Sports Archives

Golf, Sports
PGA Tour Introduces Goalies
PONTE VEDRA BEACH, FL—Calling the move a long-overdue fix for one of the sport’s most glaring flaws, PGA tour officials announced plans Thursday to begin…
Basketball, Sports
Mikal Bridges Wakes Up From 4-Day Bender Next To Dead Jimmy Fallon
Basketball, Sports
Shams Charania Casually Tells Colleagues He Really Looking Forward To Breaking Michael Jordan’s Death
CHICAGO—Anticipating the announcement would rank among the biggest scoops of his career, ESPN senior NBA insider Shams Charania is said to have casually mentioned to…
Sports
Back Of Gatorade Bottle Features Recipe For Gatorade Casserole
Baseball, Sports
MLB Demands Return Of All Foul Balls
NEW YORK—Condemning the unlawful possession of its property by generations of spectators, Major League Baseball issued a recall Monday of all foul balls that have…

Basketball, Sports
Depressed Shams Charania Breaks Scoop That He Has No One
CHICAGO—Having confirmed the shocking development with numerous top-level sources, a depressed Shams Charania broke the news Thursday that he has absolutely no one. “Per multiple industry…
Baseball, Sports
Mr. Met Embarks On Missionary Trip To Spread Mets Fandom To Uncontacted Amazon Tribes
NEW YORK—Touting the initiative as a way to “bring love for the Orange and Blue to the places that need it most,” the New York…
Sports
The Most Unbreakable Records In Sports History
Despite advances in technology, training, and performance optimization, some achievements in sports have stood the test of time. The following athletic records remain unbroken.
Basketball, Sports
Rick Brunson Tests Jalen Brunson Again On What To Say When Press Asks About Bruises
Basketball, Sports
Trump Still Sleeping In MSG Seat
Basketball, Sports
Trump Angrily Demands Jalen Brunson Put On Suit
NEW YORK—Growing increasingly indignant with each passing possession, President Donald Trump reportedly spent the first quarter of Monday’s Game 3 of the NBA Finals angrily…