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I’ll have to admit that lately I’ve been detached from religion.

I keep saying I’ll read the Quran, read into this verse, research that khutba. But that never came.

I keep trying to wake up early and pray.. that hasn’t been too successful.

I said to myself to come to masjid and pray in jamaah.. not happening either.

And recently a friend spoke to me about the state of our religiousness. It’s about how our relationship with God and religion is so personal, something that others have no business about. But then in Islam there are rules, guidelines about that relationship.

It’s been close to 3 years since I said my shahada, maybe more if I go back to when I did accept Islam, but up to now I still can’t go around in public saying I’m Muslim. This is true in the family and society level in general. Among Muslims people tend to see you as this “exotic” being and some view you as different (better or worse) than the regular Muslim dude. Among the non-Muslims, especially in my background, you are viewed as a lunatic perhaps, or a fool. If people see me, the LAST thing people would associate me with is Islam.

It’s funny that sometimes during Islamic events I try to look Muslim, and still people ask if I were Muslim. As if the white cap doesn’t tell already. I believe a lot of reverts share this. One revert sister told me how disappointing it is to see another Muslim on the street (mostly the visible Muslims, with hijabs etc.), yet you can’t or won’t greet him/her because you’d get the stare. “What is she doing?? Was that a salaam to me?” That has happened actually, where I greet someone and the response was more of a confusion.

I think as a guy I can get away with not displaying my Islam. For the girls, from what I believe is the rule, since hijab is an obligation I think it is tougher if they wear it. I can’t imagine how it feels right now to be associated with Islam and be known as Muslims the second people see you. So for that I really commend you folks who do the Muslim look, including the guys. I remember when I had a small goatee my friends and family would crack “terrorist” jokes.

I think I’m rambling away now. But I think the point is that people take their own time in practicing and applying the deen. I remember a scholar who was touring Egypt, and he talked about a guy selling potatoes in a cart. Of all the Islamic knowledge he has and all his amazing discoveries in Egypt, at that time he singled out the potato-cart guy. It was because when prayer time came, the guy asked the neighbors to keep an eye on the cart while he went to the masjid and pray. He literally left all his business, perhaps all that he had to make a living, to pray when the time comes. You can’t follow the Qur’an more than that. I guess that guy didn’t go to the best schools, or the best Islamic academies yet he displayed a quality that we might not often see see in people who claim to be knowledgeable or learned in the Deen.

I still have more thoughts but I’ll hold it so it won’t confuse the direction of this writing even more, but please share your thoughts so we can keep it going.