Steve Does Comics

At last it's the end of the Celestial Madonna Saga. Soon I shall be free to drivel on about whatever it is I want to drivel about next.

But first, with such an event, I think we can take it for granted Marvel'll have pulled out all the stops to make sure such a tale's special, using the finest creators to produce a truly landmark issue that people'll speak of in hushed whispers forever.

And so it is that when we open the book, we find Giant Size Avengers #4's guest artist is...

...Don Heck.

Now, as long-suffering readers of this blog'll know, I'm open-minded on the subject of Don Heck. I quite like his early Iron Man and Avengers work, and I like his work on Sub-Mariner #68.

But sadly not all his art was of that standard and there were times when trying to read a comic drawn by him could be a painful experience.

This is one of those times. It simply looks dreadful. How much of that's down to Heck and how much is down to John Tartag(lione), whose inking here can only be labelled primitive, is hard to say but either way the final effect is terrible. In places it genuinely looks like the thing's been drawn by someone who was just randomly dragged in off the street.

Still, as we all know, pretty pictures are only part of a comic book, and a great story might yet overcome ugly graphics.

It turns out that story has an awful lot to pack in.

Diverted from his travellings through time, the Vision finds himself in what I take to be the centre of the Earth where he discovers Dormammu and Umar have captured the Scarlet Witch and're up to their usual out-to-take-over-the-world mischief. The Vision soon sees off Dormammu's underlings but looks like he's going to come a cropper when the Witch, under Dormammu's control, drains him of all power. Happily the sight of her BF dying brings the Witch to her senses and she sorts out Dormammu with an almost bathetic ease before she and the Vizh head off to Vietnam to rejoin the rest of the gang.

While all this has been going on, the rest of that gang have been exposited-up senseless as writer Steve Englehart tries to tie up all loose ends.

So we get the final threads of explanation that Moondragon and Mantis were both raised as potential Celestial Madonnas but, of the two, the more in-touch-with-reality Mantis has been chosen. Then at least three different version of Kang show up to cause trouble before a final Kang appears and kidnaps Mantis, who then turns out not to be Mantis but the Space Phantom in disguise. Kang out of the way, Mantis is now free to marry a tree and fulfil her destiny - but not before the Vision and Scarlet Witch arrive and say they want to make it a joint wedding. So Immortus does the honours, Mantis and her new tree-husband become beings of pure thought, and everyone lives happily ever after - except Kang who's presumably now stuck with the Space Phantom for a girlfriend from now on.

The thing that strikes you about the story is how over-crammed it feels as Steve Englehart seems determined to throw in everything including the kitchen sink. We even get the return of the Titanic Three. I suppose some of it's unavoidable; he had to finish off the Scarlet Witch sub-plot that'd been rumbling on for several issues, in order that the Vision and the Witch could get married. Hence we need the intrusive and unwelcome Dormammu sub-plot that, apart from making Dormammu look feeble, really feels like it belongs in a different issue altogether.

Of course, the question has to be asked why did the Vision and the Witch have to be married this issue anyway? Wouldn't it have made more sense to have a later tale devoted to their wedding rather than having what should be a major event squeezed into Mantis' wedding story?

The multiple Kangs really do feel like overfilling the bucket, as does the arrival of the Space Phantom. By the point that he shows up, you're feeling it wouldn't be a surprise if even the Living Eraser put in an appearance.

I also wonder just how valid the Vision and Scarlet Witch's marriage is. I'm no expert on American law but does a wedding overseen by "the King of Limbo" really have any legal status in the US?

Being the rampant hard-line feminist (grrr) that I am, I also query the fact that, without ever being consulted, Mantis and Moondragon have been raised purely with an eye on them becoming a wife to a tree. You'd have thought it's something they might be a little offended to discover. Instead Moondragon seems offended only that she's not the one who's been chosen.

I also have to wonder about the ethics of Mantis' prospective tree-husband having resurrected and taken possession of the Swordsman's corpse to use as a kind of zombie for its purposes. There is such a thing as respecting the dead.

So, overall it's a disappointing end to the whole thing, with Steve Englehart simply trying to fit too much in for the good of the story, lapses of taste and a terrible art job.

The one thing I do like is the characterisation of Thor, from whom we get a fair bit of internal monologue as he ponders on the nature of mortality, godhood, the passage of time, leadership of the Avengers and no doubt a whole bunch more things I've forgotten about. I don't remember him ever being depicted as so thoughtful in his own mag and it's refreshing to see here.

Some might accuse me of lacking stamina but I must admit that, by this stage, Celestial Madonna Fatigue's starting to claim me. Still, at last, after twelve issues and over a month of posting, the end is finally in sight.

And for it we get a fresh new look. Most instalments of the seemingly endless epic have so far been drawn by either Sal Buscema/Joe Staton or Dave Cockrum but this issue's pencilled by George Tuska. I know Tuska's not the most popular of artists with everyone but I've always had a soft spot for him. His style's instantly recognisable, full of vigour and his story-telling's clear and efficient.

While it might be part of the Celestial Madonna storyline, the issue's focus is more on the Vision than on Mantis, as the red-faced battler discovers just how Ultron turned the Original Human Torch into him.

It turns out he did it with an awful lot of effort; first having to track down the Mad Thinker, then having to snatch the Torch from under the nose of the Silver Surfer and then having to find the Torch's creator Phineas T Horton to force him to make the necessary changes.

It's here we're told Ultron wants to create the Vision so he'll have a son, which I'm not sure is as pleasing an explanation as the original one that he was simply out to create an assassin to bump off the Avengers.

Regardless of that, it's a strange sight seeing the newly-activated Vision before he's had his memories wiped and therefore speaking and acting like the Original Human Torch. And, seeing him having his identity wiped by Ultron again raises the feeling I've touched on before that the Torch really was hard-done-to by Marvel's post-Golden Age writers.

While all this is happening, the rest of the Avengers are back in Vietnam, increasingly mystified by what's going down as they find themselves in conversation with Libra and the ghost of the Swordsman.

But it's not the origin of Mantis they get to hear. It's the origin of Moondragon who turns up and tells us that, as a girl, she was in a car attacked by Thanos' spaceship, only to be rescued by Mentor - ruler of Titan - and taken to his world for an upbringing noticeably similar to Mantis'.

If all this wasn't enough, back at the Avengers Mansion, Jarvis - alarmed by a sinister laugh coming from the Scarlet Witch's room, barges in to find it empty.

What can it all mean?

Only next issue - the concluding part of our saga - can tell.

This cover bears no relation to what actually happens inside. Grrr!

It's time to grab our talking sticks and fling ourselves once more into the swirling tempest of Time to learn yet more of the origins of Mantis and the Vision.

Still clinging onto their stick, the Avengers learn that, after the rise of the Kree empire, a group of Kree pacifists discovered the Cotati plant people still lived, having gone into hiding in a cellar for what appears to be several hundred years.

The pacifists promptly forged an alliance with them and, through a series of events, including the arrival of the Star-Stalker, ended up finding their way to Earth where they created the Temple of Pama and the garden in which the Swordsman was buried.

Personally I'm always happy to see the Cotati. I can't say they come across as riveting company but they do seem to be nice people. Like Columbo, though, there is one thing that's always bothered me.

We're led to believe that, following their massacre by the Kree, the Cotati took to hiding themselves away in a cellar in the Kree capital for several hundred years.

Leaving aside the question of how they managed to remain hidden in the middle of a major city for hundreds of years, there's the obvious problem that it means they've been living for centuries in a room without windows. Now, I'm no Kim Wilde - that's why they wouldn't let me on Top of the Pops - but even I know enough about gardening to know that plants and rooms without windows don't mix.

The Vision meanwhile is having revelations of his own. Hanging onto his own magic stick, he learns that, after the Original Human Torch inconveniently exploded in the mid-1950s, he was revived by the Mad Thinker in order to fight the Fantastic Four's Human Torch.

Sadly, such a revival was short lived, as he suffered the indignity of being killed by the computer Quasimodo, surely one of the rubbishest villains in the history of comicdom. If you're going to kill a legendary character, at least do him the service of having him be killed by a proper villain.

But, when you read this section, it really does rub it in how futile the life of the average super-villain is, as The Mad Thinker puts what's clearly a ridiculous amount of work into finding and repairing the Torch, for no worthwhile reason.

Meanwhile, back in the present, having picked up a signal sent by Hawkeye but meant for Captain Marvel, Moondragon shows up at the Avengers Mansion and is promptly attacked by the Scarlet Witch.

You have to hand it to the Avengers. If someone with Immortus' track record handed me a stick, claiming it'd take me back in time, the least I'd demand is a good sturdy rope to tether me to the present, and for Thor to remain behind to give him a pummelling if he tried anything.

Not the Avengers though. He gives them the sticks and they're off, no questions asked, into the ocean of Time to unearth the origins of Mantis and the Vision.

It's the origin of Mantis that turns out to be the most convoluted, as it doesn't even begin with her but with the beginnings of the Kree race and the seeds of the Kree/Skrull War.

Long long ago, on a world far far away, the Skrulls decide to pay a visit to Hala, homeworld of the then-primitive Kree and their planet-mates the Cotati plant people.
The Skrulls offer them a deal that whichever race does most in the next twelve months to impress them'll be granted access to the Skrulls' technology and knowledge. The Cotati win the competition by creating a garden - as opposed to the Kree who waste an awful lot of effort creating a totally pointless city on the moon - and the Kree respond with good grace by killing all the Cotati and the Skrull visitors. All of a sudden it's clear just where Ronan the Accuser got the attitude from.

Yes, they're celebrating killing some plants.

It is a strange thing though to see the Skrulls depicted as more advanced and peaceable than the Kree, given how they've always been portrayed up to this point. On the one hand, I like the fact that we're told it's such Kree aggression that'll ultimately drive the Skrulls to become the devious war-like imperialists we all know and love but, on the other, it does feel a little off for the Skrulls to be so much more advanced than the Kree. I do prefer the idea of them as moral and technological equals.
Not that the Vision cares. He has other things to worry about as, sent off with a stick of his own, he heads back to the late 1930s to see the origin of the Original Human Torch. For those like me who've never read the Original Human Torch's adventures, it's a useful history lesson on one of Marvel's Golden Age giants and provides an explanation for various mysteries, such as the Vision's fear of jumping into water.

But, clearly the origins of both the Vision and Mantis are so earth-shattering and senses-searing they can't be contained within one comic and so we have to wait for next month to find out how these events lead to the creation of our heroes.

Meanwhile, back on Earth, even stranger things are afoot, with the Scarlet Witch using her powers to bring a chair to life while, in Saigon, the ghost of the Swordsman - who seems a much happier bunny than he ever did in life - and Libra hang around waiting for something to happen.

But waiting for what to happen? And what does it all have to do with Moondragon?

Maybe it says something bad about me that the thing that's always most impressed me about Giant-Size Avengers #3 is Mantis' chest.

This is because, when she lies on her back during her fight with the hapless Midnight, Dave Cockrum shows it flattening out under the pull of gravity.

Compared to the other revelations in this tale, the fact that Mantis' breasts move might not seem a major plot point - or even two major plot points - and it isn't but it's always been one of my bugbears when a comic book artist shows human soft tissue being totally immune to the effects of external forces such as gravity and inertia, giving the impression that the characters are made from some form of living concrete. Frankly, looking at the way most super-heroines are routinely depicted, you do wonder how the undertakers are ever going to get the coffin lid shut.

But of course, while my focus might be on Mantis' anatomy, plotter Steve Englehart's attention is on an altogether different anatomy - that of the Vision.


But of course this is the issue where we get the start of the whole process of Vision-origin-unveiling, as we're given the big reveal that the synthezoid is in fact the Original Human Torch.

We find this out when the Torch inspects the Vision's mortally wounded body and spots something that astonishes him.

Exactly what that something is, is anyone's guess. As with Ant-Man's shock discovery of something in the Vision's brain, way back in Avengers #93, the nature of that discovery is never explained to us. Still, I do remember how important and gob-smacking this issue's revelation seemed when I first read this tale all those years ago, even if now I'm not sure it's the best way to handle it. I can't help feeling it would've been better to just give us a teaser that there was a big secret behind the Vision's creation and delay the full reveal until the the issue that specifically deals with the Vision's beginnings, rather than shoehorning it into a story about something else.

Something that does bother me in the issue is that people keep saying Iron Man's dead because he has no pulse and no heartbeat.

But how do they know?

For one thing he's wearing armour and, for another, no one who says it ever seems to actually make the effort to check or even get close enough to find out. It seems to me they're all a bit too quick to declare him gone, almost as though it's wishful thinking.

I don't know, you give them a mansion, give them a butler, and still they can't wait to get rid of you.

Some people might pay good money to hang around in mazes but I don't get the feeling the Avengers would be amongst them.

Abducted by Kang, our super-doers find themselves separated, trapped in the labyrinth beneath Immortus' castle, with no way out and no choice but to roam its passageways until they find someone.

What they find are various members of the Legion of the Unliving who waste no time trying to do for them.

While Mantis and Hawkeye escape their respective confrontations unscathed, Don Blake's almost killed by Frankenstein's Monster until it occurs to him to turn back into Thor, Iron Man's seemingly killed by the Original Human Torch and, at the tale's climax, the Vision lies close to death, having had The Ghost pull the same materialising-inside-you stunt on him that the Vision usually pulls on others.

Meanwhile, in Vietnam, strange things are afoot with the Swordsman's ghost...

Rarely have things looked so grim for our heroes as they seemed destined to die, one by one, in Kang's inescapable trap.

Admittedly, it'd do their cause good if they actually tried activating their brains at some point. I'm really not sure at all why, at a time of high danger, Thor decides to change back to Don Blake. He claims it's because Don Blake might have more hope of escaping Kang's labyrinth than Thor does but it's hard to see why he'd think that. It's also hard to see why, having made the change, he tries to  fight Frankenstein's Monster while still in his Don Blake guise.

Then again, Thor starts off the issue knowing that Kang's behind it all but, within a few pages, seems to have totally forgotten Kang's behind it all.

It does feel wrong to see the original Human Torch as part of the Legion of the Unliving. Obviously plotter Steve Englehart flung him into the mix because he knows the Vision's the original Human Torch in remodelled form and, with Wonder Man in the team, the Torch might as well be there too.

But you can't get round the fact he just doesn't belong. The rest of the Legion of the Unliving are all to some degree misanthropes, while the Human Torch isn't. We're given the explanation that Kang somehow has control over them by virtue of being the one who revived them but - what with Torchie having been brought back and used for wrong-doing by the Mad Thinker in Fantastic Four Annual #4, and now this - of Marvel's classic Golden Age trinity, he does seem to have been the one most poorly served by later writers.

Still, you can't knock the drama of it all, with poor old Don Blake nearly coming a cropper, Iron Man seemingly deceased and the Vision on the verge of death at the issue's climax, it's beginning to look like one of those days when nothing can go right for our heroes.

They might be up against the Legion of the Unliving but, at this rate, the tag, "Legion of the Unliving," could end up being a fit description for the Avengers too.

It might sometimes feel like the life of a super-hero is like mine - non-stop action. But it seems that even super-doers can have their hiatuses.

And Avengers #131 is just that, as the team have probably their least action-packed day ever.

Their tribulations with the Titanic Trio over and done with, the team hang around in Saigon, with not a lot to do but take stock of just where they're at in their lives. The Vision mulls over his love triangle with Mantis, Mantis mulls over her claimed destiny as the Celestial Madonna, Hawkeye mulls over where he fits in with the group as they are now.

And Captain America...?

Well, Captain America reappears from nowhere, in a silly costume and calling himself Nomad. It'd be nice to say his guise as Nomad lends him a certain dignity but the truth is that, looking at him, it wouldn't be a surprise if instead of "Nomad" he'd renamed himself Captain Cheesy, so corny does he look. And let's face it, it takes something special to make a man who normally runs around wearing a flag look cornier than usual.

Someone who'll never be normal is of course Kang the Conqueror who's in no mood for mulling. He and Rama-Tut have been plucked from their fight in the time-stream and taken to the castle of Immortus.

Immortus is, as long-standing fans will recall, the King of Limbo. Sadly, this doesn't mean he's the world champion at dancing under a horizontal pole.

It does mean that, like Kang, he's had past doings with the Avengers.

And this means that, within moments of meeting, Kang and Immortus have agreed to an alliance and, using Immortus' equipment, Kang brings the Avengers to the catacombs beneath Immortus' castle, where they'll have to face the Legion of the Unliving, a group of battlers Kang's constructed from the ranks of deceased super-beings.

From the point of view of our heroes it's a strangely low-key issue. Up until the final two pages, when they're abducted, the only excitement most of them get is right at the start of the tale when Mantis gets to kick-up a mugger. And you have to hand it to the mugger; there can't be many street-crooks optimistic enough to try and rob the Avengers.

But even now, all is not quiet, as a figure appears at one point who seems to be the late Swordsman.

And just who is that hooded mystery-man lurking in the shadows?

Iron Man meanwhile is as much use as a wet paper bag, as he refuses to give the Vision any advice on his love-life. He's Tony Stark: international playboy womaniser. Has all that womanising taught him nothing of the ways of lurv?

But, with the Avengers in introspective mood, the focus is all on Kang as he refuses to accept he's going to reform, and sets about his latest scheme. You do wonder how block-headed he is that, even when knowing Rama-Tut is his future self, he still won't listen to any of his warnings.

I do like the Legion of the Unliving. The grouping of Frankenstein's Monster, the original Human Torch, Wonder Man, Midnight, the Ghost and Baron Zemo is so disparate it could only occur if justified by them all being not alive. And I'm especially happy to see Midnight back - not least because he looks remarkably like my own legendary super-hero The Masked Manhunter.

But can the Avengers possibly overcome such odds as a load of dead men?

Only time will tell.

But wait, there is no time in Immortus' Limbo.

Now we're in lumber.

Limbo lumber.

With linguistic skills like that, God alone knows why they won't let me write comic books.

This is the tale that puts the Clobber into clobber as we get a tale involving no less than four characters in armour - although a fan of such apparel might be less pleased to discover the character who comes across as toughest has no shielding at all. And that's Thor who gives both Iron Man and Titanium Man a lesson in what brute force really is.

At Mantis' prompting, the Avengers go to Vietnam to lay the Swordsman to rest at the Temple of Pama, and then roam the streets of Saigon trying to find out if her memories of growing up there are reliable.

They aren't, and it's becoming increasingly clear that Libra's version of her origin was true.

But the Avengers have more immediate problems.

Thinking the group are there to arrest him, a villain called the Slasher decides to set the Titanium Man, Crimson Dynamo and Radioactive Man on them, telling them the Avengers have tried to frame him for a diamond theft. The trio are now working for the communist government and don't appreciate the Western heroes flinging their weight around on their turf. Needless to say it all leads to a punch-up.

But oh dear, the Avengers are not in a happy place - and I don't just mean Vietnam - what with Mantis still not knowing who or what she is, the Vision convinced his recent tendency to freeze under pressure means he's going mad, the Scarlet Witch still jealous of Mantis, Thor and Iron Man coming to blows over the difference between justice and revenge, and the Swordsman dead.

Admittedly, the Swordsman's problem's somewhat bigger than those of the other Avengers but at least he gets a nice send-off.

I said that Thor gives both Iron Man and Titanium a bashing for their impertinence in taking him on - and he does but more important is that he's effectively the peace-maker of the day, looking for rational solutions to conflict where others just want to solve everything with a smack in the kisser. It's at times like this that his superiority over mere mortals really shows through.

One of the images that leaps out at me reading this issue is Agatha Harkness sitting in on an Avengers meeting; bringing to mind all those tales of Yoko Ono sitting in on Beatles recording sessions and annoying the other members by eating their biscuits. I sincerely hope Aggie's not in the habit of nibbling on Thor's Garibaldis.

The Titanic Three? I hope there're no icebergs in Saigon.

But of course the main novelty of  the tale's the sight of the Avengers coming up against a communist super-group made up of what're normally villains. Clearly Steve Englehart's going for a bit of undisguised metaphor here as, motivated by a middle man, the representatives of two world-views take each other on with a level of hostility and distrust that's not at all necessary.

Whether Radio, Crimso and Tit, as I don't like to know them, are still villains is open to question. As you'd expect from their background, they certainly don't come across as the nicest people on Earth, but they do seem to be operating to a moral code that's been previously alien to them, punishing a man who's killed his wife, and wanting nothing to do with the Slasher once they discover he's a thief.

You have to say the Slasher's a genuinely nasty piece of work, leaving a trail of battered and hacked up people behind him. The sight of blood flying from innocent bystanders as he attacks them is genuinely unpleasant and, for some of us, feels like too real a level of violence to belong in what's mostly an escapist comic.

But just why is the Slasher referred to as "Buzzsaw" at one point? Is that his civilian identity's nickname, or did Steve Englehart just get confused? Maybe it's just me but "Buzzsaw" - bearing in mind the potential double meaning of his more usual title - would've been a better name for him than "the Slasher".

But then what do I know? Apart from that time I was wounded by shrapnel in Vietnam and had to fight my way out, I've never even worn a suit of armour.

Sometimes you can't help wondering how Kang the Conqueror keeps track of who he is at any one time.

Tipped off that the Avengers have been abducted by Kang, Hawkeye rushes to the Avengers Mansion, to be met by the Swordsman and Rama-Tut.

It seems Rama-Tut's a later version of Kang who, tired of endless conflict, returned to Ancient Egypt to reclaim his throne before deciding to prevent his former self from acquiring the Celestial Madonna. For that end, he had himself sealed in his tomb, in a state of suspended animation, until the time was right for him to awaken.

The trio set off to stop Kang's attempts to start World War Three but first have to defeat Kang's Macrobots, each of which contains and is powered by a paralysed Avenger.

Once that's finally achieved, Rama-Tut tackles Kang who refuses to listen to sense. The physical clash between the pair causes the walls of Time to break down, allowing Kang to see it's Mantis who's destined to be the Celestial Madonna.

The villain decides that if he can't have her, no one can and tries to kill her but the Swordsman flings himself at the shot and, as Rama-Tut and Kang vanish, fighting, the Avengers are left to ruminate on the death of their fallen colleague.

Hooray! Hawkeye's back! He may be the second-least powerful member the Avengers have ever had - and not always have the best of attitudes - but, like Hank Pym, he's always felt like one of the things that makes the Avengers the Avengers. Although I suppose the fact that he returns in an issue whose cover promises us the death of an Avenger tips us off as to who that Avenger'll be. Let's face it, they're not going to bring Hawkeye back as the natural replacement for Thor, Iron Man or the Vision.

That means it can only be the Swordsman who cops it and, at last, the poor sucker gets to be the hero he's dreamed of being. And finally, after spending chunks of the issue insulting him, Mantis comes to appreciate him.

It's interesting that on the page where Kang and Rama-Tut's fight breaks down the fabric of Time, not only do we get to see all of Iron Man's previous incarnations and Hank Pym's but we also get to see Dr Doom, leaving us in no doubt that Kang, Rama-Tut, The Scarlet Centurion and Doom are all supposed to be the same character. Apparently Doom was also going to be on the cover, alongside the other two but the idea was dropped. If we take it that Doom is indeed the same character as them, it does raise all sorts of questions of just where he fits in their various time-lines.

Also wanting to know where they fit in are Mantis and the Scarlet Witch. Held prisoner in large glass tubes, still not sure which of them's the Celestial Madonna, the fate of the world hung in the balance, it's good to see the pair of them showing their sense of perspective by bickering over which of them's the Vision's girlfriend. They really do come across as stunningly up their own backsides in these exchanges. Still, at least Wanda compensates to some degree by finally stopping being useless and flattening Thor with a meteor.

PS. Does anyone know if Neal Adams had a hand in the inking? Dave Cockrum gets sole art credit in the issue but there're certain panels where the inks have a noticeably Neal Adams vibe to them, not least in the last three panels and also the full-page splash where the Avengers combine to attack the Thor-powered Macrobot.

Way back in the early-to-mid-1980s, Madonna Louise Ciccone might've been singing about her Lucky Star but, in The Avengers #129, her Celestial counterpart gets her very own star - right above the Avengers Mansion.

To some this might seem like a good thing, as all that light spilling from it into the mansion'll save the Avengers a fortune on electricity.

But it only brings trouble, as Kang the Conqueror takes its appearance as his cue to launch an attack on our derring-doers.

It seems that, whoever the Celestial Madonna's to be, her child's going to be the most powerful being in the Universe and, like the unassuming soul he is, Kang's decided that if anyone's going to be father to that child, it's going to be him.

So he defeats the Avengers with ridiculous ease, captures the Scarlet Witch, Mantis and Agatha Harkness - in case one of them's suitable material to be the next Mrs Kang - and whisks them all off to Egypt where he's set up base in the pyramid of his earlier incarnation Rama-Tut.

Being the insensitive brute he is, Kang doesn't bother capturing the Swordsman, who he deems to not be worthy of his attention; leaving Swordy to make his own way to Egypt, under the captive Agatha Harkness' mystic guidance. Unfortunately, just as he's about zap Kang, he's stopped by someone who declares himself to be Rama-Tut.

I suppose the main thought this issue raises is what's going on in Kang's head? Not knowing who the Celestial Madonna's going to be, he captures all three women who're present at the Avengers Mansion - including the not exactly youthful Agatha Harkness. I don't like to be ageist but, really, what're the chances that a woman who looks like she'll never see 100 again is going to be one he's after? And what's he going to do if she is?

From one thing that doesn't bear thinking about to one man who doesn't get thought about. And that's the Swordsman. The former villain continues his long decline into psychic collapse as he now has to battle on, knowing that both the woman he loves and the Avengers' deadliest foe view him as beneath consideration.

Not only that but, as the issue nears its climax, he has to overcome the knowledge that he's only still alive to see it because a vampire he's encountered in Rama-Tut's pyramid couldn't be bothered to kill him when it saw more appetising prey. I know from personal experience that it rarely does a man's self-esteem good to know he's not even viewed as a worthwhile meal.

Still, there is at least hope at the end of the tale that he can turn it round.

But just who is that man claiming to be Rama-Tut - and how can he be there if Kang is too?

Only Steve Englehart and the next instalment of our thrilling serial can tell us.

If you should always know which witch is which witch, you should always know never to let anyone mystically seal you off in a room until cock crows.

This is the issue that reveals that sometimes in life the worst thing you can do if you're evil is to talk too much. Therefore, being a creature of purest evil, I'll learn that lesson and get straight to the point.

Still in the temple of the Priests of Pama, the Avengers find themselves confronted by Monsieur Khruul's killer, a talking  space dragon called the Star-Stalker which tells them it feeds on the energy of planets but had once been defeated by the priests, who'd discovered its sole weakness.

Now, with them having been killed last issue by Monsieur Khruul, there's nothing to stop it from destroying the Earth - and that includes the Avengers who get nowhere in their attempts to battle it.

It all looks like curtains for our favourite planet until Mantis realises the Star-Stalker can be killed by heat and gets the Vision to zap it with his solar eyeballs.

You do have to wonder about the lack of powers of observation of the Avengers. They're total inability to notice a giant space dragon mere feet away from them at the tale's beginning doesn't exactly suggest they're the sharpest knives in the drawer.

Then again, the Star-Stalker's not too bright either, giving them a long monologue about itself that lets them know it has a fatal weakness, before harping on at every opportunity about the fact it has a fatal weakness. Granted, he doesn't actually tell them what that weakness is but still you'd think he'd have the sense not to tell everyone he meets that he has one.

On the Mantis front, we learn more about her origins. It turns out her alleged tutors the Priests of Pama were Kree pacifists banished from their home world for not liking violence.

This seems a somewhat ironic back-story considering they were the ones who taught Mantis how to be handy in a punch-up and even, presumably, were the ones who taught her her legendary death-grip which, from last issue's example, seems to consist mostly of crushing your face between her thighs. Clearly the Kree have a somewhat liberal understanding of the word, "Pacifist."

On the art front, things are looking up considerably as John Buscema and Dave Cockrum take over to create a hybrid of their styles which looks as slick and polished as you'd expect. Mantis in particular looks the best she's ever done.

So, at last we're getting somewhere in our quest to find out what the deal is with her. Despite her protests, her knowledge of a secret panel in the temple suggests she is indeed Libra's daughter and that she was indeed raised by the Priests of Pama. But to what end?

Someone too busy to worry about that right now is the Swordsman who, after all his recent troubles, is clearly on a sad and sorry downward spiral. If only he'd never left that sideshow he used to work at.

But then, if only the Star-Stalker had had the sense to keep its trap shut.

As Mantis was always telling us, strength is as nothing beside skill.

But now it seems a bald head is as nothing beside a pair of antennae, because the sensational results are in from our sensational poll to discover which of Moondragon or Mantis you'd marry if you were a tree.

And the answer is...

...Mantis!

Yes, by a mighty eleven votes to five, you voted for the Vietnamese Vixen.

I must admit I voted that way too, mostly because she ran around barefoot and I like to think that if I were vegetation I'd prefer a woman who didn't clomp around in big nasty boots.

Poor old Moondragon. First passed over by the Cotati plant people, now passed over by you the reader. Is there to be no end to the poor girl's humiliation?

Still, at least she's taking it well.

Then again...

Oh pull yourself together woman. It's only a tree you've been rejected by. It's not like it's anyone classy.




PS. A great big Steve Does Comics No-Prize goes to the first person who can tell me which comic the picture of Moondragon crying comes from and the real reason she was blubbiing.

It puts Zodiac into perspective when you realise its,"most dangerous member," is a non-super- powered blind-man with only half-hearted criminal tendencies and what appears to be a terminal case of constipation.

When tackling the Avengers' Celestial Madonna storyline, the obvious question is where to start.

The obvious answer is, "At the beginning." But that means going all the way back to when Mantis made her first ever appearance.

Even then, in that debut, she was clearly being set up as a woman of mystery, although whether the writers knew back then just how it'd all pan out has to be viewed as questionable.

But reviewing every Avengers story in which Mantis ever appeared'd be madness - especially as a lot of them aren't very good. Plus, most of those stories have no relevance to the epic anyway.

Therefore I'm going to do what seems logical and start with the moment that sets in motion Mantis and the Avengers' quest to uncover her murky origins.

Avengers #123 kicks off with Zodiac member Libra declaring to a shocked gathering of Avengers and captured Zodiac members that he's Mantis' father. Apparently, some years back, he was a mercenary in Vietnam where he married a local girl and had a daughter with her.

Unfortunately for the course of true love, his wife's brother was local gangster Monsieur Khruul who could've given even Quicksilver lessons in how to disapprove of your sister's relationships, by killing her.

Blinded in Khruul's attack, Libra fled with his infant daughter, stumbling across a temple run by the Priests of Pama who took him in, taught him to see without eyes and raised his daughter Mantis to be a mistress of the martial arts.

In the present day, Mantis has no memory of this and decides the best response to such claims is to knock his block off.

Needless to say that leads to a mass brawl, with Mantis taking out all the Avengers before they all realise the Swordsman's flown off to avenge the death of Mantis' mother at the hands of Monsieur Khruul.

That plan soon goes awry and it all ends up in a temple, with a set of massacred priests and a huge dragon about to attack the clueless Avengers as the issue draws to a close.

The first thing that hits you in the face about Avengers #123 is the cover. It's easy to knock modern comics for having covers that have nothing to do with the actual contents but Avengers #123 turns the crime into an art form by depicting a scene that's the exact opposite of what's inside, as Mantis seeks to protect Libra from the wrathful Avengers, whereas inside it's the other way round. And just why does Libra look so constipated?

It has to be said that Mantis' fight with the rest of the Avengers stretches credulity to ridiculous limits. She not only takes out the Scarlet Witch and the Black Panther but also the Vision, Iron Man and even Thor. I know she's supposed to be mistress of the martial arts but the way she's depicted here, you'd even place bets on her beating Galactus. Such unstoppability's made to look even more unlikely by the fact that Libra then stops her simply by holding her down with a move even I could escape from.

Not for the first or last time, the Swordsman gets to show what a complete loser he is, first by getting captured by the man he's turned up to kill, and then giving away the existence of the Priest of Pama, leading to all their deaths at the hands of Khruul's lackeys. You have to feel sorry for the man. He really can't get anything right. The again, you have to feel even more sorry for the Priests of Pama.

The artwork's not sensational, being a combination of Bob Brown's pencils and Don Heck's inks. It's not the ideal combination although the results are clear enough and dynamic, and the closing double page splash of the dragon lurking in wait for the Avengers is nicely done.

What's even more unlikely than Mantis' sudden near-invincibility is Libra's blindness. We're left in no doubt he's really sightless when the Avengers and Mantis react in horror to his destroyed eyeballs but there's no explanation given for how he's able to function perfectly without them. He doesn't even have a Daredevil style radar sense to fall back on. Apparently he can sense everything that's going on round him in perfect detail because, erm, he just can. The most egregious example of this is the flashback scene at the temple, where he goes to watch his daughter training, even though he's blind.

Still, whatever its sillinesses, it's all lively, dramatic stuff and gets the ball rolling on the whole Mantis saga while setting us up for the sight, next month, of the Avengers versus a giant dragon. If only it'd been Fin Fang Foom, my day would've really been complete.