American Beach House

American Pie this is not - also way too late to ride that wave, no? Well maybe you feel differently. Now I am not blaming the actors too much here. They give it their best shot - at least it feels like it. But take the outtakes during and all the way through to the end of the credits ... they seem nice and all ... until you realize (especially the last clip) ... it is quite weird and aggressive. What I mean by that in terms of the movie: the tone is all over the place.

The movie itself is not overly aggressive .. it is not to my liking (especially the whole peeping and then revenge plots/schemes) ... but hey, maybe you are into that low brow humor (well if you can call it that).

For better or worse (you decide), there is quite a lot of nudity in this. And there is even one sexual encounter that ... well it has a slight comical angle still plays for ... well I'll say excitement. The horny old ladies ... I don't know ... same goes for the ... "viagra" joke ... let's say they go hand in hand .... you'll get it if you decide to watch. Also Mischa has fallen ... I reckon she is not getting any other roles and she has to accept what she is being offered ... I am not mad at her or telling her off _ it's just a shame.

.....one giant stinker of a movie that has absolutely nothing to redeem it other than the beautiful ladies.

The positives are that the three female contestants are very attractive and they show some skin. I have not heard of any of them.

The negatives are that the movie is poorly written, the film quality is bad and the acting is terrible. There is a toilet humor scene that makes me dislike this movie even more. I would like to say that the movie is so bad that it is good but that would not be true, it is just bad.

The fascinating part is that Mischa Barton would have been around 28 years old when she made this movie but she looks closer to 40 and even more wooden than usual. Lorenzo Lamas would have been around 56 years old when this movie was made. His body looked pretty good for his age but it was interesting to me to study his face and look at the plastic surgery. I had trouble distinguishing is original face under the surgery.

Let's be honest, the most interest this movie generates is from curiosity, either by how they drag Lorenzo Lamas or how much attractive girls in poster will shed their clothes. That is much more attention than this movie deserves, as it has no appeal whatsoever aside from few superficial flashes of half-naked ladies, even that is debatable as merit.

It's like a parody of reality show, and would have been funny if it didn't try to shoehorn cringe worthy romcom script. Nothing more than a few people prancing in beach, the drama is barren at best and the comedy is so outdated, it wouldn't have worked even in 80s.

All characters don't look authentic, and Lorenzo Lamas pops up every now and then to offer vague advice and grope random girls. There are even awkward soundtracks to accompany the whole lackluster parade.

A few good looking people in bikini can't sugarcoat how bad this movie is. Highly recommended to avoid.

Oh my god! That was one of the worst movies ever. I wanted to see Mischa Barton somewhere but I shouldn't do that. Everything in this movie is wrong. Actors, story. I was so annoyed by this movie I had to skip some parts because I couldn't see the whole thing. It is called comedy but I didn't laugh. Parts with the old woman were terrible, I guess they thought this is very funny but it wasn't. And Lorenzo Lamas was terrible too. One little good thing was music - that was sometimes OK. But that isn't enough. I wanted to relax a little but I was just disappointed.

So warning to you all, you don't wanna see it - for your own good :D. My rate would be zero but it isn't possible so I gave 1.