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Baseball, Sports
MLB Rookie Still Can’t Believe The Sunflower Seeds Are Free
NEW YORK—Saying that it was truly sinking in that he had finally made it to the big leagues, New York…

Sports
Dad Turns Up Skyrizi Commercial
Basketball, Sports
Pelicans-Kings Game Ends After Neither Team Able To Recover Tipoff
Baseball, Sports
Panicked Dodgers Owner Has No Idea How He’s Going To Come Up With $414 Million Payroll
Sports
Jake Paul Hoping To Gain Respect Of Boxing Community With Fight Against World’s Tallest Man

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Baseball, Sports
MLB Umpires Replaced By Lawn Chair Representing Strike Zone
Golf, Sports
Tiger Woods’ Liver Photographed Crawling Out Of Golfer After Crash
JUPITER ISLAND, FL—Dazed and battered as it dragged itself to safety, the liver belonging to Tiger Woods was photographed crawling out of the legendary golfer’s…
Basketball, Sports
Victor Wembanyama Issued Technical For Punching Jumbotron
Sports
Cameraman Sitting Under Basket Spread-Eagle
Hockey, Sports
Youth Hockey Banquet Spent Convincing Heavyset Teammate To Eat Copious Amounts Of Butter Squares
Basketball, Sports
Office NCAA Bracket Marks Yearly Interaction With Coworkers
CHICAGO—Sources confirmed Thursday that more than two dozen employees of logistics company LQR Freight had reluctantly agreed to participate in their office’s March Madness pool,…

Football, Sports
Travis Kelce Bummed Fiancée Signed Him Up For NFL Again
LEAWOOD, KS—Groaning at the thought of having to be somewhere on the weekend, Travis Kelce was reportedly feeling bummed Monday after he learned fiancée Taylor Swift had signed him up for the NFL again.…
Basketball, Sports
Lakers Fans Furious As Bam Adebayo Dies In Even Worse Helicopter Crash
Basketball, Sports
Kevin Durant Terrified After Encountering Bobblehead Of Self
HOUSTON—Paralyzed with fear at the unexpected sight of the miniature figurine, Houston Rockets forward Kevin Durant reportedly screamed in terror Tuesday after unexpectedly coming face-to-face…
Basketball, Sports
Joe Mazzulla Reiterates Jayson Tatum Will Not Return Until He Passes The ‘Mazzulla Logic-Puzzle Meridian’
BOSTON—Amid continued speculation about when the injured Celtics star might return to action, head coach Joe Mazzulla told reporters Tuesday that Jayson Tatum would remain…
Basketball, Sports
Both Siblings Quietly Pray They Get On Kiss Cam
CLEVELAND—As the pair crossed their fingers and stared longingly at the jumbotron, reports confirmed Sunday that siblings Henry and Daniel Komack were both currently praying…
Sports
Shaq Warns Young Players Not To Do Movie About Genie
LOS ANGELES—Urging the next generation of NBA talent to learn from his mistakes and avoid going down the wrong path, Shaquille O’Neal issued a stern…

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