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Showing posts with label Fantasies. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Fantasies. Show all posts

Thursday, May 1, 2025

A Very Long Journey

 



This is my entry in the Adventure-a-thon, hosted by Realweegiemidget Reviews and Cinematic Catharsis





You know, one of the most intriguing questions I have ever had, about the movies I have made a hobby of reviewing, is this:

When Peter Jackson made his monumental trilogy of J. R. R. Tolkein's saga The Lord of the Rings, he divided it into, appropriately, three films, like the original published print version of the epic: (The Lord of the Rings: The Fellowship of the Rings, The Lord of the Rings: The Two Towers and The Lord of the Rings: The Return of the King). OK, good enough. The epic print version, if found in one volume, totals in the neighborhood of 1200 pages. And if published in separate volumes, each book is between 350 to 450 pages.

That means each segment of the  LOTR movies is a 3 hour long encapsulation of a 400 page book.

So here's the question.  Why did it take three whole movies, each with running times equal to just one of the trilogy films, to film a book that, by comparison to just one of the trilogy books, is a pipsqueak? (Most copies of The Hobbit, barring any over-long odes and tributes by publishers, barely run over 300 pages). 

Of course, part of the answer is probably due to  that Jackson's previous success made him a darling in the finance department... 

"What's that, Pete? You want $750 million to make the prequel to LOTR? Oh, and you're going to divide into three films?  OK, Pete, how do you want that first third of the money, $20's? $50's?"

If you had seen the original trilogy beforehand, you knew what to expect from Jackson, as he had an excellent eye for the scope of the story. Not to mention the fact that his native New Zealand is a great fit as a location for Hobbiton and the Middle Earth. (I have no idea whether Tolkein himself had visited the country, but it is beautiful.)

Tolkein's  The Hobbit is often referred to as a "prequel", although I question that term, since the term "prequel" usually means a backstory to an already established story, and The Hobbit, as a novel, actually came out before The Lord of the Rings. So it wasn't actually a "prequel" by that definition. The story is about Bilbo Baggins, a hobbit living a life of sedate luxury (he apparently didn't need to work because he had inherited his father's estate). 

Into this idyllic life come Gandalf and a crew of 13 dwarves who are on a quest to regain their old homestead which had been stolen from them by a dragon.  Being superstitious, as well as needing a modicum of stealth that the hobbit can provide, they endeavor to bring Bilbo into the fold, (13 was an unlucky number even in the world of Middle-Earth). 

As far as the novel, as it was transferred to the movie, as with the previous trilogy, Jackson didn't do a lot of monkeying with the basic story.  There are some parts that are slightly out of sequence, and the appearance of Frodo at the beginning of the film, in which Bilbo's act of telling his background that leads into the movie proper brings on, is not a part of the original text.  Of course, this was more due to the fact that Jackson had filmed The Lord of the Rings first, whereas, as I stated earlier, The Hobbit novel came out several years prior to the trilogy.

There are several other discrepancies in the film, all of which I attribute to needing to connect to that previous trilogy. For instance, the appearance of Legolas. Legolas doesn't even make an appearance in the book.  He doesn't show up in Tolkein's work until The Lord of the Rings: The Fellowship of the Ring. Also not a character in the original novel is Azog.  Azog, in the chronology of the Middle-Earth history, had long been dead already. And Radagast the Brown is only mentioned in passing by Gandalf, although he has a fairly strong presence in the film.

In truth, none of the discrepancies takes away from the film. In fact, especially with Radagast, in my opinion, they add to the value. And it essentially creates a stronger story.  Also, there is no real pre-history of Smaug's arrival and destruction of the dwarf stronghold in the book, but adding a bit of background to the dwarf quest improves the ultimate film.

If you'd like to see a list of the nitpicking differences between novel and film, you can go here. The author of that article is not disparaging of the differences, for the most part, just pointing them out.  And in some cases, the author even praises a particular change.

So, how do the films hold up.  Well, not bad, if you ask me. As a matter of fact, even though I question the need for three films, I kind of like these three even more than the previous trilogy. A lot of that has to do with my enjoyment of Martin Freeman.  I first came across Freeman when I saw the BBC Sherlock TV series, in which he plays Dr. Watson alongside Benedict Cumberbatch's titular character. (Check out the link for an overview of that series. It's worth watching, I can tell you.) I later saw him in the film version of The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy, and loved his portrayal of the perpetually lost and confused Arthur Dent.

Apparently Freeman was the only choice for director Jackson in the role of young Bilbo. (Ian Holm, who appeared as the older Bilbo in the LOTR trilogy, as well as here as an introduction to the story, would have been decidedly too old to play the younger version of Bilbo, despite the fact that hobbits live to extremely old age and thus have a longer span of adulthood.)



The Hobbit: An Unexpected Journey (2012):

The film, as previously stated, adds a prologue which appears to be some time prior to Frodo and the fellowship going off on their quest (see The Lord of the Rings). Old Bilbo (Ian Holm) is preparing for his birthday party but at the same time has decided to write down the story of his great adventure, when he was young, for Frodo.

The film quickly transitions to some 60 years prior, when Bilbo (Martin Freeman) is relaxing after his second breakfast. (Hobbits like to eat. A lot...) Onto the scene comes Gandalf (Ian McKellen), who has appeared to invite Bilbo on an adventure.



"An adventure? No, I don't imagine anyone west of Bree would have much interest in adventures. Nasty, disturbing, uncomfortable things.  Make you late for dinner." (Did I mention hobbits like to eat?)

Unfortunately for Bilbo, Gandalf will not be put off so easily.  So the next day Bilbo is inundated with a throng of unexpected company. Of dwarves. Hobbits like company, but they usually prefer to know they are coming in advance.



It turns out that Gandalf has promoted Bilbo to the dwarves as a first class burglar (and, not to mention, a good addition, since the dwarves are numbering 13, and everybody knows 13 is an unlucky number). Thorin and the rest of the dwarves on a journey to reclaim their homeland, Erebor, currently under the fire breath rule of Smaug, an ancient dragon.

 Despite Bilbo's insistence that he is not the adventurous type, eventually he gets roped into joining the dwarves troop, led by Thorin (Richard Armitage).  Albeit without his usual accoutrements when going out, including a handkerchief.



The first of many obstacles for Bilbo and Thorin and company appears early on.  This is the classic confrontation between three marauding trolls.  The trolls have come down from the mountains (a sign that something is amiss already since the trolls never come down from the mountain.) They have taken a couple of the troop's ponies and Bilbo, being their "burglar" is nominated to scope out the situation up close.  But not only is Bilbo captured, but so are the dwarves.



(And here is one of the changes that was made in the movie version.  In the novel Gandalf reappeared and caused the trolls to bicker using voice casting, but for the film the job essentially became Bilbo's job, as he delays the roasting of the dwarves by trying to give the trolls a cooking lesson. I wholeheartedly agree with those who claim this was a better change in the film...)

After defeating the trolls, the dwarves find out there is a treasure that the trolls have stashed, including a couple of legendary Elvish swords.  Thorin's racism against the Elves from his previous history comes to the fore, and he is about to toss aside the sword Gandalf has given him simply because it is of Elvish origin.  But Gandalf convinces him that would be bad.

On to the scene comes Radagast the Brown, a Middle-Earth version of a hippie, who prefers animals as friends.  But he has seen something that has caused him distress, mainly that there is a superior evil coming into Middle-Earth, in the form of a necromancer.



Gandalf and the dwarves are attacked by orcs and rush into a cave to escape.  On exploring the cave they find it exits into Rivendell, legendary home of Elves.  Thorin is a bit put off, since if he had his way they would never have even come within miles of Elves.  But Gandalf once again shows Thorin the error of his thinking since Elves can decipher some of the map that the dwarves themselves cannot.

During their visit Gandalf has to confront Saruman (Christopher Lee), the top dog wizard of the realm, who informs him that his and the dwarves journey is not approved.  This despite the fact that Gandalf reveals the information that Radagast gave him about the rise of a necromancer. 



Gandalf and crew head on, but are caught in the middle of a battle of stone giants (and an aside: this scene plays out MUCH better on a big screen than it does on a tiny 55" TV...) The crew seek shelter from the battle in a cave, but they are all captured by goblins. "All" except Bilbo, who somehow gets separated.

But Bilbo is not better off than his friends because he meets up with Gollum (Andy Sirkis). Gollum is a weaselly little skunk of a man who has been living in the cave for a long time.  And as a result, eats anything he can find.  Including goblins and orcs. He has never tried hobbit, however. (Sounds a bit like a guy after my own heart in that respect... "What's this? Frog legs? OK, I'll give it a go...) 



Bilbo, for his part, doesn't want to become dinner, so he falls into a riddle battle with the creature. The end of the bet is when one of them can't answer the other's riddle.  If Bilbo wins, Gollum has to lead him out of the cave.  But if Bilbo loses...?  (Well, what do you think?)

Of course, Bilbo wins, but Gollum has no intention of fulfilling his part of the bargain.  He goes looking for his "precious", which turns out to be a ring that turns him invisible.  A ring that he lost a little earlier in the scene and Bilbo found. Bilbo discovers the magic of the ring, which is it's invisibility ability,  by accident and escapes the cave, where he hooks up with Thorin and the rest.

But out of the frying pan and into the fire as they say.  The entourage is attacked by a horde of orcs and wargs (giant wolves).  They manage to get into the trees, but this turns out to not be the best escape route.  But just as defeat is almost on them, the band is rescued by a crew of giant eagles that Gandalf summoned.  The eagles take them to safety, and while scoping out where they are, they see, off in the distance, The Lonely Mountain, home of Erebor, their ultimate quest.



Bilbo: "I do believe the worst is behind us."

(Wanna bet?)

Thus ends part 1 of The Hobbit.



The Hobbit: The Desolation of Smaug (2013):

Taking up where The Hobbit: An Unexpected Journey left off, Bilbo and company are still on their journey, but there is a brief prelude. This involves Thorin meeting with Gandalf for the first time in Bree. Thorin has been searching for his father, who, despite rumors having died, Thorin thinks is still alive. Gandalf has a quest for Thorin: to retake the ancient realm of Erebor.

Fast forward to the present.  As the end of the previous film indicated, the crew are in the foothills with the Lonely Mountain in the distance.  But they have a problem. Orcs are on the prowl for them and they are severely outnumbered. Gandalf leads them to a house he knows of nearby, inhabited by a reclusive shape changer, Beorn (Mikael Persbrandt). 



Beorn hates dwarves, but he hates orcs more, so he decides to help them by giving them some ponies to use to reach Mirkwood, a forest on the edge of the foothills. Here Gandalf makes them go on foot into this creepy forest.  Bilbo, among others, is very wary of it, and it turns out his premonition is right. While in the woods the entire clan is taken captive by giant spiders (and, forewarning, if you are watching with the kids, you might be in for a few nightmares...)



The company is rescued by Legolas (Orlando Bloom) and Tauriel (Evageline Lilly) and a band of wood elves.  All except Bilbo, of course, who keeps using that ring, and has disappeared again.



These wood elves are not entirely sympathetic characters, because Thorin's band find themselves captives instead of compadres.  While in captivity a few things occur, one of which is an attraction between Kili (Aidan Turner) and Tauriel. Thorin has especial reason to hate this particular band of elves because, if you remember from the previous film, Thranduil (Lee Pace) and his band of elves stayed out of the fight when Smaug attacked the dwarf stronghold.



The elves, having made the dwarves their prisoners, have no intention of setting them free.  Especially after Thorin has expressed in no uncertain terms, of his refusal to share the treasure that Smaug is hoarding.  (I mean, after all, why should Thorin share treasure that he would rightfully gain?)

But the fly in the ointment is Bilbo, who using the ring, manages to get the keys to the dwarves' cells and free them.  His plan is to send them down the  river, hiding them in barrels that were originally intended to send wine down river to Lake-town. But before they get there, they will have to deal with a renegade smuggler named Bard (Luke Evans). 




 As Bard intimates, Lake-town has some rules about incoming people.  No one can enter without the blessing of the ruler of the town. But, Bard, though a mercenary, knows which side of the money his bread is buttered on, and for a fee he agrees to smuggle the crew into Lake-town via an alternate route. Once there, they demand the weapons he has promised in exchange for their gold.  But these weapons are apparently not up to snuff for the dwarves.  They make plans instead to hit up the armory where good dwarvish made weapons are stored. But they are caught in the act.

The company, however, gets the blessing of the Master of the city after a rousing speech by Thorin to make the town get back to it's rich glory. (And he originally disparaged the dwarves for THEIR greed...?) But not all of the company are going on.  Kili, who was wounded by a poisoned orc arrow, is forced to stay behind, and his brother opts to stay with him.



While the dwarves are on their way to the secret door that will let them in, Gandalf is meanwhile searching the ancient Dol Guldur, seeking the necromancer, Sauron (voiced by Benedict Cumbrerbatch). His struggle against Sauron may even rival that of the dwarves when they eventually hook up with Smaug (incidentally ALSO voiced by Benedict Cumberbatch).

When the dwarves finally get to the mountain they still have to get inside. The ancient map says when the last light of Durin's Day shines on the wall the keyhole will be revealed. but the sun sets on the dwarves without revealing it,  But then again, as anyone knows, the sun is not the only source of light... When they finally get the door open, Bilbo learns that his purpose on this quest was to enter the Dragon's lair and retrieve the Arkenstone, the one jewel that means more to the right of rule by the dwarves than anything else.

Bilbo enters alone (of course), but there is a buttload of treasure, and he doesn't even know what he is looking for.  His main goal is to search without waking Smaug. (Good luck with that... That ring might just come in handy at some point...)




The company of dwarves enter the cavern to help Bilbo, where they manage rekindle an ancient forge, hoping to bury Smaug in molten gold.  But he is not defeated so easily.  And boy, is he pissed... He takes flight to destroy the nearby Lake-town. Leaving Bilbo to look on and muse...

"What have we done?"

And thus ends part 2 of The Hobbit



The Hobbit: The Battle of the Five Armies (2014):

In the concluding film of the three part series, Smaug is on a rampage.  You think you know :revenge"? Smaug has a better clarification of the word... The scene opens with Lake-town preparing for the oncoming dragon.  And, of course, the Master, being the essence of self-centered, is trying to save his own hide... and of course, the gold.

"But sire, should we not try to save the town?"

"The town is lost! Save the gold!"



The Master and his toadies are evacuating and it is suggested they could take some of the people with them.. "But they're hardly worth it..."  (Boy, if there is anyone, besides Smaug, you are rooting against, it would have to be the Master...)

Bard is locked away in the dungeon. While the rest of the town is in full scale panic Bard has enough wits about him to try to escape the dungeon. Once free he does not try to evacuate with the rest.  He grabs his arrows, but of course the only thing that can actually kill Smaug is a specially made black arrow. He makes his way to the top of one of the city's tower. But is arrows are useless.  Until his son brings him the only remaining black arrow.



(See, in an early portion of the trilogy, it was stated that the last time Smaug showed up, a small chink in it's scales was created.  This place exposes the body of the dragon and the ONLY way it can be killed.)

And thus Smaug is defeated.  End of movie.

Not so fast. There's more to come... (What? You thought the third movie was only going to last 12 minutes?)

There is still a lot of trouble ahead. A lot. Remember the Necromancer, Sauron?  He still lives, and the dragon only represented one pawn in his chess game.

Back in Lake-town, everyone learns that Bard is the one who defeated the dragon and a cry goes up to make him the new king.  But it is not a position that Bard wants.  Reluctantly he becomes the leader of the town since there is no one to lead them, but he wants to shy away from the regal position.



Meanwhile, back at Erebor, there is trouble afoot.  Thorin has all this gold, but the only treasure that really matters to him is the Arkenstone and he sets all of his dwarf companions to look for it.  Searching Bilbo would be the best bet, since he actually found it and is currently hiding it.  But it becomes apparent that greed has seeped it's way into Thorin's heart.  Nothing will satisfy that greed except the Arkenstone.



But greed is not the only trouble brewing. An army of orcs is on the horizon.  And more orcs are being assembled.  Their plan is to take Erebor and the Lonely Mountain and destroy every living creature in their way, be they men or elves or dwarves (no special dispensations here...) 

Meanwhile, in Dol Guldur, where Gandalf is being held captive there is a bit of rescue in the works.  Radagast and Galadriel and Saruman have shown up to free the prisoner.  One magician against an orc horde may be a wee bit of a case of being outnumbered, but against four powerful beings.  I'd say the orcs have their goals overwhelmed. But Gandalf, having been rescued says he must proceed to Erebor to warn them "the battle for the mountain is about to begin."



Thorin may not quite care, since he still seeks the Arkenstone. Bilbo is told that if the Arkenstone were found it would not make Thorin's greed abate, it would definitely worsen the situation, so for the moment he keeps it hidden.

The survivors of Lake-town return to the ancient town of Dale, and they discover that the dwarves survived Smaug... and now have a buttload of gold.  (It seems that greed is not in the sole ownership of dwarves...) Not only them. Into the fray come the wood elves. They too desire part of the treasure, but really, only that part which was theirs in the first place... But they are willing to assault the dwarven stronghold to get it, since they apparently believe it will not be given to them freely.



Gandalf tries to warn the elves and the men of Lake-town, who are preparing for a siege of Erebor that there is a greater threat on the horizon, an orc army, seeking the Lonely Mountain for their own purposes.  Not for it's gold, but for it's strategic position for an assault on the lands beyond.  see, their master, Sauron has a greater goal in mind, that of complete control of Middle-Earth (and of course, the entire world after that...)

Bilbo, being the only rational mind besides Gandalf, has a plan to prevent war.  He takes the Arkenstone to the elf lord in order to try. His plan is for them to use it to exchange with Thorin that which they ultimately are seeking; their due share of the treasure.  

But will it work? Probably not... Thorin is so angry with Bilbo that he tries to kill him.  But Bilbo's life is once again saved.  Thorin's desire for war rather than give up any of his gold is about to come to fruition... 

An army of dwarves arrive to help defend Erebor. A war is imminent. But just at the beginning here come the orcs. You think it could get any worse? 



The epic battle that follows rivals any of the great war epics of old, or of even today. The valiant dwarves dive in first, but the men, though running for the town, end up in their own battle to save the town.  And then, finally, the wood elves, who way back at the beginning had declined to help the dwarves in their battle to save Erebor from Smaug, join in the fray.

Meanwhile, back at Erebor, Thorin's greed still has a strong hold.  He will not give up his gold, even if it means abandoning his own dwarf kin outside the mountain.  But salvation is nigh.  After hallucinations make him realize that an evil greed has taken him over, he manages to find the strength to shed it and do what is right (no political comparisons to leaders of the present day, here, however. I've always tried to keep current politics out of this blog...)

Eventually, of course, as it absolutely HAS to be in such tales, good triumphs over evil.  But not without it's own losses.  Several characters we have come to know and even love have to give their lives to help the ultimate battle reach it's final destiny.  The film does end with triumph however, and some good news.  Of course, if you saw the beginning of the film, and since his story is the basis for the adventure we have been watching, Bilbo does survive to the end.  And we know he will be the beginning of another adventure (one that one day I hope to include here on this blog: The Lord of the Rings.)

Well, folks, that ends this epic and unexpected journey.  Now it's time for the "expected" journey... home. See you next time.

Quiggy








Sunday, September 15, 2024

Muscles and Steel

 Note; It wasn't planned, of course, since this blogathon was created a few months ago, but I think it's fitting that I should dedicate this entry to the memory of one one of the most iconic voices in Hollywood, James Earl Jones. Jones, in case you were unaware, left the scene earlier this week.  Not only did he give us the memorable voice of Darth Vader, but he played both good and bad guys with style, Go check out some of his classic roles.  (Here he was Thulsa Doon in the first entry of this double feature).


This is my entry in the Barbarians at the Gates blogathon hosted by Hamlette's Soliloquy and yours truly.






The barbarian movie begins (but not necessarily ends) with Conan.  There were a few others, to be sure that predated the two Arnold Schwarzenegger movies featuring the iconic warrior, but I would be willing to bet $$ it would never have taken off to the heights it did it if "The Governator" hadn't come on the scene.

Imagine, for a moment, if you will... Conan the Barbarian... starring...Charles Bronson.  Believe it or not, in the early 70's when this production first started getting batted around Hollywood, Chuck was one of the guys considered. Now Bronson would have been in his 50's, and I don't know for sure how buff he was then, but still...

Another was William Smith (who actually did get a brief role as Conan's father early in the film).  He was a bit younger than Chuck, by 10 years, but still. A mid-40's Conan? 

The third option, and by this time beefcake enough to have pulled it off, was... Sylvester Stallone.  Well, he was indeed turning to a muscular behemoth even in the  early 80's.   And he could have given Arnold himself a run for his money when it came to enunciating.  But I still don't think the swords and sorcery genre would have taken off quite the way it did if Stallone had been at the helm. 

One note in particular about the first movie.  The background to the character of Conan is changed somewhat from what my research says was Robert E. Howard's background for his character.  In the novels Conan develops in his village as a muscular warrior and goes off to the road to adventure from there.  But the movie has a different tack on it.

In the film, a quiet village goes through day to day life.  Conan's father (William Smith) is a metalworker and teaches his young son about what they believe and the legends of their peoples. This includes a down to earth god, much like the people that worship him, Crom.

Into this bucolic setting rides an invading horde.  Since the end result is that the village is burned to the ground and all the men are killed (and maybe even all the women), apparently they are only there to get Conan, who is taken captive.

Conan watches as the warriors lay waste to his village, killing his father.  And then, while standing there holding his mother's hand, the leader of this marauding horde rides up, and removes his helmet.  Thulsa Doom (James Earl Jones). doesn't even need to say a word.  (We don't actually get to hear Jones' iconic voice until much later in the movie.).  All he has to do is just stare into the eyes of Conan's mother and she drops her sword.  And then Doom beheads her.



Conan, along with several other boys, are taken captive, and eventually put to work as slaves turning a wheel.  At the start, all of them turn the wheel. (And what the point of this wheel is is never really clear...) Eventually all of the other children fall to the wayside (whether by death or some other circumstances is also not really clear.)

This leaves Conan himself, who through all this has become a very muscular older man.  And he is released from his captivity.  The scene shifts to him, supposedly free (but still has some remnants of chains on him so I'm not sure.) Being chased by wild dogs he hides in a cavern which quite possibly is a burial tomb.  A skeleton that appears to have been a former king sits on a throne with a sword.  Conan takes the sword, cleans it up and removes the remaining chains.



When he gets out of the cave/tomb he encounters a witch who revels to him some important information on where he can find the men who killed his father.  He has to go to a town where more will be revealed.  Along the way he meets a thief named Subotai (Gerry Lopez) and the woman with whom he becomes infatuated, Valeria (Sandahl Bergman).  



The trio raid a tower and kill a big snake and get some jewels, but their escapade comes to the attention of the local king, Osric (Max von Sydow),



Osric gives them a quest, rescue his daughter who has come under the influence of a powerful sorcerer (you guessed it, Thulsa Doom). Both Subotai and Valeria try to convince Conan to turn down this quest, but, revenge is a dish best served cold (to quote another movie).  Conan has to go after Doom for the honor his dead parents and ends up taking it alone since neither is willing to go on this obviously no-win endeavor.  (I mean Thulsa Doom is renowned for his big time status as a wizard after all.)

Conan makes his way to the citadel and runs across a small time wizard (Mako) in his own right (and by coincidence our humble narrator of the saga),  who gives him some help but sends him on his way.  Conan arrives at Doom's citadel. where he poses as a wannabe convert, with the help of a priest whose robes he "confiscates".

But Thulsa sees through him (wizard, remember?) and orders him to be crucified.  But Conan is not going to go down so easily. Even as he is crucified and beginning to be eaten by vultures he still tries to fight back.  And to his rescue come his friends. Both Subotai and Valeria come around to his way of thinking and agree to help him on his quest to rescue Osric's daughter. But first they must nurse him back to health and for that they need the help of a wizard.  The same wizard Conan met on his way to Doom's citadel.

 But ultimately Doom has some manner of magic and Valeria ends up dying. 



Conan pleads with Crom to help him in his quest for revenge. And since Valeria has previously promised if she died and Conan needed her help to defeat the powers of darkness, well..

They don't get much more magical than this.  You have to summon some serious powers to defeat a big time wizard like Doom, and Conan is going to need every bit of it.

So I'll leave just a bit of stuff for you to check out, but since Conan returns in the sequel you know somehow he's gonna win.  But just how is worth the wait.





Conan the Destroyer (1984):

The ensuing years since Conan defeated the power of Thulsa Doom and his minions ad lost his great love Valeria have not been easy for Conan.  He wanders the world looking for things to help him deal with his loss, but nothing seems to fill the void. At the time of the beginning of this film, he is just an itinerant thief, working with a fellow thief, Malak (Tracey Walter).

Into his world comes a band of soldiers who are intent upon, not killing him, but capturing him. He is able to fend them off fairly well, well enough that the leader of the band stops the fight.  The leader turns out to be a queen, Taramis (Sarah Douglas), who has been seeking a champion for a quest.  And she has the right bait to lure Conan, since power and money are not an incentive.  She promises him, at the outset, that she can bring back Valeria from the dead.  And, Conan, being a lovesick mourner (as well as not as cynical as I would be), falls for her bait.



So what is this quest?  Conan is hired to accompany Taramis' niece, Jehnna (Olivia D'Abo), on a journey to retrieve a key that will be used to revive the god Dagoth.  



It is a convoluted myth, but basically Jehnna is the prophesied girl who is the only one who can actually touch said key.  Conan will accompany Jehnna, and Bombaata (Wilt Chamberlain), Taramis' captain of the guards, on this quest.  



What neither Conan, or for that matter Jehnna, know is that Taramis is trying to fulfil a prophecy that will bring a god back to life, but that will require the sacrifice of Jehnna, the "virgin" that so often shows up in these kinds of legends.

 And, also, it turns out, Taramis has no intention of fulfilling her promise to Conan (whether she could or not). She instructs Bombaata to kill Conan once the key is retrieved.

So we begin the journey, Conan, Jehnna, Bombaata and Malak.  But along the way we will acquire a few other travelers, including the wizard friend from the previous adventure (Mako), who has since acquired a name, Akiro.  Akiro has to be rescued, however, since he is currently the main course of a feast for cannibals.



Also, in a village, they come across a woman who is chained and fending off six tormenters.  She is the last of a band of marauders that had attempted to raid the town..  After helping her (simply by unchaining her), Conan and the band ride on.  But the woman, Zula (Grace Jones) follows and wants to join with Conan on his quest.



The first step is to somehow get in to the castle of Thoth-Amon (Pat Roach), which is located out in the middle of a lake (and since Thoth-Amon is a wizard, guarded by some serious magic).  Conan insists they wait until morning to try their attempt, but Thoth-Amon has other ideas.  He turns into a giant bird and captures Jehnna.  (Using some pretty cheesy special effects to accomplish it...) Leaving the rest of the band to figure out how to rescue her and complete the quest of retrieving the key they came for.

They invade the castle, but are greeted by far greater magic than they have encountered yet.  Conan has to fight a creature in a room full of mirrors.  A creature comes out of each mirror and combines to form one creature, one that seems almost impervious to anything Conan can try to defeat it.  The solution to it's defeat is not necessarily ingenious (in fact in retrospect it seems kind of cheesy) but it is a satisfying solution.  (And I won't give it away, but I bet even if you've never seen the movie you can guess how to defeat this creature.)

It turns out that the creature's death also results in the death of Thoth-Amon, who had used magic to make himself the creature.  So now Conan and company can retrieve the key they came for.

The next part of the journey should be without Conan, since this is the point that the queen gave Bombaata instructions to dispatch him.  But Conan has other plans.  Bombaata, for his part, manages to convince Conan that the queen's guards have attacked on their own, not by orders of the queen.  Conan, if anything, gullible to subterfuge, believes him.  So the crowd continues on its way to the next quest, which is to use the key they got to retrieve the real relic they were after.  A cavern, and a big stone door that requires the strength of both Conan and Bombaata to open.  (So it turns out that it's a good thing Bombaata and the guards didn't succeed.)

Inside the hidden room is the horn of Dagoth, and an inscription which Akiro translates and discovers the ultimate destiny both of Jehnna and the horn.  But when Akiro tells Conan of the writing he dismisses it.  

Eventually Bombaata manages, he thinks, to trap the rest in the cavern and escapes with the girl.  but since this is Conan, the rest manage to escape and decide to go back to the city to try and stop the queen's evil plans.

The rest is the battle that occurs after the horn is replaced and the statue of Dagoth is revived.  But in order to complete the rite, you remember, Jehnna the virgin must be sacrificed.  Of course, if the rite is not completed as it is written things could go awry. Which of course is what happens.



So how does Conan defeat the evil forces?  Watch the movie!


It's too bad that the saga did not continue from here.  But then if it had we would have missed out on a few other great movies that Schwarzenegger did from here on out.  But it was not necessarily the end of Conan on film.  There was a 2011 reboot with Jason Momoa as the titular character.  But since it failed to even recoup it's production money at the box office, that pretty much torched a Momoa sequel. But we can always keep our hopes up, because Hollywood never lets a budget deficit completely bury a potential possibility of new reboots.

Well, folks, time to head out for home (wherever home may be).  Keep an eye out for those wizards, you never know what they might be up to.

Quiggy





Friday, February 15, 2019

A Horse and It's Horn






This is my entry in the Angela Lansbury Blogathon hosted by Realweegiemidget Reviews.



What would you do if you found out you were the last of your kind?  (Being "one of a kind" doesn't count.  It would be a fruitless endeavor to find another me...  And before you think I'm being egotistical, you are "one of a kind", too.)

Peter S. Beagle created an endearing classic in 1968 with a fantasy novel called The Last Unicorn.  It has had a profound effect on many who have read it.  The novel ranks in the top 20 of all-time classic fantasy novels.  The story of a unicorn seeking out the truth of whether sh is indeed the last of her kind could not fail to leave at least some impression on the reader.  After all, the need for companionship of one's own kind is the force that drives everyone to venture out beyond the four walls of their own home.

In 1982, the animated production company of Rankin/Bass, those purveyors of such animated Christmas gems such as Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer, The Little Drummer Boy, Frosty the Snowman, and 'Twas the Night Before Christmas brought to the big screen an animated version of the beloved tale.  The studio only made a handful of full length movies, but with the exception of The Hobbit, I imagine you haven't seen or even heard of the full length movie oeuvre.  This one is one that deserves a look, however.

Angela Lansbury, although her role is rather brief, plays a decidedly more diabolical witch than you would imagine.  Miss Eglatine Price, in other words she is not (and kudos if you didn't have to google that to find out who I am referencing...)  But I imagine you could come up with a smattering of other characters she played who are even more diabolical (this is children's animation, remember.  Can't have Mrs. Iselin batting down the door.)



The Last Unicorn (1982):

In a forest, a group of hunters determine that the reason that they are unsuccessful on their hunt is that a unicorn must live in the forest, and her magical aura protects all that live in it.  As they ride away, one calls out a warning that she may indeed be the last of her kind. The Unicorn (Mia Farrow) begins to wonder if what she has heard is true.

A butterfly (Robert Klein) appears at her side and sings and tells crazy riddles, but the upshot is that he tells her that all the unicorns in the world have been herded away by a mysterious beast known only as The Red Bull.  She decides to go off and leave the forest in search of the other unicorns.

On her way, she is captured by an evil witch / sideshow entrepreneur named Mommy Fortuna (Angela Lansbury).  Along with Ruhk (Brother Theodore), her henchman, an an incompetent wizard named Shmendrick (Alan Arkin), she gulls the public into believing she has a manticore (which is really an old lion), a satyr (which is really a decrepit chimp) and a Midgard Serpent (which is really just a plain ordinary snake).  She casts magic spells on the all, both to keep them in line, as well as to fleece the unsuspecting public.

She also keeps a real harpy, which she uses her magic to keep docile (but her magic is only so strong.)  When she finds the unicorn she captures it too.  She knows it is a unicorn, but most of the public would only see it as a white horse, so she casts a spell on the unicorn, giving it a magical horn so the foolish crowd will see what she wants them to see.

Eventually Schmendrick helps the Unicorn escape and accompanies her on her quest.  Along the way they also acquire a female companion, Molly Grue (Tammy Grimes).  The trio continue on until they reach the kingdom of King Haggard (Christopher Lee).  It turns out that Haggard is the actual keeper of the Red Bull and uses him to capture all the other unicorns.  As the trio approach Haggard's castle, the red Bull appears and immediately tries to corral the Unicorn.

Schmendrick saves the day (sort of).  He turns the unicorn into a beautiful woman and the Red Bull immediately loses interest.  (She's no longer a unicorn, so the bull thinks the unicorn disappeared.)  Upon reaching the castle, Schmendrick introduces themselves, calling the unicorn "Lady Amalthea".  Haggard's son Prince Lir (Jeff Bridges) is immediately smitten with Amathea.
 
The unicorn, now Amalthea, begins to suffer from the transformation as she gradually becomes more human and is beginning to forget not only that she was a unicorn, but what had brought her on this quest in the first place.  And she iso beginning to fall in love with the Prince, and eventually starts to think she'd prefer to remain human, even though it will means she would eventually die.

One must leave some things for the viewer to find for him or herself, so I won't tell you how it all turns out in the end.  Suffice to say this is an entertaining film for all ages.

Well, it will never look like a unicorn (or anything even halfway as beautiful), but this Plymouth will still get me home.  Drive safely, folks.

Quiggy


Thursday, April 5, 2018

Bette Davis meets Walt Disney






This is my entry in the Bette Davis Blogathon hosted by In the Good Old Days of Hollywood






Bette Davis was one of the greatest actresses who ever lived, in my opinion.  She could pull off sultry sirens, innocent ingenues and beastly bitches with equal panache.  One only has to watch Dark Victory or All About Eve or Whatever Happened to Baby Jane? to become convinced that she was just dynamite on screen.  Her debut performance in Bad Sister garnered her the attention that led to a career of great performances and netted her, over the years, 11 nominations and 2 wins for Oscars.

So why, at the end of her career, did she opt for such clunkers as these two films?  During her heyday she had complete control over what she would do, and I doubt that she would have signed on to either of these movies at the height of her career.   Both of these, however, rank in the bottom 10 of her performances on at least one site I have seen.  And I agree wholeheartedly.  She deserved better, and if I had watched these two without ever having seen or heard of Bette Davis before, I might never have watched another.






















Return from Witch Mountain (1978):

This movie is actually a sequel to a previous Disney film, Escape to Witch Mountain.  (You don't actually need to see the first one, but it might help explain a few things if you did.  I didn't, but I read the plot summary on wikipedia.)


At the start of the movie we see a flying saucer land in the Rose Bowl arena.  (In the first movie it was revealed that our two kids were actually extraterrestrials).  Off come Tony (Ike Eisenmann) and Tia (Kim Richards), along with their Uncle Bene (Denver Pyle).  Uncle Bene sends the pair off on a vacation to visit museums.  A pre-arranged taxi awaits them.  The taxi breaks down, being out of gas, and the taxi driver goes off to get gas.

Both Tony and Tia have various psychic abilities and Tony mentally sees someone falling from a height and goes off to try to save him while Tia remains behind.  Thus we have a rather typical Disney trope of two young kids separated and their attempts to reconnect with each other.

Christopher Lee as a scientist, Dr. Victor Gannon,  has developed a device that allows him to take control of the actions of an individual who has been implanted with the device.  His unwitting stooge is the nephew of Letha Wedge (Bette Davis).  Sickle, played by Anthony James (he was a significant character in In the Heat of the Night), is a somewhat dimwitted heavy in the film.  When Gannon's device is accidentally broken while Sickle is walking along a building's ledge, Gannon has no way to stop Sickle.  Fortunately for Sickle, Tony arrives on the scene and uses his innate ability to stop Sickle from crashing into the pavement.

Gannon, having observed this, sees power in his eyes.  Letha sees dollars, but Gannon sees the potential for world domination, and the pair kidnap Tony.  Meanwhile Tia, who remained behind at the cab, and who ts psychically connected to her brother, sees him in danger.  She takes off looking for him.

Gannon, back at his lab, has added his mind control device to Tony and is trying to perfect a way to use him in his nefarious plans.  Tia connects up with a youth gang who help her try to find Tony.  Letha, still with the bottom line of getting rich, waits until Gannon leaves on an errand and tries to use his device to get Tony help rob a museum which conveniently has a display of gold bricks (yeah, right.)

I won't delve too much more into the plot.  It is a typical Disney-esque story.  Of course the bad guys are defeated in the end and the family is reconnected.  The story itself is not really horribly bad, especially if you like the Disney take on family entertainment.  Lee is acceptable as a Disney villain, but Davis seems to be at a loss.

I actually had to force myself to sit through this one to the end.  I admit that I'm not the biggest Disney family movie fan, but I do like quite a few of them.  But this one just left me cold.  Even without Davis I doubt I'll give the first movie a watch.




The Watcher in the Woods (1980):

A Disney movie, just by the fact that Walt Disney's name was attached to it, usually meant a family-friendly fun event.  Between the release of the previously reviewed  movie above and this one alone, Disney had released such all ages fun as The Cat from Outer Space, The Apple Dumpling Rides Again, Unidentified Flying Oddball and later in the same year as this movie released Herbie Goes Bananas and The Last Flight of Noah's Ark.  Even 1979's The Black Hole could have been considered family friendly (although maybe the younger set would have been lost in the technical aspect of it.

The Watcher in the Woods, however, marked a divergence from the usual family fare.  The trailers for the movie even suggested that this was NOT a movie for the folks to take the tots to see.  In addition to the voice-over which ends with "This is NOT a fairy tale", there was an added piece that suggested that, although Disney was proud of their new movie, that parents should not bring the younger kiddos to see it.  It turns out that this is not a marketing strategy, nor is it hyperbole.  The movie is pretty scary, at least in terms of the standard Disney fare.

An American family that has a father, Paul Curtis (David McCallum), his wife, Helen (Carroll Baker) and two daughters, Jan and Ellie  (Lynn-Holly Johnson and Kyle Richards) are looking for new digs in England and are brought to a mansion owned by a Mrs. Aylwood (Bette Davis).  The mansion is being rented as Mrs. Aylwood has moved to the guest house, and the price is such a steal that the Curtises can't resist.

Mrs. Aylwood decides she will "take a chance" on the Americans, which has a lot to do with the fact that Jan looks a lot like Aylwood's daughter, Karen, whom, as we will see, disappeared some 30 years earlier.  The first indication there is something weird going on around the woods surrounding the mansion is when Jan looks out her window and sees a bright light, and the window cracks when she touches it.  But like any good horror movie instead of running for safety she just looks at it with a "That's odd" look on her face.

Ellie gets a new puppy which she names Nerak.  This is presaged by Ellie, in a sort of trance, writing the name in the dew on a nearby window.  But she writes it backwards, and if viewed from the other side it is "Karen".  The neighbors of Mrs. Aylwood, in particular Mary Fleming (Frances Cuka), are disturbed by the coincidence.

It turns out that Mary, along with Tom Colley (Richard Pasco) and John Keller (Ian Bannen) were involved in a secret initiation rite with Karen Aylwood the night she disappeared, and all three have lived with the guilt they felt that led to her disappearance.  Jan becomes convinced that the upcoming solar eclipse will be important, and becomes even further sure that she can rescue Karen, whom she is sure is still alive, but trapped somewhere.

After having watched this movie I would have thought that all of the actors were just pulled off the street and had never acted before.  No one, not even Davis, seemed to have a clue.  Davis, for her part, plays a wooden emotionless character.  And as cute as she is, I don't think Lynn-Holly Johnson should ever have been given a chance to take off her skates and try acting.  Even McCallum, who was excellent in the TV series The Man from U.N.C.L.E. seems lost in his altogether very brief role.

Upon reflection, I think the blame for both of these movies should really lie on the shoulders of the director, John Hough.  Hough had a career in Hollywood, but most of his output was pretty unmemorable. He was responsible for one of the worst (my opinion) versions of Treasure Island and The Howling IV (but then ALL of the sequels to the original The Howling were pretty bad, so maybe I should cut him a break there...)

Time to fire up the old Plymouth and head home.  Drive safely folks.


Quiggy