"Oh, it's true - I heard Mommy talking to that awful lady!"

"The one she calls Mrs. Prowler?"

"That's her. And she says Stephen Haines is stepping out on Little Mary's Mamma!"

In these low days it's such common knowledge that even stock-photo models know all about it:  Stephen Haines is stepping out on Mary.

"Oh, no, Virginia - I simply can't believe it!"

"Really?!"

"Oh, yes, Irene.  I'm sure that's her.  Sitting there cool as a cucumber in her Daché hat and summer furs.  The nerve!"

"And it's true she used to work at Black's?"

"Oh, indeedy-do, my dear.  Standing there at the perfume counter, palming that putrid Summer Rain off on Park Avene playgirls who don't know any better.  Oh, I've seen her kind before.  I wasn't born yesterday!"

"Well, what do you know.  So I guess it really is true - Stephen Haines is stepping out on Mary!"

Adelaide and Cora looked on in shock.  They had heard of such things, of course, but couldn't bring themselves actually to believe it until they saw it for themselves.  So it was true:  Stephen Haines was stepping out on Mary.

Far be it from me ever to comment on a lady's age, but I have heard a rumor that Barbara Walters recently startled the studio audience at a taping of The View when she shared her memories of the first big story she nabbed, back when she was a just a cub reporter in Manhattan, struggling for an exclusive.  Yes, it's true: she was the girl who broke the shocking news that Stephen Haines was stepping out on Mary.

[Get well, Baba Wawa - TV wouldn't be the same without you.  Of course, only you could leaven the sad news of a fall - by having it take place at the British ambassador's residence!]

L: No!

News traveled fast.  On their first morning in Paris, Irene stopped in mid-matchstrike and Harriet looked on in horror as Yvette laid out the truth to Alice: as incredible is it seemed, Stephen Haines was stepping out on Mary.

"Oh, for Christ's sake, girls," grumbled Daisy. "Those dykes Lily and Rose are old news. I've got the latest and this is it: Stephen Haines is stepping out on Mary!"

All the regulars over at Sydney's - even the once-a-month wash-and-sets - know the truth: Stephen Haines is stepping out on Mary!

"Well, it mustn't get around, but... it's all true. Stephen Haines is stepping out on Mary. Her mother told me. Yes, that's right - the one with the strange ideas about swastikas..."

"No, darling - as far as I can tell, it's all true! They've competely split up, and I hear the chippy's name is Crystal Allen. I'm surprised it hasn't been in the International Herald Tribune!"