Monthly Archives: October 2013

Silent Screaming

Posted on by rmott62

I am screaming in every cell of my body – but no sound comes out, only a stony silence.

I have no language, but I attempt to write, to express anyhow.

This post goes to that place of silent screaming, the place that my prostituted essence buried in fear.

I do not know how to write to that place, only that to be whole, to know what freedom can be, that I must.

I know to write will give me more grief, pain and sense that I should disappear – but to not write would be worse.

I have somehow got away from hell – so all I write or say now is just fragmented memory –  I not there now.

So I write to know, I write to remember, I write to connect, I write to force back that I am human.

Writing is not fun, it is no hobby – writing from my place of shattered silence is agony and a deep struggle.

It is only worth it if changes minds and hearts towards giving the prostituted class true free freedom and humanity.

My screaming starts in the place/places where I was made into a prostitute.

The places I see only in flashes, the places that rise up in waking dreams or nightmares, that places that pollute my mind and body.

I do not know how many rooms it was – after time all rooms became so few when so many.

I know the rooms were in flats, were in hotels, were in houses, were behind clubs – rooms never matter much when you are blocking out your existence.

There was other places, places where I was made into trash – be it behind a pub with the bins, be it some graveyard, be against any old wall, be it in a subway, be it in a car.

Anywhere is accessible to rape and throw away a whore – the only difference between indoors and outside is the amount of money the punter have.

My screaming is knowing money or the word prostitution makes all male violence invisible – or if seen of little importance.

Incest and child rape matters if it not inside the sex trade; trafficking is made real if not done to the prostituted class; rape is made impossible if a man hands over money or named the woman as his prostitute.

To be prostituted, is to know every form of male violence, and be told over and over it just your choice and lifestyle.

The prostitute has no words for her rapes, her tortures, and her knowledge that she will more than likely be murdered.

Any words she may express are dismissed, are gaslight out of her, are made to appear just a sign that she is too damaged to know her own reality.

All her truths and words are buried and she tries to kill them in birth.

They never die, only become a silent screaming – screaming to somehow keep she is still human even when all is saying she is nothing.

It is that silent screaming that somehow gives a prostitute a small will to live – and to remember.

It is that silent screaming that is the leading force that drives exited women who become abolitionists – for that silent screaming make sure we never forget where we came from.

That silent screaming gives us pride that we can have feelings when the sex trade so hard to murder them.

That silent screaming gives us pride to know we can be connected to all the prostituted class, and stand up for and with them.

That silent screaming shows us it was pre-planned torture, that it was on the scale of a genocide, that our horror was never seen or heard for it was so huge it became invisible.

That silent screaming is outraged and full of fury when it is denied by comparisons; by saying it just all women are abused, it just like marriage.

That silent screaming remember we could not named our rapes, as we were raped so often that our rapes were made nothing.

That silent screaming speaks in the voices that is connected to genocide survivors, that know what extreme torture is, speaks the language of shell-shock and the language of concentration camps, we speak towards full human rights.

That silent screaming is PTSD so extreme and complex that most decides it cannot exists, or get angry that we don’t just get over it.

That silent screaming will never go until all the prostituted are free, have full and long-term justice, are viewed as some of the bravest of the brave.

That silent screaming is an inconvenient reminder that all the prostituted class have had their humanity stolen.

Cash Cow

Posted on by rmott62

A poem for my loyal readers.

 

I do not remember how I got here

Here I don’t know if I am dead or alive

Only see money waiting for me

To remember how to breathe

Remember to forget

The pain that is everywhere

As it waits for the next punter

The punter after that

And lose count of how many invade me

I know without knowing

I am nothing

Just an object that sinks into cash

Money makes it never happen

Money vanishes rape

Money vanishes the punter being a criminal

Money is the poison I swallow

As I hold the papers in my hand

I burn the skin off

Knowing it must not matter

Knowing nothing has happened to nothing

As I learn too fast

To smile

Act the good whore

When Is It Big Enough To Be Consider An Emergency

Posted on by rmott62

It is a crisis what is happening to the prostituted.

Every moment of every day on every continent, prostitutes are being systematically raped, are tortured beyond hope, and being killed or made to disappear.

If that is not a genocide – then you need to re-frame your language.

It is an emergency – but every moment of every day abolitionists are made to know they must be over-reacting and to please just shut up.

It cannot be an emergency, because it only the prostituted class and they are not human enough to inside a genocide.

Also, how can it be named as a genocide when there is a constant flow of sexual goods for men to consume.

But this only happens because the sex trade knows there is a constant supply of vulnerable women and girls who replaced the dead or destroyed goods.

It is the longest genocide in history, for it is made invisible by keeping the numbers of the prostituted high – whilst at the same time having terrible rates of mental, physical and sexual violence.

It is assumed that for prostituted women and girls – they will die from male violence 14 times more than any other group of women.

It is an invisible genocide for most of the prostituted are throwaway people – teenagers who have been neglected and react with self-hate and anger; indigenous women and girls; females without legal status; children/teenagers living in care; women in poverty; addicts and on and on and on.

Their tortures, their rapes and their deaths are not seen as important – it only becomes important if it may affect non-prostituted women and girls, or suggest that all men want the genocide of the prostituted.

So the prostituted are consumed and thrown away – inside so much unspeakable violence that there is a wall of silence – and society turn away and deal with real human rights issues.

I look and see feminists and human rights condemn rapes inside war-zones – but not the rapes inside brothels for the forces, not the under-aged prostituted girls that are rest and recreation in all war-zones, and no questioning the structure of most cultures they say men need the prostituted class in times of war.

I look and see as the definition of trafficking is narrow down so the vast majority of the prostituted are labelled as sex workers, and so are consider not deserving of basic human rights – such access to language of consent, to live in safety, to have freedom of thought, to have the right to life.

Trafficking is becoming a term that hides all the ordinary sadism that is the prostitute’s reality – it become non-rape when consent is money, it becomes lacking in real violence if you make just another job, the murders are made non-crimes as it is the prostituted are non-human.

All prostitution is the conditions of trafficking – that is an inconvenient truth that feminists, leftists, human rights activists, religious groups etc want to be silenced.

Instead they speak the language of choice, of paid consent, of sex work, of being liberated and sexually free – the language that is a poisoned arrow in the prostituted class.

It is this language that daily disappearing the genocide of the prostituted class – and saying what emergency, where?

It has broken me into pieces.

Human Right Not For Us

Posted on by rmott62

I am full of trauma – but believe to write is to fight for life.  So I must write.

My soul has been shattered by so many trafficking and human rights groups being so unable to view the prostituted class as fully human.

I stare in disbelief as those who claimed to care about the prostituted class call us sex workers, say only stigma is the issue not the violence done to the prostituted, and say prostitution is not connected to trafficking.

My heart breaks as each time a strong exited speak to the truth, it is dismissed as her sad individual story, and never that she is just describing the everyday violence of the sex trade.

My trauma is screaming out –

Are we not allowed to be human enough to have human rights?

Our rapes are in the thousands – yet the more we are raped, the more it made out it must be our choice, that it is just work.

It cannot be rape when it has been decided it just a business exchange.

We are raped in ways that Amnesty International would condemn as torture if we were not the prostituted.

For our rapes reflect all the rapes of political prisoners, our rapes are inside all war-zones, our rapes are the definition of torture.

Our tortures would be the concern of the United Nations if we were not the prostituted class.

For does all prostitution fit the United Nation’s definition of trafficking –  that consent can be taken by monetary means, physical, sexual or mental violence.

We would be honoured by anti-trafficking groups if we were not the prostituted class.

Instead we watch in disbelief, as so-called anti-trafficking narrow the definition of trafficking to exclude interior trafficking of the prostituted, to exclude women who are prostituted, to exclude indoors prostitution, to exclude exterior trafficking unless severe physical violence is used.

All these groups are playing the game that the profiteers want them to play.

They are building routes to legalised prostitution, they are pushing prostitution indoors – and they hide behind saying look we are stopping the spread of sexual diseases, we care about girls who are prostituted, and we are cleaning up the streets.

In other words they are selling out the prostituted class.

The United Nations claims it would right to legalised all prostitution – well put all prostitution in a controlled environment – as a solution to the spread of HIV.

This is nonsense, but it can sound right if you choose to see the prostituted as just goods who may carry sexual diseases into the world outside the sex trade.

It is clear that the prostitutes have no human rights in this scenario, for it is considered that all that is needed is condoms and inspections, and continued the torturing as normal.

There is no mention that it the punters that spread diseases, it is the punters that refuse to care about the safety of the prostituted, it is the sex trade profiteers that gain from ignoring the sexual safety of the prostituted.

This is ignored – to see that would mean saying that the prostituted are having their human rights stolen.

The prostituted are not allowed to be human enough to have access to human rights.

Constantly there are anti-trafficking hiding their lack of respect for the prostituted class by hiding behind how much they care for under-aged prostituted girls.

But if that same girl is 15 upwards and still inside the sex trade – their caring usually vanishes.

Instead, it becomes her lifestyle, her free choice, it call sex work.

It makes no sense that when she is 14 she viewed as a victim, then when she hits 15 she is discarded.

Prostituted women are thrown away every day by groups that say they hate trafficking – no wonder exited women have huge fury and deep despair.

Every day our multiple voices are silenced by these groups and those who follow them.

We are the unacceptable face of the sex trade – the women who by luck did not die or destroyed by its male violence and hate.

And worse we not only are alive, we have the inner strength to remember what it was to be prostituted and see it was torture with a clear eye.

We know it is an emergency, we know it is the biggest human rights issue of human history, we know as our bodies and minds the tortures of many centuries of the prostituted class.

We cannot sit and wait for human rights groups to wake up and see this emergency.

We must force these groups to stop discarding the prostituted class.

It is not Sex Work

Posted on by rmott62

The sex trade has infiltrated the Left and liberal that spreading the propaganda this it is just sex work – but example both those words and know both are nothing to do with being prostituted.

I have written about this many times, and until there is full freedom for all the prostituted class, I will keep saying how this language is destroying the prostituted every day.

I have been accused of silencing sex workers, and by silencing them allowing the violence that is happening to them.

This is not a new accusation, it is par for the course if an exited woman becomes an abolitionist.

Alongside that accusation, is the regular poison of saying exited women like me, were never “real” prostitutes – we must be liars, or some prop used by abolitionists or radical feminists.

We are not real mainly because we lie about the violence, that we lie about the “clients” by making out all punters treated us as trash.

If the sex worker lobby condescend to imagine that some exited women may be real – it always with the proviso that we are one-offs who are too damaged to see that most of the sex trade is fine and dandy.

I cannot see sex work or sex worker without hearing the multiple voices of sex trade profiteers.

Many sex workers are those profiteers, and others are puppets dancing to the tune of those profiteers.

Do not be fool by their honey words, know that they have the blood of the prostituted class all over them.

It is not sex.

Being prostituted or inside porn is nothing to do with sex, except if you believe sex is a weapon that creates genocide.

Sex is about full communication between adults. Sex is done with full and fully understood consent. Sex always stop when no is suggested or said.

None of that has a place in the sex trade.

There is no consent when money or goods replace the voice of the prostituted.

Punters know money gives them permission to do whatever they want to the prostituted. Money gives him full permission to not just used her, but to throw the whore away when he has had enough.

There is no communication – only the communication of the master and his sex slave.

The voice of the prostituted woman or girl has no place in the sex trade.

Her voice is more than silenced, it is made that it has no existence.

All words and language the prostituted are allowed is to parrot out the words and language of those who are profiteering from making her into sexual goods.

When sex workers and their allies dare to accuse any exited women of silencing – then I say let look at the real silencing inside all aspects of the sex trade.

The prostituted have no voice or voices – their silence is deafening as cattle waiting to be slaughtered.

We do not have the voices of the prostituted inside brothels in Nevada or India having no freedom and slowly being fucked into silence.

We do not have the voices of native women and girls being made into the prostituted and completely abandoned.

We do not have the voices of teenage in most cities who thought they would find love if they did their “boyfriend” said by selling herself for his profit.

We do not have the voices of women inside “saunas” as their constant humiliation eats into their memories of being fully human.

We do not have the voices of escorts shut in a room with a “client” with no protection, no idea how violent he may be, and always at the back of her mind she could be murdered at any time.

These and so many other voices of the prostituted class are silenced – silenced into non-existence.

Look at who is doing the silencing.

It is mainly punters and the sex trade that controls the language that is allowed to be in the public arena.

I wrote that punters silenced the prostituted – and the accusations and attacks came flying in.

What a prostituted woman dare to say punters treat us living porn-dolls who cannot have spoken or even have access to be a human – how dare she, that might rip apart the fabric of everything.

The prostituted are not meant to survive and build a life after being the sex trade – so when and if an exited woman starts speaking out, everything is done to silence us permanently.

We are meant to be dead or so destroyed we cannot speak out – to be an exited woman is somehow survive a genocide.

To survive a genocide gives you clear eyes and memories – to know being in the middle of a genocide is to become unable understand why you are alive.

If there is a purpose, than fighting for abolition and full human rights for all the prostituted class must be it.

To be an exited woman, is to always carry it was just chance you survived, is to carry those who could reach a place of exiting.

An exited woman hold inside her the standard violence of the sex trade, how she was lied to, the fact that her life meant nothing for she never seen as human.

An exited woman knows what true silencing is.

Silencing is have any and all sexual violence – and all your pain, your dignity, your ability to live or die, your terror is swallowed up by the language of appearing to please the punter or consumer.

That is a silencing that is unbearable and a silence that kills the prostituted every day.

And that is label as work – a wonderful to enforce the silencing of the prostituted.

By calling being inside the sex trade work, it becomes a powerful tool to blame the prostituted class for any violence that happens to them.

After all, it becomes that she has chosen that work, if she is hurt or damaged it only because she either not strong enough or she does understand how sex work is done.

It cannot be that the institution of the sex trade is structured to make the prostituted into goods, will be thrown away and replaced by any other whore – for we are all the same.

It cannot be that punters make the choice to buy the prostituted knowing he do any and all violence to her, and it will be a non-crime.

No it is easier to blame the prostituted, coz then we do not have to make any changes.

I have written this post to show I cannot be silenced – for I have known true silencing, and that is my ammunition to be an abolitionist.