Face à la tornade

"Metal Tornado" (2011) is another Syfy creature feature, although this time the "monster" is -- you guessed it -- a metal tornado, a magnetic vortex that attracts an increasing amount of metal objects (cars, toasters, etc.) and moves about according to an iron vein under the earth.

Aside from the protagonist Lou Diamond Phillips and Kate Drummond, the latter as a barely seen biker babe, the cast is blasé (although the youth who plays Diamond's son is good). Nicole de Boer is also on hand.

As noted in my title blurb, "Metal Tornado" is surprisingly well done for a made-for-TV creature feature; unfortunately it's unmemorable. There's nothing about it that makes it standout from the scores of similar TV movies. Although it tries to work up suspense, it lacks drive, and it's definitely NOT horrifying. Ultimately, it just comes across as hackneyed and forgettable.

"Metal Tornado" is only worth viewing if you have a preference for one or more of the cast members and you have an unquenchable hunger for these types of trite movies.

The story takes place in Pennsylvania, with many shots of Philadelphia (and some of Paris), but the film was shot in Ottawa.

The runtime is 90 minutes.

GRADE: C-

...if you imagine it as a porno. It is seriously so cheesy, you expect someone to just take their clothes off any second. It's one of those movies where you think you've seen that actor in another movie, but naw, surely someone in this movie wouldn't have ever had another role, but NO!! These actors were literally in other movies/shows! Its so bad, you expect this to be a YouTube film! Literally save yourself the money and find something on youtube to watch, you'll be much happier. All in all though, if you like B-movies.... stay away. This classifies as Z-list, right up there with "A Grave Mistake." However if you are into Z-listers, be my guest... I sat through it all because it deserves a fair chance and I like cheesy movies, but don't expect anything more. Seriously, it would've done better as a porno.

So many bad reviews from so many Canadians and Canadian (?) pseudo-scientists. Boo to the bunch. This modest movie followed the formula flicks of the 50s without missing a beat. It didn't have a gigantic budget. Agreed. And the plot didn't ask for gross over-acting (or any kind of profound acting). Agreed. The science is shaky. Agreed. So what are we doing with things like "The Exorcist" when a little girl can turn her head completely around or "Jaws" when sharks become as intelligent as human beings? So much for the verisimilitudes. I suppose it was a bad idea to base the film in Canada. Perhaps it should have been shot in the U.S. Perhaps "King Kong" should have been shot in the tropics or the remake of "The Thing" in Antarctica. So much for the carping about location. The film entertains quite well, the acting is quite satisfactory and the cutting and music quite fine. No, the film doesn't boast Clark Gable or Elizabeth Taylor. Neither does "Psycho" or the original "Dracula". Nor does it have a colossal budget. I enjoyed this film and thought it was well prepared and interesting.

Curtis Stotlar

Despite it airing on the notorious SyFy channel, I saw it anyway hoping for a film to ease my mind after a very on-edge weekend. I have seen some awful movies, whether on SyFy or not, and while SyFy have done much worse, Metal Tornado was awful. I will give some credit, the acting is not too bad, there has been far worse acting than this. The problem was that the actors didn't have anything to work from, as the characters are so dull I didn't give a tuppence about them and the dialogue has no natural flow to it at all. The effects, photography and editing are haphazard and the music has melodrama written all over it, but it's the story that sinks Metal Tornado, not only does it drag to the point of boredom and doesn't make any sense whatsoever, I failed to see the point to it. The concept didn't grab me, and at the end of the day I just didn't care. All in all, I was kind of expecting it to be bad, but not this awful. At least the actors tried, however that is the only good thing I can say about the movie. 2/10 Bethany Cox

An experiment with unlimited energy form solar flares goes awry. At least that is the premise. In reality, it is a standard disaster movie. The head of the firm was warned ahead of time that the technology had a flaw. Naturally, it was ignored. After the fact, Michael Edwards (Lou Diamond Phillips) suspects there is a problem; so do we.

The formula is standard. We already know the individual characters needed form watching other standard disaster movies and the plethora or tornado knockoffs. Now we get to guess which actor gets to play which character.

We have flying cars before their time.

Finally, they throw in some drones. But I miss big bugs and flame throwers.