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IMDbPro

The VelociPastor

  • 2018
  • Not Rated
  • 1h 15m
IMDb RATING
5.1/10
10K
YOUR RATING
POPULARITY
944
4,434
Gregory James Cohan in The VelociPastor (2018)
Trailer 1
Play trailer1:41
3 Videos
33 Photos
B-ActionB-HorrorDinosaur AdventureParodySuperheroSupernatural HorrorActionAdventureComedyFantasy

After losing his parents, a priest travels to China, where he inherits a mysterious ability that allows him to turn into a dinosaur. At first horrified by this new power, a hooker convinces ... Read allAfter losing his parents, a priest travels to China, where he inherits a mysterious ability that allows him to turn into a dinosaur. At first horrified by this new power, a hooker convinces him to use it to fight crime. And ninjas.After losing his parents, a priest travels to China, where he inherits a mysterious ability that allows him to turn into a dinosaur. At first horrified by this new power, a hooker convinces him to use it to fight crime. And ninjas.

  • Director
    • Brendan Steere
  • Writer
    • Brendan Steere
  • Stars
    • Gregory James Cohan
    • George Schewnzer
    • Janice Young
  • See production info at IMDbPro
  • IMDb RATING
    5.1/10
    10K
    YOUR RATING
    POPULARITY
    944
    4,434
    • Director
      • Brendan Steere
    • Writer
      • Brendan Steere
    • Stars
      • Gregory James Cohan
      • George Schewnzer
      • Janice Young
    • 272User reviews
    • 67Critic reviews
  • See production info at IMDbPro
    • Awards
      • 1 win & 2 nominations total

    Videos3

    The Velocipastor
    Trailer 1:41
    The Velocipastor
    VelociPastor
    Trailer 1:41
    VelociPastor
    VelociPastor
    Trailer 1:41
    VelociPastor
    The VelociPastor: You're Not That Different
    Clip 1:40
    The VelociPastor: You're Not That Different

    Photos32

    View Poster
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    View Poster
    View Poster
    + 29
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    Top cast28

    Edit
    Gregory James Cohan
    Gregory James Cohan
    • Doug Jones
    George Schewnzer
    • Doug's Dad
    Janice Young
    • Doug's Mom
    Daniel Steere
    • Father Stewart
    Claire Hsu
    • Chinese Villager
    Nicholas M. Garofolo
    • Hobo
    • (as nick Garofolo)
    Alyssa Kempinski
    Alyssa Kempinski
    • Carol
    Fernando Pacheco De Castro
    • Frankie Mermaid
    Chase Schutter
    • Frankie's Heavy
    Alec Lambert
    • Thug
    Jesse Turits
    • Sam
    Jiechang Yang
    • Wei Chan
    Aurelio Voltaire
    Aurelio Voltaire
    • Altair
    Dave Sokol
    • War Buddy Ali
    • (as David Sokol)
    Pat Hroncich
    • Vietnam Soldier
    Dan Rhoades
    • Vietnam Soldier
    Kathleen Steere
    • Adeline
    Douglas Saint James
    • Surgeon
    • (as Doug Brehony)
    • Director
      • Brendan Steere
    • Writer
      • Brendan Steere
    • All cast & crew
    • Production, box office & more at IMDbPro

    User reviews272

    5.110.3K
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    Featured reviews

    7FeastMode

    I'm so happy this exists

    I've seen a ton of B-movies with absurd premises like this. They mostly suck, even for a B-movie. But this one knows exactly what it's doing.

    This is the perfect kind of ridiculous. As I write this, I'm still laughing and shaking my head at some of the scenes. And it's not just randomly stupid. So much of it is strategic, subtle and clever. I laughed a lot.

    When it was almost over, I was thinking it was fun but didn't cross the line into amazing. And then the payoff happened. I'm in such awe that the scene was actually filmed. In real life. On earth. By a professional movie crew and actors.

    If you liked this, check out Zombeavers. (2 viewings, 2/4/2022, 12/16/2022)
    GrantKanigan

    Just because something is aware it's bad, doesn't make it not bad

    There's horror comedies, (Cabin in the Woods), comedies with horror, (Freaks of Nature, Pirhana 3D), or there's a special breed of film, like "Birdemic" that are comedies that are supposed to be horror, and don't know that they're comedies. Like 'The Room', 'Fateful Findings' or the aforementioned 'Birdemic' what makes those films so great, is that they're not intentionally setting out to make something 'so bad it's good' - it's just a happy, miraculous accident. Films like 'Velocipastor' or 'Sharknado' seem to exist in an uncanny valley, a mirror version of the former three films. They're a cheap imitation, and don't work.

    Velocipastor was made on a shoestring budget, and that can actually work to some films' benefit - Clerks, Paranormal Activity, and the Blair Witch project were made on the cheap, and they're smart, often terrifying, or in the case of Clerks, hilarious films. A good story and clever filmmaking can overcome any budget issues. Here, an explosion is shown as plain text that says "insert exploding car VFX" that elicits a minor chuckle the first time, and just annoys every time after. When you're intentionally missing cues, inserting boom mic's overhead, having 'editing' mishaps it's not funny. It's like a planned blooper. Bloopers are funny precisely because they're unplanned. Here it just makes the filmmaker look like a self-saboteur, so uninterested in their own story they're cutting corners wherever they can to be "meta", when in reality it's just laziness. There's a goofy idea here, that maybe could have worked better as a straight faced horror comedy, without the winking at the camera. The filmmakers here are in on the joke. The problem is, is that the joke just isn't funny.

    That being said - the two main actors do a fine job in their ridiculous roles - and deserve some better work in the future. And the soundtrack is killer. A scene midway through the film looks like a music video, and that's maybe what this should have been - a goofy, three minute punk rock music video. At 70 or so minutes - it feels like an eternity.
    10SciFiandScary

    Pure ridiculous cheese

    This was glorious. Pure batsh** cheese. So much better than I could have even hoped for.

    Brendan Steere, Alyssa Kempinski, and Greg Cohan are a dino-mite team in The VelociPastor. Pretty much everything about the movie was perfect; if you're a fan of low-budget horror-comedies, it's a must-see. It has everything you could ask for - perfectly timed, groan-worthy lines, props that look like they came from a school play, and actors that embrace every bit of the cheese potential.

    This had me roaring with laughter several times. It's the type of movie that, honestly, if you don't look at the poster and go "Oh, my God, I need this" then you need to just back away slowly. It's crude, loud, and ridiculous and amazingly good. Steere manages to bring the feel of the 70s to the screen in the best way. And when you add ninjas and a VelociPastor, really, there's nothing else you dare ask for.

    Part of (okay, most of) what makes The VelociPastor so great is that Kempinksi and Cohan (a better-looking version of Benedict Cumberbatch) act the hell out of it. It's stupid cheesy, and yet they manage such solid performances that you can't help but admire them.

    Overall, this is a near perfect movie and I (and Sam, who also watched and gave her input here) recommend it to everyone. Lots of action, lots of laughter, lots of fun.

    Disclaimer: I received a screening link to this movie from the publicist for review consideration.
    5josht-17071

    WHY?

    There is absolutely no reason a movie like this should exist. Every single second of it is unnecessary. But it's a wild ride from beginning to end: violence, romance, suspense, mystery, gore, broken families, heartache, religion, ridiculousness, and more! It is a cultural journey through the complicated religious connections of the world. It's true marvel of cinema. Genius is the only way to describe it.

    Please watch this flawless piece of art and share with everyone you know.
    10scherlewill

    Best movie I've ever watched in the history of my life

    Watch now, you won't be disappointed. I love the part when he turns into a raptor

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    Storyline

    Edit

    Did you know

    Edit
    • Trivia
      The film is a feature-length adaptation of a 2010 grindhouse trailer by the same director, which was made as a film school project, and went viral.
    • Goofs
      During Father Stewart's flashback to serving during the Vietnam War, he's inadvertently wearing his army helmet backwards throughout the entire scene.
    • Quotes

      Father Stewart: So your parents died, Doug. It's what parents do. They die on you.

    • Connections
      Featured in Amanda the Jedi Show: This is the GREATEST Movie of All Time (The Velocipastor) (2019)

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    FAQ17

    • How long is The VelociPastor?Powered by Alexa

    Details

    Edit
    • Release date
      • August 13, 2019 (United States)
    • Countries of origin
      • United States
      • China
    • Languages
      • English
      • Cantonese
      • Mandarin
      • Korean
    • Also known as
      • ВелоциПастор
    • Filming locations
      • Manhattan, New York City, New York, USA
    • Production companies
      • Belka Strelka
      • Cyfuno Ventures
      • Hollow Tree Films
    • See more company credits at IMDbPro

    Box office

    Edit
    • Budget
      • $11,000 (estimated)
    See detailed box office info on IMDbPro

    Tech specs

    Edit
    • Runtime
      1 hour 15 minutes
    • Color
      • Color
    • Aspect ratio
      • 1.78 : 1

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