BA_Harrison

I know Last Rites is (supposedly) the last in the Conjuring series and they wanted to go all out with a big finish, but did the film really have to be four hours long? Okay, I'm exaggerating just a bit, but Last Rites did seem a lot longer than it actually is thanks to a leaden pace, a lack of decent scares and very little atmosphere.

For the majority of the film, I was bored... almost dozed off at one point, and that never happens. Patrick Wilson and Vera Farmiga are as good as always, but there's only so much they can do with a script that seems to have forgotten the purpose of the franchise: to excite and terrify.

Director Michael Chaves employs an extremely slow-burn approach, the film really dragging its heels until the final, special-effects-laden climax. The build-up is interminably dull, with long periods where nothing remotely horrific occurs; and when the scares do happen, they're wholly predictable. The Conjuring: Last Rites is dreary, clichéd garbage that fails to end the franchise on the intended high note.

3/10.

Evil Ed rhymes with The Evil Dead. Coincidence? Of course not! It's clear that writer/director Anders Jacobsson is a fan of Raimi's work, because his film references The Evil Dead movies throughout. Evil Dead 2 poster in the background - check! Scenes that mimic those in Raimi's movies - check! Evil Dead soundbites - check! Evil Dead style camerawork - check! Someone transforming into a Deadite-style creature - check! Jacobsson also copies much of his visual style from the early work of Peter Jackson and includes a nod to Night of the Living Dead for good measure.

But is Evil Ed as good as the films it borrows so heavily from? That'll be a no, the film suffering from a weak script, terrible performances (with bad dubbing) and an uneven pace. It does, however, deliver an hour and a half of splattery silliness, the film poking fun at the myth that prolonged exposure to extreme horror turns viewers into uncontrollable psychopaths. Johan Rudebeck plays mild-mannered movie editor Edward, who is given the job of editing out the sex and violence from a series of gory horror movies in order to make them suitable for certain countries; doing so turns Eddie crazy, and he goes on a killing spree. Cue lots of reasonably well executed splatstick horror that'll go down a lot better with a few beers.

5.5/10, rounded up to 6 for IMDb.

Rubbery mutant monsters; a desert cult led by a voodoo priestess; a vibrating cactus full of tarantulas: just some of the entertaining nonsense to found in The Terror Within II, the directorial debut of Andrew Stevens, star of the first film. Stevens also reprises his role of David, survivor of a world-wide plague that has wiped out most of humanity and which has resulted in hideous genetic mutations.

While on a mission to find the ingredients necessary to cook up an antidote to the plague, David rescues a beautiful young woman, Ariel (Clare Hoak), from a mutant; Ariel shows her gratitude by shagging our hero. Unfortunately, David isn't the only one to have a go on the young lady: while staying at the camp of a religious cult, Ariel is offered to a mutant as a sexual sacrifice, the creature mounting her moments before David arrives to see off the horny beast. The combination of David's sperm and the mutant's sperm results in a hybrid baby that Ariel gives birth to soon after the couple arrive at the fortified laboratory where scientists are waiting to create the plague vaccine. When the baby is born, it grows rapidly into a hideous monster, and before you can say 'yet another Alien rip-off', it is running loose, killing off the humans one by one.

Stevens keeps the pace lively, filling his film with plenty of action, a touch of gore, and some gratuitous nudity. It's all very cheap and cheerful, but the cast give it their all - even R. Lee Ermey, who apparently only took the part so that he could pay for his house. Stevens' real-life mother Stella (Miss Purdy from The Nutty Professor) appears as one of the scientists, and Burton Gilliam (you might not know the name, but you'll recognise his face) is also fun as Dewitt, another of the survivors.

Lower your expectations before watching (if you've seen the first film, that should go without saying) and you'll probably have a good time with The Terror Within II. 6.5/10, rounded up to 7 for IMDb.