Helldriver

Kika -- part machine, part woman-- all zombie slayer!

We've seen zombie slayers with Samurai swords, we've seen zombie slayers with chainsaws! But we've never seen a cyborg zombie slayer with a Samurai chainsaw-sword and pole dancing skills!

In this version of dystopia, the "infected" are people afflicted by a virus that causes antlers to sprout from their brain (much like the real-life Ophiocordyceps unilateralis fungus which invades ants' brains, to eventually erupt from their heads to release spores that will infect other ants).

These antlers cause the afflicted to resemble Japanese melons. The origin of this affliction is extraterrestrial as well as familial-- Mother Dearest is a psycho-bitch from hell (with Kika's heart, literally) and Kika's uncle has a Swastika burned into his forehead (ala Charles Manson).

And kids being kids, can't leave well enough alone, are grinding up the zombie antlers to experience a new form of high.

To keep the infected at bay, a great wall has been erected to separate them from the population. But other nefarious forces are at work, and the wall is breached.

Now on Death Row, Kika and cohorts are presented with a choice: face what will ultimately be an unfair trial, or volunteer to take out the "Zombie Queen"-- Mother Dearest.

What ensues is sheer mayhem, as our group battles its way through the zombie horde. But not just any zombie horde! We see:

Zombie women hurtling zombie babies attached to them with umbilical cords (like Medieval flails)!

• The Zombie Bar - A Female zombie boxer - Zombie people-wranglers - Zombies doing Michael Jackson's Thriller - Samurai Pin-cushion zombie (looking more like a grotesque porcupine than, say, Hellraiser's Pinhead) who duals (wait for it) with a truck! - A flailing mutant zombie thing with small baby arms (holding a knife and fork) growing out of it's face (words alone can not adequately describe this creature) that ultimately (d)evolves into a "General Grievous" (Star Wars)-like fighting machine - A Zombie car made out of zombie parts

Be warned, the gore is very graphic at times. But if you've read this far, I'm sure you aren't taking anything here as a warning. Dismemberment and fire-hose gushers from every body part and orifice are spaced out about every minute or two.

"Hell Driver" has a tremendous amount of style and fountains of blood, guts and brains... lots of corny prosthetics and absolutely zero logic. It is silly to the extreme-- but that is the point. A screwed up cartoon for adults (that are stoned). Full marks for creativity here!

The new entry into the "J-sploitation" genre, or what I've lovingly dubbed it "the purposefully hilarious, batshit crazy Asian B-movie" genre, this time from renowned splatter director Yoshihiro Nishimura, the genius behind "Tokyo Gore Police". We're treated to people lap dancing on spinal columns, alien starfish, a scene straight out of Power Rangers featuring zombies using their newborn (umbilical cord an all) as projectiles, an eight armed zombie that sounds like the putty patrol, a zombie seemingly made of weapons fighting an armored car, a car made of zombies, a fight sequence on top of a rocket propelled airplane made of zombies, zombies playing the accordion, zombies getting anally jousted with a chainsaw sword, the title sequence appearing after the hour mark, overall hilarious dialog and much, much more. It may not be as brilliant as its contemporaries but "Helldriver, RoboGeisha, Machine Girl", etc. all prove that nobody makes B-movies like the Asians, not even The Asylum. Also, it's still very strange seeing Eihi Shiina in this crazy villain role after seeing her in "Audition" but she's still amazing.

I was so excited when I found out about this movie on Amazon, and I ordered it immediately as it was available, so I managed to acquire a 2-disc DVD version of it. Why was I excited you might ask? Well because it is a zombie movie, a Japanese movie and it has Eihi Shiina in it; three good things put together.

As with the recent releases of gore movies from Japan, you know what you are in for with this movie as well. And true enough, "Helldriver" is in the likes of "Tokyo Gore Police", "Meatball Machine", etc. There is an excessive amount of blood and gore from the very start till end here (so now you are warned). And also there is a lot of questionable effects, but you bear over with it because of the gore and absurdity of the whole movie. This is what Japanese gore movies is all about after all.

The story told in "Helldriver" is just as weird as the rest of the movie. Kika (played by Yumiko Hara) is abused by her mother, watching her father killed before her very eyes, and she have her heart ripped out by her mother. Then things take a turn for the extreme, yeah as if this wasn't absurd enough. Something from space strikes down the mother, and half of Japan is covered by a strange cloud, turning people into ravenous zombies. Kika is recovered by the Japanese government, "improved" and put back out to deal with the zombie invasion in the north and put the Zombie Queen to rest.

"Helldriver" has questionable acting at times, but the overall acting performance was adequate for this particular type of movie. So you come to accept the odd acting and over-dramatized situations from time to time.

I found "Helldriver" to be good enough entertainment, as I knew what to expect and had braced myself beforehand. Take this for what it is, gory entertainment that is almost as far from being realistic as it can get. This is a movie after all, meant to entertain, not meant to mirror our daily lives.

If you don't like gore movies, the extreme splatter movies that Japan have spawned in the recent years, then stay well clear of "Helldriver", because it will not be in your liking. If you are a gorehound and enjoy these over-the-top Japanese splatterfests, then sink your teeth into "Helldriver", because it is as gore-drenched as many of the previous movies of the same genre.

The only thing that was a disappointment for me was that Eihi Shiina didn't have as much time on the screen as I would have liked. But that is a matter of personal preference. And also being a huge fan of the zombie genre, I did found this whole antler-thing on the heads of the zombies to be a bit weird. But I accepted it as part of the movie, and also because it did fit well enough into the absurdity of this particular movie and genre.

Interesting mix of Zombie and Gore action film, with many references to many modern fantasy and sci-fi movies and Japanese gore taste for fine bleeding fans. With some elements taken from the 'trifids', some post-apocalyptic scenes like Carpenter's Rescue from NY, some characters like Blade Runner's ones, references to I'm Legend and many more, this extra-large mesh-up film can be either disgusting and creative the most of times. Following with the well known Japanese tradition of telling the story with a bunch of flashbacks and flash-forwards, it contains lots of absurdities and null deployed characters, lots of story lines, irregular tempo and several flashes of very very intense action with astounding sound. For these actions it deserve to be watched, but for the others it's a waste of time, unless gore zombie films are your main interest.

I would be lying if I said that there is no fun to be had from watching this, but the whole thing feels like an experiment in absurdity rather than anything else and that is a shame as there is some real creativity here and there.

What I mean by creativity is that there are planes and cars made out of zombies, a zombie mother with a zombie baby still attached to her foetus which she uses as a weapon and, last but not least, the most insane zombie king and queen ever. But then the protagonist is an Alice rip-off (from the 'Resident Evil' film franchise).

In short, this film is a mixed bag in which the film-makers attempted to create the most absurd film ever. And I think they succeeded but at the expense of any real substance.