The devil is within the details…just not in this movie. Today’s film is 666: The Demon Child. Long ago, I referenced this film and was warned against its terrible nature. Well, it’s me we’re talking about, so I saw it all the same. This actually came out before the Remake of The Omen in 2006, so it’s not a rip-off. Instead, it’s a bizarre and stupid movie about a killer demon baby. Let’s get right to the anger for the get-go. This movie is poorly-shot, poorly-lit and features the most annoying monster noise ever. In a recent Rifftrax release, a Christmas short featured a dissonant Accordion noise for one character as they walked. This is worse. I’ll get into it in more detail in the actual review, but, trust me, you’ll agree. The film involves a demon baby- who hatches from an egg- causing havoc for a team of ‘experts’ and ‘scientists’ who couldn't decipher a Rubix Cube!  This movie even has the terrible notoriety to appear in another bad movie- Ancient Evil 2: Guardian of the Underworld.  If you want to see just how much this can fail, read on...
 Using some sort of magic, he breaks a magical seal and reveals a clutch of giant Eggs.  This is about giant chickens now?  I wish, but no.
 Unfortunately, while disposing of the Eggs (which were locked up- I'm just saying), he runs afoul of a car driven by our 'heroes' and...someone gets run over in a way completely opposite to how it was set up.

Seriously, how does he do this?!?
Oh right- killer demon baby.  I should have seen that coming, huh?  That was my second guess.
With the crew being picked off by the baby- no, really-, the group sends one of their own out to get help.  They pick...the 76 year-old man?  You...you deserve the deaths you have coming, idiots!

Oh and despite being dead-tired and nearly dehydrated, the guy manages to dig a grave, dump a 200-lb body in it, close it and cover it in rocks.  You...you could have jogged the whole way there with that much energy, dumb-ass!
Our heroine kills the baby- after it's annoying triple-cry noise is heard 1,000,003 times- and goes to the other Indian guy, who's evil.

There are two Indians here- one evil and one good.  Thanks, lazy writing!
 She confronts the guy, who leads her to a Cave full of Eggs.  This means that the Earth is doomed to be overrun by 12-foot Demon Warriors.  I'd watch that movie...so that's The End.

Who the Hell requested you?  Today's film is 666: The Beast, a rip-off of a film...that doesn't really exist.  For one thing, it's rare that The Asylum makes sequels.  Hell, even when you would think that a film would lead to sequels- see Paranormal Entity- do not generally.  On the flip-side, films that you've probably never heard of- Killers- have a sequel!  Did you expect logic from the folks behind Nazis at the Center of the Earth?  So yeah, this is the sequel to 666: The Child, a film that only exists because someone decided to Remake The Omen in 2006.  In 2007, this film was hurriedly put together.  According to one source on IMDB, the film was put together in roughly 8 weeks.  That includes the Writing, Location Scouting, Set Design, Filming and Post-Production.  Why such a hurry?  Well, that's because Blockbuster needed their shitty movie- and they needed it yesterday!  As a bonus, this was apparently written as a safe, simple horror film originally.  However, the Christian funding fell through, so they added tits and gore to help sell it internationally.  Does this sell a recipe for success or failure?  To find out, read on...
Right off the bat, you have to accept something pretty big: adult Donald doesn't look ANYTHING like kid Donald.  Even The Asylum realized this, as shown by how they selected their flashback clips.
In the early scenes, this body appears to come to life and kill this Morgue Technician (who is the sister of Not Damien's bride).  Do they explain it?  Does it really matter?  No.
This ritual killing is clearly supposed to be really dramatic.  All I can think though is 'Why would a Satanic killer 'crucify' someone right-side up?'  The whole upside down crucifixion thing is kind of their deal.

As a bonus, she comes to life too, killing a Cop in the process.  It has zero pay-off.
In the actual story, Donald gets promoted to VP of *sigh* Global Corp.  No, really.

Oh and is it petty for me to point out that they clearly Photoshopped the lead's hairline forward?
Remember how I mentioned that tits and gore were written in at the last minute?  Yeah, it's pretty obvious.
  The whole investigative sub-plot dies a sudden death when the remaining Cop (who never mentions the other man's death) tails Evil Boss and gets killed by...um, evil people.  Bye pointless sub-plot!
Faster than you can say 'Anakin Skywalker,' Donald- who apparently forgot being evil as a kid- turns to the dark side.  They invested $50 into those red lights, so they're going to use them, dammit!
The climax of the film takes place in this Church as Not Damien must kill the Priests and stop his child from being born.  Blah blah prophecy blah blah priest kills.
 Donald takes out the 'priest fodder,' but dies like Damien in Omen III: The Final Conflict via dagger.  This leads to the most boring and drawn out ending since American Warships.

In a nutshell, it's 'there will be a sequel' talk.  Well, there's not.  The End.
It's not quite Hell on Earth.  This movie...is pretty disappointing.  The actual story is dry and really doesn't work like they think it does.  In a way, I'm both happy and annoyed that they decided to add the more salacious content.  On one hand, it helped me stay awake.  On the other hand, it comes the hell out of nowhere every single time.  It was clearly not added in any organic way to the story.  That said, the story itself has some serious issues.  Having that scene in the beginning with the seemingly-dead guy coming to life is a little confusing.  Was he really dead?  If so, how the hell is he the now the President of Global Corp?  Here's one- why the obsession with Isreal?  The film's plot involves Global Corp trying to buy up Israel's diamond rights...and somehow start World War III.  The film has David Michael Latt attached to it- the man behind The 9/11 Commission Report- and was originally written as a Christian-themed Thriller.  I get that Israel is important and all, but this whole 'Everything ties to Israel' thing is a big distraction.  Throw in random Satanic sacrifices and it just feels out of place.  The bottom line: this is an even more cheaply made Omen III.    On the plus side, they skipped right past Damien: The Omen Part II.  They lose points for this super-lazy sign though.
Up next, I take a look back into the early history of The Asylum.  If it looks like a film you saw recently, it is actually a coincidence this time!  Stay tuned...

The devil is in all of the silly, silly details.  Today's film is 666: The Child.  It's an Asylum film about Satan, not to be confused with Al Pacino.  Feel free to insert your own Devil Actor joke there as well, provided that it's not George Burns.  The film was made in 2006 to coincide with the release of the Remake of The Omen.  Fun fact: that film was released on June 6, 2006 (aka 666).  That makes it one of the few films released on a Wednesday (that wasn't a July 4th release).  I only remember because I thought 'Why would you release a movie on a Wednesday just for this stupid gimmick?!?'  I still think that.  Anyhow, this film has one thing that does terrify me: Sarah Lieving!  Seriously, is it considering stalking if she keeps appearing in films that I watch?  I'll try to get past my increasingly-sillier annoyance at this Actress that I've never met and give this film a chance.  It sucks, by the way.  To find out why, read on...
The first scare of the movie comes from the casting.  At least in a review of a film about the Anti-Christ, it's thematically-appropriate for me to say 'God Dammit!'
After a plane crash that The Asylum couldn't afford to show, a kid walks from the wreckage.  How he's unharmed?  How were his clothes/possessions unharmed?  Never explained.

Oh right- it's (Satanic) magic- you don't have to explain it!
Lieving plays a News Reporter who happens to be on the air when her crew gets a mysterious call to cover the accident.  This is a lame excuse to not hire a dozen Reporter Extras...but whatever.

Oh and get used to this face- you see it for most of the film.
The film is filled with a series of random, silly deaths.  In this one, a Nurse dares to have sex in the room next Damien...I mean, Donald.

Yeah, that pipe would totally kill you...and be hanging from the ceiling like that.
It sure was nice of DVD Cover Nun from The Devil Inside to make a cameo.  Thanks!

Oh and her pointless part just leads to the sad fact that The Asylum can't afford to run a dummy over with a car.  Sigh.
Not Damien shows how evil he is by standing around while random objects kill people.  Evil!  Somewhat-disconnected evil!
After lots more pointless deaths and silly scenes, Not Damien just flat out attacks his adopted Dad after he fires the Satanic Babysitter.  It's here that we see why Not Damien killed those two Dentists...
Seriously- a tongue tattoo?  Ugh.

To keep  with the rip-off tone, the adopted Dad is killed by a Cop before he can kill Not Damien.

Point 1: This is the Terrorist/Mexican/General guy.  Point 2: How is the Cop there after a single gunshot two minutes ago?
In the End, Donald ends up with the sister of his Stepmother, who is basically Martha Stewart.  This is...his whole plan, I guess.

On one last tangent, how much goodwill does Not Martha have after her dead sister's husband TRIED TO KILL DONALD.  Ask Chris Benoit's Dad about all of the good press he gets.  The End.
So that was some sort of evil.  The movie is not good.  It's a copy of a Remake of a film that was good once.  I do like the original film- I just hate the sequels.  The sequel- as I've mentioned- is pointless.  The third film is a silly wrap-up, featuring a scene where Sam Neil monologues to a statue of Jesus.  The fourth film is a made-for-TV film that ruins it all...by continuing things.  This film is much more like the original...in that it is the original.  It's The Omen, but made for $500 in Los Angeles and with no creativity.  The Evil Nanny actually does less, not even killing herself in this film.  In this film, she shows her tits, stands near Not Damien and then dies in the finale.  Most of the characters have even less to do.  Lieving, for as much as I dislike her here (and in most films) does little other than react to previous scenes, leave the film in the middle and die mostly off-camera.  So many things are just there to be there.  Not Damien's kills are usually out of revenge (Grandpa, Creepy Nun), covering his ass (Best Friend, Dentists) or Plot Convenience (Stepmother).  Why does he kill the Nurse and Doctor who have sex in the next room?  Lust is a sin, after all!  This whole thing is laughably-bad at times, but is still a bit of a chore to get through.  One scene does help a little though...
Next up, the sequel...kind of.  Given that it was apparently put together in two months, you can imagine the result.  Stay tuned...