Neal McDonough lives in my neighborhood.

A little over a year ago one morning I was discussing with Ex Boyfriend how awesome Neal McDonough is. I don't remember how he came up - I was probably explaining something about Band of Brothers. Anyway, I love the guy. He always carries a lot of poised and intelligence mixed with a tough guy exterior, which is my favorite kind of person in the whole world. Even when he's in things that suck, which is kind of a lot, he does not suck.

So anyway, a little over a year ago I had a conversation with Ex Boyfriend about the level of Neal McDonough's awesomeness. Then, not an hour later as we walked through the parking lot that is the Larchmont farmer's market, WHO THE FUCK DO WE SEE?

That's right. Neal Fucking McDonough. He was blocking traffic with a baby carriage so he could talk to a bunch of screenwriters who he kept saying very loudly were all screenwriters.

I stood there, supposedly admiring the hummus on the table before me, squealing a bit with joy. Neal McDonough's friend caught me and laughed. I eventually pushed by the baby carriage and went on my merry way, only to walk right past Kevin Weisman like thirty seconds later. I had not been talking about him that morning, but I do own Alias season 2 on DVD so that was cool.

Okay anyway, so just last night Beefcake and I watched the film Traitor, which also stars Neal McDonough. I went on my usual rant about how awesome he is, complete with story about how I saw him a year ago at the farmer's market pushing a baby carriage with a male friend, at which point of course Beefcake said he is gay. because Beefcake thinks everybody's gay. But he told me I should have said something at the farmer's market that day. It's not like he's an A list guy. He's a successful actor, but most people probably don't know him by name so maybe he'd like to be recognized.

So today I rode my bike to Pavillions and WHO THE FUCK DO I SEE WALKING DOWN THE FROZEN PIZZA AISLE?

OMG. Neal McDonough.

I picked up the phone to dial the Beefcake but my phone was dead. I was on my own.

I put stuff in my basket, plotting out what I'd say if I ended up behind him in line.

Then I got my chance. I grabbed my last item and stepped up to the checkout lines and there he was, right at the end of one with a shitload of groceries.

So I stepped up behind him with my basket and stood for a minute while he unloaded his goods.

I leaned forward.

"Do you hate it when people recognize you?" I said.

"Kind of," he replied.

"Oh," I said. "Then I don't recognize you at all. But if I did recognize you, I'd probably think you were awesome."

He smiled.

"Thank you. If you recognized me, I'd be flattered."

We stood for a minute, watching the lady in front of us fiddle with her coupons.

"So are you an actress?" he asked.

"Writer," I said.

"Have anything produced?"

"Not yet. Still trying to break in, I'm afraid. But I'm getting there."

"What are you working on?" he asked.

"Zombie script. But not a horror. A big budget action pic about a family of survivors in a zombie filled world."

"That sounds like something I'd like to read. Can I read it?"

"Of course! Hell, you'd be absolutely perfect for the lead."

He wrote something on the back of a business card and handed it to me.

"Here. Send it to my agent. His email's on the back."




Sigh.



Actually I just got in the line next to him, occasionally spotting his unkempt blond hair over the rack of gum between us. He had a shitload of groceries and I was not going to wait in line for that.

Whenever you start a new relationship one of the first things you have to do is the old film exchange. I always bust out Firefly and Buffy episodes and yell "Ooooh! This one! You have to watch this one!"

The kind of guys I date have always already seen my favorite movies so it's the TV I have to show them. The kind of guys I date don't generally watch TV but when I show them what I love they usually get into Firefly pretty quickly. Buffy is a harder sell.

For me, it's always some action movie. Ex-Boyfriend made me watch Con Air an absurd amount of times, and I'm still convinced it was my refusal to stop making fun of Nick Cage's mullet that got me dumped.

So this time it's gonna be Conan, The Way of the Gun and The Wild Bunch. Two of them are sitting on my table right now on loan and the other is in my Netflix queue. I'm also pretty sure I'm going to end up watching a lot of Robocop. Fortunately I like Robocop a lot more than I like Con Air.

Back in high school it was music. I knew about emo long before Dashboard Confessional came on the scene because one of my exes was a major Promise Ring fan. I remember the day he introduced me to Sunny Day Real Estate. I also remember the day another ex played me my first Sublime song and how happy it made me feel.

I still learn new music, but most of the guys I date don't listen to all that new gay shit. They listen to classic rock because they're men, goddammit.

It's one of my favorite parts of starting a new relationship - that moment where the other person gets all excited because they want to show their favorite films with you so you can share their love.

So they introduce me to the films they love, manly films with manly protagonists and lots of guns and muscles and explosions. Which suits me just fine.

1) I just noticed a bunch of comments that never got emailed to me and were still waiting for moderation. Sorry about that. I wasn't blocking your comment, my email ate them.

2) I was trying to practice my editing skills today but I don't have much footage to work with so E-Boyfriend came over and we made an instructional video about preparing for a zombie attack. That was fun, and another excellent learning experience because I got to see a few more things from the actor's perspective and think about making sure cuts matched and as a writer I learned about improv on set. We had some problems uploading the footage so I won't actually have anything to edit until Monday, but hopefully next week I'll have my first fully produced short film up on Youtube.

3) The Rouge Wave has big news. Remember when I mentioned that Silver Screenwriting Contest (deadline July 3)? Well it was already pretty cool but now the grand prize has just gotten bigger. An Academy Award nominated screenwriter will have lunch with the winner. And a good screenwriter. The film he was nominated deserved the award. In fact it's probably one of my favorite films of the past year. And no it's not Norbit. So don't forget to enter because lunch with this person is so awesome you might want to lick his or her face. But don't.

I was supposed to go to the Creative Screenwriting screening of The Wackness yesterday but I didn't make it. I wish I'd been able to go because I read the script and it was fantastic, and it won the audience award at Sundance so I have a feeling it's worth seeing. I'll just have to pay my $12.

I didn't go because I was waiting for the UPS man. He finally showed up at 8:30 with an external hard drive and a copy of Adobe Premiere.

I got all excited as I loaded it up. I downloaded some footage to play with. I hooked up the hard drive to make sure I had enough memory. I got ready to edit a movie.

And then I drooled on the keyboard with my apelike moth open, completely mystified.

I have no idea what the fuck I'm supposed to do here.

Normally when I get new software I kind of look at it for a second and start pushing buttons and I'm off. I don't know diddly shit about hardware but software is my bitch. Not this time. I started again this morning pushing buttons and typing things but so far I've still got a blank screen. I guess I'll have to actually read the manual.

I've got some tutorial stuff I plan to watch today instead of penguins so that should help, but man this is some complicated shit. Like Photoshop, because let's call a spade a spade - Photoshop is a bitch to learn. Damn Adobe.

Anyway, I called up Ex-Boyfriend in a panic last night. HELP! I said. He's coming over Wednesday with a camera and his brain to show me the ropes. And no, we're not shooting dirty videos. You stop that thought right there, pervert.

To sum up, this shit is complicated.

I've been super stressed this week. Ooof.

Yearbooks came out Tuesday. Yearbook Day consists of putting together a slide show and presenting it to the senior class, then giving out presold yearbooks, then selling yearbooks, then listening to every student in school tell me how much the yearbooks suck and how many things we got wrong. I tell my kids not to expect anybody to say anything nice about the book. Even if it's the most beautiful and comprehensive book ever made, all anyone will notice is that you misspelled Mr. Okuwoke's name on page 57.

But at least this year I didn't get an angry parent complaining to the principal ten minutes after the books appeared, so there's that.

In between yearbook and English class and having a social life, I've been trying to put together a shoot for The Corner, the boxing short film I've been in love with ever since I wrote it. My actors keep asking me when I'll be ready to shoot. People have been offering their crew services. Everybody wants me to direct this film.

But I don't want to direct it. I want to produce it. I don't have that director gene, that element in your personality that drives you to tell people what to do and accept no excuses. Sure, I manage a classroom, but in there it's a lot of negotiation, they're all younger and less experienced than me, and if they don't do their work it usually hurts only them, not the whole class.

Directing is different.

I never meant to direct Game Night. It just sort of happened. And on the set I felt lost. I only ever wanted to get all the talented people I know in a room and watch them work - I never wanted to tell them what to do once they got there. So on set I was relying heavily on help from people who knew what they were doing. Fortunately I had a great crew and terrific actors, but I can already tell that if I end up with some prima donna DP he'll walk all over me. Actors I get, actors I know how to talk to. The crew is a mystery to me.

I loved producing, though, so I want to do that again as much as possible. I'm the kind of producer who chooses you because I like your work, and when you step on set I'll trust you to do your funky thing with the script that I wrote. That makes me happy.

So a couple of weeks ago I asked Ex-Boyfriend if he wanted to direct The Corner. He read it and although he liked parts of it, he said it was too serious to appeal to his directing style. He prefers ridiculous comedies and straight-up action stories. So he won't be directing the film.

And I had kind of a mini panic attack, partly brought on by that being the moment I had a plumbing incident that resulted in a minor flood exploding onto my floor, but also because I suddenly felt convinced I would be forced to direct it because for this particular project I want to use someone I know and trust, not some random guy I picked up on Craigslist. This post is not about me looking for a director, either. It's just me venting my frustration and admitting that I'm not invincible.

But then after I mopped up my floor Ex-Boyfriend told me I needed to take the pressure off. I don't even have Game Night finished yet (3 weeks to a rough cut, swears my editor) so I'm jumping the gun on planning something that requires a boxing ring and a host of extras.

But I already promised my actors I'd have a part for them in September, I said. They'll all be so let down.

So let's make something simple instead, Ex-Boyfriend said.

And then I realized I had this 9 minute script I'd been trying to submit to student filmmakers. It's a script I wrote that's sort of like a darkly comedic Twilight Zone episode to involve two actors and one location and can be shot for hellacheap. All I need is a studio apartment, which I could probably replicate in a hotel room.

Even if Ex-Boyfriend doesn't want to direct it I think I could handle this project. It's simple, more like a project between friends. And the minute I realized that, my stress dissipated.

So The Corner is on hold for the time being. I will produce that script because I love it, but it won't be this year unless I suddenly come into a vast fortune. Instead I will be producing Guthrie, something much, much simpler and less likely to make me freak out.

I will update my sidebar accordingly soon.