Chocolate is not the only fruit

Anyone who didn't predict that my post about grammar and punctuation was leading up to a big rant about education must be new here. If you are new, welcome, make a brew, pull up a chair and thank you for coming :o)

That post was partly meant to be tongue in cheek, but was only really warming up for the real issue. It's something I'm uncharitably referring to as the celebration of stupidity that we seem to have come to accept as normal. There was a time when being daft was considered charming. In his stand up routine Eddie Izzard used to complain that he was 'thinly read.' Chris Rock mocked the simpletons who boasted that they "didn't know shit." Bill Hicks had an attitude that reviled the stupid and unquestioning and encouraged freedom of thought (and a liberal approach to drugs that I didn't strictly agree with).

We appear to have moved far away from that approach now and it is not only acceptable to boast about being stupid, but it is also revered by reality TV shows to know very little. As though it's charming and somehow cutesy rather than pathetic to have no general knowledge whatsoever. When questioned further these were the kids at school who used to say smart things like "I speak English, why do I need to learn it ?" I suspect these are the same genii who don't see the point of English literature or algebra because, "when am I gonna need that in real life ?" Well in your case probably never if I'm honest, but that may be more self-fulfilling prophecy than anything else.

I didn't go to a private or even particularly good school. Most of my teachers were borderline illiterate, one was a suspected paedophile and at one point there were some pretty racist ones. I learned in spite of them, rather than because of them. School didn't teach me to swim, to cross the road, cook food or how to drive but I can do all of these things. I didn't expect my school to do everything for me and frankly if you care about something that much you'll probably find a way to do it.

I'm not making a judgement about people who missed out on schooling or who have struggled with learning. I mean those who use more words than they need to try and sound clever, but whose vocabulary is still smaller than my 2 year old's. The kind who bullied the bookish kids at school for being too interested in learning. So my question now is why are we still apologising for knowing how to spell, or caring about grammar and punctuation ? Being picked on for being a 'spod' (please insert age appropriate equivalent insult here instead as you wish) must be out of fashion by now surely ?
Didn't we just spend 2012 cheering along sporting achievement ? It wasn't a celebration of 'the kids who didn't have a running track at school so never go to be good at sport so it's not their fault' did we ? Or did I miss the celebration of stupid Olympics ? Where you get a medal for the 'unspelling bee' or the Nobel prize for 'not knowing your times tables 'cos what's the point ?'

Before we rush to blame our adult underachievement on the education system let's remember that Caitlin Moran didn't go to school at all. She went to her local library and read lots of books. When she decided to become a writer she realised pretty early on that you have to read in order to write well. It meant enough to her to learn to do it well despite having no formal learning at all.

So here is the message:

It's ok to be smart.

It's ok to aspire to something better than winning a TV show

It's ok to know stuff (and comes in handy at pub quizzes).

My favourite misunderstanding this week was heard on Radio 4's Today programme when a reporter said, "cocaine growers say police make bad neighbours." Now had he used the correct intonation it would have sounded like, "cocaine growers, say police, make bad neighbours." Alternatively he could just have used better syntax and there would have been no confusion. It may be just me, but this kind of thing does stick in my mind.

I find it interesting that with the popularity of social media people are using the written word more visibly and I am now judging people I know on their use of grammar and punctuation. I appreciate that the brevity required to make a point in 140 characters can lead to some contracted words, but the paucity of some people's language really shocks me.

Now, I'm not expecting high literature, but some basics would be great. So as a rough guide please spare me the following:

"could of" - I will hit you - hard

"definately" - I will hit you and then hit you again - hard

"first world problems" - honestly, you're making this easy aren't you ? just stand still so I can hit you repeatedly

"epic fail" - used ironically just about ok, otherwise - this is hitting with a large spade material

"as of yet" - "yet" is fine - you don't need to say any more than that - enough !

"you can talk to myself" - no I can't, really, because I have already judged you to be a dunce and this will not end well.

That's a start. Just work on these for now and we'll get to the more complicated ones later.

Thank you :o)

Weekends are always packed in our family with my zumba class, the boys going to rhymetime and football and all of us going swimming. Fitting in anything extra requires logistics that would make the MOD proud. We did, however, manage to find a space in the schedule to attend an open day for a school this weekend. My boy loved everything about it and yelled like a banshee when we moved him from one fun filled room to another as he realised that all of it was geared toward keeping him occupied.

Ok, so we're all feeling the post-Olympic love right now and it's all about celebration and it's ok to be competitive. In the spirit of pride and achievement I'm sharing while acknowledging that no-one likes a show off.

I was wildly impressed at hearing my son sing nursery rhymes - in tune - without any assistance on the long drive back from my parents sitting in traffic. He also surprised me and Hubbie by counting to ten (with some help) and as I prompted him he kept smiling shyly at me as if to say "alright then I do know how to do this really." I don't want to make him 'perform' for us, but I do love it when he does something entirely new and clever - which seems to be every day at the moment.

We have done our bit in talking to him all the time, but not everything we've done has the desired effect. Despite our vain attempts to try and influence him to sound a bit posher than we do he has developed an accent entirely of his own making. He says 'boat' and 'coach' like he's from the West Country (well his grandparents live in Hampshire, but they don't talk like that either !)

It's that balance between being a pushy parent and being wildly proud when he does something that we are wowed by. At almost two he uses new words every day and copies everything so his vocabulary is pretty vast. Words my son uses now include:

Nani (my Mum) and Nana (my Dad). He's said Grandma and Grandpa for a while now - probably because the let him get a word in edgeways. Unlike my family who bombard him with praise, cuddles and kisses the minute they see him.

Of course he knows the names of all the characters on Cbeebies - he also now says 'Bye bye' to them when the progammes finish.

When my Mum and brother were babysitting him the other night he said 'night night' as they put him to bed.

He says 'nursewy' without being traumatised by it, which is a good sign I think.

His favourite programme is 'whyme wocket' and he can identify the rhyming words (eg. mouse and house which I heard him saying while I was washing up the other day) - that just blows my mind !

Phil - the neighbour who can't pronounce my son's name gets called while his wife Jill is put out as she thought he was saying her name when she heard him calling out in our garden.

Snow - a new word this. For obvious reasons it's not been so relevant lately, but he has the basics of a conversation with any English person as he knows 'waining' and (s)'now.' If I can teach him 'parky' and 'a bit muggy' we're there.

'copter - which covers helicopters and the plane that Aunt Mabel flies in the kids programme 'Come Outside'

I'm touched by him saying 'sowwy,' although I realise at this stage he is merely parroting me rather than making a heartfelt apology for throwing his spoon across the room

Most impressive of all though is the word he's only said twice. Once at Naniji's house when he was busy emptying a toy box onto the floor and we weren't entirely sure we had heard it right. The second time in the car on the way home - accompanied by a prescient teenage eye roll. He said his own name. This may not sound like much, but my son has a pretty tricky name for a toddler to say. He said it very clearly and with some pride. Hubbie then proceeded to push him to say all his other names. He has four of them - I know pretentious, moi ?

Now that's a competitive Dad for you !

I dropped my son off at nursery this morning and as I left I could hear him crying, but Petra told me he'd be fine and to leave, so I did. Then on the other side of the gate I paced up and down the pavement before getting into my car and bursting into tears.

I've known this was coming and it is part of the process of helping him to learn how to be independent. I was hoping he'd skip into the nursery all smiles and with nothing more than a jolly wave over his shoulder he'd go and play with other children and not notice me at all. Instead he fools me into thinking that he's ok by showing interest in toys and as I say "see you later" he comes over to me and grabs my legs to take him with me. Then as the staff peel him off and take him over to play with something I hear his heaving sobs as I go to the door.

Of course it's only his second day and they assured me he was fine for the hour that I was away, but his tear stained and snot covered face when I returned told another story.

It was my choice to give up work and stay at home with my son and I don't for a moment think it was anything other than a good idea to be the adult he spends the most time with. I've taken him to playgroups, parks, libraries and sung songs with him for almost 2 years now. It's me who spends 11 hours a day with him so I choose which tantrums to respond to and when to just walk over him and pretend he's a small noisy rug.

It's also me who hears most words for the first time. I watched him take his first steps. I helped him feed himself for the first time. I showed him how to give the cat biscuits (just before he put his foot in the cat's water bowl). It is only right that I take him to nursery and do the official handover of responsibility for my beloved boy. It's also only right that we both find this difficult.

I reassure myself that he is of course fine when I am gone and that he is just trying to make me feel better by being suitably upset for my benefit alone. In psychology speak it's called a "secure attachment." If we didn't love each other so much it wouldn't be so upsetting to be apart.

That's what I'm going to tell myself tomorrow, and the day after that …

Like 18,882 other people I follow Michael Rosen on Twitter. You know him, the poet who wrote for children and performed on television and radio when you were little. The man who told us it was cool to read books and that we were not nerds at all.

Well, he has serious concerns about what is happening to education at the moment - and who can blame him - so I sent him an email this evening outlining a few of my thoughts. Imagine how flabbergasted I was when he replied less than half an hour later asking if he could include my comments on his blog !

He's put them on his blog and now I'm putting them on my blog (which is a curious form of cannibalism surely ?) Anyway, what a lovely man and still the most important advocate for children and reading this country has.

http://michaelrosenblog.blogspot.co.uk/2012/07/letter-from-parent-of-2-year-old.html

If you want to follow him: http://michaelrosenblog.blogspot.com and http://www.michaelrosen.co.uk

Years ago I took part in a mock election at school. It wasn't really a choice as only three of us had any interest in politics and as they both took Labour and Conservative I was left (reluctantly) to stand as a liberal. I read the manifesto and gave it my best shot, but pretty much could see through the nonsense back then. I also knew from day one that Labour would get all the votes in a safe labour seat as the school was. It was interesting to do, but didn't inspire me to go into politics. It is depressing to become disillusioned at the age of 16 by the futility of my attempt to persuade people to vote for me when I knew they would all vote the same way as their parents.

I avoided going into student politics at University mostly as those who did take part were insufferable "hacks" and I couldn't see myself associating with them. Instead, I did a bit of radio, a bit of journalism, a bit of charity, a bit of film and not a lot of anything really. When I came back to London friends suggested that I should try stand up - do a few impersonations and make people laugh and they flatter you that you have a talent ! My fledgling attempts, however, suffered from my lack of confidence and lack of material as I wasn't able to translate my political thoughts into funny jokes.

In recent years I've been repeatedly asked why I don't go into politics. Even Hubbie has encouraged me to and while it does appeal I have a few (probably very stupid) reasons why I haven't:

Firstly, is the fear of falling out with people. While I like a healthy discussion and a robust exchange of views my problem is when I disagree with someone I like. It makes me feel bad and if I felt like that every time I had to make an unpopular decision what kind of politician would I be ? Oh yes I'd be a liberal in the coalition goverment (probably).

Secondly, I have a pathological fear of being judged and portrayed negatively by the media. When David Blunkett was keen to introduce ID cards as Home Secretary I recall hearing an interview with someone who said, "for a blind man he's keen to see everything" and I was appalled. Now, I'm no apologist for Blunkett or his policies, but when did it become ok to mock a man for his disability ?Surely that is too low a blow even for the most hideous of the media commentators. Of course we now know that this is the same media that would hack the phone of a murdered girl, so they are hardly in the business of being fair or playing nice.

Thirdly, I actually want to make a difference and help people and from what I can see that is the last thing that happens when you become a politician. In between compromise and towing the party line where is there room to actually get someone help for their aged parents or to stop a children's playground from being closed ? Every now and then an MP is able to get a result for a constituent and it makes a massive difference to that person's life. That's the stuff I want to do.

What I don't want is to get wheeled out on Question Time every few weeks to show how diverse my party is (yes Warsi we are bored of seeing and hearing you, please switch the lights off when you leave). Or to be pushed through the ranks quickly and always wonder if it was because of my gender or race rather than my ability.

Instead I think I'll just try to do my best without the need for a rosette. Although, I did always like the idea of being in the 'standing at the back looking stupid party.'

John Cusack often tells his Twitter followers that if poor grammar and spelling bothers them they should unfollow him as the content is more important than how it's delivered (my words not his). It's not a philosophy I adhere to usually, but I make an exception for him as I think his tweets have the capacity to entertain and inform, but to be honest I break my own zero tolerance rule because I like him. It's the same rule that applies to the films he has been in - yes even Hot Tub Time Machine which when I saw an online trailer for I genuinely thought was an online spoof as it looked so bad. I can't say the same for Midnight in the Garden of Good and Evil which despite being directed by Clint Eastwood and starring JC (a dream combination in my book) didn't hold my attention and bored me to actual sleep. Otherwise I heart John for wearing a Clash t-shirt in any movie where he has wardrobe approval as it shows he has great taste in listening to English bands - if he wore a Smiths t-shirt I might properly explode.