Paperback 841: Signet 1767 (1st ptg, 1960)

Title: The Bombshell
Author: Carter Brown
Cover artist: Barye Phillips

Estimated value: $8-10


Best things about this cover:

• One of the few crime novels to take place entirely inside a circus tent.
• Either that is a letter-perfect come-hither look or the rabid dog on her head has burrowed deep into her skull and now has full mind-control capabilities.
• That is one hell of a negligee. So … negligible.
• You can tell police dude is confused. "Shoot the thing on her head … or ask her out? Damn it, this job's hard!"
• Title font victory! Total A+.

Best things about this back cover:

• I think I found my new look for 2015. I am only 1/4 kidding. (The 1/4 that contains the cigarette)
• Anagrams to LIE TALLY, which I'm sure is high, 'cause she's a blonde dame, know what I'm sayin'? Also LIT ALLEY, where she buys all her books, and TILE ALLY, as she's known in the bathroom flooring industry.
• carter brown sold 25.5 million books without capital letters in his name so he's not about to start now.

Page 123~

 "Al!" She jumped up and down gleefully. "That thing's a microphone, isn't it?"

"It's whatever you want it to be, baby."

~RP

[Follow Rex Parker on Twitter and Tumblr]

Paperback 735: Signet 1713 (1st ptg, 1959)

Late the following afternoon, I sat in the visitor's chair—the one with springs—and watched the beaming smile on the Sheriff's face.

Paperback 682: Signet S1817 (1st ptg, 1960)

Title: The Temptress
Author: Carter Brown
Cover artist: Barye Phillips

Yours for: $8


Best things about this cover:

• That is some spectacular cleavage. The "the" looks like it wants to go hide in there.
• This "standing woman / dead man" cover is a type. I feel the need to go back and tag all the others "SWDM"—it says everything about the ambivalent erotics of vintage paperback cover art.
• That font is sassy. It doesn't scare me, though. Looks like the opening credits of a '60s sitcom.

Best things about this back cover:

• I'm confused by "just." It assumes a baseline opinion that "murder" is a pretty word. It's a horrendously ugly word.
• So Chandler writes "Trouble Is My Business" and then for decades other writers / copyeditors copy, parody, and generally dead-horse the hell out of that phrase.
• LOVE that we can see here what important cultural touchstones "Peyton Place" and "Lolita" were for the late '50s/early '60s world. 
• "An August Signet Paper Edition"—"August" ... like, the adjective? That is unexpected. In fact, just plain weird. Also, likely, not true.

Page 123~

"Yeah," he nodded. "She had the pictures and we burned 'em. We didn't know there was more of them—figured they were the only ones he had!"

Incriminating photos / blackmail schemes are the topic of 59.8% of all hard-boiled stories. Give or take.

~RP

[Follow Rex Parker on Twitter and Tumblr]

Paperback 630: Signet D3380 (PBO, 1968)

Title: Had I But Groaned
Author: Carter Brown
Cover artist: Uncredited (Robert McGinnis)

Yours for: $15


Best things about this cover:

• We have a winner in the Stupidest Title Of All Time contest.
• Seriously, what is this contrafactive pseudo-poetic nonsense? Is it a famous quotation? Who says this? In what context would groaning make things better??? "Had I but groaned ... I'd've gotten the role in that zombie movie for sure"? 
• Back to groaning—it's not even sexual? Moaning would be sexual? I am just befuddled by whatever it is this title is trying to do.
• I keep imagining this as "Had I Butt-Groaned..."
• To this cover's credit—she is amazing. McGinnis-gorgeous. I don't know if that's a lab coat or a towel or what that she holding, or why she's in a haunted house, but I don't much care.
• The stripes on her underwear nicely complement those on the settee. I am 100% serious with that last comment.

Best things about this back cover:

• Copy in red is not half-bad. Copy in black is empty confusing blather.
• "Naturally."
• You know a story's going to be exciting when the main character is named "Larry Baker." 

Page 123~

We reached the banquette a couple of minutes later, mainly because Boris zigzagged all the way across the floor of the restaurant. "Ladies!" He bowed deeply and bashed his forehead on a passing trolley of hors d'oeuvres.

A+

~RP

[Follow Rex Parker on Twitter and Tumblr]

Title: A Good Year for Dwarfs?
Author: Carter Brown
Cover artist: Robert McGinnis

Reader P. Morrison sent me a stack of books. They are beat up and cheesy, just like I like 'em. First up ... this.

• Evocative painting. Who knew that extras in a "Conan" movie experienced such depths of ennui?
• Is that lady a. calming her pet Pekingese, who lives in her hair; b. physically supporting her 50 lbs of hair because he neck has simply given out; or c. shaking her head in disbelief at the idea that Carter Brown has sold over 25 million books?
• I thought "A Good Year for Dwarfs" was the tagline at first, and had no idea what that could possibly mean. Then I realized that was the title. Puzzlement remained.
• If my students ever used a hyphen that way, there's no way they'd be getting better than a C.

• Rimmel and Holman? As porn names go ... subtle.
• I want business cards that read simply "Davis Davis, Movie Dwarf"
• "Twilight world" normally (in paperbackese) means "homosexual."  I'm doubtful that that is the case here.

Any moment now, I thought frantically, I'm about to make whimpering noises out loud! "Do you play Scrabble?" I gurgled.

Man, it gets Freaky on an early '70s porn set.


[Follow Rex Parker on Twitter and Tumblr]

Paperback 127: Signet P3955 (PBO, 1969)

Title: The Up-Tight Blonde
Author: Carter Brown
Cover artist: Robert McGinnis

Yours for: $9


Best things about this cover:

• The phrase "naked chicks"
• The McGinnis girl in the painting; the one holding the painting, on the other hand, is a hot mess and / or a transsexual.
• What has she got in her left hand? Some kind of orb or yo-yo? Is she trying to hypnotize me? That orb, coupled with the expression on her face, is freaking me out.
• I don't know what you call the "color" of this book, but it's Hideous. I think I'm going to name it "cheap luggage" or "walrus"

Best things about this back cover:

• Oh yes, the girl from the painting looks much better in stark isolation like this.
• The back cover copy goes from making every naked reference and pun in the book until finally devolving into a ... Monopoly metaphor?
• "A new kind of flesh game" - remind me - What was the old kind?
• Is that what they call "negative space?" All that ... emptiness in the top half of this cover? Bold aesthetic choice. Or else the printer just wasn't centered. Who knows?

Page 123:

Her eyes rolled listlessly as she turned away. I backhanded her against the nearest side of her face, and her head jerked upright again.

Thus answering the question: What do you do with a blonde who's UP-TIGHT? (A: You smack her in the face so that her head jerks UPRIGHT). Read all about it in "Al Wheeler's Man's Man's Guide to Manhandling Naked Chicks."

~RP