The Machine Girl

After her brother is murdered by a ninja-yakuza clan, a teenage girl seeks vengeance with her gatling gun. First and foremost, this movie has enough blood spray to fill Lake Erie. The death scenes are numerous, highly inventive, and extremely entertaining. The pacing is just about perfect, with the action scenes positioned within the running time in such a way that avoids any dullness. One surprising positive is the camera-work, which shows blood sprays for incredibly long periods of time. This is definitely a movie that soaks itself in excess. The story itself plays out rather seriously, but the black humor is laid on thick during the fights, so some laugh-out-loud moments are almost guaranteed along the way. This is a very satisfying action gore-fest because of its impressively long finale.

I've already heard some artsy snobs complaining about this movie in terms of character development. I'm just wondering why these tards even decided to watch this movie to begin with. They should have known exactly what they were going to get. You don't see the name Tsai Ming-liang on the DVD case, do you?

This really was my summer blockbuster popcorn flick of 2008. Everyone else can have their little CGI prairie dogs, animated monkeys, and space aliens. You can have your superheros, sequels, and remakes (can Hollywood think of anything new?). The fact remains that THIS movie should be playing on 3,000 screens! That will never happen in the USA though with it's dumb-as-dirt moviegoers who flock like sheep to see the most derivative tripe dished out by those Californian bloodsuckers. Do you people have ANY standards whatsoever?

On a positive note, that's another success this year in terms of my most highly anticipated films. "Chocolate" (a Thai action flick), "The Machine Girl", and "Tokyo Gore Police were all insanely entertaining. And maybe "High School Girl Rika: Zombie Hunter" can round out a great 2008 for Japanese Horror.

You don't get great stuff like this out of the States. Man, is there any reason to watch American movies anymore?

If you, like me, are fed up with movies that promise heaps of action, gore, and blistering violence but then wuss out in every possible way, allow me to direct you to THE MACHINE GIRL, a live action Japanese offering that is so balls-out crazy and over-the-top across the board that it brought an ear-to-ear smile to my face. I was intrigued by this film's trailer when I saw it several months ago, so when I stumbled across the movie itself while DVD shopping the other day I figured I'd take a chance on it, and, hoo-boy, am I glad I did. I've frequently decried the crappy quality of many recent action flicks from the Land of the Rising Sun, but this one gets a solid 10 out of 10 for its unfailing intent to give the bloodthirsty audience exactly what it wants. And then some! It's the goriest film I've seen in who knows how long, and as per what you'd expect from the Japanese it's barking mad in its over the top carnage and violence; no bullshit, I had exclaimed "Holy $#!+!" no less than three times before the movie was even five minutes into its running time.

A sterling example of the tried and true "you killed my brother" revenge genre, THE MACHINE GIRL takes the story of a high school girl named Ami (Minase Yashiro, in her film debut) who seeks retribution for her younger brother's murder at the hands of a pack of sadistic bullies and sends it clear into the stratosphere of mayhem-laden ass-whuppin' by rendering the sanguinary set pieces as impossibly and cartoonishly spewy as is possible to depict, all while maintaining a brisk pace that barely allows viewers time to catch their breath. The character development is minimal at best, and once the heroine's motivation is established, it's off to the races. To put it as simply as the film does, Ami tracks down the bullies and metes out justice accented with geysers of blood and entrails, losing her left arm in a one-two punch of a tempura deep-frying and a samurai sword dismemberment along the way, eventually replacing her missing limb with a fully functional assault helicopter's machine gun — complete with a seemingly endless supply of rounds — and, near the film's climax, a chain saw originally wielded by her garage mechanic ally.

And as if that isn't enough, the cowardly jerkwad who leads the bullies is revealed to not only be a spoiled Yakuza prince, but also the heir to a clan of ninja descended from the legendary Hattori Hanzo himself, so we also get modern day ninja action thrown into the mix for good, extra-stupid measure. It's an orgy of bloodshed, creative demises, loony superheroics, and a complete disconnect from reality in one of those worlds where the police simply do not exist until well after the participants in the mayhem have bled out, and I thoroughly enjoyed every frame of the damned thing.

As you've probably gathered, THE MACHINE GIRL is unrelentingly excessive, but the film is so crazy that it soon veers into outright parody of its own genre and is frequently hilarious because it's all played totally straight, with heaps of ass-kicking and violence committed by a cute schoolgirl in one of those now-fetishized school uniforms. And what's not to love about a film featuring the return of the favorite weapon of all us martial arts movie buffs: the venerable "flying guillotine?" And, yes, there's more than a bit of a debt owed to both PLANET TERROR (2007) and ARMY OF DARKNESS (1992), but I had more fun with this movie than both of those flicks combined (and I liked both of them to varying degrees). And just so we're absolutely clear on this, Peter Jackson's DEAD ALIVE (aka BRAIN DEAD, 1992) still gets my vote as the goriest film ever made — or that it's even possible to make — but THE MACHINE GIRL gives it a damned good shot at the title, and it's entertaining as hell. Take my word for it and put THE MACHINE GIRL at the top of your Netflix queue immediately!

Ami Hyuga (Minase Yashiro) lives a normal life... until her brother is killed by the Yakuza and some red-suited ninjas. Then she seeks revenge! Not strong enough, she is captured and tortured, losing her arm in the process. Again, she seeks revenge... this time with the help of a mechanic, his wife and her new Gatling gun arm. The ultimate in vengeance cinema.

The poster for this film makes the claim that this is the sort of film Quentin Tarantino wishes he could make. That comparison is about as dead-on as one could be, as the similarities between "Machine Girl" and "Kill Bill" are overwhelming. Woman getting revenge against a crime syndicate... fountains of spraying blood (more here than in "Bill") and even a Hattori Hanzo sword. Fans of "Bill" should be all over this like Homer Simpson on a doughnut.

Swords, chainsaws... throwing stars... the works. Blood, blood and more geysers of blood. Sadly, some of the film is computer-generated (pretty much the majority of the violence), but it didn't take away from the film as much as I thought it might. One enemy losing his face, another getting his head chopped (half) off... could have been done traditionally, but I don't think this was outrageously bad.

This film is a rush... cheer it on, soak in the violence, drink plenty of Scotch. I don't know what to say... it's just so much action, dark humor... it's like a cross between "Kill Bill" and "Battle Royale", though I wouldn't put it quite on "Royale"'s level... finding this film was a great stroke of luck, and you ought to hunt for it, too.

I have always thought of Japonesse comedy as being like Shakespeare comedy; funny to the people of the time and/or place but not to the rest of us. This is the first Asian film to not only make me laugh more than just a chuckle, but to make me cry with laughter and literally smack my knee. The reason that this is so good is because it seems as if writer director Noboru Iguchi took a step or two back too get a view of the Asian film market as a whole and even seems to have looked at it with a non-Asian eye to see how the rest of us see the market.

The deliberate over-the-top cheese and "happy family beginnings" were great fun, but its the wonderfully gory scenes that you'll remember. I don't want to go into too much detail so as to avoid spoiling the fun for those who haven't seen it, except to say that the scene with the main bad guy making his son drink his blood as a right of passage to the yakuzza is the main culprit for my man tears.

The only real problem of note is that the fun starts to dry a little as time goes on, the gore occurs less and less and the deliberate cheesy acting and dialogue almost gets tiresome (though it never actually is). It seems as if Iguchi used up all his best ideas too quickly in the first half and had to run with an empty tank for the last third.

Despite this its still always superb fun, and even though it is definitely gory, I recommend most people to see it, just cover your eyes if it gets too much at times!

The trailer for Noboru Iguchi's The Machine Girl has been doing the rounds of the b-movie community for months now. Gorehounds, exploitation fans action nuts alike have been looking forward to it with the same restless feverish anticipation the nerd community would embrace a new Star Wars movie. But let's get this out of the way first: a lot people of doubted the movie would fulfill the gory promises made by the trailer; cast away your doubts ye unbelievers, for like a good can of castoroil, this one does exactly what it says on the tin.

Now what does the tin say? A cartoonish hybrid of splattery goofy horror and gonzo action with only a basic revenge plot serving as a skeleton. I won't go into plot details because I'll only be wasting your time. In a nutshell: girl finds brother killed by yakuzas; girl has her arm chopped; girl wants revenge. Simple and effective. The talky parts that move the story forward are contrived enough to make you look forward to the next bout of creative splatter. Nothing to write home about but it gets the job done.

From a visual standpoint, the movie was shot in HD and that lends a cold, realistic look to it. Faster shutter speeds were used in the action scenes which means more stuttery images, reminiscent of 28 Days Later for example. The added benefit can be observed in the glorious blood geysers.

The main attraction here though is the splatter. It's done with enough tongue-in-cheek attitude to keep it from treading horror territory and remains more geared towards over-the-top action. Machine guns tear holes through heads and stomachs, torsos are cut in half, heads and hands chopped off and fingers served as sushi. Arterial sprays and blood geysers are all over the place in true 70's samurai fashion. Kung-fu fans will get a kick out of a favorite cult weapon cameo, the flying guillotine (as seen in Flying Guillotine and Master of the Flying Guillotine) and a certain drill bra is worthy of the cock and ball gun in From Dusk Till Dawn. There are evil yakuzas doing blood rituals, ninjas complete with shurikens and silly costumes (a nod to Godfrey Ho maybe?) and the cheese-tastic Super Mourners Squad. The prevalent comic-book sensibility makes everything so wildly enjoyable. Good, clean, family entertainment overall.

There might be gore galore but the movie is not without its flaws either. The score for one verges on silly muzak. Some parts sound like an early 90's NAMCO video game while others are cheap filler electronica. I wasn't expecting Morricone of course so it's only a slight annoyance but 70's Japanese exploitation movies boasted wonderful string scores that would have added the extra oomph here.

The CGI however should have been avoided altogether. They draw unnecessary attention to themselves and even though one could argue they are in step with the anything goes attitude of the film, I can't help but think they cheapen the whole thing in a visually unappealing way. Just watch the flying shurikens and you'll see what I mean.

What's important though is that The Machine Girl fulfills every promise it made upon its announcement. Watch the trailer. If an over the top action splatter fest that winks to martial arts and refuses to take itself too seriously sounds like your kind of thing, the movie will not disappoint. Iguchi made it with the enthusiasm of a fan and it shows: he knows what works and what doesn't. He also knows how many times fans have been disappointed by misleading ballyhoos and trailers of promised graphic violence and he delivers exactly what he set out to do.