Seven

This is the guy movie of guy movies. Lots of unnecessarily topless women, tough guys, dad jokes, and bang bang you're dead action.

The plot is a group of bad guys of the type who have BAD GUY stamped on their drivers license facing off against a one man army and his buddy Cowboy who rides in on a pony.

There's a persistent voice over who tells a complex, intricate plot. It has nothing to do with the onscreen action, but it would probably make for an interesting movie if acted out. The plot onscreen is very simple and easy to follow.

Many of the scenes feel spliced in from another movie, with different actors delivering action or comedic beats unrelated to our story. They're kind of like commercials except they're fun.

Everything looks and sounds seventies and at times sixties, which adds to the amusement.

Seven stars for seven.

The almighty William Smith stars in this ingratiating action flick from cult filmmaker Andy Sidaris, known to his fans for following an exploitation film formula to the letter. Bill Smith plays Drew Savano, a loose-cannon government agent who recruits a seven-person team for the purpose of eliminating the criminal element that are poised to take over the state of Hawaii. His team includes Alexa (Barbara Leigh, "Junior Bonner"), the Cowboy (Guich Koock, "North Dallas Forty"), T.K. (Christopher Joy, "Sheba, Baby"), Kincella (Art Metrano, "Police Academy" 2 and 3), martial artist Ed Parker ("Curse of the Pink Panther"), playing a man named Ed Parker, and the "Professor" (Richard LePore, 'Switch'). Each team member is assigned to a different criminal figure.

Since we're discussing Andy Sidaris here, it hardly needs be said that among the assets involved are beautiful island scenery, equally gorgeous women who sometimes take off their tops, lots of action, and a generous dose of humour to let us know that this is all in fun, and that none of this is ever meant to be taken that seriously.

This viewer personally loves stories of the "assembling characters for a mission" variety, and Drew is there to narrate and therefore talk our way through the plot, giving us essential information. It's quite an engaging example of this sort of story, with excellent pacing and a fair amount of hard-hitting violence. Plus, it's not entirely unrealistic in the way that the mission won't go 100% smoothly.

Bright, sunny photography by a D.P. identified only as "Quito", and a vibrant music score (which may be stock music since there's no composer credited) help to make this superior entertainment. The aforementioned sense of humour extends to the movies' most memorable gag, when a hero eliminates a sword-wielding villain by simply shooting him, the same gag later made famous in "Raiders of the Lost Ark".

A rich assortment of familiar faces - Reggie Nalder ('Salem's Lot' '79), Seth Sakai ('Hawaii Five-O'), Lenny Montana ("The Godfather"), Martin Kove ("The Karate Kid"), Terry Kiser ("Weekend at Bernie's"), John Alderman ("New Year's Evil"), and Tadashi Yamashita ("American Ninja") - further adds to the good vibes.

Classic exploitation entertainment, and one of Sidaris' best efforts.

Eight out of 10.

Has this movie got everything. God awful sexy women in bikinis, explosions, violence, stunts, and humor. It also has some of the baddest dudes you'll ever see. They're an elite cartel, and they're not idiots. The people, remorseless, if anyone is, know their work. But so do the seven agents out to stop them where in no less thirty minutes, their objectives must die. Clearly the best actor here is golden oldie, William Smith, as most of the others suck. Smith plays Drew Savanno. Just see how this guy lives, and you'll understand, why so many other people feel so angered, the way they have it. Drew, the head of this group, is the one that picks the others, and they're really an odd kettle of fish, hot, funny, smart, and deadly. We have the blackbelt, the cowboy and his lovely assistant, who looks so hot in a bikini, the drag racer, the other hottie, who's a real tease, again deadly. We have the musician, who's style of comedy sucks. And my favorite, the professor, a playboy type and a genius. Who else could design a rocket when fired miles away, could take out the baddie in a the car park of one of his favorite coffee houses. The prof scores with a hot waitress who works there, who has a tube of candy paste on hand, if ever caught in lovemaking. Seven never dulls. It's a smart thriller, as in the way the baddies are taken out, the limo explosion at the gas station, out yonder where the whole place goes up in flames, just proving horse shoes have other uses. I like the baddie on the skateboard, known as skater, who's like comic amusement for this cartel, deadly with a spear gun. You can't fault the plot, as in the ways things happen. It's tighter than a fishes bum. The blow up doll that emerges out of a doctors bag when opened at customs, the professor telling the customs guy to put her on the next plane, is one of my favorite parts. A young customs woman looks outways after him, as says, "Too much", as if stoned. But these words could almost describe this movie, it's encouraging cover with Smith holding a spear gun, and those hotties flanking him, is enough to suck you in. Seven is a cool action movie, but on a smart scale, and one movie that shouldn't be overlooked.

It's kind of daring, making an action flick that's defined by quirky personality over action or plot. Each killing that opens the film is performed in a unique and unusual manner; each antagonist to whom we're introduced has some special trait or style; each hand-picked "good guy" to whom we're introduced is larger than life and has some particular defining characteristic. All this, and the assemblage of the party, fills a bit more than the first third, but the "personality forward" ethos of the picture persists. The villains' scheme, as described by "kind of sort of" protagonist Drew, is indistinguishable from the modus operandi of modern political conservatives; we're assured within that first third or so the approach will continue through to the end, as our heroes apparently have a single half-hour window in which to neutralize each of their selected targets; and the reconnaissance and preparation that fills the second act is filled just as much with the same lighthearted soft focus of charismatic self-realization first, plot and action second.

And so it goes on down the line: women's bodies, gratuitous female nudity, cinematography, editing, acting, writing, direction, music, costume design, hair and makeup, stunts and effects, and more. If Steven Soderbergh's 'Ocean's eleven' series were about assassinations rather than heists, and if it leaned even more heavily into unabashed frivolity, it would look like Andy Sidaris' 'Seven.' For what it's worth, all this is actually is well done and entertaining, including those stunts, effects, and action sequences first and foremost, and even some of the music is a blast. The feature wants only to be a ridiculous romp, and it is most certainly that. Some facets are definitely a smidgen tiresome (would-be comedy never lands as well as it wants to), and others break with the general mirthful tone; it also never achieves any peak of humor or thrills. Still, overall it really is light, rather cheesy fun all of its own accord. As if filming in Hawaii and showing off the islands weren't indication enough, in every last contribution both behind the scenes and in front of the camera it's readily evident all involved were having a great time, and those feelings are ably passed on to the audience.

No one is ever going to confuse this movie for a must-see classic, but then, it also doesn't try to be. 'Seven' knows what it is, and it's happy to play in the space it has carved for itself. Within the last act we do get the promised action, and it looks terrific; the proceedings might never earn the laugh they want, but it's solidly amusing - and despite the cheeky attitude the title adopts from the very start, no one could ever accuse the participants of slouching with the work they turned in. Truth be told my expectations were mixed to low when I sat to watch, and I'm actually rather pleased with how good it turned out to be. Rounded out with unconventional stylization for the credits and any text to appear on the screen, this is even a tad clever in its own right. There's no need to go out of your way for 'Seven,' but if you do have the chance to watch and are looking for something fairly uninvolved, this is an enjoyable little lark that holds up reasonably well - and sometimes that's all a film needs to be.

The movie is a lot of fun with plenty of over the top and almost comical death scenes combined with wonderful scenery of almost every variety. William Smith, as good guy assassin team leader Drew Savano, was very likable with his ability of conveying a natural charismatic leadership presence. A quiet confidence, if you will. As more or less the leading lady Barbara Leigh was also good as the hot Alexa who has a pretty weird scene with the creepy "Hermit" played well by Veteran Reggie Nalder. Barbara by this time no longer possesses the transcendent beauty that she enjoyed in the Junior Bonner days, but is still a foxy lady in this one. The rest of the cast and story is also terrific which ads up to a fine "B' movie for Mr. Sidaris.