-- Ρημαδομπλoγκ --

How can I get rid of a pest flatmate who won't budge after a straightforward talk?

make him feel uncomfortable:

-invite all your lesbian, gay, transexual and otherwise queer friends and have them make out around the house including his room. have your shaven head butch friend with the bulgy biceps covered in tats to hit on him.

-ask your very devout buddhist friend to come and help you cleanse your home with a three hour long chanting session in chinese. ask the flatmate to join the both of you. explain she used to live in a monastery where they held week long chanting retreats.

-lock yourself in the shower ten mins before he usually takes his shower and let all the hot water run out, then come out naked and dripping while he waits at the door, showing your drooping boobs and praising the skin tightening benefits of cold water.

make bad noise:

-delay feeding your cats by an hour or two on sunday morning so they start meowing in a high pitch

-listen to your favourite station with the headphones on and sing along loudly and answer to whatever the producers are saying.

-start screaming as if you had a nightmare outside his door about three hours after he's gone to bed.

show him he is unwanted:

-invite friends, cook, eat and laugh loudly together, if he shows up pretends he's not even there

-ask him every day if he's found a new place already.

-leave a fake old looking black magic recipe titled "how to remove unwanted guests" in the kitchen next to a pot of foul smelling contents like old beans - plan it around the time he comes from work. go the extra mile and burn some baldrian outside the entrance door. when he comes in, say "oh, right on time for the final ingredient" and pick a hair from his head.

be a nerd:

stick notes in the kitchen, bathroom, entrance hall "remember to take down the lid please", "remember to take out the garbage", "hang your jacket straight please" etc

unplug his water boiler, toaster, shaving machine to save energy

start composting organic garbage in the kitchen to use for the balcony flowers


Even if it all fails, you will have so much fun until his lease is up!!!