The Internet is a funny place. We read these little snippets of information and think we know people. I know someone I've met in person and liked for the most part, but when I read a comment he posted on a board I used to frequent I was so disgusted with him I immediately turn off when his name is mentioned. I know people who think I am a super bitch based on things I've said online, and when they meet me are completely shocked that I'm not a harpie.

Hell, in person I'm gentle as a lamb most of the time. I stop arguments from happening. In the classroom I am deft with words in the midst of brewing conflict and have talked angry boys out of punching each other. I've been called a bitch by teenagers and gotten them to apologize without any yelling on either side.

But here on the Internet I get more angry than I do in my life. Why? I guess it's because we don't have the benefit of a whole conversation or facial expressions or intonation so one comment can spiral out of control thanks to different writing styles. And we have these personalities - not our real personalities, but these creations we're developed on the web. If I were to suddenly start talking about how I actually liked The Notebook, would anyone believe me? Would people make fun of me? Would that change the persona I've developed?

I used to run before I had a foot injury, and one of my favorite songs to haul ass to was Brittney Spears' "Toxic." Yes. Brittney Spears. And I own a Rage Against the Machine album but it's a lie. Don't tell the Beefcake, but I don't actually like Rage. I only bought that album to help maintain my badass image in college, but I find all that aggressive screaming less enjoyable than a Justin Timberlake / Nelly collaboration. Do I like to kickbox? Absolutely. Do I cuss like a sailor and watch movies with explosions? Yes sir. Is my kitty's litterbox pink with hearts on it? Why yes it is. Know what else I like? John Mayer. Fuck off. He's talented.

I have layers. Like an ogre.

I had a Facebook page for like five minutes until someone I barely know sent me like fifty thousand flowers and kisses or whatever. I got the hell out of there. I had a Myspace for ages but never stopped worrying that my students would find it. Today I deleted it. I stopped posting to a popular message board months ago after I realized I was getting angry more often than I was laughing. I have fallen for many a troll in my day because I don't like to keep my mouth shut when I see shit that pisses me off.

But now I'm thinking about the whole thing. This blog. All blogs. Craig Mazin's most recent post to Artful Writer made me think about it even more. Which is kind of ironic.

I'm not trying to get people to say "Oh no, don't leave we love you" or whatever. I actually don't enjoy that kind of thing. What I like is honest discussions that don't get personal, where people are polite and respectful of each other and their opinions. When I think someone's being disrespectful I'll call them on it when I guess I should just ignore it or delete it entirely. There's no reason to let someone else's Internet persona upset my reality. My goal as a person is to become a zen being.

I like this blog. It's weird sometimes when I remember how many people I've never met have an idea of who I am, but then I remember how many friends I've made through this thing, and how much I've enjoyed having this outlet for my thoughts that can lead to a discussion of ideas. But I have to think about where I want it to go in the future and what kind of person I want to be when I'm here.

Do you guys know what I mean?