Chocolate is not the only fruit

On Friday morning a very excited boy will wake up and remind us all that it is his birthday. We have agreed that he can blow out the candles on his birthday cake before he goes to school and he will have waffles with some chocolate spread on them as a special birthday treat. He will get a badge and card in assembly in the afternoon and all the children and teachers will sing to him. After school he will go to swim club and at Beavers this week they will go tree climbing - which he is terribly excited about. While he is at school all day me and Hubbie will build his new desk and set up his bedroom with all the new things we have for him.


I will spend a lot of the day baffled that my baby is now 6 years old. That since the day he was born there hasn't been a moment when I haven't looked at him in disbelief that he is real. This boy who still puts his fingers in his mouth when he's tired and who has those big brown eyes that give away the mischief that he has in mind.

His first year was just a blur, but I remember our house being filled floor to ceiling with presents for our 3 month old son that first Christmas. His birthday was about the same and as we'd not long moved into this house (9 days after his first birthday) it was a bit chaotic too.

When he was 2 he was apoplectic with us for cutting his racing car cake as he thought it was a toy car. We had a family party for him and he loved all the toy cars he received as well as plenty of gifts from all our lovely family and friends.

On his 3rd birthday we held a birthday party for his nursery friends which involved a dozen kids in our garden and my fantastic friend SJ made mini cupcakes that left all the kids with blue tongues - now that is what I call a party !! I swore blind I've not have a party at home again just on the basis that it seemed a great idea, until everyone was actually here !

At his 4th we decided to surprise him with a sports party and when he arrived and saw all his class there he looked like he would turn on his heel and run away. Thankfully he didn't take off and we enjoyed a fun party with all his new friends.


Last year we all went bowling on his birthday. Blue Bear wasn't so sure about what was going on, but Brown Bear was super competitive and got quite cross when he wasn't winning. His big celebration was a pool and pizza party which I'd wanted to do for ages. The kids seemed to enjoy it and who doesn't like pizza ? Not anyone I want to be friends with that's for sure.

This year despite promising we'd keep things simple we've planned a party with street dance and mini Olympics. As he's going to be at school on the actual day we are taking the boys to Legoland at the weekend for the first time and he is beyond excited about it.

I look at my son and can't believe that my baby boy can now do his own tie, he can read, he holds conversations with me. He is thoughful, resourceful and brave. All this week we have been receiving parcels and cards in the post and this afternoon and evening neighbours dropped off presents for him. He's continued to be thoroughly spoiled by everyone and loved beyond my wildest imaginings.

So now you are six son. I'm inordinately proud of you and baffled by how fast the time has flown. Oh and I still think you will be taller than me by the time you're ten !

I promised when we were on the Anthem of the Seas that I would give you a detailed review of what we saw and did on the ship. It's taken me a while to formulate this and to take in all of the things we did. I was talking to my boy the other day about our 'mini-cruise' and he said, "Can we go on another cruise please Mummy ? On another ship next time ?" Well, I can't promise, but it certainly made an impression on the little chap and you can see why.


We arrived at the Southampton station to take the free transfer to the dock and popped our bags into the luggage hold and settled back. It took only a few minutes and when we arrived it took very little time to go through the airport style security as we had checked in already online. Armed with his Trunki and my wheelie luggage (borrowed from the in-laws) we made our way to board the ship. There was another check point before boarding and as soon as we were on board staff very kindly helped us with bags and directed us to the lifts to find our stateroom. It was ready for us and we had these groovy wristbands to use to unlock the doors and to pay for anything on board as they were registered to my account on board. My boy loved his band so much he wouldn't take it off at all !


We decided to explore the ship and found the Seaplex zone where my boy fell in love with this seat made of skateboards and we admired the bumper cars. He was too young to go on them as he's under 5, but riding in the static ones parked outside the rink still made him happy. We went to check what the age restriction was on the skydiving and he was old enough to take part so we both did it. He told me afterwards that it was quite scary, but I told him how brave he was and that I was very proud of him for trying something new.






I practically had to peel my boy out of bed in the morning and as we had to disembark soon and I wanted to make sure we had something to eat and took one last stroll around the ship. It was much quieter and we enjoyed our breakfast with a view of Southampton and the other ships in dock. With a bit of time to spare he started watching Annie on the TV in our stateroom, but we didn't get to finish watching so I promised to get it for him when we got back. The movies were great and I watched The Imitation Game and he also watched Big Hero 6 while we were on board. It was so handy having access to movies in the room. With so much to do you can still have some time just relaxing and watching the ocean out of the balcony or a movie in the room.


We loved the quirky little touches on the ship - like the funky animal pictures in the lifts and these hands on the bar - is that the literal interpretation of 'all hands on deck ?'  We had a wonderful taste of what a cruise might be like and I can see us enjoying a holiday on a cruise ship as a family. There is so much to do and it just is not possible to get bored. In just a couple of days I was able to relax, learn new things, spend time with my son and we both got to make new friends. I can only imagine how much more we would do in a week or even longer.

Disclosure: The lovely folks at Royal Caribbean invited us to try out their latest ship, Anthem of the Seas on a 'shakedown' cruise. Thanks also to Mumsnet for inviting us. 

I've set myself a new challenge - not one that involves dancing for hours or running or walking to raise money for charity. This is one where I am going to give something up. I've done it before so I know it's possible. The last time was out of necessity, this time it is out of embarrassment and mostly shame.

I've been declutturing our home for years now. At the weekend I decided it was time to take a serious look at the cupboard filled with shoes and bags to see if there was anything that could be gotten rid of. Turns out there is quite a lot. On a massive scale. I mean to a degree that I find so cringe-making I'd be making jokes if it didn't make me look like such a dope. So here is the unedited truth.

I have enough handbags to use a different one every week of the year - and the majority of them have never been used.

You know you've heard this instruction on airlines before and you know it makes sense, but is it only me who thinks deep down that it wouldn't feel right to tend to myself before my kids ? Not because of some martyr complex, but because that's how some of us are hard-wired. The concept of putting your oxygen mask on first in order to help others is not one that I've ever been able to embrace. It makes sense of course - you are better equipped to help others if you are in good health yourself. However I will always ensure the boys are fed first and that their things are all ready. That means having all the clothes washed, meals planned and family planners completed so we all know who is supposed to be where. If this sounds terribly organised and selfless don't be fooled it's all to make life easier for me. I have to know that the meals are sorted so that no one is hungry and therefore grumpy. If I've arranged the clothes it means that no one ends up going to watch football without shoes on - yes this actually happened on the rare occasion when I handed over responsibility to Hubbie. More to the point if I have done all the planning I know that they are taken care of before I then take a break for myself.

Only that break for myself doesn't actually happen. The boys go to football, or to school, or work and while I tell myself I'll sit down and eat something shortly I find yet more things to do around the house. It can be hours later before I do get something to eat and by then I'm a bit woozy and more than a little grumpy. Irritation seems to be my ever present emotion and tiredness my default state of mind. I spend so much time organising everyone else's lives that it leaves me with no time to actually have a life of my own. Last weekend I was on a mini cruise with my older boy and at one point I had about an hour to myself. I didn't have any meals to prepare or anyone to get ready or any cleaning to do and I had no idea how to fill the time. So, I decided to fulfil a lifetime ambition and learn trapeze. As you do. It was still a bit weird doing something for myself though.

I fly through the air with the greatest of ease... sort of

A while back we were visiting friends and we were talking about the differing approaches we have to parenting. She said that she will make sure her son is fed first then get something herself - as I do. He said he will get himself something to eat so that he is in a fit state to care for his boy and to meet his needs. Both make sense of course, but it still struck me that putting yourself before your child is not something I would be comfortable with.

I'm not just about doing for my kids and Hubbie though. This is an attitude I've had for many years. It's also not about being noticed or praised for philanthropic deeds, it's a pathology. Years ago I bought tickets to a gig and invited a chap who I fancied who I knew liked the band too. He joined me and I was absolutely delighted as he thanked me for the tickets, but then he went on to a party afterwards without so much as a backward glance. I felt a bit of a dummy if I'm honest. I always used to make an effort - and still do - to do nice things for people. The people I love do that same. My sister knows I love Ruffles - those raspberry and coconut chocolate bars that you used to only get in small newsagents and Woolworths - so when she sees them she always buys them for me. It may seem a small thing, but it's a lovely thought and one that I think shows real consideration.

Oh Ruffles I love you so

I am working on this whole putting my oxygen mask on first. My to do list was enormous today, but I decided to go for a swim instead of doing all of the things on it. That is surely a bit of progress ? Putting myself first instead of the tyranny of the list ? Well, maybe it is the beginning of something.

Now I've actually swung on a trapeze anything is possible.

Now this is how to choose your food in a restaurant. I suspect the coolness and nostalgia was entirely wasted on my boy.

Jamie's italian retro menu for kids

In the Bionic Bar these robots mix any cocktail of your choice - including a few non-alcoholic ones.

The machines are mixing our drinks now

Yep I had a spa treatment and went out for dinner - pampered and primped :)

A rare attempt at glamour

The Killer Queen

My new office (I wish)

Disclosure: We were invited on a 'shakedown' pre-inaugural cruise on Anthem of the Seas by the lovely folks at Royal Caribbean. These are of some of the activities we enjoyed while there. 

I went for my first swim in a week this evening. Having been poorly for so long I've missed it so much even though my hair and skin have enjoyed a break from being doused in chlorine. As a bonus the lovely manicure I had last Wednesday has lasted a week which never happens due to almost daily dips. Even better I had the pool to myself and it was so nice to be able to go at my own pace and not rush while I was able to steadily reintroduce my body to the exercise while supporting my aching muscles.

I'm rubbish at being ill. I don't sit still or go to bed early, or rest. Hubbie tells me to get to bed and sleep to feel better and I just don't. This evening I got in from work and my legs were all wobbly from being hungry, tired and just generally panicking about the state of the house. I haven't cooked properly in a week. The house is a mess. I've been too tired to vacuum the cat hair off the stairs. The washing has been piling up in the laundry basket and I looked at my wardrobe in despair this morning as every item of clothing looked like the cat had slept on it. To be fair he probably has.

It's hardly surprising that I've been knocked out like this really. I've been flat out since this year started. There's been something big going on almost every weekend. Either taking our boy to a kid's party o preparing for and taking part in the danceathon, then the pamper day the other week. Finally all this was behind me and I had a few days to catch up with things at home. The problem with days off is that I fill every waking moment with things to do. A typical day might include an early morning swim, picking up some furniture for the boy's room then coming home to build it. Shopping for the week and putting it all away. Sorting those boxes that have been taking up all the space in the spare room. Preparing dinner, folding the washing and finding time to write.

It's hardly surprising that my body has given in and packed up for a week really. I knew there was something wrong when it took me 4 days to fold a basket of laundry. Then I fell asleep on the sofa before 9 in the evening. I went to bed and woke up feeling like I'd been hit in the face with a large frying pan. Instead of taking a few days off work I carried on going in as I knew there was a lot to do and I even delivered training yesterday and today despite the risk of losing my voice at any moment. And now ?

Well, I'm not going into work for a while now so I hope to get round to sorting out the boxes. To folding the washing. To making a meal from scratch for a change. Maybe even getting out to the garden if the weather is good. More than anything I'm looking forward to my boy being off school so I can spend some time with him. So long as I'm not too tired to do that, that's all that matters.

Until last week my boy had never heard of Harry Potter. It's hardly surprising as he's only 4 so he's not quite at the reading level required for the books and he's a bit too young for the films too. His first response was pure joy as we arrived at Warner Bros Studio Tour and he spotted the flying car. We were making our first visit there to see the latest attraction, the Hogwarts Express. We started off in the Great Hall which gave Hubbie an opportunity to do his Harry Potter impersonation.

What is it grown up Harry ?

I think one of my favourite moments was when the boys had a wand lesson. My boy started off then Hubbie grew a bit jealous so he joined him. It was great and they really got the hang of it - as you can see.

Of course we couldn't resist a visit to platform 9 3/4 and me and the boy had a good go at getting this trolley through the wall. This was just a precursor to the main event though...

I'm an old hand at trolley management son

Yes, it's the actual Hogwarts Express. It really is very impressive with the realistic steam and the carriages that appear to have been only just occupied by the students. A lovely touch is the seats were you can have a go at being in a scene from the movie too.

"Oh my goodness is it real ?"

Despite the excitement of seeing the train there was yet more squealing of joy when we spotted the Knight Bus (and that was just Hubbie). My boy asked if we could go home by Knight Bus and we explained that as he isn't a wizard yet it wouldn't be possible this time. He has been telling everyone that Harry Potter sleeps on the bus at night so I know he was paying attention.

"Can we take this bus home Mummy ?"

"It's the flying car !" was yelled so loudly that I swear it was heard all the way back in Croydon and that's some feat as the studio tour is miles away in Watford. We had expected that as this was an after school treat trip he'd fall asleep in the car going home, but he was far too excited. He kept saying, "When I'm a big boy I can watch Harry Potter can't I Mummy and Daddy ?"

Daddy indicating

Driving with Daddy

We loved the Warner Bros Studio Tour a lot and considering that only one of us has actually read the books and watched the films it really made an impression on all of us. We'd definitely go again and spend a lot longer visiting and taking in all of the things to see. I haven't even mentioned the Quidditch tutorial, the real life Diagonalley or the fantastic model of Hogwarts at the end.

You can book tickets here: http://www.wbstudiotour.co.uk

Disclosure: the lovely folks at Warner Bros Studio Tour invited us to a preview evening to see the Hogwarts Express 

I went to my boy's school assembly on Fri and it was a special service for Mothering Sunday. There were lovely readings by the children and the nursery class sang the song I've been hearing all week. His tuneful solo rendition was mangled by the 35+ voices of under fives who seemed awestruck in front of an audience of parents. At the end all the mums were presented with daffodils by our children. My boy was delighted that my bunch weren't open yet and so was I as I explained, "that's lovely, they will last longer."

The readings were about the 'job of a mum' with the classic about children demanding a drink, a hug, an answer, etc from Mum and asking Dad, 'where's Mum ?" There was recognition that mums do so much for us and that "a mother's love is blind because she loved you before she met you." I can vouch for this. My love for my boy was forged long before I saw his face. Or held him in my arms. It's not just the act of giving birth that made me his mother though. Yes that's a huge thing. Carrying, growing and birthing a child is a huge thing. It's not the only way to be a mum though. I honestly think that for me being a mum is about how I feel. Of course there's the reality of caring for a child, but many people do this who didn't carry the person they love in exactly the same way a parent loves their offspring. 

Origami flower and a lovely breakfast in bed

The idea that being a mum is my job is one that suggests I do it under duress. Believe me there are days when it feels that way, but it's not true. Parenting was in my bones even before I was old enough to have children. I grew up with a motherly attitude and I always felt it was my responsibility to be in charge and take care of others. Not in a resentful way by any means. More in a needing to know that everyone was looked after way. I'm not really comfortable with others doing things for me though. It's partly a control thing - I know how I want things done - and partly an, "I'm not worth it," thing. I will make sure my boys have eaten and will fuss about them being warm enough then go out of the house without a coat and as angry as a bear who hasn't eaten, because... well I haven't eaten. 

This morning my boys brought me breakfast in bed. It was lovely. I didn't complain about it or tut about how I'd have done it differently. I ate it with the cat sitting next to me and the boys went downstairs to leave me in peace. 

I think I could get used to being taken care of - sometimes :)

Cat in a (paper) hat

An epic finale to an amazing day

Yesterday I was in Wembley with 2000 other people - mostly women - dancing non-stop to raise money for good causes and whenI returned home I was tired, but with such a feeling of having done something that was both great fun and had achieved some good. Today I felt disbelief that it was over already. This event that I had been thinking about for so many weeks and that is now done. We did it !

Next week I will be a stallholder for the first time at my lovely friend Yasmin's Mother's Day Pamper Event. It's one of my favourite events of the year with so many wonderful therapists offering treatments to pamper and relax as well as lovely stalls selling wonderful gifts and treats. I've been preparing for months now, buying stock and photographing the gifts I'll have for sale. This is my first attempt at being a saleswoman and I'm hoping it goes well, but I'll be honest I'm nervous. I'm not averse to trying new things, but it doesn't come without some cost to my well being.

I don't deal well with change. Whenever I've moved house I've at some point been crying in a heap over the sheer enormity of it all. This was not good when I moved house about ten times over a period of five years. I was actually becoming convinced I'd never find a place to call home. When I did buy my flat I was still all over the place - mentally - and my friend Neil observed that I was living surrounded by boxes and that I was becoming distressed by the temporariness of it all. Once I unpacked - he surmised - I would feel better. I did, he was right and it was ok, but you get the point. I don't do change.

When a big change is coming I keep busy and I make lists and I set myself an impossible amount of work to do before everything will be ready. This is what I do. Not because I want to, but because it's how I deal with change. Well, I don't deal with change actually, I try to control how things will change and that's not always within my control.

We have a big change coming soon - a good thing - and I'm a bit of a mess. I have stumbled on for months knowing this might happen and not letting myself believe it will. I've tried to organise and plan myself into being ok with waiting when I really am nothing of the sort. Slowly I've become more and more unbearable so that now I am virtually incoherent when I'm around Hubbie and our boy. I am so easily thrown into a state of exasperation at that pencil not being in the right place or those tomatoes being the wrong shade of red or - heaven forbid - someone not reading my mind and doing that thing I didn't say I wanted done.

I can't explain anything right now. It's all a bit too awesome. If I was a creative sort I'd make a movie out of lego about it, but I'm a mere scribe tapping my random thoughts into this space and hoping that it makes sense to someone. It surely doesn't to me right now.

Fierce Fire Officer

Then at half term we went to a storytelling event where there were dressing up costumes. My boy didn't want me to feel left out so he chose some pink wings for me and this mask so we could match. I thought we looked like a sinister woodland gang, but he insists we didn't.

I wouldn't want to meet these two in a forest !

It's the bat phone Mummy

That's magic !!

And finally tonight. My boy - who has been poorly all day and last night - came into the bathroom to brush his teeth like this. It made me laugh so much I had to take a photo. Who is this masked hero fighting the menace of tooth decay ?

That plaque doesn't stand a chance !!

Best of all, earlier today he looked at me and said, "Mummy I love you because you feed me chips."

That'll do son, that'll do :)

So, after taking Hubbie breakfast in bed and going for run, I helped my boy make some valentines:

Teamwork

He carefully and precisely glued on some beautiful hearts and wrote lovely messages on the back.

My mini Mr Maker

We also made some chocolate crispy cake and the boy decorated then with mini marshmallows and glittery sprinkles:

Lucky lovely ladies

We all had a romantic spaghetti bolognese for dinner then the valentines were given to his lovely babysitters. Meanwhile me and Hubbie went bowling:

Snazzy shoes

Hubbie made a strong start:

Let's Bowl !!

Well, blow me down !

Watch me go !!

What do you know ? I won the game !!

Yep, that's me - the winner !!

Despite this face Hubbie was not - in fact - a sore loser :)

So not gloating that I won (ok, yes I am gloating)

Ok, so it's Valentine's Day this weekend tacked helpfully in front of half term. On the basis that you probably love someone (whether you are with them or not) and that you love your kids (if you have them) this is a pretty big week for love. To that end I've been doing my research about love and what's it all about and what do you know someone shared a little gem on Facebook about the four types of love according to Tony Robbins. You know him. He's the life coach who looks like a man mountain and in the movie Shallow Hal he showed Jack Black the error of his ways in judging women by their appearances. Anyway, he appeared on Oprah talking about these four main types of love and I was fascinated so I thought I'd share them with you.

Baby love: Ok it sounds lovely, but this is where someone's love is all about them and so long as you give them whatever they want they will love you. Only as long as you keep giving them what they want. It's forgivable when the person doing it is small and cute and looks like you - or someone you love who made the small person with you. Narcissism and Oxytocin ensure that newborn babies don't get left out in the cold to starve when all they do is demand milk, cuddles, nappy changing and generally deprive their loved ones of sleep and sanity. When a grown person does it it's manipulative and unkind. When a cat does it no one says a thing because, well it's a cat.

Go ahead son, demand all you want.

Horsetrading: Loving someone in return for something. So you will be loved by this person so long as they know that there is a payoff in it for them somewhere along the line. Now, Tony also calls this whoring, but I think that's a bit harsh. In the beginning of a relationship you are placing a lot of trust in the other person that they will be honest with you and that they will put as much into the relationship as you do. In some instances you are putting yourself out there and taking risks knowing it might not pay off. If you've never been in a relationship that hasn't paid off then you are one lucky soul. Or, you've never lived with a cat.

True Love: The one where you are equal and love each other with no agenda. Ok, maybe it's not perfect, but it's pretty much as good as it gets. When me and Hubbie celebrated our first Christmas we had only been seeing each other for a few months so it was with some shock that we realised that we'd both bought each other the same number of gifts and almost exactly the same sorts of things. We both bought each other books about music, an item of hardware (please don't ask) and some other things that we were really amazed at having got the same of. I think it was a pretty good sign that we were meant to be. (ok, ok, sick bags away now). A cat will convince you that they truly love you until you realise they also say that to the lovely lady two doors down from you.

The look of love - or something :)

Spiritual Love: Tony describes this as epitomised by Nelson Mandela and the Dalai Lama. Someone who is able to send love to those who have hurt them and the ones they love. It's not being walked all over, but it's a level of love that surpasses what most of us can deal with unless we are very magnanimous indeed. I aspire to being able to love those who have hurt me. I am nowhere near that yet, but if I get there I will be sure to let you know. A cat will make you think it's forgiven you for stepping on it's tail earlier in the day and then when you least expect it you'll get a swipe - claws and all - or find a pile of sick by the front door. Thanks cat - I still love you. Oh look, I'm there :)

So, now we know what love is we can go forth into this big love weekend fully armed with all the information. I tried to describe Valentine's Day to my son as he wrote cards for his teachers and enclosed a chocolate heart inside each one. He gleefully handed them to the teachers today saying, "it's got a chocolate inside. You can eat it."

I think he has a pretty good handle on this love stuff :)

The perfect motto for life