Die Schlacht der Centurions

THE NEW GLADIATORS is the 20th movie by Lucio Fulci I have seen, and it marks a little piece of movie-going history for me. I was a teenage horror fanatic, so to speak, and in the beginning of my horror odyssey I wouldn't have thought I would get to see even five. But that was before imported DVD. That was before the Internet. Now I have a fairly good view of Fulci and I know very well why my admiration for him is so high. The New Gladiators, Fighting Centurions, or whatever you want to call it, is just an example. I love the very idea that Fulci even tried to make this movie.

Fulci was not high class, to say the very least, but he definitely had an artistic vision. He went out to follow his themes no matter what. It's like he didn't notice, or cared, that the actors were horrible, the effects crappy and the dialog so ridiculously high-blown that basically every movie he ever made, in some way or another became hard to take seriously. This one is definitely no exception.

In the mid 80's, Fulci tried to jump off the horror wagon for a while. I guess he felt he knocked himself out for good with THE NEW YORK RIPPER and who can blame him. Just one year after that movie he did the sword&sorcery/fantasy-fest CONQUEST and if you put those two beside each other, well, one conclusion is that he definitely could do different things. Conquest is a howler, if I hadn't known about Fulci I would have pretty much assumed it was a comedy. Much of the same goes with The New Gladiators, but unlike Conquest, or any other Fulci movie for that matter, it has a more obvious problem: It's a sci-fi-fantasy movie with a budget taken from the tin can of a bum! The models are barely convincing even as models, and the many sequences of biker action comes off as peculiarly pointless, since there are basically no stunts and we don't know which character is which (since they are all stunt men). Many of the drivers also seem to drive into spears and walls all by themselves, for no apparent reason.

The plot is also just barely there. There's a bunch of "gladiators". They are supposed to fight. In the end we get the would-be-showdown, but between the first scene and the last there's just a bunch of separate sequences of torture or escape action and one or two loose plot threads. One mad scientist here, one Gestapo-dressed Howard Ross there, who is a threat one second, and totally outsmarted the next, and I don't blame Fred Williamson for later claiming "I have no idea what that movie was about".

But who cares, right? Just like in Conquest, another plot less feast for the senses, there's a lot of hilarious sequences. Swallow this gadget and you will be able to melt stuff with your brain. Pick up the gun. No. Pick it up. No. PIIICK IIIT UUUUUPPPP. I mean, the list goes on. For Fulci apostles though, we get some familiar themes of humanity with some seriously bad odds against it - in this case by computerization and TV, something you have to give Fulci some before-his-time-credit for - but with a surprisingly happy ending. The eyeball theme (or "who sees what" as I like to call it) becomes totally physical towards the end when a supposedly half-blind man turns out to have a camera behind the blind lens (OK, that's a little brilliant) and there's even.... let's see... one cool Fulciesque moment, involving a bizarre and surrealistic murder with three whistling men dressed in fancy 80's suits.

It's no surprise that this move is re-distributed by Troma, because it's surely a joy for all. It's a great movie to watch if you want to get together and laugh at a bad movie, and it's definitely worthwhile for Fulci enthusiasts (I mean.... why not??). As long as you don't expect Blade Runner, you're in for a treat. In addition, I recommend to watch it back to back with Conquest, which should be saved for last because it's even funnier.

KIIIILLLL!!!

During his career , Fulci contributed to many different genres. It is a bid sad that he is remembered only for his gore movies, though they are classics.

But Fulci making a sci-fi movie still sounded like a disaster, especially given the low budgets with which Fulci worked during the period when he made "New gladiators". Nevertheless, I was quite pleased with the result. Clearly, one cannot call the movie a good movie. For this, it is far too uneven: It has a fairly good opening, but step by step degrades into plain silliness culminating into Drake swallowing a device which allows him to manipulate all electronic equipment and even melt metal walls. At the end, the movie resumes pace again for a rather satisfying ending.

As often noted, even by Fulci's daughter Antonella, the "New gladiators" is highly reminiscent of "Rollerball" and of other classic American sci-fi-movies such as "Logan's run". Fulci manages to use some of his trademark elements to enhance the familiar motives: First, there is the overall dark atmosphere of the movie. Second, there are some almost surreal sequences such as the killing of Drake's wife. Third, there is the juxtapposition of antique and future Rome. At this point, I would like to mention that the often criticized toy models are filmed quite effectively and help to create an illusion, though not a perfect one. Fulci and the scriptwriters get an extra credit for managing to incorporate a throat slashing with Poe's pendulum into this movie!

All in all, "New Gladiators" is a slightly messed up movie with interesting details to keep you amused. As such, it is much more entertaining than recent Hollywood big budget sci-fis which feature even less story and more silly plot elements than the worst Fulci movie and are completely brainless.

Entertainingly goofy science-fiction from Lucio Fulci. The story takes forever to get started, and the part of the film that may attract most viewers - the recreation of the gladiatorial battles of the ancient Rome - is too short. But, the effects are amusing, the sets almost psychedelic, and the decapitations plentiful! This is a picture that I wouldn't care to see twice, but certainly one viewing is recommended. (**)

New Gladiators (1983)

1/2 (out of 4)

Italian apocalyptic film is set during 2073 when TV audiences have been turned onto violence after years of war. Normal television isn't accepted anymore so two rival networks have to come up with shows that feature real people facing real death. The latest game show is to have gladiator battle, which with Fulci directing, leads to countless death scenes. This is an incredibly cheap sci-fi film that might be called an early version of what would become The Running Man but this thing here is so cheap that it should get on your last nerve after the ten-minute mark. The only thing going for this film happens in the first five minutes where there's a rather nice throat slashing but after this the film offers nothing except a couple laughs from the cheap production. Even though there are a lot of deaths in the film, if you're expecting classic Fulci gore then you're going to be highly disappointed as there is very little outside the previous mentioned throat slash. Fred Williamson of Black Caesar fame gets the main role but does very little with it. There were a lot of these films made in Italy around this time but this is the first I've seen and I really hope it's the worst of the bunch because if there is one out there worse than this then I'm somewhat scared to see it.

After knocking out a succession of gory cannibal flicks and umpteen cheap clones of Romero's Dawn of the Dead, several of Italy's horror directors moved on to the post-apocalyptic genre, bringing fans a tirade of silly Mad Max inspired nonsense with suitably daft titles: New Barbarians; Atlantis Interceptors; 2019: After the Fall of New York; New Bronx Gladiators of the Year 3000 (actually, that one's not real... but you get the idea).

Amongst these iffy, cheap looking and often laughable efforts was Lucio Fulci's Rome 2033 - The Fighter Centurions (as it was known here in the UK), a violent (natch!), cheesy, and amazingly shonky production, made slightly more interesting by the fact that it's plot bears more than a passing resemblance to the Arnold Schwarzeneggar hit The Running Man—which was made three years later!

Jared Martin plays Drake, star of the bloodthirsty show Kill Bike, in which contestants on motorcycles must attempt to slaughter their opposition. However, when the corrupt bosses at TV network WBS decide that they need something even more brutal to help them win the ratings war, they frame Drake for murder and enrol him as a participant in their latest TV spectacular, Battle of the Damned, a fight to the death between condemned criminals in a gladiatorial arena.

There's also some boring nonsense about a super-computer planning to take over the world, and a beautiful WBS employee who attempts to help Drake avoid certain death, but, let's face it, that's probably not why most people will sit down to watch this. So what juicy delights does Fulci serve up for fans in this potential bloodbath?

Well, not that much actually! An early graphic throat slashing turns out to be merely an image projected into the mind of a game-show contestant; much of the motorbike mayhem results in bodies being either blown up or crushed, but with very little gore on display; and the brief decapitation of a gladiator ends with a shot of the neck spurting blood.

For maximum enjoyment, I advise viewers to sit back, forget about the lack of splatter, and just revel in the sheer silliness of the whole thing: the incredibly bad Bladerunner-style cityscapes; the entertaining chariot race featuring really naff-looking, customised bikes; and the fact that, somehow, not only do all of the condemned criminals know how to ride a motorbike, but they can all effortlessly pop a prolonged wheelie!