Rare Exports: A Christmas Tale (2010) dir. Jalmari Helander
Starring: Onni Tommila, Jorma Tommila

***½

By Greg Klymkiw

While it is an indisputable truth that Jesus is the reason for the season. the eventual commercialization of Christmas inevitably yielded the fantasy figure of Santa Claus, the jolly, porcine dispenser of toys to children. Living with his equally corpulent wife, Mrs. Claus, a passel of dwarves and a herd of reindeer at the North Pole, Santa purportedly toils away in his workshop for the one day of the year when he can distribute the fruits of his labour into the greedy palms of children the world over. Is it any wonder how we all forget that Christmastime is to celebrate the birth of Our Lord Baby Jesus H. Christ?

In the movies, however, we have had numerous dramatic renderings of the true spirit of Christmas - tales of redemption and forgiveness like the Alistair Sim version of A Christmas Carol, Frank Capra's immortal It's a Wonderful Life and Phillip Borsos's One Magic Christmas, but fewer and far between are the Christmas movies that address the malevolence of the season celebrating Christ's Birth. There's the brilliant Joan Collins segment in the Amicus production of Tales From the Crypt, the Silent Night Deadly Night franchise and, perhaps greatest of all, that magnificent Canadian movie Black Christmas from Bob (Porky's) Clark.

And now, add Rare Exports: A Christmas Tale to your perennial Baby-Jesus-Worship viewings! This creepy, terrifying, darkly hilarious and dazzlingly directed bauble of Yuletide perversity takes us on a myth-infused journey to the northern border between Finland and Lapland where a crazed archeologist and an evil corporation have discovered and unearthed the resting place of the REAL Santa Claus. When Santa is finally freed from the purgatorial tomb, he runs amuck and indulges himself in a crazed killing spree - devouring all the local livestock before feeding upon both adults and children who do not subscribe to the basic tenet of Santa's philosophy of: "You better be Good!" A motley crew of local hunters and farmers, having lost their livelihood, embark upon an obsessive hunt for Santa. They capture him alive and hold him ransom to score a huge settlement from the Rare Exports corporation who, in turn, have nefarious plans of their own for world wide consumer domination. How can you go wrong if you control the REAL Santa?

There's always, however, a spanner in the works, and it soon appears that thousands of Claus-ian clones emerge from the icy pit in Lapland and embark upon a desperate hunt for their leader. These vicious creatures are powerful, ravenous and naked. Yes, naked! Thousands of old men with white beards traverse across the tundras of Finland with their saggy buttocks and floppy genitalia exposed to the bitter northern winds. For some, this might even be the ultimate wet dream, but I'll try not to think too hard about who they might be.

All cultures, of course, have their own indigenous versions of everyone's favourite gift-giver and this eventually led to the contemporary rendering of the Santa Claus we're all familiar with. Finland, however, absorbed in considerable wintery darkness for much of the year, insanely overflowing with rampant alcoholism and being the birthplace of the brilliant Kaurismäki filmmaking brothers, is one delightfully twisted country. It's no surprise, then, that the Finns' version of jolly old Saint Nick is utterly malevolent. As presented in this bizarre and supremely entertaining movie, Santa is one demonic mo-fo!!!

Directed with panache by the young Finnish director Jalmari Helander (and based on his truly insane short films), Rare Exports: A Christmas Tale is one unique treat. It's a Christmas movie with scares, carnage and loads of laughs. Helander renders spectacular images in scene after scene and his filmmaking vocabulary is sophisticated as all get-out. In fact, some of his shots out-Spielberg Spielberg, and unlike the woeful, tin-eyed JJ Abrams (he of the loathsome Super-8), I'd put money on Helander eventually becoming the true heir apparent to the Steven Spielberg torch. Helander's imaginative mise-en-scène is especially brilliant as he stretches a modest budget (using stunning Norwegian locations) and renders a movie with all the glorious production value of a bonafide studio blockbuster. The difference here, is that it's not stupid, but blessed with intelligence and imagination.

While the movie is not suitable for very young children, it actually makes for superb family viewing if the kiddies are at least 10-years-old (and/or not whining sissy-pants). Anyone expecting a traditional splatter-fest will be disappointed, but I suspect even they will find merit in the movie. Most of all, Moms, Dads and their brave progeny can all delight in this dazzling, thrilling Christmas thriller filled with plenty of jolts, laughs, adventure and yes, even a sentimental streak that rivals that of the master of all things darkly wholesome, Steven Spielberg.

You have hereby been warned:

You better watch out,
you better not cry,
you better not pout,
I'm telling you why,
Santa Claus is coming to town,
with razor-sharp big teeth,
a taste for human flesh,
he knows if you've been bad or good,
and he likes to eat kids fresh. Hey!

Or in the words of Tiny Tim: "God Bless us, everyone."

"Rare Exports: A Christmas Tale" is currently available in a superb Bluray and DVD from the Oscilloscope Pictures (and distributed in Canada via the visionary company VSC). I normally have little use for extra features, but this release is one of the few exceptions. It includes Helander's brilliant shorts and some truly informative and entertaining making-of docs.This is truly worth owning and cherishing - again and again!

White Christmas (1954) dir. Michael Curtiz
Starring; Bing Crosby, Danny Kaye, Rosemary Clooney, Vera-Ellen

**

By Alan Bacchus

Irving Berlin’s song ‘White Christmas’ is an endearing classic – cited by many music sources as the best selling single of all time. The song was recorded by Bing Crosby and released in 1941 and even appeared in the Bing Crosby starrer ‘Holiday Inn’ that same year. But in 1954, Paramount fashioned the single as well as a number of other Berlin songs into the lavish Vistavision Technicolor musical.

Unfortunately, the success of the song not withstanding, the film is a drab and overlong tepid musical, with aging stars and an aging director. It’s a lengthy two hour buddy picture depicting the professional relationship of two old war buddies Bob Wallace (Crosby) and Phil Davis (Kaye) who become a song and dance act. The duo get tricked into auditioning a sister act Betty and Judy (Clooney and Vera-Ellen). Though Bob is resistant Phil who quickly falls in love head over heals lobbies to take them on.

The foursome then retreat to a chalet in Vermont to relax and ‘enjoy’ each other’s company. But when the hotel manager turns out to be Bob and Phil’s old army General, now a shadow of his former authoritative self, the foursome engineer a massive televised musical jamboree featuring the famous titular song to raise his spririts.

Michael Curtiz (‘Casablanca’ ‘The Sea Hawk’, ‘Angels Have Dirty Faces’) is one of my favourite directors, but by 1954, he was long past his prime and it shows. For a musical, his camerawork is surprisingly stodgy and inert. Of course, Curtiz was not known for musicals other than his classic ‘Yankee Doodle Dandy’ which is less a traditional musical than a showcase for the singular singing and dancing talents of James Cagney.

To his credit, Curtiz does not have much to work with here and there is no one of the caliber of Cagney to support the material. His two stars are as dull as dishwater. Bing Crosby, 49 at the time of the making of the picture, shows his age. Sure Bing was a great crooner, but as a romantic lead, he was just too short, and knobby eared even in his youth for him to carry a picture. His costar Danny Kaye, well… never was the most masculine of actors, and thus is miscast as the handsome swooning romantic.

And so their two leading ladies Rosemary Clooney and Vera-Ellen look like poor spinsters suffering under a false arranged marriage. Looking back into the history of the film, it seemed to originate as a vehicle for Fred Astaire and Bing Crosby to reunite. If this was the case, then Bing would have had the chops of Astaire to rely upon. Unfortunately Astaire was even older than Bing and so, in 1954 that wouldn’t have worked either. A young Donald O’Connor, on the other hand, was at one point tapped for the Danny Kaye role, which would have been ideal.

Other than the ‘let’s put on a show’ motivations, the underlying theme of the film is the loyalty and camaraderie formed by men in battle. The opening musical sequence is a somber reflection on war and the contrast of our humanistic inner emotions and the horrors of battle. In the end the duo, though now successful and famous, still are subordinate and penitent to their army superiors. The depiction of the General in civilian mode is perhaps meant to remind society of the heroism these ordinary people in society once did for their country and to heed us not to forget these sacrifices.

That’s about the only redeeming theme to take from this indigestible and dated musical.

A 2-Disc Special Edition of White Christmas” is available on DVD from Paramount Pictures Home Entertainment

Miracle on 34th Street (1947) dir. George Seaton
Starring: Maureen O’Hara, Edmund Gwenn, Natalie Wood, John Payne

***

The title of this picture is a bit of a misnomer. The film is certainly no miracle, nor are there any profound miracles in the story. The story of the real Santa who inadvertently becomes a fake Santa in the Macy’s Day parade who then has to prove he’s the real Santa in order to get himself out of an insane asylum is a decent Christmas flick. A kind of like Frank Capra-light , with unabashed humanist sentimentalism but without the dramatic and emotional gravitas which gives you those warm fuzzies in the Christmas season.

A jolly old portly guy with a white beard and red suit (Edmund Gwenn) happens to walk into the New York Macy’s Day parade one November afternoon. He happens to bump into Doris Walker (Maureen O’Hara) the rational thinking business woman who's managing the event. When the hired parade Santa shows up drunk, she’s quickly convinces this other kind gentleman who happens to be wearing the outfit to take his place.

The man’s name happens to be Kris Kringle and is thus the real Santa. After the ceremony, Kris is hired to become the permanent department store Santa at Macy’s. But Kris keeps insisting he’s the real Santa. When Doris and her superiors start to realize he’s not just method acting and that he actually believes he’s Santa he’s sent to the looney bin. But Kris is so effective as the department store Santa, who speaks to the children and adults with a refreshingly honest and optimistic tone. Kris develops a relationship with Doris’ daughter Susan (Natalie Wood) who has been taught all this time that there is no Santa. When Susan is encouraged to just ‘believe’ this causes conflict with the rationally thinking Doris. Eventually when the trial against Santa begins everyone’s faith in myths and joy of the yuletide season are put to the test.

The trio of Edmund Gween, Maureen O’Hara and Natalie Wood form a solid foundation of Christmas warmth. The portrayal of Doris as a single working mother could be seen as a very progressive characterization of women. She could be seen as doing man’s work, but it’s never referenced, and her upbringing of Susan on her own is admirable and years ahead of its time. O’Hara, the radiant curley haired Irish beauty and favoured John Ford-player is both matronly and cool-confident. Natalie Wood, then a precocious child actor, has the spark of the greatest child actors in Hollywood history. She exudes both innocence and maturity. And Gween, who won an Oscar as Santa is really the final word on Santas on films.

If anything, the story relies too heavily on the trial of Santa, and leads up to the rather silly legal technicality which gets Kris Kringle off. When the postal workers march up into the courtroom and dump all the Santa letters on the judge’s table it doesn’t exactly resound with a cinema aura of goodness, it feels more an attempt at Capra-esque charm.

One can’t help compare “It’s a Wonderful Life” with ‘The Miracle on 34th Street’. Both were made a year apart, and featured shamelessly virtuous titles. If anything, what “Miracle” lacks in miracles it is makes with its modernist view on consumerism and it thus worthy, but not the final word on Christmas movies.

Both the original 1947 “Miracle on 34th Street” and its 1994 remake are available on Blu-Ray from 20th Century Fox Home Entertainment

The Family Stone (2005) dir. Thomas Bezucha
Starring: Sarah Jessica Parker, Diane Keaton, Dermot Mulroney, Luke Wilson, Rachel McAdams

***1/2

What the hell am I reviewing a Christmas film in September? I don’t know, but it was on TV, and I watched it. In fact, I saw it in the theatre when it was released and it still holds up as a fine Christmas film even after two viewings. It’s the classic situation – stuck-up conservative urban woman visits the liberal small town family of her boyfriend. Politics and cultures clash and then they ultimately make up and find mutual ground amid the joy of the holiday season. That’s only the tip of the iceberg though, there’s lot of surprises I couldn’t see coming, not to mention some razor-sharp and complex dialogue exchanges between the characters. It’s a quality film.

Meredith Morton (Sarah Jessica Parker) and Everett Stone (Dermot Mulroney) are a New York City power couple who travel to Everett’s upstate New York family home to spend their holidays. When Meredith arrives, Everett’s parents, Kelly and Sibyl (Craig T. Nelson and Diane Keaton) and their full house of grown children gather around the window to watch and judge her every movement. The rumours of her conservative uptightness are confirmed when she steps out wearing high heels and carrying designer luggage. The main antagonizer is Amy Stone (Rachel McAdams). She is relentless in giving Meredith a hard time. A difficult and embarrassing game of charades results in the first major outburst from Meredith. She’s so upset she calls in her sister Julie (Claire Danes) to help her through the weekend.

When Everett announces to his family he wants to propose to Meredith suddenly a line is drawn in the sand and ultimatums are fired. No one thinks Meredith and Everett are right for each other and we suspect not even Everett himself, who may be proposing just to spite his disapproving mother. Over the course of the weekend they grow apart, new loves flourish, and life-changing news is revealed resulting in several twists of plot and character.

Sophomore writer/Director Thomas Bezucha has attracted a large pool of relatively expensive talent on the strength of a tight script, great dialogue and many well-drawn characters. He juggles half a dozen plotlines with ease and uses clever transitions between scenes. He often ends a scene on a question from one character, which is answered by another character in the next scene. It’s probably been done before, but it’s particularly effective in this film. Bezucha crafts some wicked group dialogue scenes as well – the charades scene as noted, but also the dinner scene where the subject of Sybil’s gay son is brought up. Meredith doesn’t disapprove of same-sex marriage, but she manages to dig herself a deep deep grave with a series of unintentional bigoted remarks. The editing and direction of the actors in the scene is impressive, especially for a sophomore.

In the third act, when relationships change and new love blossoms, the film dives into some substandard slaptickism, which doesn’t work considering the intelligence and tone of the first half of the film. But it’s the characters and their individual stories that keep our interest to the end. Casting is also king here as the quality supporting performances are supplied by Claire Danes, Paul Schneider and Brian White.

I’ll re-post this at Christmas to remind you of this decent rental to get you in the holiday mood. Enjoy.

Buy it here: The Family Stone (Widescreen Edition)