The attack on the United States Southern Command lasted only two minutes, but the damage was considerable. According to the security cameras in the parking lot, twenty-four mortar shells hit the facility, launched from the radio transmitter park just south of the complex. They bore through office roofs, blew craters in the tree-filled lawn in the center, destroyed dozens of offices, including the admiral’s, as well as the Fitness Center, SouthCom Barber and Southcom Shoppette. There were no human victims, mainly because the attack occurred at 4 a.m. on a Sunday morning.
The attackers got away cleanly, and very clever attackers they were: they had disabled traffic cams, left no equipment behind, and vanished long before the police, directed by SouthCom guards, found the trampled grass amidst the trees as the location of the attack. And by the time investigators had arrived, even the attackers footprints were hopelessly mixed with those of police.
Chaos reigned, helicopters circled, headlines crawled, anchormen panicked (“This just in from Miami….”), and President Trump tweeted from his breakfast table that WE WILL FIND ALL ATTACKERS AND THEY WILL BE HUNG. The search for the authors of the attack, if not the actual perpetrators, ended quickly because he revealed himself six hours later. The President of Bolivia made a televised speech to his country: the attack was in reprisal of two simultaneous American attacks on two Bolivian sites exactly one year before.
One was an attack on a building not far from La Paz Airport in which eleven people died; the target, to Americans, was a fentanyl factory. As Bolivia later demonstrated, however, it was a pharmaceutical factory that created generic drugs using some of the same ingredients as in fentanyl. The other target, a large farm, really was the home of Carlos Ichamba, the biggest supplier of coca paste to the cartels in the north of the continent. Trump had crowed plenty about these attacks and laughed when President David Santos said that Bolivia would respond.
When President Santos finished his speech in Spanish to his country, acknowledging the attack in Miami, Bolivians en masse took to the streets, waving Bolivian flags and chanting slogans. President Santos then continued his speech in English, wanting, he said, Americans to hear directly from him.
“Exactly six months separates us from the Trump Administration’s illegal attack on Bolivia,” he said in perfect English, though with a clear Indiana swing to his words, as for ten years he had studied for his Ph.D. in medicine at the University of Indiana. “American jet fighters illegally entered Bolivia through Chilean airspace from the Pacific and left through Peruvian airspace, flying low to evade radars. They killed innocent people at both places — cleaning ladies, secretaries, warehouse workers. Carlos Ichamba, as we all know, was not at his home and is still alive. His wife and three children were not so lucky. Nor was his brother and his wife, or his six children, only two of whom survived.
“In attacking the United States, we were far more considerate: the only losses are material ones. Our intention was to send a message: Bolivia does not take lightly the violation of its territory and the murder of its people.
“Now then, with today’s attack, we consider the matter finished. But if Americans want to fight, we will give you a fight, and on your territory. We will not send an army to your shores, but we won’t need to. After all, this is the twenty-first century.
“Lastly, one note. After the infamous American attack on our country, I said that Bolivia would respond to it. A week later, a video created by a group of well-known comedians went viral, in which Bolivian soldiers dressed in ponchos storm the beaches of Florida. The invaders don’t get far before people on the beach invite them to drink and share their fun, and the invasion collapses. Well, to Americans it was a funny sketch, which allowed them to ignore its clear flavor of racism; it was considered an insult by Bolivians. We hope that the same group of comedians will soon create a sketch about Bolivians in ponchos destroying U.S. Southern Command.
“Let me reiterate: we consider the matter of the American attack closed. But if there is any further attack on us, we will respond, and in American streets. I hope that the American administration will reflect on these events and that our two countries can continue with relations that are, if not normal, at least businesslike.”
Businesslike, however, was not the word for the American reaction.
President Trump immediately slapped 1000 percent tariffs on Bolivian imports, calling it a “narco-terrorist nation,” an “open sore on Latin America,” and a “two-bit tinpot bunch of cokeheads.” He said America would attack, and any nation that did not allow them passage would be considered in the same league as Bolivia and hit with the same huge tariffs — and maybe more physical means of punishment. In Peru and Chile, which stand between the Pacific Ocean and Bolivia, huge crowds poured into the streets, holding up pairs of green, yellow and red soccer balls that symbolized Bolivia’s “cojones”; their governments were thus compelled to reply that they felt Bolivia’s attack was justified and they would not be bullied. By the end of the day, every country in Latin America saw such demonstrations.
In the United States, people were shocked: America had been attacked, and by a country where people lived on a dollar a day! Images played of the cavernous black craters (“eight-ball head wounds,” as one pundit direly described it) punched in the roofs of “SouthCom,” the shorthand term now on the lips of every anchor-man and -woman as if they drank their afternoon gin-and-tonics there. How had it happened? Where was our Border Patrol? The Navy? The Marines? The CIA? These agencies fanned out on news shows to point out the irksome blur of overlapping missions, of bureaucracy, of the “delicate balance” they must maintain between freedom of movement and the need for security. As to the complete disappearance of the attackers, one former Navy Seal laughed, “Law enforcement? It doesn’t stand a chance against a well-trained team.” This comment brought a prickly objection from another guest on the panel, a former FBI executive.
Yes, the media quickly swung into action to channel the passions of citizens. Fox News, of course, followed the president’s lead and called for all manner of reprisals against Bolivia. “Do these people forget we’re a nuclear power?” fumed a son of the president. Pundits scoffed at the refusal of Peru and Chile to allow the American army passage into Bolivia. “Who do they think they are?” cried one of those beautifully groomed savants on Fox and Friends. “Well, we need to change their glasses prescription and show them who,” answered another.
Cooler heads, which rarely prevail, recommended restraint. “Let this be a lesson to us,” said Senator Bernie Sanders. “In the twenty-first century, what goes ’round comes ’round. We cannot throw bombs here and there, totally illegally, without even asking the consent of Congress, without the victims of our violence coming back to haunt us.”
The New York Times’s editorial had the embarrassed air of one who has split his pants while sitting down. “While it is true that the United States unlawfully bombed Bolivia, these matters must be dealt with in the appropriate fora. Violence only engenders more violence. It is a lesson that President Trump will hopefully learn now, as he continually bombs Somalia and Yemen.”
As usual, the country was concerned and confused.
The FBI, having analyzed the fragments of the mortars that hit the U.S. Southern Command in Miami, concluded that they had not come from Bolivia, but were from a U.S. Army batch that were obsolete and due for demolition; the servicemen in charge of transportation admitted that when they arrived at the company that would do the dismantling, they were two cases short. They speculated that they had been stolen during a stop at a roadside diner. Each case had held a dozen mortars; hence the twenty-four mortars that had been fired at SouthCom.
Conservatives as one called for war against Bolivia. “Any serious analyst knows that we cannot let another country attack us with impunity,” wrote a Wall Street Journal columnist with that smug condescension that flavors conservative opinion. “We are the United States. We must send a message to anyone who dares to think about it that we will answer any attack with overwhelming force. This is the essence of deterrence. Yes, the American attack on Bolivia was probably unwise and, considering that the human target of the attack on the Ichamba mansion was not even there, poorly executed. But I repeat: we are the United States. Countries that provoke our wrath must put up with it. They do not teach us lessons. We teach them lessons.”
An emergency meeting of the U.N. Security Council ended with a unanimous vote reprimanding Bolivia for its attack, but recognizing its right to self-defense; another vote, asking the United States to refrain from further action, was vetoed by the United States.
By that time, an aircraft carrier group was already sailing down the Pacific coast. “We will flatten them,” tweeted President Trump. “Bolivia is a country in the Andes mountains? That ends now. It will be a flat country, AND BURIED UNDER RUBBLE.”
The next day, President Santos appeared on television, again giving his speech first in Spanish, and then in English. “We had hoped that, as many thoughtful Americans have said, the matter would end with our attack. President Trump has decided otherwise. So it is necessary for us to give the Americans a warning. Tomorrow at noon, there will be an enormous explosion in the state of Missouri. Again, we will take care that there are no victims. But it is the only warning that we intend to give. After this, if the American government continues with its plans, on every Tuesday and Saturday, air traffic will be disrupted from coast to coast until the government calls off its war of aggression. I ask everyday Americans: Are you in favor of your government’s actions? And more to the point, do you have any control over your government?”
Ever cautious, President Trump answered, “IF SO MUCH AS A FIRECRACKER GOES OFF IN MISSOURI, SANTOS WILL ANSWER WITH HIS LIFE.”
Camera crews flew en masse to Missouri. Missourians were canvassed for their opinions.
“Yeah, I heard there was some problem with B’livia,” said one. “Folks in Missouri never bothered’em. Don’t know why they’re comin’ here.”
“Must be ’cause we’re the center of the country,” said another. “I mean, you look at a decent U.S. map, you see that. Ev’body says it’s Kansas, but you take Alaska an’ Hawaii outta the ’quation, and it’s really Missouri.”
The explosion went off in the early morning hours between second and third base of Softball Field 2, leaving a crater twenty feet deep in the infield. More significant was the location of the softball field: Whiteman Air Force Base in central Missouri, home to the Air Force’s famous B-2 Spirit Stealth bombers. The base commander said that, yes, there was security all around the base, but it was mainly focused on the hangars where the bombers were kept. “Besides, softball season’s over ’cept for the championship: Fluid Mechanics versus Canteen,” he said, “and we can play that on 3.”
But the shockwave, besides setting off alarms all over the base, reached to average Americans: if Bolivia could set off an explosion in the very center of the U.S., their warning about airports certainly had weight. Business leaders and airline executives now began contacting the White House and asking for negotiations with Bolivia. President Trump would not hear of it.
By Tuesday, the carrier group was moving south along the coast of Peru, which with Chile had declared that it would not allow the United States military to pass through its land or airspace. President Milei of Argentina, a proud friend of President Trump, said he would be happy to allow Americans transit, but as either the crow or the F-15 flies, that would mean a thousand miles to Bolivia, and another four hundred to La Paz. The distance from the Pacific Ocean to La Paz was only two hundred miles. Still, Tuesday came and went without incident in American airports, though cancellations had been multitudinous.
The first attacks on Bolivia occurred on Friday. In La Paz, the capital building, La Casa Grande del Pueblo, was badly damaged, as was the congressional building, in Bolivia’s second capital city of Sucre. Four military bases were also attacked. In total, some forty deaths were reported. Critics loudly asked why these facilities had not been warned beforehand, as Bolivia had been careful to avoid casualties; to which President Trump tweeted with unusual poetry, “It’s no use spanking someone with a cushion. A little blood just might FOCUS THEIR ATTENTION.”
To no avail, Chile and Peru both protested the brazen violation of their airspace; American fighters hadn’t even bothered to fly below the radar. President Santos, hiding deep in a web of copper mines, issued a radio address to the country, saying that with the full support of the Plurinational Legislative Assembly, the Bolivian legislature, he had ordered a counterattack on the United States.
On Saturday, the counterattack occurred. At 10 a.m., drones began flying around the airports of three cities: Cincinnati, Memphis, and Las Vegas. For twenty minutes, two or three drones about five feet in diameter appeared in each place, swooping around the runways. When one drone flew off, another took its place, this for two hours. Protocols mandated that air traffic must stop because a drone could hit aircraft engines during takeoff or landing. By three o’clock, the airplanes were cleared to begin moving again, and the drones reappeared, now in Portland, Providence, and New Orleans, also flying for another two hours before disappearing. Because airplanes scheduled to pass through those cities remained grounded, the disruption rippled across the nation, and flights by the hundreds were canceled.
On Fox and Friends, a woman dressed in vivid magenta was nearly in tears: “I’d paid for my mom to come up for a visit from Dayton, but her flight was canceled: her airplane was still on the ground in Santa Fe! I haven’t been able to give her a hug for six months!” Other panelists patted her hand in commiseration.
Then, at 7 a.m. on Sunday morning, two overpasses were blown up, falling on the main highways connecting southern and northern California, Highway 101 and US 5 — a disaster that one columnist described as “on a par with a 6-level earthquake.” There were no fatalities, only a few injuries from fender-benders, but millions of Americans now wondered if attacking Bolivia was worth their rising trouble.
The American attacks on Bolivia stopped over the next three days because a violent storm off the Chilean/Peruvian coast forced the carrier group to suspend operations. The Bolivian attacks ceased as well. However, an incensed President Trump put out a bounty on President Santos: five million dollars, dead or alive. President Santos immediately returned the favor. Wags created memes of billionaires who visited the Oval Office being searched by the Secret Service, which found weapons — knives, guns, even poisons — on all of them. At any rate, Trump’s public engagements disappeared, and his almost-daily chats with reporters were limited to the Oval Office.
At this point, Santos gave a short, fifteen-minute interview to a CNN reporter. A white man of Spanish and French descent, he had been Washington’s favorite candidate in the last election, as the others were even more leftist. He was an odd figure for a politician, a former doctor who as Health and Sports Minister had organized a system of mobile health care units, some of which traveled by horseback, riverboat or helicopter. He spoke fluent Quechua, the Andean language, and had self-published two books on Andean folklore. As one pundit later remarked, he was the perfect counterpoint to President Trump: courteous, concise in his answers, and humorous in a sort of backhanded way; one had to think a moment to catch his jokes.
Here are some of the questions and answers.
Q: What do you think of President Trump’s remark that he would flatten Bolivia?
A: Divine revelation just ain’t what it used to be.
Q: Why has Bolivia been so careful to avoid civilian casualties in its attacks on the United States?
A: I would prefer to allow President Trump to be able to save face. Casualties would make that more difficult.
Q: How long can Bolivians bear American attacks?
A: The question is, how long will America bear our attacks? Most Bolivians, you know, live on ten dollars a day. Try asking Americans to do that.
Q: Why was it so important to reply to America’s two initial attacks, when most countries would have borne them in silence?
A: Ask Neville Chamberlain about appeasing a bully. You may have noticed that our South American brothers have rallied to our defense. We all know that if we don’t put up a fight now, other American attacks are inevitable.
“That interview?” boomed Senator Lindsey Graham. “It made my skin crawl.”
Secretary of State Rubio opined, “It only proves his credentials as a terrorist, in the same league as Maduro in Venezuela, and by the way, I’m running for president in 2028.”
Other Latin American countries tried to help Bolivia out, though there was precious little they could do, Bolivia’s enemy being a carrier group a hundred miles off the coast. Brazil sent helicopters and firefighting equipment, wary of taking on the American fliers in a dogfight. Peru and Chile sent ships to cruise the coastline, but this was little more than a gesture, and Secretary of Defense Pete Hegseth warned them loudly against any attempt to send underwater drones. Colombia ordered the American military personnel on their bases to stay on the base, and Ecuador canceled a national referendum on opening an American base there, for its constitution forbids foreign military installations. And all countries were already taking in people severely injured in American bombing.
On Monday, the attacks on La Paz continued, and on Tuesday the drone attacks continued in American airports: this time, in Concord, Detroit, Dubuque, and Spokane. By now, the FBI had figured out who was doing the attacking: teenage kids who had been gifted the top-level drones, promised cash rewards, and told via cell phone when to fly them. After a twenty-minute flight from a safe mile away, they could keep the drones and would be told where to find five hundred dollars: in such-and-such a book in the public library, or taped to the underside of a bench in the high school baseball dugout. The kids were delighted with both the money and the chance to mess up an airport.
When this news broke, President Trump declared that anyone caught flying a drone at an airport WILL BE TRIED AS AN ADULT FOR TREASON.
Poor Juanito Stoner! Just fifteen years old, he was caught in Detroit. While most Americans applauded, Detroit citizens rallied to Juanito’s cause, for he was both Hispanic and Black; on top of it, he was helping to support his family by working the four-to-eleven shift at a fast-food restaurant — then dragging himself to school in the morning. Viral went the video of him being booked as an adult and sent off in a police van to a local jail. Blacks and Hispanics marched through downtown Detroit for three days straight, much encouraged when President Trump called them “losers one and all.”
But how were the attacks happening? Who was behind it all? Why weren’t the perpetrators snagged in the electronic nets of American security?
President Santos was not communicating electronically at all. Each day he sent paper messages out with some thirty “chasquis,” the Quechua word for relay runners, who traveled by bus, boat, car, bicycle and on foot, their destinations varying widely throughout the Andes and the Bolivian Amazon. Few of them carried authentic messages; ninety percent were decoys. It was a slow process, but effective.
As to common counterintel methods, the FBI was dumbfounded: they had a complete list of Bolivian intelligence agents in the U.S., and all of them were accounted for, both those who were on the American payroll and those who took the money in cash. And these agents were as amazed as their American handlers. They’d had no orders, no instructions, not so much as a general directive to buy supplies and abet the saboteurs. Nothing. Many expressed their hurt feelings at being so distrusted.
The Bureau consulted its powerful AI tools, which suggested Brazilian agents might be helping out; President Lula da Silva was indeed cooperating with Bolivia. But here too, Counterintel drew a complete blank: Brazilian agents had received no orders either. Heads were scratched throughout America’s far-flung espionage network. How on earth were Bolivians able to hit so many targets over such long distances?
The next week, two more overpasses, one of a massive explosion at one of Houston’s four-level highway exchanges, were destroyed, and through an extensive investigation, a bit of luck, and the mistake of the saboteurs, one of them was apprehended: a small-time hood from Chicago. He had been hired by a man known to authorities as part of a high-tech burglary team who usually robbed either rich mansions or bank vaults.
“He got the job through a contact on the grapevine,” the hood told investigators on the promise of immunity. “Easy money: strap a ring of explosives around two of the supports and detonate. Just one thing: no victims. We had to make sure all the traffic got stopped first — took more work than the bomb: flashers, uniforms, all the bullshit. Anybody died, though, and there was no second payout — nada. Eight hundred K per job paid in cash, three hundred up front, five paid right after: find the money buried in the cemetery, like in The Good, the Bad, and the Ugly. Totally anonymous.”
Investigators mulled it all over — mulled the attacks, mulled the sharp organization, mulled the use of cash payments, mulled the amazing lack of clues or leads or witnesses, and finally realized that they weren’t looking at a Bolivian black-op at all. The Bolivians had taken advantage of Carlos Ichamba’s contacts in America. Underworld figures making extra paychecks were behind the attacks. And they knew all the tricks of law enforcement. Bypassing Bolivian secret services, President Santos’s brother Alvaro had spent the six months since the Americans’ first attack preparing the ground: buying the drones, moving around whole pallets of cash, and buying explosives, detonators, drones and burner phones — all done at arm’s length through Ichamba’s mafia connections. And Alvaro had disappeared across the Mexican border a week before the attack on SouthCom.
“So it is our frank opinion, Mr. President, that they could continue for months,” a sheepish CIA man concluded, shrugging. “Everything is set, everyone has their orders. They’re just waiting for the text message giving the green light.”
President Trump fumed, fingering the gold fixtures over the Oval Office fireplace. “I want these people caught!” he shouted. “I want them hung, doused with gasoline and burned at the stake! Every Tuesday and Saturday now, they tell me you go to an airport and it’s as quiet as the city morgue!” He whirled around. “Freeze their gold assets. That’s it. Christ, I have to think of everything, don’t I?”
“The Bolivians moved out the entire lot five months ago, saying they were protesting the American attack. We think that some of this gold was sold to finance their little war, sir.”
“Where is the gold now?”
“According to sources, in the basement of the Chinese Embassy, sir.”
President Trump sighed. “Goddamn Chinese. Get me someone in Legal. I wanna know if we can go in there and take it.”
The kids stopped flying their drones over the airports, warned off by their parents. A Tuesday went by without incident, and President Trump said that the disruptions were now over. “I stopped them,” he told the few reporters allowed into the Oval Office; the President of Mexico, the ever-poised Claudia Sheinbaum, fought to keep a poker face beside him. “I said that anyone disrupting the traffic of our beautiful air-transport system would pay the price, and they heard me and got scared. Looks like some of ’em know what’s good for ’em. You guys probably don’t know this — you don’t know much of anything, it seems — our attacks on Bolivia are making them pay dearly. The other day, we hit their biggest electrical plant. They’re bending, folks, they’re bending. Santos says he won’t negotiate with me, but he will, he’ll bend the knee, they always do.”
Asked for her comment, President Sheinbaum said, “President Santos has said that Bolivian attacks will end when the Americans’ attacks end. I hope that will be soon.”
Sitting on a sofa nearby, Vice President J.D. Vance huffed darkly as if his child had said a bad word.
The next two attacks by Bolivia are the ones that finally ended the war.
On the following Saturday, following an attack on Bolivian natural gas installations, newly-crowded American airports as well as thousands of businesses were closed yet again when some twenty “Internet farms,” those massive complexes filled with row upon row of computers which together comprise the lovable-sounding “Cloud,” were forced to shut down: vandals had sprayed expanding polyurethane foam deep into the exterior air-conditioning ducts of these centers. The quickly rising temperatures inside forced shutdowns. And it would take days before the hardened foam was hacked out — chemical disslovents could damage the machinery — and the ducts were unblocked.
“Yeah, if there’s one thing AI can’t take, it’s life without A/C,” said one techie to a news crew. “I mean, we’re all in there lookin’ at this big ol’ mass o’ foam and we kinda look at each other and we’re like, ‘Buncha savages, these folks: don’t fight fair. Can’t just put a virus like normal people and leave it at that.’”
Bolivia as well was affected by the shutdown: a supermarket chain in its major cities refused to take credit cards, and a bank had to close for three days. Bolivians nonetheless overlooked the convenience; daily anti-American marches filled the streets of its major cities.
“Well, we’ve bombed all their gas plants now,” President Trump told reporters on his way to his helicopter, shouting from a distance as he was surrounded by Secret Service people. “They can’t take much more, it’s all over. We’ll keep dishing it out as long as they continue with these pinpricks.”
“Pinpricks!” a woman in tight banana-yellow dress exploded indignantly on Fox and Friends. “Listen, I love President Trump with all my heart, but there are people who can’t get to their meetings, school teachers who can’t access their lessons, people who can’t even get their cars to open! These are not pinpricks, Mr. President!”
This summed up the mood of the nation.
But the straw that broke the American back came the next week, at two NFL games: Los Angeles Chargers at Seattle, and the Philadelphia Eagles at Miami. Simultaneously, in both places, all radio communications failed. The quarterbacks and coaches were cut off, cell phones went blank, telecasts were cut, even the scoreboards went blank. Somewhere, somehow, someone was jamming all radio signals in each area.
It took hours, but the frequency jammers were finally found: in practically the only vehicles left in each stadium’s parking lot: minivans. Drivers were traced and arrested, but their stories were identical: each was paid five thousand dollars, the money to be found in a shoe-store’s Dumpster (Miami) and the mailbox of an abandoned house (Seattle).
It was not lost on the public that the attacks had taken place at the very opposite extremes of the country.
The games were finished in front of empty stands on Monday afternoon. Football fans, coaches and players cursed Bolivia and President Trump equally; sports bettors demanded their money back, and lawsuits clogged the courts. At Fox and Friends, righteous pity overflowed: “When you consider how much a ticket to a game costs now? That’s just not fair!” cried one panelist. “Darn right,” said another. “Stopping pro football isn’t helping anyone’s war effort. It’s nothing but an attack on the American people themselves. It’s downright sacrilegious.”
So sacrilegious that American attacks ceased. Bombers no longer appeared skimming over the Andes.
Two weeks later, Bolivia held a memorial service — and later erected a monument — for the 215 people killed in American attacks; it was attended by all the presidents of Latin America except President Milei of Argentina. Even Canadian Prime Minister Mark Carney showed up and pledged several million dollars to help Bolivians rebuild their battered infrastructure.
From the White House lawn, President Trump dismissed the event, calling it “an excuse for a party.” “We gave it to Bolivia — full bore — they know who won,” he said. “They can see it in their totally busted-up congress and presidential, ah, office. It’ll take them years to rebuild. We won, we beat the hell out of them. There wasn’t any point in continuing. They won’t bother us anymore.”
President Santos had withdrawn the bounty on President Trump. Was the American president going to do the same?
“Oh, that was never serious, just a negotiating tactic, that’s all. I don’t know why you people never got that. I have to spell everything out. You make it so hard, so very hard….”
And off to his helicopter he trudged with that hunched, portentous stride, a man with the world’s weight on his shoulders. The Bolivian-American War was over.
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well, i suppose if trump can create an alternate reality, philip kraske has the right to do the same. in fact his is quite superior to that of agent orange (trump’s mossad code name). now some might argue this to be a fanciful piece of fiction, i see an underlying connection, to what zato proxy ukraine is doing to the russian federation.
in fact it is a level of magnitude worse, as they deliberately attack and kill civilians, as well as using unwitting suicide bombers. recruiting teenager proxies to commit terrorist acts is another common e.u.kranazi tactic. i don’t know how these magatards idiots can think they won’t face blow back at some point in the future.
if trump’s big fat mouth writes a check, his big fat ass can’t cash and this country is drawn into an actual conflict, they may find themselves facing similar tactics, from any number of state actors, as they have in the past. look at the soviet surface to air missiles in vietnam, how many b-52’s got shot down? and what are we flying today? b-52’s….. that are more dated than… well, the b-52’s love shack, i’m terrified.
now that we’ve established the military precedent, of overt acts of terrorism as official state policy, how can we expect other countries not to attack our civilian infrastructure. our grid is so overload we’ve seen entire regions blacked out from a single failure such as in niagara mohawk in western new york. we went through a hurricane that knocked out power for a week and let me tell you, not only does the entire area come to a grinding halt, life becomes miserable, with long line for gas and empty shelves almost immediately.
if our grid was knocked out, this entire country would be in instant chaos. you don’t have to nuke us, we’ll gouge each other’s eyes out, for the last pack of twinkies. ukraine is now having its lights shut off, for being banderite scum and attacking russian civilian energy facilities, let’s see how much they like having to pay this long overdue bill.
but perhaps this is exactly what they are setting up, another old fashioned false flag state of emergency, that will allow them to declare martial law. then trump can get a white horse, to ride around the white house, while brandishing pearl handled .45 automatics.
Nice story. Food for thought. Thanks.
With Palantir and AI this will be much harder to pull off than suggested, but there are lots of creative people out there.
Dude I almost thought all this shit really did happen, it’s so early right now and I’m half away awake reading all this. Like I was actually believing this stuff went down and wondering why no one was even discussing it. But then again I don’t read the news to see what’s going on. All I do is check out this site because I generally like to read a lot of the stuff you write up and a few other commenters, at least ones I don’t end up fighting with lol.
The only parts I didn’t believe was Trump going off with the “pour gasoline on them!” I don’t think he would have said that. Of course if the U.S. keeps picking fights with everyone like an ass. These scenarios very well may just become reality one day. I don’t know if Bolivia is truly that ballsy or not though. But this article had me hooked to the point of wanting to look up more shit on it to see if it was really happening. Then it became obvious fiction when I made it half way through it.
Cute.
In 2025, are their any fans of the old Anarchist’s Cookbook?
Scenarios like this were a whole section of gamer-games before it all went online.
Another version might be the ancient Peter Sellers comedy, THE MOUSE THAT ROARED. The tiny nation of Grand Fenwick sends a squad of crossbowmen to attack the USA, lose, and collect millions from it afterward.
No longer far-fetched at all.
Never heard about this. Disgusting. We’ll have less allies than Israel if this crap continues.
Correction: It’s officially Indiana University, not the University of Indiana.
One more reason to realize that ALL wars are evil. Period.
http://biblicisminstitute.wordpress.com/2014/07/16/all-wars-are-evil-period/
And all those trying to stop them are the blessed of God. American politicians and warmongers are in dire need of a heart adjustment.
http://biblicisminstitute.wordpress.com/2015/04/16/the-heart-adjustment/
Hi Lamont. The article is a satire. I wrote it because of America’s rising aggression against Venezuela. I suppose it’s easy to make this mistake because so little satire fiction appears on Unz.com. But some things are better dealt with in fiction than in analysis.
Since a significant segment of the huge hispanic population in the US (especially the higher-IQ demographic) is disgusted with ham-fisted yanqui imperialism—epitomized by Trump’s ICE raids, war on Venezuelan fishermen, and looming oil robbery—this kind of scenario isn’t as far-fetched as it appears. Most of Latin America, and plenty of US hispanics, will overtly or covertly support Venezuela, Cuba, etc. in conflicts with the Mad Emperor.
I assume the US is already awash in Bolivarian agents. Cuba has long been notorious for sending fake defectors and “refugees” who are actually trained intel operatives. Among the “millions of Venezuelans who have fled their evil commie dictatorship and settled in LA and Miami” I wonder how many thousands are covert Bolivarians trained to unleash retaliatory mayhem if necessary.
It took me a while to work out that this was a fake. If Russia had taken out the HQ of the NYT or Fox, the Ukraine war would have ended much sooner.
Maybe the OP is reporting on a secret war we will never be told about.
Bolivia, like Colombia and Venezuela, has WMDs called “illegal drugs”, and Trump needs those Tomahawks for his war on drugs. Surely killing innocent fishermen or real drug smugglers will earn him a warrant from the ICC. The ICC set a precedent with the arrest of Duterte for killing drug dealers, and Trump is now doing the same to drug smugglers.
Funny. Fact is if “Bolivia” (Venezuela) did attack the US, ICBMs would destroy that country. There would be zero hesitation. Leftist fantasies aside, the US isn’t Russia and would respond with full force, then veto any UN resolution. Notice how Moslem terror attacks on the US died off after 9-11? The US responds to such attacks with massive force, not limited war.
Bring back Monty Python. Yanqui comedians are terrible, all those shouted ‘fuck’ s in the stand up genre. Terrible.
This is on par with that. No subtlety . Whatsoever.
Might have to go back to reading ‘zerohedge’ (comments section I mean; ) if I have to be ambushed with any more of this kind of thing.
Please Mr Ron, stick with serious topics. , maybe with the odd joke..
Like this
Why are jewish men circumcised?
…….
Cos Jewish ladies won’t touch anything unless it 10% off
Bernie Sanders and The New York Times are on the same page vis a vis their sympathetic views on the Bolivian assault on the US facilities isn’t surprising given that “Pancho” really doesn’t rule that country but the kith and kin of BS & NYT are behind the scenes fomenting it, given that they have a heavy hand in where the dough from the narco businesses end up, i.e. in whose pockets.
Given the “Reality Show” we have today in daily news, it’s hard to tell if this happened or not…
Thanks for this article! Very very heartwarming.
In response to Enthropy’s unhappy comments at being misled apparently, i did like the joke he related, ‘why are jews circumsised’ with ‘because jewish women only like it if 10% off’ i might suggest an addition – ‘only if its already marked down 50% & in the bargain bin’
You need to show some respect to writer Ambrose Kane (formerly rockaboatus). The dude was LAPD and worked those mean streets until retirement. A real man’s job.
So may I ask what soft (I suspect) career field you are or were in? Come on… you can tell us. ;-D
Those attacks ended in failure. They were not full force. It limited war —
But most importantly, the attacks’ themselves while militarily successful — strategically and politically are very problematic – failures.
The messages that need to be sent and currently there are two – sadly.
Supporting Ukraine and I reluctantly include Taiwan. The practice of beating up smaller states that essentially have not engaged an act of war in this day and age is generally a waste of time.
LOL, for some insane reason the U.S. in fact increased mass immigration of Muhammedans, and set up many Muhammedan-majority towns.
Ilhan Omar is an illegal, FFS, she broke so many rules, even incest, her immigration claim was based on claiming marriage to her brother.
Yet, nobody speaks of that simple fact any more.
Excellent satire. The best published in UR in recent memory. Thank you.
Can you arrange to have it translated into Spanish and sent to Adrian Salbuchi and QQ Romero at Anti-sistemismo Explicito?
Your idea of subtlety is the joke at the end? Pathetic.
“Notice how Moslem terror attacks on the US died off after 9-11? The US responds to such attacks with massive force, not limited war.”
Oh, yeah, those “Moslem” attacks of 9/11, right you are, dumb troll.
Food for thought, but can we please get back to hating Jews?
“ham-fisted yanqui imperialism—epitomized by Trump’s ICE raids, war on Venezuelan fishermen, and looming oil robbery..”
The ICE raids in the US have nothing to do with “yanqui imperialism.” Another kettle of fish altogether. Bernie Sanders and Chomsky grabbed the term and have been using it to hide what is in many cases not “yanqui imperialism” but JP-directed US aggression.
Magatards are just that: retarded, halfwit, ignorant-based niggers just like their Criminal-in-Chief. That is why they identify with him.
What was the point of this inane fantasy? This is like writing about a bunny beating a Doberman in a fight and pretending there is a moral to the story.
To parse this conflict dishonestly, in terms of a giant Super Power picking on a very poor and powerless nation is subterfuge meant to undermine US Statecraft and the US citizenry’s perception. An Opium War conducted against the United States exists since I was a child; it’s the warfare offensive that has created America’s ‘War on Drugs’. I don’t know why the export of drugs and/or its components for human consumption, from anywhere around the world, into the United States, is not taken as serious as President Trump thinks it is. It’s a national security crisis, that demands conducting the necessary confrontation, ‘bringing it’ to the aggressors’ door, no matter where or how; it’s a national security priority.
So while your ass is eating grilled cheese for Thanksgiving dinner, it’s shit like this that made it so.
https://www.thedefensenews.com/news-details/How-Much-the-US-Really-Spends-to-Defend-Other-Nations-From-Military-Aid-to-Global-Bases-and-Deploying-Navel-Fleets
Endless waste on U.S. military idiocy. I don’t care what presidential puppet is ‘in charge’.
The Israelis bombed Iran, Yemen Syria, Lebanon, Qatar and Gaza with virtual impunity. It has suffered zero consequences. The US wouls suffer less than zero consequences.
what exactly does this extraneous, off topic comment, have to do with the subject of the current thread? is that you rocka booty? still butthurt over the last time our paths crossed? it wasn’t me that suck a gun and a stick in your hands and told you to bust heads for the man. too bad you couldn’t find a more productive and satisfying occupation, than playing wac a mole for fun and profit.
you cops need criminals to find purpose in your life and when you retire, you live off your old war stories of the glory days. it’s kind of sad to tell the truth, when you can no longer demand that people respect your authority. this explains why so many of you become alcoholics. so no, i don’t thank you for your service to the man, nobody held a gun to your head and made you do it. you did it because you enjoyed it and it made you feel like you held power over other people, you were part of the system that ultimately serves the needs of tptb.
This possibility is why we need to get all hispanics out of america. They are as evil and useless as blacks . Diversity is horrible idea.
I knew this was satire and I enjoyed reading it. A good article but I also have to say that even this satire should be a little more serious. We are quite likely to see some retaliation from South America and there will be blood shed.
Great satire!
My only criticism is that the failed attempts to imitate Trump’s logorrheic streams of drivel display levels of vocabulary, rhetorical skill, rationality, and morality far exceeding anything produced by the sociopathic idiot currently polluting our White House.
Macaroni is not a white horse…oh, …wait
First they came for the drug dependent but I said nothing. Then they came for…..
….. Then they came for the ninnies, nobody said anything because there was nobody left.
Slippery slope.
If I were going to write this type of silly satire, I would at least invent a country. How about Frijolia? Or Santa Coca? Or Alienia? Or Deltaco? Or Sinagua? No, just replace Venezuela with Bolivia, as if they were interchangeable and it’s completely obvious Bolivia is really Venezuela.
Just a minute. The people in Bolivia and other SA countries responsible for the drugs destroying America’s youth don’t “live on a dollar a day,” and in fact they’re fantastically wealthy, with vast estates and private jets. It is the leaders of those countries who bear responsibility for the US having to do what those country’s leaders will not do themselves. As with Tren de Aragua in Venezuela, it turns out these governments are in cahoots with the cartels.
And let’s cut the crap, calling these South American kleptocracies “countries,” as if they were the same as the civilized countries of North America or Europe. As V. S. Naipaul put it in his Writer and the World, we must refuse to be taken in by the category error of calling or treating these South American territories under the control of local crime bosses as democratic countries governed under anything resembling the rule of law. They’re kleptocracies ruled by thugs who give themselves titles like el Presidente, and the drug lords they serve need to be hunted down and exterminated. And because the people under those thugocracies live on a dollar a day, as the author says, someone has the moral obligation to throw el Presidente and his cabal in jail.
Can you imagine what Israel will do to us if we cut them off?
I am not defending Israel. Nor am I contending that Israel should be given carte blanche support.
But on the consequences, here I must disagree. The US is still experiencing the ramifications of both Middle East adventures. And had there been any real indepth self assessment by the leaders of either party I doubt that Pres Trump would be in office.
He slipped through the cracks created in large part by the failures in Iraq and Afghanistan which had a ripple effect on a myriad of other issues. Republicans before that time despite the mess of Pres Clinton’s also a republican debacle that backfired, republicans were considered mainstream, reasonable, protectors of traditional more’s , God and all things generally good, with a kind of a reasoned, prudent but strong approach to national defense.
After 9/11, not only did the gloves come off, so did a host of sane policy advances. And when it failed, they set about avoiding responsibility, in essence they acted very much like democrats. It was a kind of strange chaos politically and ethically. The party and conservatives took a real beating. And when they were critiqued by their constituents, they began a very nasty campiagn of mocking, name calling and even went so far is to challenge the veracity of people’s faith in God. It was and remains bizarre. All anyone of the candidates that were campaigning along with Pres Trump had to do is say — we made a mistake. And as consequence our conduct lost us leadership on the ethics Homefront.
And the nation spiraled into a another period as with the 70’s of peculiar social advances: same relational conduct as churches were torn asunder, women as pastors, gender manipulation the conservatives lost the confidence on so many fronts — its a wonder the republican party survived at all. And maybe it hasn’t. They caved as much as any standard bearer of traditional values.
——-
side note: given the current issues regarding Israel, it’s odd that they did not take a hit given their lousy intel on both fronts. Maybe they have just not as clear.
Pres Trump is a symbol of the consequences. I walk in fear every time I deal with students — because to be a conservative is to walk a credibility line like no other. And the Iraq and Afghanistan mess — nearly shattered the credibility of what it means to be a conservative or a republican
And I fully admit —– how conservative and republican leadership conducted themselves during the Monica Lewinski matter — took a subtle but definite hit.
Not every consequence is a bullet
“The Israelis bombed Iran, Yemen Syria, Lebanon, Qatar and Gaza with virtual impunity.
It has suffered zero consequences. ”
A Jewish prestidigitation trick. The Israelis in the first sentence (they) who bombed to their (and your) hearts’ content become “It” (i.e., Israel) in the second sentence where there are zero consequences.
In reality, while the US guarantees “Its” (the Israel state’s) immunity, at least so far, “fhey” (the Israelis) feel the consequences both “at home” (a misnomer in fact for the squatters on stolen and) with an economy now on full US subsidies, closed ports, etc and abroad where they are pariahs, despised worldwide and banned from cultural and sports events. Wailing about ‘anti-semitism’ and the Holocaust™ no longer work.
I didn’t expect such idiotic crap from you. Must have not paid close attention to your comments before.
Go back to CNN where you belong, nullwit.
Shut the fuck up you inbred hillbilly, you’ve never left your trailer park but think you’re an expert on SA.
LOLOLLOLOLOL
Seriously, you think 911 was a “Moslem” terrorist attack???
“The Bolivian-American War” …. hahahaha… Philip, just WHAT did you smoke today?
You are saying that Bolivia fought with the ENTIRE CONTINENT OF AMERICA. Are you out of your mind? Bolivia is INSIDE AMERICA..!!
AMERICA IS NOT A COUNTRY, period, end of story.
If you believe otherwise, you are just showing how ignorant, how arrogant and how brainwashed you and your people are.
“American” is ANYONE who was born in the continent, regardless of the country. Canadians are americans, Bolivians are americans and so on.
“American” CAN NOT be used to denote nationality for the same reason. Got it?
You people live in a delusional world, in a bubble and you expect the rest of us to agree with that stupidity? WE DON’T..!! You don’t even have a demonym.
PATHETIC..!!
Yes. I haven’t been convinced otherwise.
THANK YOU.
I chose Bolivia because it is landlocked and would require the U.S. to fly over countries without permission. Also, I thought the idea of a war being carried out by a single carrier group was interesting.
As to making up a country, that sounds to me silly.
In common parlance America tends to be the US, so even Canadians are not Americans. USian is a clumsy construct. Of course geographically speaking you are correct but everyone knows what the author meant.
Hi Junk. The correct figure, cited by the Bolivian president, is ten dollars a day. The one dollar a day figure is cited by a Fox and Friends airhead.
Second, I lived in Ecuador for a year — the featured novel City on the Ledge, my fourth, takes place there — and I can assure you it is a country. The narco boys arrived some five years ago, and the government is battling with them, as assassination attempts on leaders has shown. The narcos have really turned a lovely, peaceful country into a hellhole. Before that, Ecuador was making great progress towards pulling a lot of people out of poverty, per capita incomes rising greatly.
When the term “America” or “American” refers to a nationality, it is the United States. Bolivians are people from Bolivia and Americans are people from the United States. Only in the context of the continent can we say that Canadians are Americans, just as the Dutch are Europeans. Where I live, in Spain, I say that I am “americano” or “estadounidense,” the latter of which has no English translation. Even in Google Translate, “estadounidense” is translated “American.”
And don’t use so many capitals. YOU SOUND LIKE TRUMP’S TWEETS AND IT RUINS YOU CREDIBILITY!!!!!
How irrational it would be to hate someone for having genetic background making them an ashkenazi jew or a sephardic jew or a mizrahi jew? Pointless, illogical, and unfair.
Here’s a Jewish guy that decent people ought to admire, not hate:
Alon Mizrahi of the YT channel “The Mizrahi Perspective”
Other Jewish guys whom decent people should not hate, whether we agree or disagree with them on issues other than the genocide against the Palestinians: Russ Dobular and Keaton Weiss of “Due dissidence.”
The affable American couple “JP and Amelia” chronicled their experience living in Ecuador for some years on youtube. That included their wonderful connection with the people there, then the recent increase in crime and their sad decision to leave for a while and “slow travel” other countries.
I think they lived in the coastal city of Manta, then inland in Cuenca (the land of the eternal spring, somewhat like the nearly-unchanging moderate weather of Medellin or San Diego). My wife and I would like to visit both someday.
Notsosmart… you knob gobbler. You butt nugget. Now I know who you are!! You used to post as Roatan. The same writing style. The same pseudo-intellectual pomposity. The same smart-assery. The same hatred of cops and military.
BUSTED!
Now, I am still waiting for you to tell me what your career is, or was. As Roatan you claimed to be some sort of former computer engineer/software guy who moved from US to Central America. Are you sticking with that story?
The people we hate are only those who intentionally mass murder children, women, old people, handicapped people, patients and doctors and nurses in hospitals, terrified people herded into refugee camps … brag and laugh about it then periodically deny it …. torture hostages, including by degradation and rape … and intentionally blockade a people so that we cannot bring them food, water, medicine, clothing to avoid a slow, agonizing death, watching their own children die the same way.
The jewish zionist “israelis” who did that and are still doing it right this minute, them we hate. (Most of the ashkenazim are substantially white european anyway, with their italian, germanic, or slavic genes equaling or outweighing their characteristically “semitic “ / “middle eastern “ (Arab and Sephardic Jewish type) genes. What’s the difference whether the “man” shooting a child in the head has 50-75 % white euro genes like netanyahu and many top “israeli” officials, or very little euro genetic contribution like idf “soldiers” who are Sepphardic or Mizrahi jews?? Morally none.
The evangelical christian dimwits who support the torture, starvation, mass murder of people defending their own country, or just being children in their own co7ntry … them we hate.
It’s not the genes or the nominal membership in this abrahamic cult or that cult, which matters. It’s their intentional unnecessary cruelty and dehumanization of people, in this case innocent people with the legal and right right to resist invasion, occupation, dispossession, and starvation.
This is not a Bolivian war…this is a world war where one side is in the field and the other side is still trying to make peace by running around and bowing and pretending it’s not happening.
Sooner or later China has to start fighting…for real… because these skirmishes are all about the U.S shaping the battlefield for it’s benefit so when it comes at Chinas heartland then there is no fear of surprises.
China should be arming the Palestinians the Yeminis and others opposed to the U.S to the hilt…with real weapons not Kalashnikovs.
Sooner or later Russia, Iran and China will have to understand that the U.S is not going to give up hegemony without a fight by all means…. their conduct in the sporting arena tells you that…they will cheat and lie if they can get away with it… don’t let them.
anonymousfuckingidiot, why don’t you take a handle or just be man enough to post under your rocka booty or sugar kane name. your thinly veiled, sticky sock puppet isn’t fooling anyone. you still haven’t answered my pertinent question, as to what this extraneous and off topic comment, has to do with this thread?
it’s bad enough to try and pimp your pathetic attempts at writing, on someone elses article but to do it from a sock puppet, claiming to be a fanboy, shows your juvenile and imbecilic nature. you are wasting our time, as well as your own. why don’t you do something more productive and get a job as a rent a cop, at least you’ll get to put a uniform on and demand that people respect your authority again.
of course you could become a scout master, if you don’t mind dressing like an overgrown boy scout. it didn’t bother you for 31 years, so it probably won’t bother you now.
Thanks for your engagement John Dael and of course all wars are wrong but is the sionistbanksters wars so absolutely, all wars are shitt but the hell they lay upon us when we dont say “No” but instead sire them, accept and repeat’; “thank you”, “yes sir”, i’m sorry i didnt follow orders sir”, yes sir, i accept the jailsentence for not having obeied the kill orders”, “yes sir yes sir yes sir”. When people say “No f..heads”, “No f..heads”, No you f..heads wage your own conflicts”..then all wars will end.
There are some who wants to criminalize wars..well it’s a nice thought and lucky them. Alternate is to demand that all who want wars, fight their wars. That is, all the rabbinical lunatics in shitthole hellaviv and the corrupt peddopolicians in the three other warmongerzones pick up guns and start shooting on eachother. Of course, their ‘religion’ forbids..Wonder why they covered the flank
Another alternative, is to just hunt the warmongers (we know who they are, don’t we) down, not to kill, just for show before put to trial. A third is to use them as punchbags in dojo…well they use us as punchbags, so I find it reasonable they can have that little experience. As they say; “a little suffering strengthen the soul”..but the requirements is naturally that the individuals possess…
That’s funny, I worked with a guy who is half Ecuadorian (his mother). He said he had to stop going down there because he’d get robbed on every visit. He told me the poverty was out of control. It’s interesting that a couple rich Americans can parachute in and convince the gullible that it’s a great place to be. Funny, really.