He ingratiates himself with the family as well.

Cue the 'Eerie Music.'
He keeps talking about his dead Father and we keep hearing vague, overlapping statements like 'He hasn't had a drink in 3 years' and 'My Father has been dead for 2 years.'

He finally warns him that his Family will be in trouble.
Bad things happen to his children and nobody can explain it.

Will an offhand reference to a Greek Tragedy hold the answer?
Fun Fact- Farrell's Son is played by the same young person who voices Kratos' son in God of War.
It all comes to a head in a very dark and serious manner.

Who will survive?
Who will be the same after all is said and done?

To find out, stream the Film now.
Yikes.  This one was...something.

It's been a long time since I watched The Lobster.  I recall it getting really dark and intense in the 3rd Act.
This one does the same.

It also does this weird thing where people sound very natural, but also very surreal.  I can't really explain it- you just kind of have to see it.

This Film is a great showcase for the Actors, so I can see why people like Nicole Kidman and Alicia Silverstone really petitioned hard to be in this.
A weird Batman connection, no? 
Especially with Barry (in Deleted Scenes) as a Joker and Farrell as The Penguin in the most recent Batman Film.

This one is dark.  This one is odd.

If you're still interested after reading the summary, give it a look.  Jus be prepared to be thinking long and hard about what you just watched...

A good Film, but another one that I'm not sure that I plan on watching ever again.  It's just so...so Yorgos.

In the Present (get it- it is Christmas time!), a guy finds a weird doll with a knife.
He doesn't throw it in the bin and leave, like a sane man.
He suffers from night terrors and vague fright that is easy to act out, but not actually explain.

He's freaked out when the Elf is on the Shelf.
Did I just violate copyright?
To make a long Movie short, we get...

Lots of arguing.

Lots of wandering around slowly.

Something about the guy seeing death as a kid.

The Elf starts to kill people...or so the Film implies.  You only see like 10% of what is supposed to happen.

Who will live?
Who will die?

Will this make me want to go into the Bathroom to cry and think about better Films?
Ho ho horrible.  I mean...I had to do that, right?

This one has potential.  There are over a dozen Puppet Master Films, a few of which are good.  There are what feels like 10,042 Christmas Horror Films.  I skipped over like 6 different Killer Santa Films to pick this one out.

Too late for a redo!

Director Justin Price has made a living doing Films that sound like other Films- like a one-man Asylum Studio.  Think I'm exaggerating?  Alien: Reign of Man.  The Mummy Rebirth.  The 13th Friday.

The biggest problem is that they just didn't have the money/production/wherewithal to put together a Film like this.  They use a CG Elf for one Scene and never again.  You get terrible POV mixed with shaky cam.  You get people holding a doll while a bunch of random slashing sounds are played.

When the Robert the Doll Franchise one-ups you, what does that say?

You made a bad Horror Film in the most boring way.  At least there's not a Sequel...oh, s#*t.

A Film that had potential and just kind of sucked.  I want these to be good- honest, I do!

Unfortunately, the only sanctuary is an abandoned Russian Bunker.
The insurgents- does that term still apply?- follow her in.

Things look bleak, before, well, they look even more bleak for both sides!
While she manages to get out of there (the Film would only be 30 minutes long if she didn't), she will of course have to go back once the scope of the danger is discovered.

Can she and her fellow fighters save the day?
A fun Creature Feature, but also one with a bit of nuance to it.  While his output has been mixed, Director Neil Marshall has lots of experience with this kind of Film.  After all, he made it big with Soldiers vs. Werewolves.

So, him and the rest of the people involved managed to get more out of this than you might think.  Everyone has an Arc, motivation and pay-off.  Not all of them are great, but they are all there.

The big appeal here is the Creatures, which I made sure not to SPOIL for you.  They are what you'd expect from Marshall, using freaky Practical Effects as much as possible.  They aren't the most unique things in the world, but I liked them quite a bit.

The Lair sounds pretty generic- especially with that Title!- but it still delivers lots of what you'd hope for, while adding a little bit of depth and pathos.

In Australia, a large Boar is on the loose and he's hungry.

You probably guessed that from the Title, right?
Can a family visiting for vacation be the ones to stop it?

How about the many Australian Character Actors?
Maybe the guy from Wolf Creek?

Nope- it's clearly Nathan Jones' job.  He's undefeated at WrestleMania, you know.

To find out, stream the Film.

Another fun creature feature, even if the Pacing is all sorts of weird.  For instance, our Leads appear pretty early in the Film (the first fifteen minutes).  After their one Scene, they vanish for *checks watch* 40 minutes?!?

That said, I enjoyed the Practical Effects quite a bit.  Early on, they tease it like Jaws (or Razorback).  As time goes on, they show more of it and it looks like a big, bloody Boar.  Good job.

This is even less about Plot than The Lair and much more about setting up people to be killed by the Boar.  Sometimes not even that, as we randomly meet Australian Kevin James and his girlfriend...just in time for them to be killed.  Good enough.

If you're not expecting more than Boar kills people, this is a winner!  If you want more, well, it's a Film about a Boar that is named Boar.  What did you expect?

Well, unlike Commenters thought, this ending is paid off.

Our Heroes are immediately shot by a Nazi spy...who is immediately shot by The Guy From Ballistica.

You couldn't have shot the bad guy like 20 seconds earlier?!?
The Nazis are still at it, but this time it is all about the magic.

It's vague and 'glowy,' with pretty much the same effects from Retro Puppet Master...a Film they made 18 years earlier.

All you need to know is that there's an evil lady and a dude, plus a random French Psychic.

A short man's...er poor man's Peter Dinklage is an Occult Expert who has to work with Logan on the case.

I could repeat my 'I smell a Sitcom' joke, but this Film was released as Episodes originally, so....
With magic and dark Science on their side, the Nazis seem hard to stop.

Can our Heroes save the day?
Can the sometimes important, but often neglected Puppets help them out?

Well, I'm pretty sure I know how the end of WWII happened, but to find out, stream the Film now.
Could I have gone another 7 years without watching one of these?  Well, it wasn't nearly that bad.

To be honest, the issue with these Films is that they are just so damn cheap looking and feeling.  I know that Full Moon isn't Marvel Studios.  Hell, it isn't even one of those Studios that makes Mumblecore Films.  Even so, it is just so...cheap looking.

A plus- they used CGI and people in suits to actually show you the Puppets moving in full frame.
A negative- they use CGI blood all of the time and I hate it.

To compensate, they put in lots of low-budget gore involving blood spray and the like.  I don't mind it, but some of the uses are weird.  They do this prolonged bit where a random Nazi Guard is mutilated, while a main Villain is just punched out and choked.  Huh?!?

At this point the Timeline of these- especially with the Comics too- is Swiss Cheese, but credit where credit is due for trying to wrap things up.  It's like putting a band aid on Hans Gruber after he falls from the Nakatomi Plaza (gotta work those Christmas jokes in now!), of course.

On the plus side, they kept the Werewolf Puppet and ditched the guy on the right.

At this point, it's probably better to just finish these Films off, right?  Well, unless someone famous died today...

An emergency call comes from them and they seem to disappear.
A group of Soldiers are called in to investigate.

Amongst the group, you have the Leader (Wesley Snipes), the erratic one (Seth Rollins) and the Lady (Anne Heche).

You also have the Lead, the guy with the tragic back-story, which brings us into Ballistica territory.
They look into what happened, eventually finding the bodies of all of the workers.

I hope you like looking at people looking at Screens.

It's as much fun as watching me write this.  Hi there, by the way.
Things heat up even more when they find an infamous Terrorist Cell Leader in the Facility.

He says that he was invited.

How is that true?
Can our Heroes figure out what is going on when it seems like their former comrades are chased by unseen being?

Can this Film pass the Bechdel Test if their two Female Characters never actually meet?
What secret will be revealed about The Temple?
Who will live?
Will this actually make sense by the end?

To find out, stream it now.  If only I could tell you where to watch it...
A Film with an interesting concept, but pretty dubious execution.  Oops, I said 'execution' about a Film set in a Prison.  Accident- honest.

Without SPOILing too much, things start to get weird and there is proven to be a connection between most of the people.  What are the odds of this?  The incident that connects them was not recent, so that just makes it all the more unlikely.  As Val Kilmer likes to say in that Meme- 'It just raises too many questions.'

The way the Film plays out is surprisingly-flat for how it's all set-up.  It's people wandering around.  It's people getting separated.  It's one guy- usually Rollins- being an asshole for no good reason.  It's lot of set-up and then a sudden rush to the end.

The way the events play out is also quite odd as the Film tries to be clever.  We see people watching Videos on a Screen, zoom into it and then see it play out in real time, before it cuts back.  It's kind of clever once.  The 5th time- much less so.

Armed Response is a Film with a bit of an identity crisis as it tries to be Political and an Action Film...and a Horror Film...and a Sci-Fi Film...and Psychological.  It's...alright.  At least it has a Gene Simmons Cameo- since it was co-Produced by a Company he owns...

AR is a bit of a strange mess.  That said, if you ever wanted to see Seth Rollins fight Anne Heche, your strange wish was granted in 2017.

The only Plot you get is that Shark-Human Hybrids that can walk on land.

You don't really SEE any of them...so...yea.
The Budget is...I'm going to guess $20 and a few cases of White Claw.

As such, you get mostly just POV Shots and 1/5 of a second shots of a puppet.  That and them clearly just squirting fake blood from a Ketchup Container onto random objects.

So here's one of the few funny shots.
Our 'Heroes' eventually go to track down the Sharks- who apparently just escape off-camera when they feel like it.

This just involves them wandering around for long, long takes.
Hey look- another funny shot.

It wasn't worth the wait, so you're welcome.
The pair finally track down the last one, who changes model from the puppet to the brief CGI Model, and kill it near a Cabin.

Plot Twist- the guy becomes a Human-Shark Hybrid.
Double Plot Twist- he dies in like 50 seconds.

We get some Sequel Bait and we're out.
Ouch.  Just ouch.

In 2017, there was only one Polonia Brother- Jon died in 2008- but the Films didn't slow down.  As such, Mark churned out copycat Film after copycat Film.  For instance, a Camp Killer Film with a Clown that has IT in the Title.  Ouch.

In contrast, this is just a piece of shit.  It's not funny.  It's not a ripoff.  It's just a series of unfunny 'Kill Scenes' with little payoff.  Yell at the camera.  Off-camera shark.  'Blood' squirted.  Yawn.

The fun of watching terrible CGI is barely-there.  It's just a chore to get through.  The Score- which I'm sure is stock and never matches the Scenes- is nice.  The Establishing Shots- which were clearly bought as Stock Footage- are also nice.

I guess points for using good stuff...but alot of points lost for making terrible stuff to surround it.  Why not just make a Film about the real Land Shark- it is still more convincing!

B

Next we see him as a College Professor that uses his formula to revive a dead cat (off-camera).

He's fired by his Boss (at Green Screen University, it seems) and kidnapped by...someone.
In classic Tell, Don't Show style, we are TOLD by a sudden, one-time Narrator about how 5 Commandos were sent (by someone we don't see) to capture the same Scientist, who took over the Base (off-camera).  He also says that 2 survived, so self-SPOILERS.

Said Commandos drive by an annoy a quartet of clichés (Jock, Stoner, Tech Girl and Dumb Girl).

All of them end up in the Base.
The group are told via Star Wars Prequel-style hologram by the Scientist (who now is a mix of Darth Vader and Emperor Palpatine).

He's going to unleash his Zombie Gas all over the World (alongside some EMPs that he apparently has).

He unleashes his mini-T-Rex...and it's immediately punched out by the lead Commando.

No, really.
The group wander around, but find out that the gas will turn people into Zombies.  I mean, if it revives dead things, why not...right?  Right?!?

They also take time to make bathroom jokes in the bathroom.  Joy.

At this point, this is one thing- a Dino Crisis Fan Film.
Why not just license that?
It all comes to a head as the survivors try to battle the never-scary T-Rex puppet and stop the gas attack.

Can they?

Should you just read the 2014 Book of the same name instead?

It's free, so see for yourself.
Oh boy, where do I begin?

The Story is not good.  It is cliché-riddled, silly and just plain dumb.  It's not presented well, with narration used as a storytelling crutch.

The Acting is not good.  It's all pretty amateurish, with everyone playing stock nothings.  The Script, as noted, did not help.

The Special F/X are not good.  The T-Rex Puppet looks alright (better than a CGI one by them would), but quickly loses its luster.  The constant, obvious green screen work is bad, bad, BAD.  So fake.

I get it- they had very little money.  When that is the case, make a Film that you can reasonably do.  Don't try to make a Film that would cost $50 million if you only have $50 thousand (give or take).  I encourage good Filmmakers to try...just much better than this.

A silly, kind of boring Film.  It's worth seeing if you want to see how silly and fake a low-budget Film can be.