(And if you don’t like it, go hug a liberal pumpkin, you snowflake!) Listen up, you candy-hoarding, fog-machine-fondling freaks of the night! It’s October 31, 2025, and here I am, hunkered down in my bunker with a shotgun loaded with rock salt and a bowl of plain old Hershey bars . The kind of bars … READ MORE
What in tarnation has happened to America? Back in my day, college sports were about amateur glory, school spirit. And maybe a free education if you didn’t flunk out. Now, thanks to this cockamamie House v. NCAA settlement that’s got schools shelling out billions, these overgrown kids are raking in cash hand over fist! A … READ MORE
I’m madder than a bobcat with a burr in its butt about this whole renaming hooey with the Department of Defense! You heard right, folks—they’re finally calling it what it is: the Department of War! About darn time! For years, I’ve been screaming from the rooftops that we need to stop pussyfooting around with these … READ MORE
Well, folks, strap yourselves in because I’m madder than a wet hen in a hurricane about this Jerome Powell character and his clown show at The Fed! This guy’s been running the Federal Reserve like it’s his personal piggy bank. And I’m here to tell you, it’s time to give this numbskull the boot faster … READ MORE
Folks, I’m so steamed I could fry an egg on my forehead! The Jeffrey Epstein client list—that filthy roster of high-flying perverts and power-hungry creeps—still hasn’t seen the light of day, and I’m about ready to bust a gasket! This is the kind of thing that makes my blood boil hotter than a Texas sidewalk … READ MORE
Listen up, you flag-wavin’, hot-dog-eatin’, firecracker-poppin’ Americans! It’s Independence Day, and I’m madder than a bald eagle stuck in a wind turbine! This here’s the day we celebrate our great nation breakin’ free from those tea-sippin’ British tyrants back in 1776, and yet here we are in 2025, squabblin’ like a bunch of alley cats … READ MORE
Folks, I’m so steamed I could boil my own head in a pot of clam chowder! Just when you think the world can’t get any dumber, those pointy-headed Eurocrats in Brussels go and prove me wrong. Word on the street—and by street, I mean the patriotic pavement of Main Street, USA—is that the European Union … READ MORE
Folks, I’m so steamed I could fry an egg on my forehead! Airline travel these days is a one-way ticket to Miseryville, and I’m sick and tired of it! Back in the good ol’ days, flying was a treat—stewardesses in sharp uniforms, legroom you could stretch a horse in, and meals that didn’t taste like … READ MORE
Folks, I’m so steamed up right now I could melt the paint off a battleship! They’ve gone and done it this time. Plopped a 60-foot Kim Kardashian balloon right smack in the middle of Times Square like it’s some kind of national treasure! I saw the pictures, and let me tell you, I nearly choked … READ MORE
Weekly World News is back! We are back. YOU are back. WWN has been on hiatus for the last few years while our award-winning investigative reporters were taking an extended sabbatical on Planet Zeeba. We traveled there to learn all we could about The Zeebans, the good aliens, who desperately want to help Earth survive … READ MORE