The duo- who run a Record Store- hang out with their friends- a Couple who run a Toy Store- for a bit.

The guy- Jonah Ray Rodrigues, who I keep seeing ONLY on Shudder Films.
Weird!
In the Intro, we get News Exposition (or Newsposition) about how a Company retrofitted Battle Androids to make Santas.

They were all taken out of Stores though...or were they?!?
They go home, unaware of the danger that has just woken up.

To the annoyance of some Commenters on Shudder, they spend quite a while riffing on Music, Films and other topics.

Just be patient though.
Soon enough, 'Santa' has killed the pair at the Store and follows them home.

It takes out some more victims and NOBODY is safe!
Can the Cops save the day?  
Can they ever in these Films?

Will our Final Girl live up to her name?

To find out, stream it now.
A bloody fun Film, once you let it get going.

Right off the bat, let me cover the obvious complaint- the Intro.  It is prolonged.  It is a few long Scenes of our Leads interacting.  It does feel improvised quite a bit.

Is that bad?  For me, no.

This made the Film feel 'real' and the Characters fleshed out.  
We get to see these people 'being real' with each other for a bit before the chaos begins.

Once said chaos begins, of course, there's little time to rest.

My only real complaint is that the killer Santa Robot doesn't really 'feel' like a robot until the latter half of the Film.  It's just a big guy walking around with them adding in 'robot' noises with each step.

I do also wonder how he sneaks up on people when every step sounds like an hydraulic press!

Christmas Bloody Christmas is a bloody good time and I recommend it to all fans of Indy Horror.
There's enough extra with the whole 'robot' element to make it feel different.

Plus, we got this nice Christmas card out of it.

Blood and guts abound...eventually.  Give the Movie some time and I think it will grow on you by the end.

Aw.
Meanwhile, a bunch of awful people- and our Heroes- are celebrating Christmas together.

What could go wrong?
Well, a bunch of bad guys break in, kill the guards and threaten to kill everyone if they don't turn over a bunch of money.

They need to break into the Vault.  Really?

Our Santa shows up and gets stranded, when his reindeer fly off.

Can he stop the bad guys?
Santa must remember his past experience as a fighter and be motivated to save everyone.

Is he up to the task?
Will they just gut his bowel full of jelly?

To find out, stream the Film now.
A fun, frenetic and violent Film...with heart.  In spite of the marketing of 'Santa Claus kills bad guys,' there's quite a few good morals and lessons here.

I know- I was surprised too.

The Film is a love letter to Christmas Films of the past- specifically the Die Hard Films.  The Plot structure is a pretty naked homage to the first Film, but there's more to it than just that. 
There's fighting in the snow and a Plot Point involving 'help' that isn't too helpful that's right out of Die Hard 2: Die Harder. 
Throw in the 'too drunk to care' at first Santa and you've got Die Hard 3's John McClane right there.  And yes, that is NOT a Christmas Film.  I guess they were just on a roll.

There's always a fun subplot that is setup nicely involving the kid watching Home Alone and being inspired by it.  The results are, well, different.  No SPOILERS.

Harbour is great here as Santa, getting a full Arc and more backstory than I was expecting here.  He learns many lessons AND gets to kill bad guys with a giant hammer.  Ho ho wholesome.

The Film wisely spends enough time on the terrible family members and no more, which is good.  It would be easy to linger on them too long and we ain't got time for that!

If you're a fan of good, visceral action a la John Wick Films, check this one out.  It still takes short breaks for Plot and Character, which is nice.  The Plot won't win any writing awards, but it gets everyone nicely from Point A to Point B with enough characterization to make it worth it.

Now this one is definitely not for the kiddies, so maybe just do the Lego Playset Version instead.

I'm not the most festive guy out there, but the Movie can 'get you in the feels.'  Just know that it does so between bad guys meeting violent (and justifiable) ends.

Happy Holidays and Merry murders!  This is 36-15 Code Pere Noel, a 1989 French Film set on Christmas.  It has more Titles than Subplots though.  It was given the generic Title of Game Over when it came to America.  It also was called Dial Code for Santa, a more-informed, but also silly Title.  Why is it called this?  The whole Plot hinges upon the use of Minitel, a form of Dial-Up Internet used in France.  Our Hero uses it and it sets the Plot in motion.  I guess the alternate Title for Home Alone must have been 555 Pizza Delivery.  Speaking of that Film, is it a rip-off?  This Film came out in 1989 and features a kid trying to stop a crazed Santa in his House.  In 1990, we got that iconic Film with a kid setting traps to stop the Wet Bandits.  Are they 100% similar?  No.  Are they 60% similar?  Maybe.  It's been a moot point for Years as this Film got almost no play in America until 2018- better later than never!  This one features a crazed man who wants to do 2 things: kill people and become Santa.  Can he kill this poor kid?  Can this kid's Rambo-obsession (healthy, right?) save the day?  To find out, read on...
This is a crazy guy.  He just wants to be accepted.

He's also not Zach Galifianakis, before you ask.
This is a kid.  He loves Rambo, setting up traps and living with his Grandpa.
The latter is left alone on Christmas Eve while his Mother works at her Shop.  He has to keep an eye on Grandpa, who has Diabetes.
He still believes in Santa, using the titular Minitel Site to...accidentally reveal secrets to the crazy guy.  He snaps during the day, slapping a kid and finding out the kid's address to get revenge for...um...him being crazy?
The kid, by the way, lives in this ridiculous Mansion that is a lovely Model...I mean, Castle.

Is his Mom secretly the Queen?!?
The kid decides to set up the House to catch Santa on Film.  He waits for him to arrive.

Unfortunately, it's the crazy guy instead and, well, I hope you weren't rooting for the Dog to survive.
He manages to hide his Grandpa in a hidden part of the House- which, of course, he has.  I'm beginning to think that this reality might be a tad exaggerated!
He gets 'geared up' like Rambo again and tries to keep the 'Santa' away until he can get help.  The tide turns many times, adding some nice realism.

Will he stop this creep or will this Euro-Horror have a, well, Euro-Horror Ending.  To find out, watch this recently-rediscovered Film.  The End.
A surprisingly-engaging Film with a strange premise.  What a lovely Christmas tale.  What other one has a dog's murder, a child being slashed with a blade, a dead Cop, dead neighbors and a child slapped by 'Santa?'  For all the controversy over Silent Night, Deadly Night, it's funny to see what Europe was doing around the same time.  They didn't go easy on their audiences!  This poor kid is wounded and traumatized for life.  His Mom is going to need lots of counseling.  The Grandpa...will be dead soon, so he's good.  In all seriousness, I like how much realism is in a Film with such a strange premise.  Yes, you must accept that the kid is really smart, has a hidden lair and can make fairly-advanced tech for 1989.  That said, they never forget that he's a kid.  Could you imagine if they did something dumb like, say, have him plan a murder?  The kid Actor is quite good too, which makes you a little sad that he transitioned out of Acting by 1995.  All of the Acting is pretty darn good here.  'Santa' displays the right amount of menace, while still having flashes of normal human emotions like fear.  At one point, the kid is shooting him with marbles and he covers up in a cowardly fashion- nice touch.  One critique- we see the kid set up a crossbow with darts, but there is no pay-off.  I didn't watch a cut-down version- I don't think- so what's up, Movie?  I'm glad that this is now being rediscovered as it is a near-Classic for the Season.  Just ignore a few typos in the Subtitles, won't you?
Next time, I continue to wrap up 2018 by getting to left over Films.  What will come up next?  Stay tuned...

It's the most murderous time of the year!  Today's Review is A Christmas Horror Story, a 2015 Horror Anthology that is totally festive.  Oh and let me get this out of the way- Wal-Mart carries it in store as A Holiday Horror Story.  Do I care?  No.  Does it matter one bit?  No.  We over that whole thing now?  Great.  The Film tells the Story of 4 different events happening around Christmas in what is apparently the worst Town to live in since Haddonfield was finally abandoned.  The 4 Stories apparently take place concurrently, although no direct connection exists between them after they have started.  I appreciated the attempt to create a shared World...when they bothered.  Once they gave up on that, I was just stuck watching a Film that couldn't stop cross-cutting for no reason.  One Story involves Teens trapped with something in a School.  The second involves a kid going through some mysterious changes at home.  The third involves a dysfunctional Family being targeted by something powerful, while the final one involves Santa Claus & some Zombie Elves.  I won't SPOIL the results here, so don't tune out just yet.  To find out if this one will be a repeat viewing, read on...
In this Story, a traumatized Cop takes his Family to get a Tree.  Do they bring back something else though?
In another Story, a jerk-ass Family shows up to Grandma's House, but is kicked out after a statue of Krampus is damaged.  What is following them?
In the 3rd Story, an Elf working for Santa dies.  Elves can't stay dead, so...Zombies.  Why not?
In the final Story, some Teens check out their School after dark on the anniversary of a killing done there last year.  It is *so* close to Found Footage, but not quite.
What happened to their kid?  Will they both survive the revelation?
At the School, what secret is behind the earlier deaths and will it claim some more lives?
As for the terrible Family, will they survive the wrath of everyone's suddenly-favorite creature?

To find out the answer to all these questions (and about those Zombie Elves), you'll just have to watch the Film.  Ho Ho Ho.
Fun at times, but should be better.  On the surface, this is a pretty can't miss Film.  Four separate Tales of Horror in a small Town.  Ghosts in one story, a strange creature in another, Krampus in a third and freaking Zombie Elves in the final one.  What could go wrong?!?  Well, as I mentioned, the Editing and Pacing.  There is ZERO reason that this couldn't just be a normal Anthology.  Give me one tale, cut to Narrator/Framing Device and then cut to the next Tale.  The only reason to cross-cut and have them take place simultaneously is if there is any pay-off.  There is none.  It seems to have just been a purely artistic choice that didn't (at least for me) pay off.  As with any of these, you are going to like some Stories better.  So if you have to keep getting pulled away from said Stories for the other ones, you may be annoyed.  Much like a fancy toy without the batteries, the Film just isn't *quite* what it should be.  There are strong parts and then there are weak ones.  If this was more balanced and put together better, it might be a modern-day Cult Classic.  As it is, it is a flawed work that has glimmers of promise.  Oh well- at least they got Shatner.
Next up, let's tackle the post-Holiday blues with some Horror.  Can you face what is not natural?  Stay tuned... 

Christmas has now come and gone.  Was it good for you?

It is at this time that I feel the need to point out something for you to remember: while Santa may look nice and friendly...
He's not.
If you're a bad boy or girl, he will track you down and find you!
He can find you wherever you may hide.  You may not be able to see him, but he can see you.

Isn't that right, Massimiliano Cerchi?
Merry Post-Christmas...but watch your ass!

Ho ho ha?  Today's film is Santa's Slay, a 2005 Christmas Horror Film.  I've put off this film for awhile, just because it seemed so obvious.  I mean, I think just about every Internet Film Critic of note has done it.  That said, I ran out of really interesting and crazy stuff to do this year.  I'm sure that some of it exists, but I haven't found it.  Like those socks from Grandma, let's just smile and enjoy this present that was not actually on your list.  Slay is about an Evil Santa who decides to start killing people.  There's a silly reason for all of this, which I'll get into in the review.  The film, while not all that interesting as a whole, does feature a weird connection to a Christmas Horror Film that I reviewed awhile ago.  The big thing is Goldberg playing Evil Santa.  It's the biggest draw of the film, so I hope that it does something for you.  To find out why this film peaks before the Title even appears, read on...
The film begins with the worst family ever (aside from your own, of course).  They all hate each other and act like dicks.
This is all a build-up for Santa Goldberg to show up and kill all of them.  He sets Fran Drescher's head on fire, kills Rebecca Gayheart and superkicks Chris Kattan harder than he ever did to Bret Hart.

No, I'm still not over his inexperienced ass helping to end Hart's career.
After that, we get the actual plot of the film.  Considering what we just saw, why bother?  They aren't going to top immolating the star of The Nanny or smashing Mango.

Our hero works at a Jewish Deli with That Jewish Actor Who's In Everything (aka Saul Rubinek).  He doesn't like Christmas and has an on-again-off-again relationship with this lady who eventually be on Lost.
Robert Culp is the Grandpa here.  He played the Cop in Silent Night, Deadly Night 3.

As it turns out, he was also an Angel.  You see...
Santa is actually a Son of the Devil and killed Children around this time every year.  They throw in a lot of 'ooh, that's clever' bits to make it sound real.  Essentially, Santa is forced to be good for 1,000 years (which now ran out).

They also animate like those old Rudolph Specials, since everyone does it.  Seriously, EVERYONE thought of this joke!
Our hero doubts alot of this and goes to investigate it.  It's all true, of course, but this does serve as some filler and to show off yet another fake Google stand-in.  I thought I'd run out of those by now...
Cutting out a shit ton of 'people get killed and quips are made' filler, Santa Goldberg wants to kill our hero since he finds out about Grandpa.  In place of his Reindeer, he has a sometimes-real, sometimes-animatronic Bison pulling his sled.
When all hope is lost, a literal Deus Ex Machina shows up in the form of Grandpa, who's now a Ghost.  He challenges Santa Goldberg to a rematch of the Curling Match.  He cheats.

Fortunately for our hero, he has a Chekhov's Gun in the form of a Walnut-shooting Nutcracker.  Don't ask.
The day is saved and everyone lives happily ever after, unless you watch the Alternate Ending.

In a nutshell, the rip off Animal House.  We learn that our hero moved to the United Arab Emirates (like Erik Prince) to avoid Christmas and his girlfriend's flight got lost.  Get it- she was on Lost.  It was still respected when this film came out.
I should also mention that Santa Goldberg escaped the explosion at the End (somehow) and heads to the North Pole.  Good luck with that Sequel, Director with only this film as a Credit.  The End.
Honestly, it's not that great.  The big thing about this movie is that it is a Horror Comedy.  Anyone that's read anything that I've ever written can tell you that I'm not a huge fan of these.  They rarely work.  In this film, a good 70% of the film is Santa killing assholes, whether they are James Caan (why, James?!?), an old bitch or Strip Club Bouncers.  I'd get five or six Poor Bastards of Cinema Inductions out of this one, but they're all one-note set-ups for murder.  The idea of Goldberg as an Evil Santa is fine.  He has a good physical presence and makes the most of what little motivation he is given here.  Plot points are random here and many don't get a good pay-off.  Grandpa is paranoid and waiting for Santa to show up, yet gets seen by his own Security Cameras and later run over.  I expected him to have some actual plan for Santa's arrival, as opposed to just 'Make one Nutcracker toy.'  It's an uneven film that suffers from its one draw.  The humor makes all of the death feel very pointless and one-note.  If you could make a serious Horror Film with Goldberg Santa, let me know.   I'll leave you to celebrate this special day with some Casual Racism...
Next up, I celebrate Winter in general with a Vampire Film from Lapland.  To see which Horror Sequel ripped them off, you'll have to read the review.  Stay tuned...

I defer to Rifftrax when it comes to this film.  They brought this bizarre piece of Cinematic Trash History to life as a VOD.  God bless em!

Santa Claus and the Ice Cream Bunny is...well, it is a Genre in and of itself.  There is no other film like it.
Yes, this film is better with Rifftrax.  Pretty much everything is, really.

That said, you owe it to yourself to see this film in some form.  If you don't buy their version (which you should), you can settle for the Uncut, Un-Riffed Version.

This.  Movie.  Is.  Nuts.

Yes, this is the original Tales From The Crypt film.  It all started with EG Comics and their dark, horror tales famous for putting decapitated heads and zombies on the covers.  

Way to help bring about comic censorship in the '50s, guys!  

Seriously though, these comics have been a boon for films, leading to this one as well as the Creepshow series (minus the piece of shit third one).  

Why does this Anthology Film make my Christmas Week Review List though?  

You'll see.  

One thing to note is that this movie features a half dozen or so tales, as opposed to the standard 3 or 4.  The result is that all of them are shorter.  

That makes them more condensed and concise.  

It also means that subtlety goes out the window in order to set-up, play out and close a tale in roughly ten minutes.  I just thought that you should know.  

Get out your unwanted Christmas presents for my review of...
A group of tourists visit a Catacomb of sorts.  Why?  

I'm guessing that they want to see the inbred, pig-mask-wearing killer there.  

Anyhow, they linger about like idiots and get split up.  They end up in a secret room with Sir Ralph Richardson dressed like a Druid and sitting in front of a skull background.  

Wrong turn, wrong turn!  

He orders them to sit and tells them each a tale.  The first one features Ms. Joan Collins (ladies and star-power first) at Christmas.  

All is well in the house as an older man sits down to read the paper.  Oh yeah, that and die...
This (part of) the movie...is okay.  The plot is simple and concise.  

Unfortunately, the terror comes and goes due to its nature.  The evil, lurking 'Santa' is a great menace, but he's literally forgotten about for a few, long minutes there.  All you had to do was cut back to him lurking, guys!  

The trade-off is that his sudden reappearance is more dramatic this way.  It's also a bit silly too.  

Was he just sitting on a bench or something until the girl saw him?  When you don't show it, I have to assume.  The acting is decent, although it's solely Joan's show.  The husband is just there to say two lines or so and die.  

On the plus side, he was paid for it.  

I wish this was a longer tale and played more off of the girl's love for/eventual fear of Santa.  You have some real tension and drama there. 

 I suppose it's a bit late to give notes for a film made 11 years before I was even born though, huh?  It's just a thought.  

The biggest selling point of the whole film for me is the irony that The Cryptkeeper goes from being played by Sir Ralph Richardson here to a pun-spewing puppet in the TV show.  What a segue!  Enjoy your death massage, Joan!
Up next, I attempt to cover a long-time cult classic.  Unfortunately, one of the worst VHS-rips ever may hinder the whole thing.  Stay tuned...