Mega Shark vs. Crocosaurus

Mega Shark vs Crocosaurus (2010)

** (out of 4)

When MEGA SHARK VS GIANT OCTOPUS became a huge hit you just knew The Asylum would follow it up. This film here is just as campy but it actually manages to be somewhat better due to some better written characters and a nice performance by Gary Stretch playing an Indiana Jones-like croc hunter. The "story" pretty much has the 1500-ft. crocodile wanting to protect her eggs from the mega shark who wants to eat them. The humans have to find a spot for them to do an epic battle. If you pay a $1 from your Redbox like I did for a movie called MEGA SHARK VS CROCOSAURUS then you should know very well that you're not renting a film by Orson Welles. I'm still shocked at how many people rent or buy a movie like this then get upset that they're not watching something they can compare to GONE WITH THE WIND. Look, if you're going to waste time watching a movie like this then it's best to realize that you're watching a "C" production from a minor company who specializes in making silly, bad movies that get released direct-to-DVD. If this was fifty years ago then this would be playing as a double-feature with FRANKENSTEIN'S DAUGHTER or BRIDE OF THE MONSTER but today we get it this way. This movie contains some of the worst CGI you're ever going to see unless you're watching another film from The Asylum but when it's this bad there's really no point in trying to figure out which is the worst. There are a couple scenes here where CGI helicopters are flying so close that their blades are obviously touches each others yet nothing ever happens. As with the previous film you get all sorts of campy scenes including one where the shark comes up from beneath the submarine, picks it up and flies through the air with it. The crocodile CGI is without question the weakest as it comes off very blurry throughout the movie and you have to wonder why they made it look this way when she's clearly one of the stars of the film. So, how is the big fight? It's not too bad but then again there's really not too much you can do when a shark fights a croc. The battle between the two is pretty fun but the bigger highlight is when the croc goes on shore in Miami and does damage to several familiar places and he even visits Sea World where Shamu doesn't stand a chance. The performances are pretty much what you'd expect in a film like this but I thought Stretch actually delivered a fun performance and he certainly kept the film moving. There's no question this is a bad movie but thankfully there's enough camp and silly action to at least keep it entertaining for the most part. At just under 90-minutes the film runs way too long and The Asylum really needs to understand that these type of films are better when they don't cross the 75-minute mark.

Former professional boxer/model stars, if that's the right word for it, as a fearless hunter, recruited by the US military to kill a gigantic shark and crocodile. Bad acting, even worse "special" effects and a ridiculous plot - another typical movie from The Asylum. This isn't so bad that its good. Its so bad that I just wanted the end credits to roll. Awful.

Yes, it was ridiculously horribly bad, but some reason, I enjoyed it.

The effects looked cheap - because they were, the acting was overdone - maybe on purpose, the soundtrack was horrible, the camera work and editing was bad, the script was at best horrible. So many parts to this movie did not make any sense.

So why did I like it? With a title like Mega Shark Vs Crocosaurus, how could you not? So many clips were reused in piecing this scrap together to make a movie.

It was so bad on so many levels and so stupid, that it was good for that reason alone.

I could only imagine if this had a real budget,. a real script, a real cast and was not the cheap movie that it is...how good would it be? Who would have been in it if it was a Hollywood big budget movie?

After a long time thinking about this movie I came up with two theories about its existence:

1. On some weekend in the early 80's a group of 14-year-olds sneaked into an empty Hollywood studio. Without any clue, script, or skill but a lot of beer and dope they shot this film in a few hours. Afterwards, when sober they figured how disastrous and scary the result was (even for drunk high school kids), and they tried to destroy the tape. But somehow it got into the hands of The Joker who thought it was a powerful weapon of mass destruction if ever published – well, he was wrong, but close.

2. This production was meant to become the worst movie of all time. But it still failed to make it. From the worst movie of all time I definitely expect to have fun watching it. But this one is pure pain – the Joker was not that wrong.

If there wasn't two or three actors I recognized from somewhere else I wouldn't have believed that there was a single film professional involved in this "thing".

My recommendation: Rather use the 88 minutes it takes to watch it, for reading the newspaper from 4 weeks ago. Afterwards you will regret it less.

It kind of feels like a given to rate a film like this so low, even allowing for the fact it is unlikely any sane film watching person expected anything other than the cheap cheesy picture that it is. The expectation levels are still further finely tuned if one has been privy to the previous hokey horrors of Mega Shark vs Giant Octopus. Of course the problem with these run of films coming out of The Asylum film studio (see also Mega Python vs. Gatoroid), is that they tread the thin line of being bad but entertaining, or bad and insulting? Then there is the question of if the actors are taking it serious as well? If they are then they should be stripped of their equity cards, if not then they should be lauded as comic geniuses. With Mega Shark vs Crocosaurus the answers aren't abundantly clear, but it does have moments of levity, for better or worse that is. Enter with caution, you are now entering the crazy world of cult cheese.

2/10 on an artistic level and 7/10 for comedic value.