Chocolate is not the only fruit

Last week the boys were at summer camp. The manager told me one afternoon when I picked them up that every day Blue Bear warmed their hearts with his big smile and enthusiasm. They would always get into the car chattering away about their day then within minutes of getting indoors they would argue, someone would cry (usually Brown Bear, sometimes Blue Bear and on the worst occasions me) and it was a race against time to get food on the table before the apocalypse occured. I remember the first Summer holiday after Blue came to live with us. I was at home so couldn't justify sending them to camp. Instead I tried to keep them both occupied and more importantly apart. We booked our usual week in Cornwall and stayed at Coombe Mill where the boys fed the animals every morning and rode on the mini train every afternoon. It was in Cornwall that we discovered Blue Bear's love of animals, especially dogs. On subsequent visits he would bottle feed a goat and hold a carrot for a donkey to eat.

A lot of momentous events have occured when we've been in Cornwall. It was when we stayed at Coombe Mill for Christmas that we received an email from the social worker with a photo of a blue eyed little boy and a bit of information about him. I spoke to Hubbie and then showed Brown Bear and he asked, "who is that ?" I told him and asked if he wanted to be his brother. "Yes, he looks like me doesn't he ?" "He does baby." We had no idea that the next day we would receive an email saying he was no longer an option and to forget about him. I couldn't forget this little boy though. His beautiful face. That serious expression. I didn't want to forget about him.


This afternoon I watched as Brown Bear showed Blue Bear how to push the pedals on the electric bikes to make them go. With the payment tokens put in they both went round the track carefully and accurately. Brown waited for his brother so they could ride round together and it was so sweet. We have seen so many milestones on these annual visits and this week is no exception. I've seen a confidence and a cheekiness that is heartwarming. This afternoon the boys were in the back of the car chattering away and - for a change - not arguing. I quietly commented to Hubbie that it was lovely. We spoke too soon - of course - as within seconds Blue was screaming because Brown was prodding him.

A few days earlier we had all gone to the beach and friends had taken body boards. Brown Bear had a surfing lesson two years ago with me and loved it. This time we figured that some fun splashing around in the shallow end would suffice. When I went over to see how they were getting on Blue Bear was having great fun and trying the board. The same little boy who was scared of the water and wouldn't go into the sea the first time we came to the beach. I watched him do so many things that day and noticed how brave he has become. Some of this is because Brown Bear is fearless and competitive and Blue Bear wants to be just like his brother. In no small part, though, it's because he knows it is safe to take risks and we will be there for him. He trusts us.


The other day the boys were staying with family members while me and Hubbie had a weekend away together. I phoned Blue Bear to see how he was doing and was taken aback at how chatty he was. He explained that he'd been painting with Grandma, watered the plants and that Missy (the cat) had even hung around - she usually runs off. He had chicken dippers for tea and was going to have an ice cream for pudding. Once he'd given me the full report he announced, "I going now, bye Mummy." This is the little boy who barely spoke and now he's holding conversations with me.

We were sitting at the table yesterday eating lunch and Brown Bear had gone to get something and Daddy had gone to the car. I smoothed Blue Bear's head and kissed him softly. He smiled. I did it again. He leaned into me a bit more. I laughed and kept giving him gentle kisses on his face.
"Mummy when you kiss me I stop eating."
"Am I putting you off ?"
"Yes."
"Sorry."
"Keep doing it."
We both laughed. Brown Bear came back and asked what was so funny. Blue Bear finished his chips and we walked back to the car to join Daddy.



At one point today Brown Bear came over to hug me - Blue Bear went to hug him. Hubbie picked up his phone and managed to capture the moment. When I looked at the photo I saw my gorgeous boys and the smile of love and happiness on my face. As I told a friend of mine later, this is all I ever wanted from parenthood. Children with ice cream all over their faces and huge smiles. Ok, it's not often, but just sometimes it's plenty.

I looked at my boys at one point today and just stopped.

It was after Blue Bear had been for a walk with Daddy and come back with a caterpillar toy from the shop. After Brown Bear had left the cottage and gone for a wander without telling anyone where he was going. After Blue Bear had yelled blue murder - we thought he had lost a limb at the very least - because his shoe had come off. It was also after Brown Bear had kicked a football into the tree outside and very nearly decapitated the son of our holiday hosts with a gigantic frisbee in an effort to retrieve the ball.

I had been afforded a lie in and some quiet time for myself - I spent it conked out instead of running as I had optimistically intended to do. Following a week when I started a new job this break has been much needed, but the early start and long drive did take their toll on the drivers. It was also the day after my lovely friend said goodbye to her beloved cat Tom. I had known him all his life and he was an adorable lad. We played tricks on her like ringing the doorbell and running away - well I ran away, he sat there and freaked her out. Oh how we laughed.

Half term is always a bit of a sharp handbrake turn in the school year. The kids are desperately ready for it and we don't usually plan to go away for this one and it's so busy. This year we decided to book to go away in a return to our 'pre-children reverie.' We went on a road trip to California one year and another we had a special weekend in Brighton to celebrate my 40th birthday.

As the sun shone today it truly felt like a holiday. As Blue Bear swaggered around with sunglasses on demanding Daddy pull the sleigh he was sitting on. As the boys and their friends ran with the bubble wands we had bought for them making trails of rainbow filled bubbles. As we sat in the sunshine and I blew out the candles on a unicorn cake (don't ask !) and the kids scoffed Peppa Pig cupcakes in record time.

Of course as soon as the sugar hit their insides they were chaos unconfined and thankfully there was plenty of space outdoors for them to run off the energy and insanity. It was lovely to see them playing outside and to be able to let them roam freely and not worry about them being within our sight the whole time. It reminded me of my own school holidays when we would go outside to play and my Mum didn't stand over us commentating on every little thing we did.

Recently I've been taking my hands off the reins and letting my boys take risks and be out of my sight more. It is terrifying. It is also quite exhilirating when I hear a glowing report about their behaviour in my absence. From the text message I got about Blue Bear on Monday asking if they could keep him as he had been so adorable on the play date and had at one point looked out at an amazing view and declared, "I can see forever." To the lovely comments from our host today saying Brown Bear has been nothing but polite and friendly to her - he was pretty rotten to his brother, but you know, small steps.

And then earlier I was sitting on the sofa and the boys were sitting side by side next to me. They were staring at a screen and looked tired. Their faces were completely relaxed and had that slight sheen from playing outside and catching the sun. As I looked at my boys I just felt overwhelmed with love and appreciation.

Yes they annoy the hell out of me and each other, but they are silly, funny, brave and gorgeous. When I recall my birthdays this one will be up there as special because I noticed. I stopped and gave myself a break. I let go and let them be free. I remembered that these boys (and the bigger one and the furry one) are just about the best thing in my life. I mean let's not be too hasty, there's still chocolate and shoes up there too.


Oh and did I mention I once met Clare Grogan as she was leaving the toilets in the theatre ?

The fabulous view from our balcony

Is that our plane Mummy ?

Advance booking: 

Freshly pisted snow - bliss

Family friendly: 

Ooh who's been the visit the chalet in the night ?

Child Care: 

Blue Bear in the snow

Hubbie and me enjoying a much deserved night out

Skiing: 

Brown Bear and me on the slopes

The staff:

Jabba the snowman

Disclosure: Mark Warner Holidays offered us a special deal to ski at Christmas. All opinions are honest and my own. 

So this weekend at least a month after we finalised all the details we finally told the boys about the special holiday we have planned for us all. The ski clothes have been bought, the airport taxi booked, passports checked and a few lightweight items picked to take with us as presents in case they feel they are missing out. My lovely friend sent the boys these colourful sunblock tubes so they can look cool on the slopes and I've kept everything hidden away for the big announcement.


I wanted to ensure that we had made a huge fuss about Blue Bear's birthday before I told them the exciting news. It's already tough having a birthday so close to Christmas, the last thing I wanted was for his day to be upstaged. On the day of his birthday party Blue Bear came running into our bedroom and in a high pitched squeal shouted, "It's snowing outside." I thought he was kidding until I opened the curtains and saw this:


"We can go outside and make snowballs he announced as he rolled imaginary snow between his palms. I reminded him that he had his party and that if it was still snowy he could make snowballs later. Hubbie and I looked at each other and I said, "Well he likes snow so that's a good start."

A week after his party I set up a trail of clues for the boys to help tell them what we had planned.

 We will get up early and get into a taxi...


The taxi will take us to the airport where we will get on a plane...


When we arrive at the place we are going to we will get on a coach that will take us up the mountain...


To a place where there is a lot of snow...


You will need these special clothes for our holiday...


They looked a bit baffled by it all if I'm honest. They tried on the clothes still not entirely sure what was going on. I tried to explain we'd be going skiing and they smiled, but still were none the wiser. I knew it had been a bit of a bust when later that day Blue Bear came home from an activity in town and sullenly told me, " I didn't go in a taxi, or a plane, or a bus up a mountain. I only went on the tram."  With a stamp of his foot and a jutting out lip he sat on the bottom stair staring at his shoes. "No it's not today sweety, we're going on a different day. Sorry I didn't explain that very well did I ?" Clearly not.

He has checked with me every day since then if it's today we are going and I have to explain that we are one day closer, but it's not today. I showed them both photos of our chalet hotel and some photos of the slopes. Blue has now taken to telling people he's going to "Snowland" and Brown Bear is delighted that he's going to get to eat breakfast at the airport. In fact today he asked me, "Who is going to cook our food Mummy ?" I explained that we have chalet hosts who will take care of us and prepare food for us. He wants to know in detail what there will be to eat - these things are important after all - and how close we are to his friend Henry who will be in France at the same time as us. Not close at all as it happens.


The big reveal wasn't quite the movie moment you see on those TV ads where the kids are excited to a degree that suggests they've been consuming industrial quantities of sugar. It was pretty muted and has taken a while to unfold as they have tried to make sense of what it going to happen. Brown Bear has told me he is looking forward to learning to ski, but his questions point to an anxiety about the unfamiliar. Blue Bear is facing all new things. His first ride in a taxi, first time on a plane, first holiday abroad and first time in a kids' club. If we keep him occupied thinking about how snowy it's going to be hopefully he won't worry about all the things he hasn't done before.

Now all I have to do is everything on my to do list. Wish me luck !

I grew up in a family that didn't take holidays. If my mum was able to save up she would book a caravan for a few days in North Wales or Devon. We'd be driving all day with nothing to do in the car and would always arrive late (usually in the dark) and would pretty much all complain the whole time. I consider holidays with my kids now to be my karmic reward for this. When we go away I pack the car, arrange for someone to feed Neo and Hubbie charges up the kids' devices so they are busy during the journey. We always leave early to get to our destination during the day and try to get the boys settled as quickly as possible. Once we've located the nearest play area I can unpack and put on the kettle.

The last time we went way was at Christmas and the boys were a nightmare. They argued and fussed all day every day and it was just horrible. At one point I told Hubbie to just get the train back home as his complaining was almost as bad as they boys' behaviour. He stuck it out and we had a miserable time. So what possessed me to book to go away again ?

Well, I noticed that all the families at my son's school have plans for the summer and they pretty much all involve going abroad. We don't take the kids abroad yet, but we do try and get away for at least a week over the summer. In the last few years we've been going to Cornwall because it's so beautiful and there is so much to see and do. There are places we all love to visit like Lappa Valley and then the Eden Project which I am a massive fan of and I bribe the boys to go to with the promise of a pasty for Hubbie and big slabs of homemade cake for the boys.


We're staying a lovely cottage in a part of Cornwall we've not been to before. Yesterday we went to a beautiful fishing village then spent the scorching afternoon on a beach with they boys paddling in the sea and then playing in the sand. It was pretty much what I had hoped for. There are young children living here who knock on the door to play with the boys and yesterday when we got back from the beach they had a paddling pool out so our boys jumped in with them and had a great time before dinner.

They woke up this morning and were playing and mucking about together - which is great, ast least we don't have to supervise them every moment. I got them to sit for breakfast and put some bacon under the grill for Hubbie. I had managed to cut the bread using the bluntest knife since those kids' knives you get in Ikea and made myself a tea. Hubbie took the bread I'd hacked for my breakfast and I eventually sat down to a stone cold cup of tea, mostly burnt toast and a not quite cooked egg - yummy !


We used to have holidays that involved drinking on the plane and staying in bed until we wanted to get up. Breakfast made by someone else. Lunch with cocktails or wine. Dressing up to go out in the evening. Tours and walks in the local area and not a play park in sight. I rarely visited a supermarket for cereal, plasters or colouring pencils. Everyone keeps telling me, "they're not young for long," or, "enjoy it," and my personal favourite, "It gets worse when they are older." Oh joy.

Well. I've got to pack a coolbag with drinks and snacks so they don't have to go any length of time without consuming something. They will still insist on buying something to eat anyway. Probably ice cream. Oh well we are on holiday I suppose.

My new ambitions:

Big Boy: Finally is there anyone in the family who might object to these plans ?
Neo: Miaow (translation: Ahem - excuse me)


Big Boy: So all we need to do now is check that Jiggles' passport is up to date and we're ready ?
Mummy: I hope so son.
Big Boy: Good luck Mummy. Can I have Haribo now please ?

Mummy: This is my creative writing entry to be a #markwarnermum - with thanks to the whole family for taking part :)

You know all that planning and prep you do for Christmas - the tree, the presents, the food and even getting the house ready for potential guests ? I've always found it a bit much, but now I have kids I wonder why I ever found it all so overwhelming before.

Before we had kids:

• I'd put up and decorate the tree and select beautiful decorations made of glass to sparkle in the light.

• We would have baubles and lights and window decals and all sorts of festive fun. 

• There would be drinks with friends, work and various Christmas parties and meals to attend. I'd have a dress for each event and decide what to wear weeks before going. 

• Food shopping would commence at least a month before and I'd have a plan of what to do and where to be for Christmas Eve, Christmas Day, Boxing Day and all of the New Year bit. 

• Presents would be indulgent and fun and as impractical as you like. I'd take plenty of time to enjoy them and read the books and listen to the CDs or wear the perfume I was given. 

• By the end of it all I was exhausted and would plan to go away the following year to keep things simple 

Now we have kids:

• The tree has a few incarnations - the first is the one where the kids throw everything at it and then I redo it with fewer decorations and no lights at all. Glass ornaments ? Don't make me laugh. 

• A week after putting the tree up I have to take all the chocolate decorations off as I keep finding the empty wrappers under Big Boy's pillow. 

• I forget to even take the baubles and decals out of the box until after Christmas.

• There is no work party and there are no after work drinks - when the mums from school go out for a 'do' I put on whatever is clean and nearest the bed when I'm leaving the house. 

• Food is bought in stages with plenty of options to allow for the carnivore Baby Boy and the suddenly fussy eater Big Boy - he eats a Christmas dinner at school, but refuses everything on his plate at home and wants the same 'baby plate' that his brother has. 

• I barely notice my own presents as I try to keep track of who gave what to the kids. The ensuing wrapping paper mountain reveals they have far too much. At least a week later I haven't opened most of mine. A year later I find the voucher for a meal for two that my sister got for us - it expired 6 months previously. 

This is a silly amount of presents

I haven't even mentioned that Baby Boy vomited on me 3 times when we went to visit my parents or that I was up all night when Big Boy had a suspected ear infection while we were staying with the in-laws.

I've already suggested a few options to Hubbie for next year - just to give me hope:

1. We go away somewhere hot and forget Christmas completely. We enjoy a lovely holiday instead - the kids have enough of everything already.

2. I take Big Boy with me to volunteer on Christmas Day and we ask everyone to limit the presents to one each for all of us.

3. We leave Big Boy with my parents, Baby Boy with Hubbie's parents and we go to the Caribbean for a grown up holiday.

I'm not even kidding.

Debbie says no to Christmas

A home away from home - complete with tree

A warming fire that we did not make

The great activities that are on all year round still go on with a festive twist so the train that runs every afternoon is transformed with a magical grotto with lights and trees. Guy - the driver - had Christmas helpers to operate the flag and signal and there was even a special visitor who gave gifts to the good children one evening.


We're not terribly religious as a family, but I've often heard mother in law say she'd like to go to midnight mass on Christmas Eve. To date she's never made it as something always gets in the way (gin usually) so when we were invited to see Guy and Clio (two of the triplets) take part in the Christingle service at the local church I really wanted to go. The service was so child friendly and Big Boy loved being part of it. As a bonus we also saw Father Christmas on his sleigh outside the church before he had to go and give presents to all the children in the world.

We made reindeer food with Fiona

As a bonus the clear skies enabled me and Big Boy to look out for the International Space Station in the sky (well I told him it was Santa's sleigh actually) and that made it even more magical. The night before Christmas Fiona and Nick host a party for all the guests staying on the farm which is a lovely idea. We could have a drink, not have to cook and Big Boy dressed up as Olaf for the occasion. We both wore our Christmas Jumpers and had a short walk back to our lodge ready to put out a drink and mince pie for Santa and the special food we'd made with Fiona for the hardworking reindeer.


If you want a traditional white Christmas you may not appreciate the view that greeted us on Christmas morning. We, however, were delighted to see sunny, blue skies. The highlight of any stay at Coombe Mill is the feed run and Big Boy is an enthusiastic volunteer tractor driver. When he knew that Farmer Nick was going to dress up he decided to make a special effort as well. If you've not seen Father Christmas driving a tractor with Spiderman as his assistant you just haven't lived !

Santa Nick and Spiderboy

Spidey feeding a donkey Christmas breakfast

The feed run on Christmas morning is the perfect way to start a day that will descend into chaos, presents and overeating. It's refreshing in a way that you can only know if you have woken up to this view from your bedroom. When it comes to animals it's pretty hard to beat waking up to see Alpacas outside your window. Baby Boy has been delighted to spot these and it makes missing our cat Neo much less harrowing.

I spy with my little eye an Alpaca

I asked Big Boy what his favourite things about Coombe Mill are. Unsurprisingly he drew a tractor, the sword in the stone and the train rides every afternoon. If I asked Baby Boy I'm pretty sure he'd say, "animals, animals, animals." Big Boy drew those too.