from...um, being really evil.  Hopefully Shocker explains this shit, since this film didn't.  The late James Isaac made a really neat-looking film...but it's easy to see why it never quite made the most lasting impression.  Take us away, thing that makes this REALLY House III...
Next up, a film for everyone that liked The Omen, but wished that it was also The China Syndrome.  For all three of you, I've got the film for you!

Philippe Mora is just a crazy man.  Born in France, he's made films for many countries.  Amongst his films are The Return of Captain Invincible, The Howling III: Marsupials and the soon-to-be-reviewed Communion.  All of his movies are weird and usually obscure.  I tell you all of this to discuss a weird and obscure movie he made in 1997.  With the title of Snide & Prejudice, you know that you're going to get something off-kilter and strange.  Basically, a therapist (career character actor Renee Auberjonois) has a bunch of patients in his asylum that think they are Nazis.  So, for some reason, he has them act out the history of the Nazi's rise to power.  No, really.  The cast includes a slew of character actors including Richard Moll, Brion James, Mena Suvari and, my man, Jeffrey Combs!  The starring role belongs to Angus MacFadyen, who plays the lead crazy person/Hitler.  The Film has almost no real plot to it, so this should be an easy one.  Get out your imaginary guns for my review of..
The film begins with a woman interviewing a therapist (Auberjonois) about his work with the mentally-unbalanced.  For some reason, this interview segment- as with the others- is shot in black & white.  Does this mean that the guy is part of the nWo?!?  Anyhow, we see MacFadyen acting out a scene where Hitler is giving a speech.  Additionally, he's only in the full regalia once here until after the first hour ends- weird.  Things get weirder as we see him act out Hitler's suicide in the bunker.  So, he knows he's not Hitler and that he's not really dying...but he also thinks he's Hitler.  Either this movie is really 'meta' or just stupid.  I can't quite decide just yet.  To add to the weirdness, Angus comments to Auberjonois about how the new 'Eva' is better than the old 'Eva.'  My head is hurting.  He also engages in a fictitious affair with his cousin (Suvari).  If you ever wanted to see the bad guy from Warriors of Virtue romance that cheerleader from American Beauty- this is your film!
After setting all of these events up, the movie pretty much just tells Hitler's rise to power.  It takes place in a series of short playlets set-up by the Psychiatrist.  Apparently, they're so crazy that they ignore his explanatory narration and act out the part.  In lieu of attempting to explain the film's non-plot, I will amuse you with this slide show of Angus making really, really weird faces.  It's what Philippe would want.
Given that I put his name in the title, I should mention that Combs plays a small part here.  Yeah, I was hoping that he would be in this more.  Even so, if you can survive an hour and fifteen minutes of the film, you get to see him.  In addition, you get to see Richard Moll play a General in full military attire...save for pants.  Instead, he's wearing plaid sweatpants.  Sure- why not?!?
 In the end, the film's only actual plot point- the escaped prisoner on the loose- comes to a head as he confronts 'Hitler' and the psychiatrist...and gets caught.  Yeah, that went nowhere.  'Hitler' kills the Doctor for being a Jew...only to learn that it didn't happen because his gun is imaginary.  After that, the film just kind of ends.  Seriously, just like that.
This movie is incredibly-weird, incredibly-silly and incredibly-pointless.  The film has almost no actual plot after the first ten minutes or so.  The whole thing lasts just about two hours and just features the actors playing crazy people that act out the Nazi Party's rise to power.  It's very detailed...but why would I watch this movie for it?  There's this place called The History Channel, you know!  That said, Angus is great in this thing and he's the only continuous reason to watch it.  People like Brion James, Richard Moll and Jeffrey Combs have small parts and do great in them- but they're just small parts.  The whole thing just feels long and tedious when he's not around.  If you've seen his silly performance in Warriors of Virtue, you've seen his role here.  This time, however, he's dressed up like Hitler.  The film does some things well, like blurring the lines of reality at times.  The problem is that it does so rarely.  One great bit has a Hitler-led dinner interrupted by 'Picasso,' leading to an argument about whether or not 'Picasso' can have a cookie.  It's great, but fleeting.  Most of this is played completely-straight.  Yes, they play this thing straight!  If the movie was forty-five minutes or so, it would be an easy sell.  At two hours, it's just long and ridiculous.  You can have some fun here, but only in short bursts.  Sorry, Philippe.  At least it's better than The Return of Captain Invincible!
Next up, Lucio Fulci's work returns here in a Delayed Review.  Who wants to see Fulci rip-off Deathrace 2000?  Stay tuned...