Picasso Trigger

Let's just cut to the chase straight away here and say upfront that the only sane reason to watch an Andy Sidaris film is to see beautiful playmates get naked and shoot guns. What other reason is there? This one has a convoluted plot-line that I quite honestly can't be bothered to describe. What I will say is that the story is not exactly its strong point. Needless to say, as per Sidaris other films, there are a lot of explosions and a lot of feeble gadgets. But the action scenes are so lacklustre that you will be hard pressed to care. Honestly, when you consider the awesome bevy of beautiful babes that Sidaris improbably had at his disposal, you can't help but wish the films had a little more imagination or life about them.

This one is neither one of his best, nor is it one of his worst but it's pretty much essentially the same as all of them. The only true differentiating factor that I can ever discern is which ladies do we have and is there a lot of nudity? All other aspects merge into one as far as his filmography is concerned. This one's chief selling point is Dona Speir, who is very nice indeed. And, yes, she strips off a few times, along with several of her other female co-stars. So, consequently, the film does have some entertainment value. Other than that, it has quite a good title.

Picasso Trigger, the third film in Andy Sidaris's Malibu Express series, is par for the course in terms of nudity and violence, with the obligatory big breasted babes disrobing at regular intervals to get fruity with the musclebound hunks, and lots of baddies being shot, blown up, or impaled. Luckily, this one proves to be slightly more entertaining than the last entry (Hard Ticket to Hawaii) thanks to Sidaris adopting a more deliberate Bond-style approach, one that comes complete with an international villain and silly gadgets (designed by 'Q'-alike boffin, The Professor) to go with the usual array of chase scenes, explosions and exotic locations.

The plot (yes, there is a plot!) sees government agents Travis Abilene (Steve Bond), Jade (Harold Diamond), Donna (Dona Spier), Taryn (Hope Marie Carlton) and Edy (Cynthia Brimhall) joined by Paris operative Pantera (Roberta Vasquez) to bring to justice the gang who have been bumping off their colleagues. However, everything is not as it first seems, with Travis and Co. eventually discovering that they have been set up by bad guy Salazar AKA Picasso Trigger (John Aprea) to help him eliminate his competition.

Picasso Trigger is no means a great film—Sidaris's direction still leaves a lot to be desired, the action scenes being far less thrilling than they are unintentionally amusing—but with plenty of sexy Playboy-standard babes getting naked, crap martial arts, a pointless sub-plot about snuff movies, crazy gimmicks such as an exploding boomerang (which would surely come back and blow YOU up?!?) and a rocket-launching crutch (programmed by pocket calculator), blatant product placement (even the local Hovercraft Hire company gets in on the action), and VERY LARGE CAPTIONS to let us know what day of the week it is, this is worth a go when you don't want to have to think very hard.

While never having heard about this 1988 movie titled "Picasso Trigger" from writer and director Andy Sidaris, I opted to sit down and watch it here in 2022, as I had the opportunity to do so after having seen the 1988 movie "Hard Ticket to Hawaii".

And I will say that "Picasso Trigger" definitely is right in the spirit and essence of the "Hard Ticket to Hawaii" movie, so if you enjoyed that one from Sidaris, then you will also enjoy this 1988 movie. I will admit that the movie was watchable enough for what it was, which is some typical late 1980s cheese, for better or worse.

It was actually fun to see the majority of the cast from "Hard Ticket to Hawaii" return to reprise their roles and characters in "Picasso Trigger", so it made for some sense of continuity. It should also be said that the acting performances in "Picasso Trigger" were adequate enough.

Visually then "Picasso Trigger" was an okay movie. I mean, it wasn't the best of special effects, and the usage of painfully obvious dummy stand-ins whenever an explosion was imminent was just hilarious.

If you enjoy 1980s cheesy action flicks, then you will definitely enjoy "Picasso Trigger".

My rating of "Picasso Trigger" lands on a five out of ten stars.

This film essentially begins with an international crime lord known as "Picasso Trigger" (John Aprea) being assassinated in Paris by a colleague named "Miguel Ortiz" (Rodrigo Obregon) who wants to take over his underworld empire. Not only that, but Miguel is equally determined to kill everyone who anything to do with the death of his brother some time before. To that extent, one of his first attempts is against both "Donna" (Dona Speir) and "Taryn" (Hope Marie Carlton) were vacationing on a boat just off the coast of Maui. Fortunately, as luck would have it, the two of them had just gone snorkeling just minutes before a remote-controlled airplane bomb slams into their boat and blowing it up. Meanwhile, in Las Vegas, a colleague of Miguel by the name of "Mr. Schiavo" (Nicholas Georgiade) has also targeted several agents who have been investigating his white-slavery racket as well. To that effect, with so many of his agents being either killed or narrowly escaping assassination attempts, the man in charge of these agents by the name of "L. G. Abilene" (Guich Koock) decides to turn the tables and go after Miguel Ortiz. What he doesn't know, however, is that there is more to these assassination attempts than he realizes and there is one person within his agency that has a secret agenda of their own. Now, rather than reveal any more, I will just say that this sequel to "Hard Ticket to Hawaii" was, in my opinion, a little bit better than its predecessor as both the acting and the script showed a slight improvement. Likewise, the presence of several attractive actresses like Cynthia Bremhall (as "Edy"), Roberta Vasquez ("Pantera"), Kym Malin ("Kym") and the aforementioned Dona Speir and Hope Marie Carlton certainly didn't hurt either. On the other hand, much like the previous picture, the plot lacked depth and needed a lot more suspense or intrigue as the numerous action scenes were simply not sufficient to maintain interest for an extended period of time. At least, I didn't think so. Be that as it may, while this wasn't a bad action film by any means, it had its faults and I have rated it accordingly. Slightly below average.

Dona Speir confessed in an interview (DVD bonus) she didn't understand the movie after reading the script and she figured it out only after she watched the final product 4 times. She isn't the only one, I suppose. I blame this confusion on the villain who keeps hidden most of the time so you wonder who's actually fighting whom and why. The killers' messages are quite poetic: "The ones with the flower have been scattered this hour", one writes to notify the others that his job his done. "I've got a black belt in shotgun", another lady says after she shot a kung fu fighter. The Dutch DVD I've got uses the tagline "Moorden is een vorm van kunst" ("Killing is an art form", I think it translates) - and these cynical tidbits just to demonstrate "Picasso Trigger" is somewhat more violent (and with less nudity) than other movies of the Lethal Ladies series. I loved the exploding boomerang as a weapon or when 1 of the heroes fires about 20 times at 1 bad guy and misses him every time. Playboy's Roberta Vasquez in her first appearance for Andy Sidaris slips into a pair of ripped jeans, showing beautiful legs, beautiful dark eyes, beautiful... everything! Note: this is the 3rd out of my 12 reviews for the works of Andy Sidaris, in chronological order.