2017 marks 55 years of James Bond on the movie screen.  To celebrate this momentous year, I am undertaking to review the entire oeuvre of Bond films, all 24 of them (at this juncture in history), two at a time.  These will appear on the 7th day of each month  (Bond's agent number being "007").  At the beginning of each entry I will give my personal ranking of each movie and of each movie's theme song.  (These are subjective rankings and do not necessarily agree with the view of the average Bond fan, so take it as you will).  I hope you enjoy them, nay, even look forward to the next installment.  As an added note, I am deeply indebted to Tom DeMichael, and his book James Bond FAQ,  for tidbits of information with which I am peppering these entries.                                                                                                                                                                                                  -Quiggy

It had to happen, sooner or later.  By 2006, any available actor who could play the James Bond character, and had been alive when the first Bond movie came out, would have been 55.  Pretty old for Bond.  Yes Roger Moore played Bond when he was almost 60, but he had already been established in the Bond role for years.  If you are going to start a new franchise Bond, though, you want to at least start out with him being a bit younger.

There was a legal snafu once again that delayed production of the next Bond film.  In the interim Pierce Brosnan had been ousted from the potential fifth portrayal of the superspy, and producers began to look for a new face for Bond.  I personally remember the discussion when it was announced that a new actor would play Bond.  Hugh Jackman, Jude Law, Colin Farrel and Jason Statham were among the ones the producers considered.  Personally, I thought Jason Isaacs would have made a good Bond.  But the producers chose Daniel Craig, only the second Bond actor to have been born in England.

Of course, Bond women, being what they are, had been being played by actresses not old enough to have been around when Dr. No came out for years.  Bond women are always young and alluring and who wants to see a 50 year old grandmother make out with James Bond anyway?  (For the record, the first Bond woman who was not yet born when the first Bond movie was released was Talisa Soto (as Lupe in License to Kill)

Another younger addition to the Bond saga was in the position of director.  Of course, directors can be of any age, youth is not a requirement there.  Martin Scorcese could conceivably be tagged to be a Bond director and no one would bat an eye.  (At least not because of his age, anyway)  The first James Bond movie in the Daniel Craig era to be directed by a youngster to the scene was Quantum of Solace. It was directed by Marc Forster, who was born in 1969.

The reboot of Bond harkens to an earlier style of Bond in the way of gadgets, too.  In the first two Bond's of the Daniel Craig era there was no character of "Q", and thus there were no especially intricate weapons and gadgets, just your basic car and gun.  (Thus I dispensed with the Best Bond Weapon category for this entry)

The final note is, I should point out that with the new Bond there is a running theme of a secret organization behind all the bad guys throughout the four (so far) Daniel Craig movies.  While each one is separate in it's story, some of the action refers to the running theme, and while each one could conceivably be watched out of order, you will find some of it a little confusing if you do so.

Casino Royale (2006):

Quiggy's Personal Ranking of the Movie: # 15

Quiggy's Personal Ranking of the Theme Song: # 9

Best Bond Quote: Bond: (to Le Chiffre as he is torturing Bond) "I've got an itch down there... Do you mind?"

Best Bond Villain Quote: Le Chiffre: (during the same torture scene as above) "Wow.  You've taken good care of your body... such a waste"

The movie starts in Prague where Bond has tracked down a double crossing agent of MI6, and executes him.  One point made is that at this point Bond has still not achieved his 007 status because he has not had two confirmed kills.  (Seems a little contrived to me, and I would have thought Bond would have been much younger before he was given his 007 status. )

The movie opens with a song by Chris Cornell, the singer for  Soundgarden, and one which has more of a feel for the style that I think works better for a Bond movie.

In Uganda, a terrorist named Obanno meets with Le Chiffre (Mads Mikkelsen) who arranges to take possession of , and launder, the ill gotten gains of the terrorist.  Le Chiffre is a less than scrupulous banker.  He gambles with the money and also is shotselling stock in an airplane company, one which goes against the prevailing norm because the company's stock is only expected to increase.  But Le Chiffre knows something the stock analysts don't.  (His plan is to blow up an experimental plane that the airplane company is about to introduce).

While Bond is trying to track down a terrorist bomber, he and another agent find him at a street match between a mongoose and a cobra.  THe other agent inadvertently  gives himself away and the bomber takes off with Bond in pursuit.  It ends with Bond shooting the terrorist and escaping the local army.  M is not happy with Bond's penchant for killing potential prisoners who might give information to MI6  (a theme that runs constantly throughout the Daniel Craig series).

A major portion of the movie involves a high stakes poker game (in the novel it was baccarat, but the producers felt that most of the audience would have no idea how baccarat was played so went this route instead).  The goal being to make Le Chiffre lose his money (which you already know is not his anway: it belongs to the terrorists). Initially Bond loses his entire stake, and his money supplier from the government, Vesper Lynd (Eva Green), declines to supply the money for the "buy back in".  Fortunately a Cia agent, Felix Leiter (Jeffrey Wright), lets Bond take over his position in the game, with the caveat that the Americans get Le Chiffre after Bond is through with him.

It should come as no surprise that Bond beats Le Chiffre and takes all his money, and it should also come as no surprise that this doesn't set well with Le Chiffre.  Leading to the torture scene referenced above.

Double crosses and intrigue still reign supreme as always.  There is more to this movie than just the poker game, of course, and you will not see some of the surprises coming.  The movie is fairly good, and Le Chiffre makes one hell of a good villain, even if his goal is not the typical world domination scheme one comes to expect from a Bond Villain.


Quantum of Solace (2008): 

Quiggy's Personal Ranking of the Movie: # 16

Quiggy's Personal Ranking of the Theme Song: # 16

Best Bond Quote:(after leaving the villain stranded in the desert, with just a can of motor oil)  Bond: "I'll bet you make it 20 miles before you consider drinking that".

Best Bond Villain Quote:   (to Camille, referring to Bond) Greene: "MI6 says he's difficult to control.  That's a nice way of saying everything he touches seems to wither and die."





 
Stepping off from the end of Casino Royale, Bond arrives at an MI6 field location with a captive, Mr. White (Jesper Christensen), for interrogation.  Mr White claims that MI6  knows nothing about his organization, despite the fact that they have people everywhere.  Whereupon one of the agents present reveals himself as a rogue and shoots up the place killing everyone except Bond, and fortunately, M.  During the ensuing chase of the rogue agent, Bond ends up killing him.  Of course, M is displeased because they still know nothing about this "secret" organization.

For the first time in a Bond film, the opening theme song is a duet.  Alicia Keys and Jack White (of the White Stripes) do the honors.  It's not entirely a bad song (although, to the consternation of White it was later used in a diet soda commercial.  Which I think is prescient since the title of the song is "Another Way to Die"...)

Money found on the agent leads Bond to a man named Slate, and Bond ends up killing him too.  (Things just aren't going well for MI6 to find out information, it seems.) It turns out that Slate was supposed to be an assassin to kill Camille Montes (Olga Kurylenko, yes a Russian actress playing a Hispanic, but she pulls it off).  Bond meets up with Camille, but they depart and Bond follows her to a dock where she meets with Dominic Greene (Matthieu Amalric).

It turns out that Greene was the one who tried to have her killed.  Instead he gives her to General Medrano (Joaquin Cosio), wh will kill her after he's finished having fun with her.  Bond gives chase to the boat that Medrano is on and rescues her, which doesn't really please her.  See, Medrano had killed her family, and she was out for revenge, planning to kill Medrano.

The secret villainous plot revolves around Greene, who is acting as an environmental entrepreneur, supposedly trying to help the world.  But what he is secretly doing is diverting water and buying up land, intentionally trying to corner the market on water by creating a drought.  He plans to make big money by selling back the water to the thirsty country.  (Yes, another somewhat ridiculous evil plot, but the action and intrigue work in its favor this time.)

Because Bond seems to be out of control, MI6 sends an agent, Strawberry Fields (really!) (Gemma Arterton) to arrest him.  Bond uses his charm to convince her to hold off, and continues on his mission.  This was probably Fields' biggest mistake because, reminiscent of Goldfinger, Fields is later killed by having been drenched in oil and left to die on a hotel bed.

After resolving the current case, Bond traces down Lynd's (from Casino Royale) former lover and finds out another piece to the puzzle of the secret organization that seems to have worldwide fingers in every pie.

That wraps up this foray into the spy world, folks.  See you next month with the final installment.

Quiggy

  

2017 marks 55 years of James Bond on the movie screen.  To celebrate this momentous year, I am undertaking to review the entire oeuvre of Bond films, all 24 of them (at this juncture in history), two at a time.  These will appear on the 7th day of each month  (Bond's agent number being "007").  At the beginning of each entry I will give my personal ranking of each movie and of each movie's theme song.  (These are subjective rankings and do not necessarily agree with the view of the average Bond fan, so take it as you will).  I hope you enjoy them, nay, even look forward to the next installment.  As an added note, I am deeply indebted to Tom DeMichael, and his book James Bond FAQ,  for tidbits of information with which I am peppering these entries.                                                                                                                                                                                                  -Quiggy



By the time the series reached the dawn of the new millennium, the Bond saga had been going on for 40 years.  Many of the series regulars over the years had come and gone.  We had seen a woman take over as M, we had seen four separate actors don the tuxedo and persona of Bond, and we had even seen the departure of the stalwart Lois Maxwell, and her unrequited passion for Bond.  The only remaining figure who was still being played by it's original actor was "Q" (Desmond Llewelyn).  But even that was not a taboo role to change.  In The World is Not Enough, we still had Llewelyn's "Q", but looking forward to the eventual retirement of the actor, a new associate was introduced in this outing.

John Cleese, the Monty Python star, was introduced as an assistant to "Q".  Although he was not actually named in the film, Bond quips that if Llewelyn was "Q", Cleese must be "R".  The introduction turned out to be more prescient than the producers had thought.  Shortly after the movie was completed, Llewelyn was tragically killed in a car accident in December.  Having John Cleese take over the role added a bit of a twist to the character.  He continued the role of being exasperated by Bond's nonchalance with his gizmos, but he also added a twist of an acerbic wit, reminiscent of some of his characters on Monty Python's Flying Circus.
























The World is Not Enough (1999)

Quiggy's Personal Ranking of the movie: #14

Quiggy's Personal Ranking of the theme song: # 14

Best Bond Quote:  I couldn't resist...The last line as Bond and Dr. Christmas Jones make their ubiquitous liaison in the finale:  Bond "I thought Christmas only came once a year."

Best Bond Villain Quote: Renard: "There's not point in living, if you can't feel alive"

Best Weapon:There are lots of neat little things in this one.  I'm particular fond of the helicopter that has five circular saws attached to it for use in tree trimming.  Of course, you just KNOW that's not the only use they have...

In one of the longest opening sequences ever in a Bond film, James Bond is in Spain, where he is retrieving a satchel full of money.  While he and the Swiss banker who is holding the money converse, the banker is killed by his personal assistant, just as the banker was about to name the killer of another MI6 agent.  The killer gets away.

 Bond returns to MI6 HQ where he gives the satchel of money to its rightful owner, Sir Robert King.  But King has been rigged so that a lapel pin explodes killing him while he is inspecting the money. Bond sees the same assassin from Spain, and gives chase. She commandeers a boat, and Bond hijacks an experimental boat from Q to try to catch her.  An exciting chase scene around the Thames makes for a very good opening.  Bond ends up injuring his shoulder as the assassin explodes in a flaming balloon.

 The opening credits feature a song by a band called Garbage.  The song, however is not truly garbage, although it does push the envelope a bit with the sultry style that lead singer Shirley Manson brings to the song, but as far as I'm concerned, it is much better than some of the other songs that were chosen over the years.  I still feel a hard-driving style, like the themes for A View to a Kill and Live and Let Die fit the Bond theme more, but I'll take this one.

Bond is eager to go after the killers, but M decides that his injury is too severe, so she denies him the opportunity to be on the case.  Bond of course has other ideas, and he convinces his physical therapist to give him a clean bill of health.  Bond takes off to investigate the terrorism angle, first by meeting up with King's daughter, Electra (Sophie Marceau).  Electra has taken over her father's oil business, and is overseeing the installment of a pipeline.

It turns out that the money that Bond retrieved is somehow connected with an extortion ransom that Sir Robert had paid to get his daughter released from being kidnapped by an anarchist named Renard (Robert Caryle).  Renard has one unique attribute.  He is dying from a bullet lodged in his brain, which has the effect of rendering him immune to feeling pain and gives him extraordinary endurance.  Bond is sent to protect Electra from further harm, but she is initially indifferent, since she thinks MI6 is responsible for her father's death, by not preventing the assassination.

Bond and Electra go skiing to view the pipeline and are attacked by some terrorists.  Bond manages to save Electra, and wins her trust.  Bond then goes to see an old nemesis, Valentin Zukovsky (Robbie Coltrane), who now runs a casino.  Zukovsky tells him about the Renard connection.  Electra shows up at the casino, and promptly loses a million dollars to Zukovsky.  She dismisses the loss when Bond expresses his dismay and  tells Bond "there's no point in living, if you can't feel alive".

Bond follows a lead and goes to Kazakhstan where he meets nuclear scientist named Dr. Christmas Jones (Denise Richards), {who must be the most improbable scientist ever, but this is Hollywood and they were trying to reach a younger audience}.  Jones betrays Bond, who was posing as a scientist, to Renard.  She doesn't know who he is, she just was suspicious of him.  Renard, it turns out, is working on getting a nuclear bomb which he plans to use to blow up the pipelines that compete with Electra's pipeline.  If you are already ahead of me, you know what that means.  And so does Bond.  He confronts Electra, who it turns out, has been a victim of what is called the "Stockholm syndrome" in which a victim ends up falling into a romantic relationship with her captor.

The finale has Bond, with Jones, who is now on his side after discovering who he really is and what Renard's evil plans entail, trying to stop Renard from his plan.The movie works on several levels, but this trope of using nuclear weapons to cause havoc has started to become passe' in my opinion. Still, I think that the story is entertaining enough that it keeps one riveted throughout.  My only quibble is the casting of Denise Richards as a nuclear scientist,as I intimated earlier.






Die Another Day (2002) 

Quiggy's Personal Ranking of the movie: # 9

Quiggy's Personal Ranking of the theme song: #19

Best Bond Quote: (Bond has just turned over a briefcase full of diamonds, rigged with a bomb) Bond: "Don't blow it all at once."

Best Bond Villain Quote: Graves: "You only get one shot at life.  Why waste it on sleep?"


Best Weapon:  Without a doubt, it's the invisible car.  I want one of those!


Bond is in North Korea with a couple of South Korean agents.  He poses as an arms dealer where he trades a satchel full of diamonds for a cache of weapons from Colonel Moon (Will Yun Lee), along with his aide, Zao (Rick Yune) .  But he is revealed as a impostor, and  he is exposed.  A chase ensues which ends in the death of Colonel Moon, but Bond is captured by General Moon (Kenneth Tsang), the colonel's father.

As the opening credits roll, featuring one of the worst Bond theme songs in recent years, by Madonna, instead of seeing the classic dancing shadows and such that one has come to expect, we instead are treated to scenes of Bond being tortured while in captivity.

After the credits, Bond, who is now almost unrecognizable with shaggy long hair and beard, has been traded in exchange for Zao, who had been captured by the West during Bond's captivity.  M, who thinks that Bond probably revealed secret information while in captivity, has revoked his  007 status and plans to have him removed to a re-education facility (or possibly imprisonment, it's kind of vague to me).  Bond insists that someone must have betrayed him and wants to go after the traitor, but M refuses.

Bond engineers an escape from the hospital and goes to Hong Kong where he gets help from a Chinese agent.  He makes a deal with the head agent because the Chinese have had three of their secret agents killed by Zao.  The Chinese agent sends him to Havana where Zao has gone to a gene therapy clinic.

In Havana, Bond encounters Giacinta "Jinx" (Johnson (Halle Berry), who it turns out has her own agenda.  It turns out, as Bond later discovers, that Jinx is an agent for the American NSA.  While Jinx performs her own operation, Bond finds Zao as well as the diamonds that had been given to Colonel Moon. The diamonds now have a signature of Gustav Graves (Toby Stephens), a wealthy industrialist.

Bond seeks out Graves and manages to make an enemy of him right away.  Graves has an assistant, Miranda Frost (Rosamund Pike) who is helping him.  But Miranda turns out to be an agent of MI6 and is trying to find out what Graves' plans are.  Graves has created a satellite called "Icarus" which, ostensibly, is his gift to the world.  It can focus light from the sun to create ideal climates in areas for growing food.

But of course, that isn't Graves real objective.  You see, the Icarus satellite can also be used to create a giant laser than can be focused to destroy military installations.  Something quite similar to the object Scaramanga created in The Man with the Golden Gun, but 30 years later, technology has made an even more devastating weapon possible.

And once you find out what Graves true agenda is, you will be just as surprised as I was.  I won't reveal who Graves actually turns out to be (although you may guess just based on that passing comment).  The last 20 minutes of the movie is what puts this one so high in my personal rankings.  That and the invisible car of course, which I still want..

Time to go off and try to save the world.  Or at least save the part where I live...


Quiggy

 

 

 

2017 marks 55 years of James Bond on the movie screen.  To celebrate this momentous year, I am undertaking to review the entire oeuvre of Bond films, all 24 of them (at this juncture in history), two at a time.  These will appear on the 7th day of each month  (Bond's agent number being "007").  At the beginning of each entry I will give my personal ranking of each movie and of each movie's theme song.  (These are subjective rankings and do not necessarily agree with the view of the average Bond fan, so take it as you will).  I hope you enjoy them, nay, even look forward to the next installment.  As an added note, I am deeply indebted to Tom DeMichael, and his book James Bond FAQ,  for tidbits of information with which I am peppering these entries.                                                                                                                                                                                                  -Quiggy

Timothy Dalton was a success in two outings as Bond.  A third Dalton Bond film was in the works when disaster struck the series.  A lawsuit had been filed between the producers and MGM/UA, the distributors, of the series.  It seems that there was some problems with how the company and the producers viewed licensing agreements which had been signed way back in 1962.  This caused a lengthy delay in the production of the next movie in the Bond series, during which time Dalton's contract expired.

Whether the producers chose to go a different direction or Dalton just simply declined to renew his contract is a matter for the history books.  But the Bond role was open again.  Brosnan was he obvious choice, although serious consideration was given to Ralph Fiennes and, believe it or not, Mel Gibson(...?!).  Brosnan had been passed over, if you remember, because of his work on the American TV series Remington Steele.

A new Miss Moneypenny was cast for the new Bond, an actress named Samantha Bond.  (Is that kismet, or what?)  Also the new Bond would have a new M.  Not only that, but a woman boss.  Judi Dench was pegged to play Bond's superior, and thus the only actor left to reprise his role in the series was Desmond Llewelyn as "Q".



GoldenEye (1995)

Quiggy's Personal Ranking of the Movie: # 6

Quiggy's Personal Ranking of the Theme Song: # 18

Best Bond Quote: (The lead in to this one has Bond and his psychologist barrelling down a winding road when Xenia appears in her Ferrari.  The psychologist says "I like a spirited drive just as much as the next girl.." and then spots Xenia.  "Who's that?" she asks)  Bond:  "The next girl."

Best Bond Villain Quote: Janus:  "Kill him!... The man just won't take a hint."
(A very close second is Boris's oft repeated "I am invincible!" (Which you find out at the end is not necessarily so...)

Best Weapon: Love the pen that is really a disguised grenade.

 In a scene that it turns out takes place prior to the fall of the Berlin wall and the dissolution of the Communist Soviet regime, the film opens with Bond (Brosnan) working in conjunction with another agent, Alex Trevelyan, 006 (Sean Bean), in an infiltration of a Soviet military chemical weapons facility. Colonel Ourumov (Gottfried John) captures 006 and tries to lure Bond out of his hiding place.  The colonel kills 006, but Bond manages to escape in a rather exciting chase sequence.

In the opening credits, the song "GoldenEye" is sung by Tina Turner and it was written by Bono & The Edge of U2.  With that combination of talent, you would THINK that the output would be nothing less than spectacular.  However, in my opinion the song is a bit cold and static.  The Billboard charts for the Hot 100 would seem to bear that out.  It did not crack the top 100 (although it did make the Billboard Dance Hits chart, so some people must have thought it was dance-able...but not me).  In its defense, neither of the Dalton Bond themes cracked the top 100 either, but this one just doesn't pop for me.

One of the first things that will catch your eye in the opening credits is that Sean Bean's name appears right after the title.  Now unless Sean Bean has an ego the size of Marlon Brando, and managed to get top billing for a measly five minutes of screen time, that should be a clue that 006 may not really dead, so Spoiler Alert (for the slow on the uptake)!.... he's not.

Nine years later:  On a winding road Bond is driving with an MI6 psychologist (Serena Gordon).  Bond is pretty much scaring her already with his driving when a mysterious woman in a Ferrari shows up, and Bond's ego refuses to let him lose the race.  Narrowly avoiding a couple of accidents, Bond eventually lets the woman win to avoid wrecking into a bicycle entourage.

Later Bond meets the woman at a baccarat table where he manages to introduce himself and find out her name, Xenia Onotopp (Famke Janssen).  His charm is pretty much wasted on her because she is only concerned with her goals.  Which is later revealed to be a hijacking of a new Russian helicopter.  It turns out she is in cahoots with now-General Ourumov to hijack a former Soviet defense system called "GoldenEye".

What GoldenEye is is a system whereby a satellite in space can fire electromagnetic that can isolate an area and cause an area to lose its power to operate all electronic systems within the area.  The pair enter the Russian facility where the operation systems of Golden Eye is housed and Xenia kills all of the personnel inside.  Well, all but Boris Grishenko (Alan Cumming) who had "conveniently" stepped out for a smoke, and Natalya Simonova (Izabella Scorupco) who had, fortunately, gone to the kitchen for some coffee.

Onotopp an Ourumov activate GoldenEye and cause the facility and surrounding area to be laid waste and put in the dark.  At MI6 HQ, this event is viewed by Bond and the rest of those present.  Bond is taked with finding Golden Eye and whoever stole it.  He goes to St. Petersburg (the cold one in Russia, not the warm one in Florida...) where he meets CIA agent Jack Wade (Joe Don Baker), who apparently is now Bond's contact after Felix Leiter's disablement in The Living Daylights.

Baker's Wade is a bit of a smart ass, but I always have liked Baker's acting.  He tells Bond how much he hates the secrecy, passwords and codes of the "stiff-assed Brits", but helps Bond get to a former enemy, an ex-KGB agent now nightclub owner named Valentin Zukovsky (Robbie Coltrane).  Through a bit of negotiation, Bond gets Zukovsky help him to meet up with the leader of  Russian crime syndicate, known only by the name "Janus".

When Bond finally meets up with "Janus", guess who he really is.... well, if you read the half-assed attempt at a spoiler alert above, you've already guessed.  It turns out that it's our beloved co-agent 006, who apparently DIDN'T die at the hands of Ourumov.  Trevelyan was really a descendant of Russian Cossacks, whom history details as having allied with Nazi Germany against Russia.  After the war, they surrendered to the British and requested asylum, but the Brits turned them over to the Soviets and they were later executed by Stalin .   It turns out that Alex has been planning this whole revenge scheme for years, to pay back both Russia and England for betrayal.

The last part of the movie involves some pretty exciting battles between Bond and Alex, with the goal being to try to prevent Alex from doing the same thing to London that he had done to the Russian facility earlier in the movie.  With the help of Boris, who is in cahoots with Janus, the suspense mounts as to whether the enemies just might succeed this time.

Brosnan's first outing as Bond is top notch.  There was an attempt to return to the nonchalant quips that had been sorely missing from the Dalton movies, and many of these were a bit flat, but still, it was nice to get to see Bond's humorous side come back to the films.





 Tomorrow Never Dies (1997)

Quiggy's Personal Ranking of the Movie: #23

Quiggy's Personal Ranking of the Theme Song: #23

Best Bond Quote: (I'm not passing this one up. Moneypenny is talking to Bond requiring him to report to MI6.  He is in a romantic tryst with his Danish teacher.  He tells her Goodbye in Danish.) Moneypenny: "You always were a cunning linguist, James."

Best Bond Villain Quote:(I'm giving this one to Carver's henchman.  Read the review below for more explanation):  Stamper:  "I owe you an unpleasant death, Mr. Bond."

Best Weapon:  That cell phone is a monster.  I want one with all tose apps and gizmos.

In one of the best opening sequences ever, Bond is surreptitiously filming a conclave of terrorists.  Back at MI6, the Admiralty overrides M's wishes and orders a missile strike on the terrorist conclave.  Too late they find out that there is a plane with nuclear warheads on it.  More than just a terrorist enclave will suffer.  But Bond to the rescue, he does some Bond magic and flies the plane out...

You know what?  I can't do it.  I can't even BEGIN to give this movie any respect.  Aside from that dynamic opening, the movie just goes down hill from there.  Oh, the very beginning shows a bit of promise.  A British ship is warned it is in Chinese waters, even though the British GPS systems on board say they are not.  And a fancy torpedo controlled by some bad guys (not the Chinese) does some fancy maneuvering and completely destroys the ship.

But from there it goes headlong into one of the most ridiculous scenarios ever.  Our bad guy this time?  Elliot Carver (Jonathan Pryce), a media mogul who is trying to start World War III.  Why?  For ratings, of course.  He wants to be top dog in the news industry and nothing is above the line in order to get that position.  Something similar happened 100 or so years ago when William Randolph Hearst tried to manipulate political forces to get his newspaper headline stories.

The movie even references this history when Carver compares himself to Hearst.  But I don't think Hearst was the person the producers wanted the film-going public to think of when they saw this movie.  Probably less than half of the people who went to the theater to see it even recognized Hearst's name when Elliot Carver mentioned him.  Personally I think the producers wanted people to think of Rupert Murdoch, Fox News Media mogul.  Hell, Pryce even resembles Murdoch in the film.

And a villian trying to start WWIII just for ratings?  Please!  Even Blofeld's plan in On Her Majesty's Secret Service seems intelligent by comparison.  And how about that song?  Yes, decent orchestration, but Sheryl Crow was probably the worst choice they could have found to sing it.  What? couldn't they entice Shirley Bassey to give it another go?  I'm sure it would it would have been thousands of times better.

Sorry to end on a down note, but you could always go back up and read the "GoldenEye" review before you leave the theater...  drive safe, folks

Quiggy

 

 

2017 marks 55 years of James Bond on the movie screen.  To celebrate this momentous year, I am undertaking to review the entire oeuvre of Bond films, all 24 of them (at this juncture in history), two at a time.  These will appear on the 7th day of each month  (Bond's agent number being "007").  At the beginning of each entry I will give my personal ranking of each movie and of each movie's theme song.  (These are subjective rankings and do not necessarily agree with the view of the average Bond fan, so take it as you will).  I hope you enjoy them, nay, even look forward to the next installment.  As an added note, I am deeply indebted to Tom DeMichael, and his book James Bond FAQ,  for tidbits of information with which I am peppering these entries.                                                                                                                                                                                                  -Quiggy

It had to happen sooner or later....  After working on A View to a Kill, Roger Moore finally followed through with his threat to retire from the Bond role, and a casting call went out for someone to take the reins.

The call went out and the final decision was to have Pierce Brosnan take over the role.  But wait a minute.  Brosnan had just finished up playing a role in a TV series, Remington Steele, which had been cancelled.  Except that after hearing about their star being cast as James Bond, and thinking that was good publicity for their show, the network decided to renew the series.  Thus Brosnan was committed to another season of the show and was unavailable.  Worse, the next season only aired 6 episodes before it was cancelled permanently.  But by then it was too late for Brosnan.

Timothy Dalton, who had been among the finalists years before to replace Connery was tagged for Moore's replacement.  (He had decided he was too young the first time, and also did not want the task of replacing Connery, but by 1987, he was ready to give it a try.)

The role of Miss Moneypenny also became available. Lois Maxwell had decided to retire along with Moore, and a younger (and infinitely sexier) Moneypenny was cast, with Caroline Bliss in the role.  With or without the glasses she affected to distinguish her from Maxwell, she still looked the part of a Bond girl, so it must have been pure professionalism that Dalton's Bond did not succumb to her charms.























The Living Daylights (1987):

Quiggy's Personal Ranking of the Movie: # 19

Quiggy's Personal Ranking of the Theme Song:  # 8

Best Bond Quote:  (After hearing Koskov tell him an old Russian saying) "We have a saying, too, Georgi.  And you're full of it."

Best Bond Villain Quote:  (wielding an M80, after Bond has expended the 8 bullets in his gun.) Whitaker:  "You've had your 8, Bond.  Now I have my 80."

Best Weapon:  A key chain that has two really cool features, both responding to a certain whistle from Bond.

In the opening sequence, Bond and a handful of other agents are in a war game exercise where they have to infiltrate a stronghold, defended by fellow military personnel.  The agents who are shot by the defenders (with paint guns) are out of the game.  But there is someone who is not playing by the rules, and kills several people, both agents and defenders.  When Bond discovers the deception, a chase ensues on the mountaintop in a truck filled with explosives.  And I don't guess I have to tell you how that scene ends...

The opening credits, which includes a song by the Norwegian band  a-ha, leads into the main story line.  Russian General Georgi Koskov (Jeroen Krabbé) wants to defect to the West.But there is information circulating that the Russians plan to kill Koskov as he defects, so Bond is tasked with preventing the assassination.

Bond sees the beautiful Kara Milovy (Maryam d'Abo), a cello player in the orchestra with the rifle, and instead of killing her as instructed, he merely wounds her.  Koskov escapes to the West.  But at a safe house, a tall blond killer called Necros (Andreas Wisniewski) infiltrates the place and causes chaos, in which in the interim, Koskov is kidnapped from the safe house.

Koskov is a weasel, and it's almost telegraphed from the start that he is playing both sides of the candle against each other.  So it's no surprise to find out that it isn't the Russians who recaptured Koskov.  It was all part of an insidious double-cross, or triple-cross or even quadruple-cross.  It turns out that Koskov has been playing games with Kara, pretending to be her lover.  In fact, he had set her up, too.  She was supposed to fire blanks at Koskov during his defection, but she was also supposed to have been killed by Bond or the MI6 agent sent to prevent his "assassination",  thus eliminating a loose end in the plan.

It turns out there was a complicated plan in which opium was traded for guns and guns were traded for diamonds and the whole plot centers around trying to get Koskov's boss, General Pushkin (John Rhys-Davies, the actor who played Indiana Jones' friend, Sallah), assassinated.  In help for this matter is the false rumor that Koskov spreads to MI6 that Pushkin is planning on reinstating the Stalin era plan of smiert spionim. ("Death to spies").  This is totally untrue, and Bond discovers the whole ruse.  He also helps Pushkin out by faking Pushkin's death at the hands of Bond.

Bond is arrested as an assassin by russian agents, with Koskov still playing his ruse as the now head of Russian KGB.  The police put Bond and Kara in prison, but as usual Bond finds a way to escape.  He also frees a fellow prisoner, an Afghan, who turns out to be a leader in the Mujahadeen.  (This being prior to the events of 9-11, the Mujahadeen were still regarded as allies, especially since they were enemies of the Russians.)  Art Malik, who has made somewhat of a career in Middle eastern roles, plays the rebel leader.  And he eventually, although somewhat reluctantly, repays Bond for helping him escape by helping bond in his mission.

Koskov's real ally is Brad Whitaker (Joe Don Baker), a wannabe leader and mercenary who basically sells his services to the highest bidder.  It is he who is involved deeply in the diamonds/opium/arms trade.  He is also a gung-ho military man who among his delusions of grandeur imagines himself to be the consummate war strategist.  In his fortress hideout he has a room in which he re-enacts famous battles with toy soldiers, complete with sound effects from a high tech sound system, and busts of famous generals of the past around him.  (although, as a credit to his ego, they all have his face...)

The only thing that keeps The Living Daylights from being ranked even lower on my scale of Bond movies is the presence of Joe Don Baker as the renegade military man.  Baker is a pleasure to watch in almost everything I've ever seen him.  (He was fantastic as Buford Pusser in Walking Tall.)  The character is essentially a cardboard cutout of a mercenary leader, but Baker puts more pizzazz into the character than a lesser actor could have achieved, and even though I am glad to see a villain get his comeuppance in a Bond film, this is one where I kind of wish he had survived...

Timothy Dalton created a new image of Bond which stayed as far away as possible from the witty predecessor of Roger Moore.  It seems to hearken more back to Connery, although Dalton did put his own spin on it.  But he is not one of my favorite Bonds.  I wouldn't even rank him above Brosnan.  But I must admit, as you will learn if you read further, that one of my favorite overall Bond movies is his second try at the role.








Licence to Kill (1989):

Quiggy's Personal Ranking of the Movie: # 5

Quiggy's Personal Ranking of the Theme Song:  # 13

Best Bond Quote:  (Having just been given the snub by a potential sexual conquest with Pam) "I hope you don't snore, Q."

Best Bond Villain Quote: (Actually a note attached to Felix Leiter, but we will assume it was written by Franz Sanchez:)  "He disagreed with something that ate him."


Best Weapon:  A gun that looks like a camera, but is engineered and works only from Bond's hand print, making it totally useless when one of Sanchez's henchman tales it away from him.


There are more current and future stars in this outing than you could shake a stick at.  Priscilla Barnes, who took over the resident blonde role after the departure of Suzanne Somers on Three's Company, is cast as the tragic figure of Mrs. Felix Leiter.  Benicio del Toro, in a very early role, is Robert Davi's right hand man, a superb villain.  Anthony Zerbe and Wayne Newton (yes, THAT Wayne Newton) also appear in significant roles.  Grand L. Bush, whom you will recognize by face, if not by name, because he has been in dozens of action movies, is Hawkins.  The same goes for Cary-Hiroyuki Tagawa.  Both are regular actors, if you like the type of movies I most frequently review.

The opening sequence features Bond and his pal, CIA Agent Felix Leiter (played this time by David Hedison) on their way to Felix's wedding to the future Mrs. Leiter (Priscilla Barnes).  A Coast Guard helicopter intercept the entourage and informs Leiter that Franz Sanchez (Robert Davi), a notorious drug kingpin, is on United States soil, and the game is afoot to capture him.  Despite being on their way to a wedding, Leiter and Bond join the chase.  After an impressive action sequence which also involves Bond hooking up Sanchez's plane with a wire and taking him into custody, the two parachute in to the wedding.

The opening credits feature what was to be Maurice Binder's last work as credits designer for a Bond film.  He would pass away from lung cancer in 1991.  The song featured was done by Gladys Knight, one of the first songs to be done after the disbanding of her backup group, known as Gladys Knight and the Pips.

At a CIA interrogation, Sanchez makes a blatant statement that he will escape, and says that he will pay 2 Million dollars to whomever helps him.   It works because one of the agents present, Killifer (Everett McGill), takes the bait (and the cash).  Sanchez takes over in his revenge by kidnapping Leiter and killing his new bride.  He feeds Leiter to the sharks.  Bond hears about Sanchez's escape and goes to Leiter's house where he finds Della dead, and Leiter barely alive.

Bond goes to investigate a boat owned by Milton Krest  (Anthony Zerbe) and discovers evidence of what happened to Leiter.  He also confronts Killifer, who tries to bribe Bond, but Bond is having none of it.  He is now on a mission of revenge.  Bond is taken to a secret quarters where M (Robert Brown) informs him that he is supposed to be on assignment, but after a confrontation, Bond finds his 007 "license to kill" is revoked.

Bond begins a systematic plan of revenge, his ultimate goal being the death of Sanchez.  Sanchez's right hand man, Dario (Benicio del Toro),  encounters Bond as Bond meets with Pam Bouvier (Carey Lowell), a pilot and ex-CIA agent.  Escape from Dario is eminent, but Dario can identify Bond.  Bond makes his way back to Krest's boat, where he hijacks a load of drug money from the associate.  He takes the money and opens an account in Isthmus City, Sanchez's home base, and begins a systematic plan to infiltrate the drug kingpin's team of trusted servants.  He has the help of Q, who is probably going to be in deep trouble with M later for helping Bond out.

Professor Joe Butcher (Wayne Newton), a sleazy tele-evangelist, uses his television program to inform potential buyers of the drug prices and sales.  Sanchez's financial adviser,  Truman-Lodge (Anthony Starke) informs Sanchez of the deals that are made via the tele-evangelist's program.  The base of operations for the drug processing are located in Butcher's supposed meditation retreat.  A concept that, although logistically unbelievable (it involves mixing the drugs with gasoline to disguise them, which are later reprocessed back into pure cocaine), is revealed.  The drugs are packed into four tanker trucks and ready to go.

At the plant, Bond destroysthef  , as the tankers leave the facility. One of the action sequences that ensue involves what I consider one of the greatest stunts of all time.  As Bond is driving one of the tanker trucks, several of Sanchez's henchman stand by and fire a Stinger missile at him.  Bond uses a boulder on the road to cause the tanker to do a wheelie to avoid the missile.  While a two wheelie in a car is not necessarily passe', I think this nine wheelie is absolutely fantastic.

Davi is possibly the best and most fearsome Bond villain of all time.  He definitely manages to exude more of the unmitigated despicableness that makes a Bond villain memorable. Despite the fact that this movie has no real "conquest to dominate the world" like most of the Bond entries, and despite the fact that I really don't care for Dalton as Bond for the most part, this entry ranks as #5 on my list simply because of Davi's ad de Toro's performance, and the aforementioned "favorite stunt".


Well, folks, the martinis are calling.  Have a good night until next time.

Quiggy

2017 marks 55 years of James Bond on the movie screen.  To celebrate this momentous year, I am undertaking to review the entire oeuvre of Bond films, all 24 of them (at this juncture in history), two at a time.  These will appear on the 7th day of each month  (Bond's agent number being "007").  At the beginning of each entry I will give my personal ranking of each movie and of each movie's theme song.  (These are subjective rankings and do not necessarily agree with the view of the average Bond fan, so take it as you will).  I hope you enjoy them, nay, even look forward to the next installment.  As an added note, I am deeply indebted to Tom DeMichael, and his book James Bond FAQ,  for tidbits of information with which I am peppering these entries.                                                                                                                                                                                                  -Quiggy




***I have to begin this review on a sad note:  On May 23 Sir Roger Moore passed away.  Roger Moore will always be my favorite James Bond.  Both this and last month's posts are dedicated to his memory.***






By the time that it came around to filming Octopussy, Roger Moore was getting on up in years.  His contract to make Bond films had officially ended with Moonraker and he had agreed to stay on for one more film (For Your Eyes Only).  But he was not anxious to continue on in the role.  A few other actors had auditioned for the role, including a future Bond, Timothy Dalton and,  believe it or not, James Brolin. (Having an American actor in the role of the iconic British agent probably would have raised some hackles on purists, I bet.)

However, when word got out that Sean Connery had agreed to reprise his James Bond role (Never Say Never Again) for a competing non-official Bond film, it was thought that a new Bond competing against the classic Bond actor would have been somewhat catastrophic for the box office, so the producers redoubled their efforts to entice Moore to be Bond again.  And it turned out to be a good decision because Octopussy did better at the box office than the Sean Connery Bond entry.

What would end up being the final two appearances for Moore as Bond also had a bit of help from some fantastic actors to play the villains.  In Octopussy, we get two.  Louis Jourdan, was prominently known as a ladies' man in films (see Three Coins in a Fountain, Gigi and Can-Can), but he carries himself well here.  He is outdone however by Stephen Berkoff as a renegade war hawk Russian general, General Orlov.  Berkoff is memorable to some as the villain in Beverly Hills Cop and another role as the villain, another Russian general, in Rambo: First Blood Part II.  Fans of the mini-series War and Remembrance  will also recognize him as yet another evil villain...Adolph Hitler.  Obviously he was very good playing the villain role.  Even if he did have a tendency to overact on occasion.

Going on to the next film in the saga, we've got one of the best actors ever when playing unhinged characters, of which is a good description of any Bond villain, but Christopher Walken has done ithe "unhinged" aspect more times and better than just about anyone from his era.  (I leave it open to you to decide if he does "unhinged" better than, say, Cagney or Bogart, but I will pit him against any other actor in the same style of character in the modern era, even Nicholson).

Grace Jones, a singer and model, had some training as an actress, but for the most part she stuck to the other two careers.  She had an oddly intriguing look, somewhat vaguely androgynous in her appearance, and apparently quite athletic.  Her other major role that comes to mind is as the female warrior who accompanies Conan on his quest in the Arnold Schwarzenegger film, Conan the Destroyer.  
























Octopussy (1983)

Quiggy's Personal Ranking of the Movie: # 11

Quiggy's Personal Ranking of the Theme Song:  # 17

Best Bond Quote:  (On being told that Octopussy's island is exclusively for women)  "Sexual discrimination?  I will definitely have to pay a visit."

Best Bond Villain Quote:  Kamal Khan: (being a master of the obvious; to Bond) "You have a nasty habit of surviving..."

Best Weapon:  Good god, there's so many...  But that yo-yo with the saw blades in place of the spinner is really cool.  Even if it is a villain weapon.




A View to a Kill (1985)

Quiggy's Personal Ranking of the Movie: #1

Quiggy's Personal Ranking of the Theme Song:  #2

Best Bond Quote: (referring to Stacey in a trucker's disguise)  "It's women's lib.  They're taking over the teamsters."

Best Bond Villain Quote:  (after dumping one of the men out of the zeppelin)  Zorin:  "Anyone else want to drop out?"

Best Weapon:  Not really much in this one.  I guess I'd have to vote for the gadget that lets Bond get an image of the check that Zorin gave to Stacey.


By 1985, Roger Moore was pushing 60, and his age shows in this outing, especially in the face.  I'm not entirely certain if Sir Roger had had any face-lifts at this point in his life, but he certainly looks too old.  Despite that fact, as seen above, I rate this one as my favorite Bond film, as much for Moore's performance as for the fact that one of my favorite actors, Christopher Walken, is the Bond villain.

The movie opens with the pre-credits sequence, in which Bond retrieves a microchip from the dead body of a fellow agent in the snowbound mountains.  Of course, the Russians want the chip too, and he is chased down the mountain on skis, while being pursued by his nemeses.  At one point he commandeers a ski sled, which eventually is disabled, but not before Bond can turn one of the skis into a surfboard.  Which results in him surfing down the mountain... accompanied by the most ridiculous but fun part of the movie...the Beach Boys singing "California Girls" over the scene.

Duran Duran did the title song.  It was the first Bond title song to reach #1 on the Billboard charts, probably due more to the fact that it was Duran Duran than whether it was a good song.  Be that as it may, it ranks as #2 on my list of favorite songs because its driving rhythm is more fitting to what I expect should be a Bond song.  Those movies that have sweet sultry openings don't always mesh with the action. (Maybe they do for the love scenes, but who watches a Bond movie for the love scenes...?)

Bond gets to MI6 HQ to find that the microchip is an exact duplicate of one that Zorin Industries has developed for the West.  There must be a saboteur, it is deduced, in the company.  But surely not Max Zorin (Christopher Walken), he is a staunch "anti-communist".  Bond goes to a horse race in which one of Zorin's horses is entered.  Zorin's horse, naturally, wins, but was it pure effort or was there something else?

Under the guise of an interested buyer, James St. John-Smythe, Bond attends a horse sale on Zorin's estate, with Sir Godfrey Tibbett (Patrick Macnee), a fellow agent and former horse trainer posing as his chauffeur.   They discover (surprise surprise) that drugs were involved.  But while investigating this they also find an enormous stash of microchips in Zorin's warehouse.

On the other side of the doors to this warehouse, there is the Bond girl of the moment, Stacey Sutton (Tanya Roberts).  Zorin has written a check to her, which Bond discovers with his secret tool mentioned above.  He tries to connect with her, but his charm fizzles as she snubs him.  Which would have been devastating if he didn't have the panache to shrug it off.  (Of course, then again, maybe he read ahead in the script and knew he'd get her in the end...)

Zorin eventually discovers "Smythe" is really James Bond/007 and proceeds, as all villains do, to try to eliminate Bond.  After May Day (Grace Jones), his accomplice, kills Tibbett, the two knock out Bond and put him in the car with the now dead Tibbett and send it into a lake.  Thinking they have succeeded they go on about their nefarious plan.

So what is the nefarious plan?  This is one of the more interesting evil plans of the Bond films.  Zorin plans to send a bomb to blow up on the San Andreas Fault and start a chain reaction that would eventually destroy the entirety of "Silicon Valley", the place where the world's biggest microchip producers reside.  Thus, Zorin would become richer and his comrades in the plan (which include members of various countries), would benefit from the destruction of the American competition)

Ultimately, of course, Bond with some help from a surprising ally, foils the plan.  And there is a climatic battle between Zorin and Bond on top of the Golden Gate Bridge (which gave me the willies seeing on the big screen since I have a slight case of basiphobia. That's a fear of falling for those of you who aren't phobia experts...)

As mentioned earlier, Walken, more than anything else, makes this movie my favorite in the Bond oeuvre.  He has a knack for inspiring a loathing for the character he plays while still acquiring an admiration of the way he portrays them.

Well, folks, time to fire up the old Plymouth.  Have a martini and a face lift on me.

Quiggy

 

2017 marks 55 years of James Bond on the movie screen.  To celebrate this momentous year, I am undertaking to review the entire oeuvre of Bond films, all 24 of them (at this juncture in history), two at a time.  These will appear on the 7th day of each month  (Bond's agent number being "007").  At the beginning of each entry I will give my personal ranking of each movie and of each movie's theme song.  (These are subjective rankings and do not necessarily agree with the view of the average Bond fan, so take it as you will).  I hope you enjoy them, nay, even look forward to the next installment.  As an added note, I am deeply indebted to Tom DeMichael, and his book James Bond FAQ,  for tidbits of information  with which I am peppering these entries.                                                                                                                                                                                                  -Quiggy




Note: As stated last month, I skipped over The Man with the Golden Gun so I could pair the two movies featuring the Richard Kiel character "Jaws".  I revert back to the chronological order with this month's entry. (sort of)



***I have to begin this review on a sad note:  On May 23 Sir Roger Moore passed away.  Roger Moore will always be my favorite James Bond.  Both this and next month's posts are dedicated to his memory.***

The Man with the Golden Gun (1974)

Quiggy's Personal Ranking of the Movie: #2

Quiggy's Personal Ranking of the Theme Song:  #6

Best Bond Quote:  (I'm cheating here. The scriptwriters gave M such a classic retort it HAD to take precedence.  After Bond comments "Who would pay a million dollars to have Me killed?")
M:  "Jealous husbands...outraged chefs...humiliated tailors.  The list is endless." 

Best Bond Villain Quote:  (after Bond and two young girls have defeated the best of Hai Fat's students at his karate school)
Scaramanga:  "What do they teach at that academy?  Ballet dancing?."

Best Weapon:  OK.  I was promised by 2015 I'd have flying cars (see Back to the Future).  If Bond villains are hoarding them, I say we mount an attack.  The flying car in this movie gets my vote.  Even if it did have to have airplane wings attached to accomplish it.

The pre-credit sequence for this installment does not involve Bond himself.  It sets up the character of Scaramanga (Christopher Lee) and his valet/henchman Nick-Nack (Herve Villechaize).  It looks like Nick Nack has hired a Mafia hit man to take out his boss, but instead, it turns out, he is just providing entertainment for him.  (If you can call being in a gun battle with a hit man "entertainment":...)  A wax dummy of Bond does make an appearance after the battle, and Scaramanga shoots it's fingers off...ouch.

The credits sequence features the song, sung by Lulu.  Alice Cooper had also recorded his own song that he intended to submit for consideration, but his entry was one day too late, as Lulu's song had already been accepted.  It was a different song altogether.  If you'd like to see how the credits would have rolled with Cooper's entry, I provide this video..

Someone sends a golden bullet, engraved with "007", to MI6, implying that Scaramanga's next assassination is to be Bond himself.  Bond is called in and taken off assignment  (he's trying to find the Macguffin-like object called the "Solex Agitator"), and told to take some time off.  But Bond realizes that his real "assignment" is to locate Scaramanga and resolve the issue.

With the help of a female agent, a ditzy blonde named Goodnight (Britt Ekland), Bond goes looking for Scaramanga.  His first goal is to locate the person who is Scaramanga's connection to the golden bullets, which leads him to a weapons manufacturer named Lazar (Marne Maitland).  This leads him to Scaramanga's lady, Andrea Anders (Maud Adams), the one who picks up the bullets for him.  (BTW, Maud Adams is one of the few actors and actresses that appeared twice as different characters in a Bond film.  She shows up as the title character in Octopussy).

Through Anders Bond traces Scaramanga to a nightclub where the inventor of the Solex Agitator appears.  The inventor is killed by Scaramanga and in the ensuing confusion, the Solex Agitator is stolen from his body.  Bond proceeds to pose as Scaramanga himself and goes to the residence of the man who may have hired Scaramanga.  Unfortunately for Bond, the man knows he is not really Scaramanga, and Bond has to escape an entire dojo of karate students.  But he does get some help from two unlikely teenage girls.

Ultimately Bond ends up on Scaramanga's island fortress, helped along because our ditzy Goodnight had the misfortune of being kidnapped by Nick Nack and Scaramanga.  Of course, Scaramanga has the Solex which Bond has been looking for all this time, but despite the altruistic potential of the device, you just know our villain has other plans for it's use.  And this is part of what makes this movie my #2 favorite Bond film (that and the presence of Lee as one of the best Bond villains).




For Your Eyes Only (1981)

Quiggy's Personal Ranking of the Movie:  #24

Quiggy's Personal Ranking of the Theme Song: #5

Best Bond Quote:  "I hope he was dining alone." (after a shark swims by)

Best Bond Villain Quote:  OK.  this is cheating, I admit, but look at my ranking of the movie... The best Bond villain quote comes from Loque  who manages to get through the movie without saying one damn word.

Best Weapon:  I can't really give any praise to the weaponry (Bond's only weapon is his gun).  I gotta hand this one to Melina's car, a Citroen, which must have been made by Timex, because it took a licking and kept on ticking.


I preface this by restating that Roger Moore was my favorite Bond.  But this entry was the worst, but not entirely due to anything that Moore did.  It's just a pretty shoddy script.  It appears to have several short stories cobbled together to make one movie.  Which is not entirely unprecedented.  The book that Ian Fleming wrote bearing the title For Your Eyes Only was a collection of short stories.

The movie opens with Bond visiting the grave of his wife (he had married in On Her Majesty's Secret Service, and she had died at the end of that film).  A helicopter arrives to take Bond back to headquarters, but it is commandeered remotely by a villain who, although not named, is given a lot of clues that it might be Ernst Stavro Blofeld, the head of SPECTRE.  "Blofeld" tries vainly to kill Bond, Bond wins the day and drops "Blofeld" down a smokestack.

The opening credits feature Sheena Easton singing the title song.  It also features, for the first time, the actual face of the singer singing the song.  I credit this to the fact that the movie was made around the same time as the premiere of MTV, and it was probably supposed to be functional as a video for the station.  (yes, kiddies, at one time MTV actually DID play music videos...surprised?)

The death of Bernard Lee early in 1981 prevented him for reprising his role as M.  The production on the movie had already started at this point, but Lee's scenes had not yet been filmed.  Instead of replacing him (which they would do in the following Bond movie), they chose to just say, within the movie, that he was "on leave".  Instead, filling the responsibilities in M's absence are the Minister of Defense and the MI6 Chief of Staff.

Bond has been called in on assignment because a British spy ship has sunk.  (It was an accident, not through any subversive sabotage.  It seems it caught an old sea mine in its netting and the mine did what mines were supposed to do.)  But on board was a special computer called Automatic Targeting Attack Communicator (ATAC), which becomes the MacGuffin of the movie.  The British want to retrieve it and the Russians want it for themselves.

The British have employed the services of a marine archaeologist to find the machine, but he and his wife are gunned down, in view of the doctor's daughter, Melina (Charlotte Bouquet).  Bond is sent to the area to find out who killed the doctor and his wife, but his efforts are frustrated when Melina shows up and kills the man Bond was supposed to be investigating.  Needless to say, Bond's superiors are extremely displeased.

Using help from Q (Desmond Llewelyn) and an identifying computer, Bond determines that a suspicious character he observed at the gunman's place is a man named Locque (Michael Gothard).  This leads him on the trail to Italy.  There he meets his contact, Ferrara (John Moreno), who in turn introduces him to Ari Kristatos, a Greek business man.  Kristatos tells Bond that Locque  is in the employ of Milos Colombo (Topol).

Bond also meets Kristatos' ice skating protege, Bibi Dahl {...really...?} played by real ice-skating champion Lynn-Holly Johnson.  Bibi becomes immediately smitten by Bond, and does something for which Bond is extremely unprepared.  She tries to get HIM to go to bed with HER.  Bibi shows up occasionally over the course of the film, but disappointing to prurient interests, she fails to get Bond in the sack.

In the course of his investigations, Bond comes to realize  couple of things.  First, Kristatos is not the ally he seems to be, and second Colombo is not the enemy he seems to be.  Both are involved in illicit trade and both were former partners.  Each would like to get the other out of the way.  It turns out that Kristatos is a true businessman as he intends to get the ATAC (remember the ATAC from the beginning of this movie?) and sell it to the Russians in the person of our old friend General Gogol (Walter Gotell).  Bond's new found ally in Colombo and his men try a valiant siege on Kristatos fortress to see to it that the trade goes wrong.

Part of the reason that this movie gets ranked as the worst on my list is that by 1981, we had come to expect a Bond with a rather quick wit, and there seems to be little of it here.  Of course, some of my fellow Bond enthusiasts rank the Roger Moore Bond's as the least of their favorites precisely because that dry wit annoys them.  But its exactly the same reason why I rank them high.

The martinis are waiting, so it's time to head home.  Drive safely, folks.

Quiggy

2017 marks 55 years of James Bond on the movie screen.  To celebrate this momentous year, I am undertaking to review the entire oeuvre of Bond films, all 24 of them (at this juncture in history), two at a time.  These will appear on the 7th day of each month  (Bond's agent number being "007").  At the beginning of each entry I will give my personal ranking of each movie and of each movie's theme song.  (These are subjective rankings and do not necessarily agree with the view of the average Bond fan, so take it as you will).  I hope you enjoy them, nay, even look forward to the next installment.  As an added note, I am deeply indebted to Tom DeMichael, and his book James Bond FAQ,  for tidbits of information with which I am peppering these entries.                                                                                                                                                                                                  -Quiggy










Note: To the reader.  Because of the presence of a recurring villain in these two movies ("Jaws" played by Richard Kiel), I have chosen to skip over the sequential format for this and next month's entry in order to pair these two in one entry.  Apologies to anyone who expected the sequential format.  The sequential format will be resumed in the July installment.


The best Bond villain wasn't the primary villain in any movie.  The best Bond villain was just a henchman, but he was a henchman for hire.  Richard Kiel, a gigantic menacing looking actor in his own right, played a character only known as "Jaws".  (He got this moniker, apparently, from the fact that his teeth had been replace by steel dentures, and he had a bite that could cut through steel cables and chains.)

"Jaws" appeared in two Bond entries.  His first appearance was as a henchman for Bond villain Karl Stromberg in The Spy Who Loved Me.  Unlike most Bond villains and their henchmen, Jaws was virtually indestructible, and survived at the end of that entry.  At the beginning of the next Bond entry, he is a henchman of an unnamed villain in the opening sequence of Moonraker.  Even falling without a parachute from an airplane does not kill him.  (He fortuitously lands on a circus tent, which somehow, miraculously, softens his fall.)  Later in the film, he is hired by that movies villain, Hugo Drax, to continue to harass Bond.

Kiel had a career before and after Bond playing menacing people, most prominently as a henchman for Dr. Loveless in the 60's TV show Wild Wild West. And later as some of the more memorable co-stars in such movies as the Burt Reynolds flick, The Longest Yard.



























The Spy Who Loved Me (1977)

Quiggy's Personal Ranking of the Movie: #8

Quiggy's Personal Ranking of the Theme Song:  #7

Best Bond Quote:  "Can you play any other tune? (to Anya who seems to be having trouble getting their escape vehicle into the right gear)

Best Bond Villain Quote:  Stromberg: "Well, well, a British agent in love with a Russian agent.  Detente, indeed."

Best Weapon:  Who wouldn't want a car that doubles as a submarine?


The pre-credits sequence involves a hijacking of a British nuclear submarine.  At the same time, a Russian submarine is also hijacked.  England calls in it's best spy ("007" James Bond, of course).  Russia calls in its best spy Agent XXX.  Of course the surprise in the love scene where XXX is involved in a romantic tryst is that Anya Amasova (Catherine Bach) is the secret agent (women's lib, indeed).  A third scene involves Bond in a snow chase in which he kills one of the Russian agents chasing him.

Then we have the opening credits with a song by Carly Simon "Nobody Does It Better".  This is one of the better Bond themes.  As a matter of fact, the song garnered a nomination for best song at the Oscars, but it lost to "You Light Up My Life"...(gak!!!!)

The scene then transfers to the Kremlin where Anya is informed that her lover has been killed (If you were paying attention, it is the guy Bond killed.  She swears she will kill the agent when she discovers who he is.  (We are left in suspense, of course, since if she knew right away, she probably wouldn't work with Bond, and then we'd have no movie...)

At a secret location, Bond meets up with M and others where they discover that someone has copies of the (supposedly) top secret routes that the submarine takes.  The scene switches to an underwater fortress, and we finally meet our villain, Karl Stromberg  (Curt Jurgens).  He has his secretary fed to the sharks for smuggling out secret plans.  He pays off two scientists who helped him develop the submarine tracking device which got him his two submarine prizes.  Typically of these villains, however, he has  their helicopter exploded as it leaves the fortress.  He then sends Jaws and another henchman out to find the stolen plans and kill anyone who has seen them.

Meanwhile, both Bond and Anya are trying to recover the stolen plans for their respective governments.  Thus they frequently encounter each other, which eventually leads to a cooperative liaison, in which the two work together, both in trying to achieve the stolen plans, bu also in avoiding being killed by Jaws, the indestructible "superman".


Nothing deters Jaws.  Not a collapsing archaeological dig, not being shoved out the window of a speeding train, not in a one-on-one battle with a shark.  Those steel teeth of Jaws must also be running through his entire body.  One thing I can say about Jaws is, he is not easily deterred from his mission.

Anya eventually discovers that Bond is the one who killed her lover, but she swears to postpone her revenge until after their mission is complete.  (She is obviously the consummate dedicated patriot to he country, first).


They discover the secret to the disappearance of the subs; it's a supertanker owned by Stromberg, capable of opening up and engulfing the submarines.  Stromberg's plan comes out, he wants to get a nuclear war started, one that will make the surface world uninhabitable.  Thus his dream of a civilization of his own beneath the sea.  (hey, at least its better than creating a new civilization on a space station...)

And if you want to know if Anya actually kills Bond after its all over, you are in the wrong theater...








Moonraker (1979)

Quiggy's Personal Ranking of the Movie: #18

Quiggy's Personal Ranking of the Theme Song: #12 (see below for an explanation of this one)

Best Bond Quote:  "How do you kill five hours in Rio.  If you don't Samba?"  (Bond has a great way of getting to the real action...)

Best Bond Villain Quote:  Drax:  Mr. Bond, you defy all my attempts to plan an amusing death for you..."

Best Weapon:  What's better than a gondola that can get up out of the water and drive on land, too? (a reverse of the previous movie's theme of a best weapon...)



Moonraker was the first Bond movie I actually had the opportunity to see in a theater, and started a tradition that would continue for the next 20+ years, in which I would eagerly go to the next installment in the movie run.

The movie opening sequence, a U.S. space shuttle being hijacked while being transported under loan to the  U.K.  England is very distraught, as is the U.S., and M calls Bond back from his current mission.  He narrowly escapes free fall without a parachute, disposing of one bad guy and sending Jaws to a new career as a circus clown... (see intro)

The Bond movie theme was sung by Shirley Bassey (her third try at the job).  Although the song is not all that bad itself, I didn't particularly like it.  I probably would have rated it in the high teens or low 20's on my list.  However, the saving grace for it, in the end credits, a disco-themed version was used.  This jacked the theme up a few notches to it's ranking stated above.  (What can I say, I liked disco and still do...)

Moonraker tried to cash in on the then current space wave started by the release of Star Wars.  Of course, there isn't any futuristic spaceships or light sabers or unfathomable Force here.  But there are a few laser guns, and of course, there is a major scene on a space station (launched by Drax), and we are introduced into what was then pretty cutting edge technology with some space shuttles.

Bond is sent as an emissary to Drax's headquarters to find out why there was no wreckage of the stolen space shuttle among the wreckage of the plane.  This particular movie is one of the few in which Bond does not go undercover as someone else, only to later be discovered to be "James Bond".  Bond is not necessarily overt in his secret agent guise, but he does represent himself by his real name to Hugo Drax (Michael Lonsdale) from the outset.  He also is introduced to a female doctor, Dr. Goodhead (who comes up with these slightly or even overtly prurient names...?)  This being 1979 in the real time, and Bond not being quite as cosmopolitan in his view of women in general, it comes as a surprise that the doctor is not male.

Of course, Drax, for his part, doesn't have to wait until the dramatic mid-point discovery that Bond is a secret agent either.  He sends his #1 henchman, Chang (Toshiro Suga), to see that some unfortunate accident befalls Bond.  This one involving a G-force machine which Chang manipulates so it will kill Bond.  (Of course, Chang is unsuccessful, but at least he has another chance later in the movie.)   Bond leaves from there on his own two feet and, with the assistance of one of the secondary Bond women in this outing, Corinne (Corinne Clery), finds blueprints in Drax's safe for glass vials which leads him to Rio De Janeiro.

In Rio several things happen.  One:  Bond finds a secret lab where he quite by accident discovers the scientists are working on a potion that becomes a gas, but it only kills humans (the scientists are the victims in this accident, not Bond).  It does not, however, kill the mice or the plants in the room, so it is being designed for nefarious purposes (but you already knew that, didn't you?)  Second, Chang makes a second attempt on Bond, but is dispatched himself instead.  When Drax gets the bad news, he has to hire a new assassin.  (Guess who?)

In the process of Jaws' attempts to dispatch Bond, he is involved in a crash of a cable car into a mountain (which musses up Jaws' clothes) and goes over a waterfall in a speedboat (which gets his clothes wet).  This continues the legend of indestructibility of Bond's nemesis.  But in the process Jaws meets a short, buck-toothed, glasses wearing, pig-tailed blonde and it's love at first sight.

Bond and Dr. Goodhead are reunited, but not for long, if Drax has his way.  He puts them in a chamber below a launching space shuttle.  But Bond and Goodhead are not really in the mood for barbeque , so they escape.  They manage to finagle their way into piloting one of the remaining space shuttles.  And Drax's real plan becomes clear.  He is taking a selected bunch of superior physical and mental young humans and plans to launch his deadly gas, killing off the Untermenschen (sorry, it was just too easy.   If Lonsdale had had no beard, but just the mustache, it would have been even MORE obvious.)

BTW, in case you were wondering about Jaws and his girlfriend, when he hears about Drax's plans to eliminate undesirables from his heavenly cadre, Jaws revolts to Bond's side.  Left on the space station after helping Bond, the section he and his girlfriend are in breaks off and goes hurtling through space.  Spoiler Alert!: (Now you didn't REALLY think something like free fall through the Earth's atmosphere would really destroy Jaws, now did you?  You can hear a mention they found a piece of the wreckage with two survivors at the end of the movie)

I'm not sure I'd rank Michael Lonsdale's portrayal of Hugo Drax as being very high if I were ranking Bond villains.  He just doesn't have the personality.  He doesn't even deliver the best Bond Villain line (see above) with much more menace than a snapping turtle in a drug-induced coma.  Without even saying anything for most of two movies, Kiel's Jaws has more charisma.

Time to go relax with another martini.  You folks drive careful.

Quiggy