They Bite

If you're of the opinion that Roger Corman's Humanoids From The Deep didn't have enough tits in it, then Brett Piper's They Bite is the film for you. Piper's film was clearly made on a fraction of the budget of the Corman movie, but attempts to make up for its cheapness by delivering as many bare breasts as possible.

Like Humanoids, They Bite sees mutant fish monsters emerging from the sea to attack people (mostly women with big tits); ichthyologist/tabloid reporter Melody Duncan (Donna Frotscher) teams up with porno director Mel Duncan (Nick Baldasare) and his team to try and get to the bottom of things.

Melding B-movie monster nonsense with sci-fi, They Bite is not quite as unwatchable as I had imagined: there's the aforementioned boobs to keep one amused, but the characters are also fun, the pace is decent, and the fish-mutant action is entertaining for those who don't mind cheap men-in-rubber-suit monsters (although I wish Piper had spent some of what little money he had on gore).

5.5/10, rounded down to 5 for the presence of dodgy podgy imprisoned pornstar Ron Jeremy, who plays one of the adult film crew.

Back in 1980 a remarkably entertaining b-movie was released called Humanoids From the Deep, it was a really enjoyable tale about fishmen preying on the towns people. In 1996 it was remade and was really quite poor, well the same year they made this which is essentially a parody of them and it's no better than the remake.

You see it tells essentially the same story but with tweaks, but more comedy. Trouble is there isn't enough comedy to get past the movies overwhelming volume of flaws.

Starring porn industry legend Ron Jeremy (Looking oddly trim) we see less of the creatures than we'd perhaps like to due to I can only assume their restricted budget. To make up for this we'd have needed a lot of laughs and a great script but alas we lack both.

Sure I laughed a couple of times, but literally a couple of times across the movies 90 minutes running time! It's just not funny enough, the horror element is entirely absent and quite frankly a lot of it is just plain ugly.

Jeremy is great, our leading lady who has this movie and this movie alone on her resume was great also but beyond them the movie brings nothing to the table except lashings of boobs!

The Good:

A few good cast members

A couple of laughs

The Bad:

Low budget shows

Not enough comedy to justify the runtime

Hardly a "Parody"

I found this one in the loser bin for $1.00 on VHS. It looked bad but I figured, what the hell, my collection is full of bad, one time viewing, crap. All I can say is, this movie has it all! Yes, the production starts off pretty low quality but is pretty impressive by the end, what really surprised me about this one was the plot. It was well written and actually has some depth and twists to it. Also, the characters are very likable and even somewhat believable. Every time the film comes back to the film crew their dialog had me laughing my ass off, and not because it was bad. This is rare in the genre. They reminded me of the group of friends in "40 year old virgin". This movie really delivers in the breast department. Very few movies have so many boobs. I'm not sure what else to say. I've watched it about 8 times now and it keeps getting better. All my friends agree. Its a perfect movie to sit around and drink beer to. "They Bite" is the kind of film "Slither" was aspiring to be. Watch it if you can find it. Pure classic horror from an era that is long gone.

If you go into a movie called THEY BITE expecting a life-changing experience, then you've got yourself mopped into a corner for big disappointments. Understanding that this is a juvenile monster movie with no artistic ambitions is step one for a positive viewing experience...this is strictly "brains on pause" entertainment, and as such, it works quite nicely(and, naturally, anything featuring porn legend Ron Jeremy outside his...erm...natural habitat...is always interesting to see).

An uncomplicated aliens-on-Earth-eating-people item which has a good sense of humor about itself, and features some very inventive monsters and a goodly amount of ribald chuckles. Production values and acting are mostly above the equator for this type of fare, and some of the special effects moments demonstrate surprising ingenuity and aptitude.

You could do far worse than this...just work with it instead of against it, and you'll probably have a fun time.

5.5/10.

This flick is really obscure to find. It never had a proper release on DVD or Blu Ray, to be honest, even on VHS it's a tough one to possess. Is it worth the search, honestly it isn't because it's an ultra low budget horror and it shows in the effects.

But that I could dig because not all low budgets are that bad. But here there isn't almost no horror. The beginning do offer some creepy moments but the tone is set because before the victim (voluptous blond) got killed she strips before the camera. And that is what it's all about.

The story is all about shooting a porn flick and there are a lot of misunderstandings which should make it a comedy but face it, it's full of gratuitous nudity and the story isn't that strong after all. It's only towards the end that the critters com in but by then it's all too late to save this flick.

Gore 0/5 Nudity 2/5 Effects 1/5 Story 1/5 Comedy 0,5/5