Guns

"Guns" is a strange movie: its sensibilities seem to be both sexist AND feminist. On the one hand, almost all the women have to undress at one point or another, usually gratuitously; on the other hand, the girls-with-guns sequences are played without condescension, the female agents are treated as equal partners by the men and, more often than not, THEY take charge. The action is not particularly well-done; in fact the whole film plays as if it was directed by a teenage boy trying to make a "real" movie. But how can you hate a film that contains female oil wrestling, an interrogation done with the help of a magic hat, a grenade on a remote-controlled model boat AND the incomparable Danny Trejo as the villain's No.1 henchman? (**1/2)

This is the 5th out of my 12 reviews for the works of Andy Sidaris, in chronological order. Gangster Degas (Erik Estrada) tries to get a few agents out of the way so he can ship weapons from China to South America via Hawaii. But Donna Hamilton (Dona Speir) doesn't give up easily, because Degas killed her father years ago. So even if pistols seem good enough for others, Donna prefers a rocket launcher to blast baddies to pieces. Roberta Vasquez poses with a leather bikini on a motorbike at sunset, while Cynthia Brimhall has a special appearance as a nightclub singer. Chuck McCann gets the best line when he interrogates two suspects: "What is the difference between a terrorist and a magician?" They quickly find out! "Guns" isn't one of the best of the series, but it's got its moments.

Dona Speir and Roberta Vasquez play sexpot federal agents in their first outing for writer / director Andy Sidaris. Donna Hamilton and Nicole Justin must foil the plans of bad guy Degas (Erik Estrada), a gun runner who continually sends hired guns after the two women. But Donna and Nicole have plenty of allies - the standard assortment of movie protagonists who make up for in visual appeal what they lack in acting ability - and firepower at their disposal.

Sidaris is once again following his expected formula to a tee - action, eye candy, exotic settings. You know the drill. Still, fervent Sidaris fans will likely enjoy the various goings-on, especially the way that he will always contrive ways to have the lovely ladies bare as much skin as possible. Fortunately, his sense of cheesy humour is apparent once again as well, and among the highlights along the way are a pair of assassins (Chu Chu Malave, Richard Cansino) who often dress in drag, a grenade sent by remote control boat, and a corpulent, cheerful good guy named Ace (veteran actor Chuck McCann, "The Heart is a Lonely Hunter") whose day job is magician for a night club. He interrogates two inept villains in a way that would make any "bad cop" proud.

Estrada does look like he's relishing this rare chance to be the bad guy, plus it's good to see grizzled tough guy actor Danny Trejo as his primary henchman. Overall, "Guns" is pretty similar to its follow-up, "Do or Die", and features a number of the same cast members, including Malave and Cansino. In the latter movie, they supplied heavy comedy relief. Here, they play it a little more "straight", even as they doll themselves up. Cynthia Brimhall sings two songs quite nicely. Devin DeVasquez ("Society") plays Degas' gal pal who wants to prove her worth as a killer, Phyllis Davis ("Beyond the Valley of the Dolls") is Speirs' mother, and George Cheung (the Vietnamese heavy in "Rambo: First Blood Part II") appears briefly.

Oh, and the story? Dumb as hell, but who ever watches *these* things for the story?

Six out of 10.

Boy...does this director Sidaris like to blow s**t up-but he just ain't good at it. The special effects look like they were staged in a six year olds sandbox. But you get some sweet eye candy in ex-Playboy Bunnies Dona Speir and Roberta Vasquez-unfortunately, both have no concept to emoting. And, without a doubt, you get (maybe) THE worst line ever uttered in a low-budget actioneer:

As bombs (or whatever) are blowing up around poor Dona she grabs some kind of plastic assault rifle and hollers at her male partner "Don't just do something...stand there!" and proceeds to shoot up the horizon. How can you not love it?

***** stars out of 10-mainly for the luscious Ms. Vasquez. BOING!

This film essentially begins with a South American crime lord by the name of "Juan Degas" (Erik Estrada) hiring two hitmen to kill a female federal agent named "Nicole Justin" (Roberta Vasquez). However, due to a last-minute wardrobe change, the two assassins end up killing a totally innocent person instead. This not only infuriates Juan, but it also triggers an immediate investigation by the federal agency Nicole works for as one of their own members named "Rocky" (Lisa London) was also killed in the attempt as well. What they don't realize, however, is that Juan is only getting started and he has assembled several men and compiled a vast arsenal of weapons to use in his murderous scheme of revenge. Now, rather than reveal any more, I will just say that this movie pretty much follows the same general pattern of several previous Andy Sidaris films which places a high priority on attractive and scantily clad actresses like Dona Speir (as "Donna Hamilton") and the newly introduced Roberta Vasquez taking the place of Donna's usual partner played by Hope Marie Carlton ("Taryn"). And although Ms. Carlton was probably the most attractive actress of the bunch, I have to say that the addition of Devin DeVasquez (as the villainous "Cash") almost made up for it. Be that as it may, much like the previous films in the series, the plot lacked depth and needed a lot more suspense or intrigue as the numerous action scenes were simply not sufficient to maintain interest for an extended period of time. That being said, while I don't consider this to be a bad film by any means, it still suffered from the same weaknesses as the others, and I have rated it accordingly. Slightly below average.