Robo-geisha

The first thing that comes to mind when sitting down and watching "Robo-Geisha" is probably: only in Japan! At least that is what rang true for me. This particular genre of movies is something that usually only rears its head from the bowels of Japan.

And it takes a certain kind of mindset to be able to fully appreciate these particular types of movies. I enjoy them for the campy, cheesy over-the-top entertainment that they are. Don't put too much into them, because they are not really meant to be taken seriously.

The story is about two sisters, one being a Geisha and the other living in the shadow of her Geisha sister. When they are both recruited by the Kageno steel company, a rivalry develops between the sisters in order to prove to be the better Geisha warrior/assassin. The Geisha women are trained to be deadly killers and are enhanced with robotic parts. But there is a sinister secret stirring beneath the surface of the Kageno company.

Yes, it is bizarre and odd, but still fun and entertaining for the campy movie that it is. Sure, this is somewhat of an acquired taste, and as such the movie will not prove appealing to every viewer. Mind you that this is not Shakespearian thespian acting in the least bit. You know what you get here, and "Robo-Geisha" delivers exactly on that account.

The acting in "Robo-Geisha" is as to be expected for a movie such as this. Personally, then I found it to actually be adequate acting for the genre. So that was a good thing.

However, the overall movie experience is a mediocre one. The movie fails to really impress in comparison to many others of this particular odd genre. And as such, then the movie failed to rise above the mediocre waterline. I am rating "Robo-Geisha" a mere five out of ten stars.

There are far better choices to pick from if you enjoy this particular genre of Japanese movies.

Ah, geisha. Beautiful. Alluring. Mysterious. Robotic. Yoshie is the archetypal younger sister, overshadowed in all ways by her elder sibling. Sis is confident. Yoshie is not. Sis is climbing through the ranks of a local geisha house. Yoshie scrubs the walls and performs menial tasks. Sis is in love with the young head of a local steel outfit. Yoshie ... wait a minute ... Yoshie is the one that he actually prefers! This is a recipe for conflict ... The latest effort from the crew behind cult titles Machine Girl, Sukeban Boy, Tokyo Gore Police and Vampire Girl Versus Frankenstein Girl, you pretty much have to know going in exactly what you're going to get with RoboGeisha - a violent, unrepentantly silly b-film loaded with wildly over the top set pieces hatched from the fevered mind of perpetual adolescent Iguchi. A self- professed ass-man Iguchi was asked by producers to tone the violence down a touch for this one and so he did before compensating more than amply for the reduced amount of blood by inserting a wide variety of weapons into his female stars' posteriors. Simultaneously a parody of bad melodrama and an explosion of cult excess, RoboGeisha takes a (very) basic sisters-competing-for-affection storyline and lifts it out of the standard domestic setting and replaces it with extreme body modification and a clan of geisha-assassins. The girls glare and stomp their feet at each other, then they go and replace their breasts with machine guns. Just when you think Iguchi and Nishimura must have run out of bizarre scenarios and weapons after producing so many of these films they come up with something truly bizarre. Bizarre like bleeding buildings, castle robots, throwing stars and katana's bursting from women's asses.

The picture quality is amble, it looks very digital. Shot in a reminiscent way to Crank (2006) and this is effective in hiding a smaller budget and creating excitement. The sound design was a little odd but effective and dynamic which pleased me. This is just taking a simple idea to the maximum insanity. Occasionally the pace slowed down and became a little boring but mostly pressed forward with crazy visuals, mad situations and breast-guns. Just my kind of film. Fast pace and lots of insanity. Also blood everywhere. This is a production of the time, where nonsensical over-the-top insanity was popular.

Noboru Iguchi's films have a reputation. You know people are going to die in them, but you are never entirely sure who will be next. Or what the weapon will be. Or from what orifice the weapon protrudes from. Robogeisha carries on this fine tradition, but as a teensy-weensy spoiler, there's more use of CGI blood this time around. I guess it saves on the cleaning bills.

So two sisters, one a geisha, the other the attendant, get invited to perform at a dinner for the big bad guy, and end up being recruited into his army of highly-trained female killers masquerading as more geisha. Oh and there's a few cybernetic upgrades on the way as well.

I can't really say much more to this movie that you can't already tell from the trailer. So I'll just say that I, and practically everyone else in a tiny cinema in the backstreets of Shibuya, was in fits of giggles throughout this movie as we were regularly surprised at what Iguchi's imagination would throw at us. Think of Wacky Racers with cast-iron Shimadas, comedy instead of splatter and only a slight feeling of disappointment when some of the set pieces are cut too short then there's still laughs to be had. Anyone for fried shrimp?

Shy beauty Yoshie Kasuga (Aya Kiguchi) lives in the shadow of her older sister, renowned Geisha Kikue (Hitomi Hasebe), who undeservedly treats her sibling with disdain. While Kikue is entertaining businessman Hikaru Kageno (Takumi Saitô), a pair of Tengu spirits attack, forcing Yoshie to display her impressive fighting skills. Pleased with the young woman's performance against the Tengu, Hikaru, a megalomaniac intent on ruling the world, abducts Yoshie and forces her become one of his Geisha assassins; he also operates on Kikue, giving her machine-gun tits. On seeing her sister's awesome weaponry, Yoshie opts for an upgrade, getting herself equipped with Wig Napalm and armpit swords, and soon becomes a top assassin.

When Yoshie is sent to kill a group of people who are searching for their missing relatives—the other Geisha assassins in Hikaru's army—her conscience kicks in and she refuses her orders. Displeased, Hikaru has her blown up. Luckily for Yoshie, one of Hikaru's ex-employees is on hand to piece her back together, giving her a few extra modifications in the process, after which she seeks out Hikaru, who promptly transforms his headquarters into a giant castle robot and heads for Mount Fuji where he intends to detonate a massive nuclear bomb.

RoboGeisha is another massive helping of bonkers action from Noboru Iguchi, the director who gave us the amazingly entertaining splatter-fest Machine Girl. But where that movie delivered an excess of impressive practical gore FX along with the insanity, this one opts for much more cartoonish violence, most of which is achieved via rather cheap looking CGI, making it a bit of a disappointment for those expecting more of the same. Poorly rendered digital blood is never an acceptable substitute for genuine splatter.

Thankfully, the film's relentlessly silly plot, OTT visuals, and hot Japanese babes ensure that the film is consistently entertaining, regardless of the gore. With such unique sights as a psycho nurse being sprayed with acidic breast-milk, Yoshie turning into a tank, ass shuriken, a man blinded by shrimp, and office buildings that bleed, boredom is definitely not an option, and there's always a little more fun to be had from trying to guess what Hollywood movie soundtracks are being referenced (I heard music that sounded suspiciously like the themes from RoboCop, James Bond and possibly even Rocky).