Today is all about Labor.

Unless I've completely-misconstrued things, it is all about Women in Labor.  As such, here are the Top 12 Craziest Labor Scenes in Movies- some of which even feature Men!

12. Star Trek (2009): All in all, not the craziest thing you'll see here.  In the opening of this famous Reboot, a young Captain named Kirk has his Ship under attack by a guy named Nero.  He sends his wife away in an Escape Pod while she gives birth to his child.

The fact that the Dad is played by 'Thor'- bonus.

11. Children of Men: A poignant moment...for a change.  In this Sci-Fi Film, no Children have been born for 20 years!  As society falls apart, one man protects a pregnant woman wanted by many groups for many reasons.  In the middle of a literal war zone, she gives birth to her child.  When the baby cries, the Soldiers nearby stop- transfixed by the sound.

When else has a birth changed the course of society so much?

10. Men in Black: And now for something completely different.  As one of his early moments as a Man in Black, Agent J helps a man and his alien wife deliver their baby at roadside.  As it turns out, the baby is a bit of a cephalopod and swings him around like crazy.

9. It's Alive (1974): It is an adorable killer.  In the famous Opening to the Film, a man goes to see his Wife deliver his baby and finds chaos.  It turns out that her baby was born mutated and has sharp teeth.  It attacked the Doctors and Nurses before fleeing into the Sewers.

Kudos for giving us a Scene so famous that The Upright Citizens Brigade parodied it!
8. The Fly (1985): For all you thought that most babies look ugly when they first come out.  In the Cronenberg Classic, Gena Davis gives birth to her baby from Jeff Goldblum's Scientist.  Unfortunately, his DNA was mutated at the time of conception, so she gives birth to a larvae!

The worst part- it set up the underwhelming The Fly 2.

7. Shoot 'Em Up: This time with Comedy.  In this 2007 Action-Comeday, a mysterious man saves a woman as she gives birth in a Factory.  The baby is born during a shoot-out (what else?) and the man even 'cuts' the cord using his gun.

As a bonus, it is Clive Owen again.  How did that happen?

6. Dawn of the Dead (2004): Babies aren't always cute.  In the Zack Snyder Remake, this pregnant lady is bitten, but still delivers her kid.  Not surprisingly, it too is a Zombie.  How...not cute.

Come to Daddy!
5. Twilight- Breaking Dawn, Part 1: Can you blame me?  In this insipid Film, Vampire Edward and Human (so you say) Bella finally get married, go on their honeymoon and IMMEDIATELY get her pregnant by the time they get home.  That sure speeds things up!

With her half-Vampire baby inside of her, life for Bella is hard (for once!).  The actual delivery is ridiculous and full of fake blood.  It is so goofy that even the Stars can't take it seriously!
4. Junior: Arnold Schwarzanegger gets pregnant and gives birth.

Need I say more?

3. Xtro: All the proof that one crazy Greek man needs.  In this bizarre Film, a man is abducted by Aliens in front of his son.  He returns years later when a woman gets infected by something strange and gives birth at home...to a full-grown man.

Well, at least that doesn't happen again.
2. Warlock- The Armageddon: Oh right- it does.  In this Horror Sequel, the Son of Satan has come to Earth to start the End Times a little early by way of some Druid Stones.  I know- don't ask.  So how does he come to Earth?  By magically-impregnating a woman and being born, of course.

Yet again- gross and freaky.
1. Alien/Humanoids from the Deep (1980 and 1997): How can this NOT be Number 1?  In the Ridley Scott Classic, John Hurt gets a face-hugger (how adorable-sounding!) on his face, but recovers.  Later, he freaks out at Dinner and a chest-burster (less adorable-sounding) emerges.

This is such a good Scene that Roger Corman stole it- twice!  Yes, it counts if it is a Remake.

On the whole, this was much less painful than any of the Scenes listed.  Enjoy your day of Labor!

Why must you be so rare?  I will say this again- I really like Anthony Hickox.  Granted- his more recent filmography- including Seagal film Submerged- is not all that much to brag about.  Like other great Directors like Wes Craven and John Carpenter, he had a really good run that gives him a lot of leeway.  This was the film he made between the two Waxwork films and it unfortunately got very little fanfare.  It's implied that that film's release was undercut by the company behind its release- Vestron- was going to under around the time that this came out.  That probably didn't help, huh?  Regardless, the film has Bruce Campbell and David Carradine in it, so it's got enough star power to get a good DVD release.  I continue to hold out hope that films like this or Waxwork will get a Criterion Collection Release, but this will do for now.  The film tells the tale of a town of Vampires called Purgatory that invites some humans in for a job.  Unfortunately, tensions are brewing and shit is about to go down.  To get a mostly SPOILER-free glimpse, read on...
The town of Purgatory is a nice, far away place in Utah.  The people are nice and will never give you the back of their hand...
...but if they do, it will knock your head off!

So yeah, these Vampires have super-strength.  I've seen a film where Dracula shoots fireballs, so nothing phases me at this point.
Our heroes are a family led by the patriarch, who just happens to be a scientist who made a machine that can create artificial blood.  When it stops working right, they call him in to fix it.

None of this is suspicious to you?  None of it?  At all?  Okay then.
Bruce Campbell is here playing Van Hels...Van Hels- that's it.  He shows up to find Count Mardulak, the town's Leader.  But why?  I won't say...but you'll probably guess.
Speaking of which, Carradine is Count Mardulak.  You'll never guess who he really is.

No, he's not Alice Cooper.  He just also happens to sleep in a coffin like that!
Jeremiah (John Ireland) and Shane- well, this is a Western- are plotting behind Mardulak's back.  What their secret weapon is turns out to be cool...but implausible.  Seriously, Mythbusters pretty much touched on this at one point, albeit for a different reason.
Mardulak and Van Hels face-off.  Who will win?  Who will lose?  Wouldn't you like to know?
Who are our heroes pointing a gun at?  What is the guy's motivation?  Well, I will say this: he is a Vampire.
It comes down to a quick draw contest between the two Elder Vampires.  May the best Vampire win.

To find out who it is, watch the movie.  The End.
Everything about this is pretty damn cool.  Sundown is not a perfect film, but it deserves far more attention than it has gotten.  It is part Vampire film, part Western and part Comedy.  Is there another film that fits that bill?  Possibly, but I can't think of it.  The Cast is great, including Ireland, Carradine, Campbell and M. Emmet Walsh.  Bruce says in an Interview on the DVD that he took the film since he spent all of his money trying to get funding for The Man With the Screaming Brain.  He didn't care what the Script was- they were paying.  He lucked out, even if he had to film the movie in the Utah Summer.  The fact that they shot a Vampire film in the 'Mormon Homeland' is just an amusing bonus.  If you haven't seen this film, give it a look.  You may not be sure what the hell it is, but you'll probably going to like it.  If nothing else, enjoy this girl's poster selection- which includes Waxwork, Dracula A.D. 1972 and Theater of Blood...
Next up, a Criterion Collection film about Los Angeles.  Will it be even better if it has characters at proper scale?  Stay tuned...

At last, the sequel to one of the most underrated '80s films ever.  It's Waxwork II: Lost in Time, ladies and gentlemen!  While not as good as the original IMHO, it has a lot to offer.  It really embraces the ridiculous aspects of Sci-Fi and Horror.  That makes a bit more divisive of a film, as it usually goes for the joke over the scare/fright.  A lot of the movie has some genuinely-silly moments stuck in between the serious ones.  For example, while our heroine fights off an evil, killer hand, it squirts mustard all over her while the sounds of 'Take Me Out the Ball Game' play for about ten seconds.  There's a lot of moments like that, honestly.  The story takes a few liberties in its attempt to expand the Mythology- as it were- and some of them are silly.  Most of the story, however, goes on a logical flow from the first film.  Zach Galligan is back and he's brought a whole bunch of Guest Stars to mix things up.  Another difference is that the sequel's plot leads to more outright homages and/or parodies of films, as opposed to just featuring cameos by their characters.  Like I said, there is some division about this film, so let's try to settle it.  To find out which side you're on, read on...
The film begins right where the original left off, but you'll notice something off.

Yes, the original Actress in the Lead turned down the sequel, so they re-cast the part.  I feel for them, but they could have gotten someone who looked more like her (or at least the same height).
 The hand that escaped at the end tags along with our heroine.  It kills her Stepfather- in a cameo by George 'Buck' Flower- and nearly gets her.  She destroys it, leaving no evidence to exonerate her at a Trial.
 Desperate, the pair find a secret room belonging to the Grandfather and take a new portal to find evidence to free our heroine.  They pile on Through The Looking-Glass references here and they literally go 'down the rabbit hole.'

Yes, that is from the first Alice book and not the second.  It's still more canonical than Burton's film!
These portals place them literally in historical places and the rules have changed.  Our hero reunites with the girl- who got separated in the hole- and must escape the house of Frankenstein (not the film).  They get separated again, leaving her in the world of Alien (which will make *some* sense later) and him in a recreation of The Haunting with...
 Bruce F-ing Campbell!  Shit just got real good, yo!

In all seriousness, Galligan helps solve the mystery, but must continue on his journey to save our heroine.  The two meet back up, but unfortunately get captured in a fantasy world.  Galligan's guide is...
 David Carradine!  It's a Sundown: The Vampire in Retreat reunion, even if their scenes are separate.

He tells Galligan how to find the villain, who is also working for Satan.  As it turns out, these 'worlds' are dimension run by God and the Devil to determine who's winning the battle of good vs. evil.  Make sense.
The villain is involved in the dark arts, which leads him to do weird experiments (see below).

His ultimate plan: replace and kill King George (John Ireland in his last role).  The plan is thwarted by Galligan and the man is killed after a sword fight through portals leading to Invasion of the Body Snatchers, Nosferatu and Dawn of the Dead (which is key).
 After proving her innocence, she gets a delivery (in a plot point right out of Back to the Future: Part II) and takes a new portal watch to return to Galligan, who is now an Agent of God in the Multiverse (of sorts).
It's silly, but also silly fun.  Like Dr. Phibes Rises Again, it's a film full of plot holes and silliness.  In a lot of ways, it is harder to defend as a regular film.  With all of that said, it is very fun.  It is best to look at the film as a good time and nothing more.  The film really plays with the overall concept set up in the first film, which I don't mind.  I love The Haunting section, especially because of Bruce Campbell.  I just love that out of the 1,000s of films out there to recognize, they picked that one.  If I ever get the chance to make a crazy film that references other Horror/Sci-Fi Films, I'll make sure to 'pay it forward' to Waxwork/Waxwork II.  I will also say that it's interesting to see how much they could do with what I'm sure was a small budget.  They do a condensed version of Alien- that's just for one section.  It's obvious that they only made one suit (a la Attack of the Giant Crab Monsters), but it's still effective.  If you can accept that this film just wants to have fun, you can have some yourself.  If you're going to be picky, the film is silly and full of holes.  Take, for example, this Revealing Shot...
Next up, a two-part look at a Director mistakenly returning to his previous work over a decade later.  First up, a new city gets returned to...but it seems familiar.  Stay tuned...

Anthony Hickox had a great few years.  Don't get me wrong- he still Directs films every now and then.  That said, he had a great run from 1988- his Directorial debut- to about 1993.  He made a bunch of kick-ass films- including Warlock 2 and Sundown: The Vampire in Retreat- and I love him for that.  It's a shame that his career has devolved to the point where he has a Seagal film- Submerged- on his Resume.  Let's enjoy the good times though, shall we?  Waxwork is the first film he Directed and it's awesome.  It's stylish to a fault at times, sure, but I just love the damn thing.  It has the same effect as The Abominable Dr. Phibes- I love it so much that it makes me forgive a lot of faults with the Sequel.  This is actually comparable in many ways to Phibes, as it is a 'hipster' version of classic tropes and stories.  If you have a reason for doing this, I like it.  If you don't, I hate it.  Make sense?  Good.  Waxwork is an excuse to put a ton of crazy, Horror characters into one film and, well, do you need to know more than that?  It has Dracula, a Werewolf, a Mummy, The Marquis De Sade, Night of the Living Dead Zombies and more.  If you haven't seen it, see it.  If you want to go in blind, don't read further.  Sadly, the film seems to only be available on an old DVD that collects both films with zero in the way of Special Features.  While Hollywood hopefully solves this dilemma, read on...
A bunch of hipsters- led by Zach Galligan- are going to College.  They...really have no plans, other than smoking, bickering and having sex.

Oh and they do the 'rich people talking at a giant dinner table' joke a year before Batman.  Suck it, Burton!
In a scene right out of Demons (another reason I love it), a man (David Warner) invites our heroes to his Waxwork for a private party.  What could go wrong?
As it turns out, the displays are a vessel used to kill people and harvest their souls.  To make the film only 90 minutes long, we don't get to see all of them.

Honestly, if I had the money and resources, I'd make a film showing the other dozen or so exhibits and how the people died.  It would have no drama, but it would rock!
Miles O'Keefe is here as Dracula.  I actually really like him here, which is something considering that he's in three of the four Ator films.
As it turns out, Warner killed one of Galligan's relatives is doing this to help Satan.  He needs eighteen exhibits to be activated since 6 + 6 + 6 = 18.  Math is evil, kids!

A key plot point here is also that the exhibits hold an artifact that the person/creature once held in life.  Bear that in mind for later.
All of the creatures are brought to life via cheating, but a squad of old men- led by Galligan's grandfather- come in to fight them.  This battle is sadly-short-changed in the long run, but the logistics involved make me accept it.
One of the exhibits' inhabitants is a killer alien.  No, really.  See why I meant about remembering the 'objects held in life' bit earlier now?

Yes, the killer baby, man-eating plant (Little Shop of Horrors reference) and snake-mutant thing I accept, but this seems silly.
 Highlights of the fight include Galligan killing a Werewolf, the killer baby being exploded by a shotgun and this guy taking out Dracula as he tries to flee.  Boom goes the dynamite!
In The End, Galligan and our heroine are the sole survivors.  Who will believe their tale?  What will they do next?  Why does a wandering Zombie hand seem important?  To find out...read about the sequel.
As you can see, I have really weird taste.  Waxwork is quirky, bizarre and has a goofy plot.  I still love it.  If anything, that's why I love it.  It's ironic and post-modern, while not making that the only thing of note.  So much of Ironic Horror/Sci-Fi/Action is just about the gimmick, be it Scream's Meta plot or other silly stuff.  At this point, we mostly remember those films for those elements, but forget most else.  That's not to say that the films are bad.  For those of us that remember Waxwork, we remember for all of the crazy shit that goes on.  There is so much to love if you are so inclined here.  I couldn't even begin to cover some of the weird, wacky and wonderful moments, even with my choice of expanded pictures.  I have at least a dozen more shots that didn't make the cut, sadly.  It says something that in a film with a guy sword-fighting the Marquis De Sade, John Rhys Davies becoming a Werewolf and a Mummy that crushes a man's head under his boot that I can focus on stuff like 'Why does the Invisible Man kill this lady with a gas hose?!?'
Up next, the sequel- which is on the same disc anyhow.  It's a lot sillier, but I still love a lot of it.  Stay tuned...

Are you there, Seagal's voice?  Today's film is Submerged, a movie about Seagal on a submarine.  Well, it worked before!  The downside here is that this is an Anthony Hickox film.  No, don't get me wrong- his Resume is not spotless.  He's become a 'Work-for-Hire' Director a la Lucio Fulci- only he's mostly done Direct-to-Video Action Films.  That said, he's responsible for Waxwork, Waxwork II, Sundown: The Vampire in Retreat and Warlock: The Armageddon.  Basically, if you judge his career solely on his work between 1988 and 1993, he's fucking awesome!  Regardless, he's done a Seagal film.  It happens to the good Directors- i.e. Siu-Tung Ching- every once in a while.  So what is the film about?  Well, the plot involves an evil Doctor, mind-controlled marines and a submarine...kind of.  The film's title and marketing are a bit misleading...which I will get into further down.  What you need to know is that Seagal's old tricks are in play, but the Direction is good.  Can the good outweigh the bad?  To find out, read on...
Somewhere in Paraguay, a U.S. Drone is watching a military base.  In Argentina, the U.S. Ambassador is watching the feed.  With the flick of a switch, an evil Doctor activates his mind-controlled men to kill everyone- including themselves.

Joy.
Gary Daniels is here, playing the lead mind-controlled Marine.  He's captured after the opening and left behind as a Trojan Horse.  Who can save him?
Naturally, it's Seagal, seemingly re-using his attire from Half Past Dead, who was locked up for doing something wrong.

Nah, just kidding.  It was all political...since Seagal characters have all of the nuance of plain white paper!
He assembles his team- which is only notable for including a spicy Latina and Vinnie Jones- and they rescue the Marines.

The best part- he knows that one guy is a double-agent...based on a scene that's not shown.  He's right- since it's Seagal- but could you have bothered to show us this at all?!?!?
The Marines break out and kill a few of Seagal's less-interesting men before building up to a Gary Daniels/Steven Seagal face-off.  This should be...over in one minute and be one-sided.

According to Gary Daniels, the fight scene was re-choreographed by Seagal on the day of shooting.  Who's surprised?  Nobody?
At 49 minutes into this 90 minute film (with Credits), the Submarine is blown up by an Aircraft carrier.  Barely halfway through the film and the key set-piece is abandoned.  Ugh.

Remember when Texas Chainsaw Massacre took place in Washington, D.C. for the second half?  No, of course you don't!
The rest of the film takes place in Paraguay- with Argentian flags visible- and the team takes out most of the bad guys.

I should mention that the bad guys are actually three people- a C.I.A. Agent, a Businessman and the Doctor- and they work against each other.  Confused much?
 Naturally, Seagal wins the day, but loses Vinnie Jones in the process.  It's also important to note that Seagal takes out a random black guard before the main villain.  Who was that guy?  Why was he important?

The best part: Seagal kicking the Agent fifteen feet backwards through glass.  Even for you, that's silly!
 Since we have to have sequel-bait, we do.  Given that the person controlling the drones is dead, I don't see the suspense here.  The End.
Seagal's voice is not the only thing missing in action here.  With so much crap going on, I didn't really address the ADR issue here.  Roughly 1/3 of the Seagal's dialogue is done by someone else.  All I can figure is that this had to do with the Seagal/Millennium Films issue.  While he's already proven himself to be a lazy ass, it's somewhat easy to see why he might back out of going into an Audio Booth.  The good part- the Direction.  It may sound like I'm just trying to defend the Director, but he does do a good job.  The movie has a good style to it...which is only ruined a bit by its star and his quirks.  It would be nice to see a Hickox film of a similar style with a star who can actually do shit on screen.  It's basically my same complaint from Belly of the Beast, in other words.  The film has so much promise and could have actually been good.  The idea of mind-controlled drones battling a group of military men could be great.  Hell, they have good people in it like Daniels- who just gets shit roles general- and Jones.  Is there a way to re-Edit the film around Seagal?  In the meantime, enjoy this film for its promise and see how Seagal's fat ass smothers it.  More shadows, dammit!
Next up, Seagal works to rescue a plane.  What he can't rescue, however, is all of the stock footage they stole in the first place!  Stay tuned...