There are numerous ways in which the cock may be blocked.

Gay Bar Edition:





















The cell phone: You will be chatting away to some prospective cock maybe even buy him a drink when all of the sudden the cell phone rings. No cock for you tonight, boyfriend has to rescue his girlfriend from her latest invented emergency. Two cock blockers in one move? Boyfriend came with protection tonight.























The girlfriend: Steer clear from this cock. Boyfriend hasn’t made up his mind if he’s gay or straight. Sure he walks and talks like gay cock but girlfriend hovers closely like an electric fence about his neck. More than likely she suffers low self-esteem and harbors feelings and resentment for the recently announced “I’m Gay” cock. Don’t waste your time she will block your every move.



















The stalkers: Say you find the new bartending hunk attractive? Take a glance at the sad sack patrons that have lined up around the bar for his entertainment. He doesn’t want to lose their tips. Unless he is specifically interested in you forget about it. It’s not worth the battle with the sad sacks. Besides they may become potential cock in the future so don’t isolate them for a lousy lay with a bartender who probably has a little cock anyway.

















The pack: There he is walking through the door looking like a million dollar cock, but wait he seems to have brought along a gay entourage. One by one they take their places, the wing man, the right hand man, and the three stooges fill in behind. The leader of the pack makes eye contact with you...and several others. This cock is a challenge and one that suffers from extreme ego. It’s best not to attempt a coup unless you have an entourage yourself willing to play offense and pick off the sycophants. Besides you will be in for a night of platitudes; you’re so smart, you’re so handsome, you’re little cock is so cute...



















The lovelorn: You went on a few dates with this cock but after the three date rule he never produced a cock. Does he even have a cock? You take a cock blocking measure and say a few niceties and return to your location. Mr. Right Cock strikes up a conversation with you when Mr. Lovelorn sends him a drink from across the room. Mr. Right Cock acknowledges the drink with a nod and resumes conversation with you. Then Mr. Lovelorn suddenly appears and puts his hand on his hip and lisps, “WELL whoth ya friend?” Mr. Right Cock introduces himself and thanks him for the drink, but Mr. Lovelorn doesn’t leave and takes up residence next to Mr. Right Cock. Do Not Leave the two alone for one second. If you do Mr. Lovelorn will move in and whisper details of your boring dates, “He just stopped! He never calls!”. When you return you notice that Mr. Right Cock has relocated across the room and Mr. Lovelorn is watching your every move. Best to call it a night.



















The stealer: So you're smoldering in the corner seat when a flighty bar acquaintance walks over and blatantly points out the cock he’s after. He slyly encourages you to do the same. Don’t Do It. He just pointed out a stranger. What he’s really after is the cock you are after because he doesn’t know what he wants until you tell him. Take a preemptive cock block and point out a stranger yourself all the while concealing the true cock intention. He’ll be so busy trying to steal your cock that he won’t notice that you picked up Mr. Right Cock and left.

Everyone says the Eighties are back.

I say NAY.

It’s the Seventies all over again.

Last night I had a dream and you might say it was a nightmare. I was in some vague darkened hallway of an undisclosed location that resembled a bath house or sex club, not that I’m familiar with such places being the pure chaste unspoiled virginal type. Actually I’ve never been to a bath house or a sex club but I have been to peoples houses that feature sex rooms or dungeons and I have been asked upon occasion for pointers relating to the tasteful appointment of such.

Anyway in my dream there I was when a man approached me to have sex. I recognized him immediately as a celebrity. I haven’t thought of this person in years so it was odd that I would conjure him up in a dream much less be invited to have sex with him. I suppose it’s fitting as I don’t necessarily enjoy the attentions of the stereotypical beauty or the gym bunny.

He does have a rather nice frame and or possible build and I could always close my eyes. I awoke with a full on woody and a bewildering shame washed over me having contemplated a sexual experience with Weird Al Yankovic. This feeling has lingered with me throughout the day.

Okay, alright already, Dirty whorish details coming right up.

For TJB, As I stated below but buried in my endless Farrah adoration, I wore the palest of pink fine-line dress shirt with a pink and blue striped rep tie. Navy blue blazer with brass buttons, faded distressed jeans and tasseled loafers. Just a hint of Armani musk with a top note of SEX. It’s spring here ya’ll.

Okay so yes I did bed my handsome Craaay’g. He’s about six feet tall with the most gorgeous full head of closely cropped salt and pepper hair I’ve ever seen with baby blue eyes. Lean very attractive body with just the right amount of dark body hair. It swirls in the most hypnotic fashion. Thoroughly masculine thighs that can be expected from a tall man with great proportions. You know the actor guy Chris Meloni well it’s like that with silver. So he has about a thirty two inch waist and forty two inch chest and he’s about forty himself. Tight ass. Firm tits. Nice teeth. Heaven. Usually in this instance I don’t need to know your name just get in my bed and put your butt in the air but like I said we know one another so it’s a little tricky if you don’t want to be perp walking the next time you see him. It was a pleasant and dignified exchange of bodily fluids. One that shall be repeated again according to the phone call I received earlier today.

Now that those pesky details are out of the way let me say that it’s ridiculous to expect two gay men to be monogamous and at my advanced age I put out on the first date. Presuming that you have had previous conversations and flirtations of course. Who am I kidding I fuck’em right then and right there. “Oh the back seat of your car? that’ll do”. The following are notes from my playbook.

Gay sex and the single girl or How to Bait a Successful Man Trap,

Assuming that you did all of the right things in advance like clever conversation and genuine interest in the trick in the first place everything can go down like a battle plan. First of all when I go out on a date and one I’m pretty sure will end up at my place I start cleaning at least a week in advance. Then when you and your date decide to move on with your plans of fornication you can always state that, “Oh my place is a wreck and honestly I haven’t picked up in weeks, and I’m so embarrassed for you to see it this way.” Then when you open the door to an immaculate magazine spread they are literally overwhelmed. Dash in and pick up the lone newspaper left in disarray and say, “Oh it’s such a mess”.

Always have lots of favors such as liquor and snack trays or freshly baked goods on hand to serve him. If operating in a drunken stupor then just have liquor ready. Make certain that your bathroom is pristine! Then suggest that you watch a movie but oops the player is on the fritz but the one upstairs works just fine.

Now that you are upstairs entering the bridal boudoir the scene is equally important. I usually leave music playing something mood enhancing like mellow House music, nothing that requires comment. A lighting plan is essential and everything in your house should be on a dimmer! Don’t bother to bring the DVD as it has long been forgotten. Two tea light votive candles should provide sufficient ambient lighting in the boudoir.

I purchased a valet chair many years ago and it has become the hardest working accessory. Once the date is properly conditioned he’s ready to get busy and so the valet holds his clothing while you go about stripping him. Unless the stripping commenced as soon as you walked in the door. It happens. Also the little tray atop the valet is the perfect place to hold condoms, poppers and a joint.

It’s crucial that you have fresh clean sheets on your bed and another set waiting in the wings. A guest toothbrush and bathrobe are other essential items. The bedside drawer should have only the necessary items such as lube or toys and cock rings, never have old boyfriend pictures or family photo’s perched around with familiar eyes watching, it’s just creepy.

Now that the mood has been set it’s time for you to man up. No giggling, no coy behavior and rid yourself of any intimacy problems that you may suffer and no needless chatter. This is no time to ruin it.

Warning Dirty Whorish Details Follow:

Once fully nude and the undergarments have been removed, stand back, admire, appreciate and respect the naked present that has fallen into your bed. It could very well be the last. I prefer to be the assertive one as it is my boudoir lair and all. Begin by licking him from head to toe! The only conversation that is to be exchanged is in admiration of his perfect body, “My what flexible limbs you have, and You have the prettiest ass I’ve ever seen” should do the trick. Depending on the position you wish to occupy. No baby talk! Don’t be a wimp either if he wants and only wants to put it in your ass then be obliging. Be prepared for that also a simple douche before the date should have taken care of any unpleasantness. I’m serious. Nothing will make him tear out of there faster than wading through the mud. (You want dirty whorish details...you got em.) These suggestions are for my single brethren who don’t know that when you get partnered the sex is virtually over. So Jason and TJB listen intently. Peenee just verify what I say.

If unaccustomed to the position of penetration then poppers it is all the way. Might I suggest also that he who has the larger and nicer penis do the penetrating. Nothing worse than a little prick stabbing you in the ass repeatedly. It hurts. Don’t be afraid as the sphincter is a wondrous expandable orifice and with a little foreplay executed correctly can prepare the receiver for a pleasant experience. If however the operator is inexperienced and madly goes about shoving his dick into any hole available like a horny puppy then I suggest you cut your losses and the evening short. You can moan about it to your girlfriends tomorrow over brunch.

While in the act don’t just lay there like a limp lifeless fish. Be involved and anticipate your lover’s next move as in a new position. Don’t worry about the sheets. They can be replaced think of it as the price you would have to pay a hooker to do the same tedious thankless task. Remember to only make comments of joy unless you are in actual excruciating pain.

Once the dirty deed has been executed and the guilt starts to wash over you, relax. Let the memory sink in by all means don’t jump up and start scrubbing the funk away. Cuddle a little then nonchalantly excuse yourself to the bathroom then return with a warm wet towel and suggest that he use the restroom also if he chooses. If he decides to leave with a valid reason let him go with his dignity. You should already have his number. If he stays the night then you have a cuddle buddy and possibly more sex. If he splits immediately then you just got fucked literally and he‘s an ass with issues. If like me you look a fright in the mornings, wake before he does and rush to the shower.

Wake him with a cup of coffee then suggest that the two of you have breakfast someplace nice. If he’s smitten suggest also a trip to the beach or the flea market. If you wish to be rid of him complain of an early appointment when you return to work and that preparedness is of the utmost importance. Never chew your arm off as it’s expensive and painful to have it reattached. If on the other hand you find yourself in the position of fleeing then make excuses like, “What fun this was and it’s a shame it shan’t happen again as you feel terrible about cheating on your partner, or When we see one another again lets pretend to be strangers” then run, run for your life.

There you have it. My bachelor pad playbook. I have friends and I have family, I’ve had boyfriends but I don’t sleep well with others. I’m smaller 5’-9” and they always want to cuddle me to death. I never get a good night sleep. Plus I’m an atrocious snorer. One day Mr. right will come along and make a permanent dent in the mattress but until then I prefer Mr. right now.

Casting call is underway for another fabulous Mr. Peenee Production to be staged at the elegantly well-appointed club My-O-My. Anyone familiar with Peenee Productions knows of the director’s penchant for lavish stage designs, over the top costumery, chorus boys, liveliness and vivacity of imagination and top-notch-first-rate-performers.

The master is currently auditioning semi-professional trannie entertainresses for the upcoming Coco Vreeland headlined dragaganza entitled, “You're Too Big for Polka Dots”.

Better hurry and get down on Peenee’s casting couch, as he doesn’t like filling last minute slots. Listen ladies this is a star-making opportunity not to be missed so get your acts together. Stage names and musical arrangements required!

“Very square pocket squares are now being sold in ‘Gay Hanky Code Colors’ Yellow and Brown hanky users please keep your activities in color coded designated areas. Also, Earl, we have code yellow and brown clean ups on aisles 2, 7, 13, and 21.”

*Thanks for shopping at Mr. Kitty's House of Gay Fashions*

________________________________________________________

The Roller Boogie Movie:

















“So you know how I’m a huge Linda Blair fan right? No? Oh yeah Linda Blair and I go way back. I used to ride my bike up to the Meadow Brook Cinema 6 when I was a kid and see matinees for two-fifty. I saw the trailer for Linda Blair in the Roller Boogie movie, the next Saturday I was there watchin' it. I wanted to be her.”

So does this fascination with Linda Blair continue to this day?

“Oh yeah...like just this other day, well a couple months ago really I was on Ebay searchin' for stuff and I came up on that purple silk shirt she wore in the Roller Boogie movie. You know the one I’m talkin' about? No? It’s purple and iridescent and she belts it over a pair of purple spandex leggin’s and leotard. It's all roller disco color coordinated purple for Linda Blair in the Roller Boogie movie.”


















Looks hot. Did you bid on it?

“No”

Why not?

“Cause it was fif’teen hunard dollars that’s why. I figured I could get one like it at a thrift store and just tell ever’body that it was the one Linda Blair wore in the Roller Boogie movie. The auction did offer a really good deal though. An autographed 8x10 Screen shot and the DVD cover both featurin' Linda Blair wearin' the shirt.”






















*LINDA BLAIR SCREEN WORN "ROLLER BOOGIE" SHIRT *

This is YOUR chance to own a piece of HOLLYWOOD HISTORY! This is a very wise buy! It can only go up in value!

Linda located this wardrobe piece in her archives and is auctioning it off for charity! All to help abandoned and abused animals!

This is the only wardrobe piece from the film in existence. This is it!

Fans of the Movie should act now!

You will receive:

The Roller Boogie Shirt! An 8x10 Screen Shot of Linda wearing the shirt! An 8x10 of the DVD cover featuring the shirt!

ALL ITEMS SIGNED TO YOU OR WHOMEVER YOU WOULD LIKE by LINDA BLAIR, herself!

This is a ONCE IN A LIFETIME PACKAGE!

















Starting bid: US $1,499.99

Ended: Apr-16-08 11:44:00 PDT

Shipping costs:Calculate

Ships to: United States

Item location: Toluca Lake, CA, United States

History: 0 bids



Purple Silk Shirt on Ebay

________________________________________________________

The Blade Runner Movie:
















“Well a few years later my older brother made me skip school and get high and go see a movie with him. My parents were out of town and he was supposed to be watchn’ us and we went to see the Blade Runner movie with Harrison Ford. That movie changed my world. Harrison Ford had a fine ass short haircut, a nice ass apartment, and cool ass futuristic clothes. I wanted to be him.”














So what steps did you take to be more like Harrison Ford in the movie Blade Runner?

“I liked his stuff. I liked his piano with tons of pictures and the whole Frank Lloyd Wright stamped concrete motif all over the place. I’ve been saving little pieces of stuff for a long time and one day I’m goin’ to redecorate my life and house and wardrobe and be like Harrison Ford in the Blade Runner movie.”






















Wow that sounds ambitious?

“Yeah and time consuming. I recently found the company that makes Harrison Ford’s barware in the Blade Runner movie, do you know the glass I mean? No? Well he uses several different sizes all in the same distinctive pattern: shot glass, high ball, old fashion. Well them I-talian’s sure think a lot about their stuff cause they aint cheap. I thought I’d register it as my pattern when I get married one day to Harrison Ford in the Blade Runner movie.”






















So you want to marry the Harrison Ford character that was in the movie Blade Runner?

“Definitely. I want to be Rachael the robot. You know the one I mean? No? I want to be her. Well Sean Young plays Rachael the robot in the Blade Runner movie. She has these outfits that look like they’re from the 40's and she has a Joan Crawford hair-do. You know the kind all wound up on her head, with lots of pins to hold it together. Sean Young in the Blade Runner movie playin’ a robot sits down at the piano covered in pictures and, she looks like a Hallmark card, then casually undoes her hair and lets it down into soft curls...no pins in sight.”














You wanted to be the robot? Instead of being the Harrison Ford character in the movie Blade Runner?

“Yeah she had better wardrobe and hair-do’s. Oh and she didn’ have a built in life span. She could live forever with Harrison Ford in the Blade Runner movie until he’s old and dead while she remains young, beautiful, mysterious and dangerous.”

It’s that time! It’s that time-o-year the queens love best. It’s Memorial Day Weekend here in the glamorous redneck riviera resort town of Pensacola, Florida.























A few things to remember while attending the beach:

Enjoy the sun, sand and surf.
Wear sun screen.
Take cover from 11:30 a.m. until 1:30 p.m. That’s when the suns rays are most lethal.
While in the Gulf don’t fight the rip current.
Occasionally don’t wear your swimsuit.
Consume lots of liquids.
Pack a lunch.
Stick with groups.

A few things to remember while attending the parties:

Enjoy the dance, drink, and debauchery.
Wear moisturizer.
Take cover from 11:30 p.m. until 1:30 a.m. That’s when the moon is at it’s brightest.
While on the dance floor don’t fight the ripped current.
Occasionally wear your swimsuit.
Consume lots of liquor.
Pack fudge.
Preferably with groups.

That’s it...That’s all really...Just have fun and remember when showing up unexpectedly at my home, please bring your own towels and food...I live here...I work here...I’m NOT a hotel. Just kidding, just kidding, really, but not about the towels and food part. So come on down, the dance floor needs you. The DISCO call’eth thy name. Make the pilgrimage and succumb to the trek that leads to worship at the gay Mecca by the bay.

Attending circuit parties in Pensacola this holiday weekend? Of course the best parties will feature performances by Bianca Del Rio,















and local favorite Anna Rexia.