Hmm.  This is actually a really tough question for me, because I'm not sure I have one.  I haven't had one particular one-on-one fight that I look forward to with great delight in any of these movies.  I guess I'll go with Sam vs. Shelob because it's such a heroic moment, and Sam really comes into his own there.


Also, I'm a big fan of killing spiders, or even just wounding and driving them away, so on a personal level, I'm happy Sam dispatches Shelob :-)

Thranduil.  Whenever I think of him, there's a line from The Avengers that runs through my mind:  "That guy's mind is a bag full of cats."  He reminds me a lot of Loki, who I also don't understand in the slightest.

Actually, I do kind of understand him.  I mean, I get where he's coming from -- he just wants to protect his people and reclaim what belongs to him, and he does not care a smidgen for anything or anyone else.  He's selfish and isolationist, but I can get inside his head if I want to, unlike Frodo.


I think the biggest problem I have with Thranduil (and Loki) is that he's unpredictable.  I do not deal well with unpredictability.  Not in fiction, not in life.  This is why I hate and fear spiders -- it's impossible to predict where they'll go and what they'll do.  Same thing with Thranduil -- he might come over and help you out by giving you wagons of food and all the warriors you could ever need to wage a war.  Or he might decide he's no longer interested in this battle and just leave.  You.  Don't.  Know.  You can't count on him.  At all.  Ever.  ::Shivers::

I love predictable people and characters, I really do.  I married the most predictable man (with the broadest shoulders and the cutest dimples) I could find.  I want to know I can count on you, I want to know I can make a plan and it will get followed, and I don't want you to randomly surprise me by completely changing all the plans on a whim.

It's rather surprising that I like cats, isn't it?

Mirkwood.  The place creeps me out So Very Much.  The sleepiness thing, the inability to think straight, and the giant spiders.  I actually don't know what those giant spiders truly look like because I always cover my eyes and cower in terror until Legolas shows up and I know it's safe again.

I am never going in there.

I am happy to report that I survived all four of my forays into Shelob's Lair. I may have only had a Twinkie hat and rolled-up newspaper instead of Sam and Sting, but it seems they did the trick.

I'm actually very proud of myself for going back in there three times after I knew there was a large and scary spider in there. I must be having a brave day.

You know, I love kids. As I was walking back from my second excursion into the den of the vicious laundry room spider, this little kid that lives in our complex rode up on his bike and said, "Hi!"
I said, "Hi!"
He said, "Whatcha doin'?"
"Laundry."
"Where?"
"In the laundry room over there."
"Where do you live?"
"On the end down there."
"By the flowers?"
"Yup. Where do you live?"
"Right here." He pointed to his duplex and then rode off.

Not once did it occur to him to ask my why doing laundry necessitated carrying a rolled-up newspaper and wearing a baseball hat that says "Twinkies" on it. Not that explaining it to a kid would have been difficult -- I could've said, "Oh, there's a big spider in the laundry room, so I took the newspaper to kill it if I had to, and the hat is to protect me from aerial attacks." And he would probably have understood. Try telling that to most grownups and see what kinds of funny looks you get.

There is a horrifying spider in the little laundry room in our duplex complex (I call the Crypt an apartment, but really it's a duplex in a little grouping of duplexes). I went in there just now to start my weekly laundry, and there it was, lurking in a corner with evil obviously on its mind. It didn't move while I was in there (and believe you me, I watched it every second), but who knows where it will be by the time I have to go in and start my next load. And Cowboy is at work and cannot come to my rescue :-( And I can't put off the laundry until tomorrow because then I will have nothing to wear to work. So I have to go back in there. I shall take a rolled-up newspaper for protection in case it attacks, but I'm really wishing I had some spider-killing spray to take instead so I could just put an end to the horror. Why don't I have have an arsenal of spider-killing spray? Why? Why? Why?

Or a Thompson. Why don't I have a Thompson? Man, I loved cradling that submachine gun last year in Atlanta. That would make quick work of a malevolent spider. Very quick work. Hee -- it's a good thing I don't have any firearms of any sort or I probably would be tempted to go packin' when I do my laundry and maybe give the laundry room some new ventilation.

Now this is revisionist history I can get behind!

Hamlette's Guide to Surviving Spider Attacks

Spiders are everywhere! Yesterday alone they attacked me three times. It is important to remain constantly alert, so as to avoid being caught unawares by their fiendishly sneaky onslaughts. Routinely inspect all suspicious markings on the walls and ceiling of your home to ascertain whether they are new enemies or simply the remains of eliminated attackers.

In the event of a Spider Attack, follow these simple steps:

1. Sound the Spider Alarm. Simply open your mouth and emit a loud naaarg naaarg naaarg noise.
2. Step a safe distance away from the spider (about 5 feet).
3. Point to the attacker while continuing to emit the Spider Alarm.
4. If the spider is above you, cover your head with one arm.
5. Wait for Cowboy to come dispose of the spider.

Of course, you don't have access to Cowboy, so you'll have to find someone else to eliminate the threat. But the steps remain effective, regardless of the name of the Spider Squasher.