Prehistoric Terror

I was at Hollywood video one day, and they had this big sale going on, so I bought quit a bit of movies. I was looking and I came across this. I looked at it and though, it looked "okay", not good, but okay. I also didn't know it was a TV movie (or sci-fi channel movie either). So, I bought the movies, came home, and I think I watched this one first. I could not believe what I was watching.. .utter crap. This movie was so bad it was funny (and, slightly fun, but not enough to like the movie). I couldn't believe the CGI effects, it was laughable to the extreme. And like most cheap horror films, the gore was over-the-top, and so was the acting (which also is really amateur). This was definitely without a doubt one of the worst movies ever made, not even sure how it got made to begin with. I rate it 3/10 (somewhat generous). Rated R for horror violence and gore

In 1948, a group of miners finds a gallery full of emeralds in a salt mine in Switzerland, but they are attacked by giant black beetles and only one of them survives. In the present days, the explorer John Palmer (Christopher Atkins) is ready to take vacations in Greece with his family when he is contacted and invited by a stranger called Vincent (Colm Meaney) to lead his team in an expedition into a mine in Switzerland. In return, Vincent offers a large amount to John and the cottage nearby a lake and the entrance of the mine for his family spends the vacation. John accepts the offer, and while leading the group underground in the tunnels, he finds that their ambitious leader Marcel (David Palffy) is a very dangerous man. When John meets giant black beetles in the cave, he orders the group to return but Marcel threatens the safety of his family, forcing John to lead the team to the deep location of the emerald mine.

"Caved In" is a B-movie with the usual flaws of this type of film, such as bad acting, silly lines, poor effects and a flawed and in this case corny screenplay. However, it is funny and entertains if the viewer likes those low-budget horror / sci-fi from the 50's and 60's. The blonde Chelan Simmons spends her time screaming and saying the most stupid lines of the story. The teenager Stevie Mitchell is young and has time to dedicate to another profession, or at least try to study how to act, how terrible his acting is in this film. Colm Meaney, Angela Featherstone, David Palffy and Christopher Atkins have good performances and Monica Birladeanu is extremely gorgeous. In the end, I did not totally dislike this forgettable film. My vote is four.

Title (Brazil): "A Caverna Maldita" ("The Damned Cave")

I saw this movie and while it wasn't really too bad for this genre, I had problems believing a few things:

1: The main character is a very good caving expert but they go into this very "perilous" caved in mine with out basic safety gear like helmets.

2: After 58 years, the power is still on in the mine and the lights still work. This was lucky because nobody seemed to be carrying any torches or lights.

3: After 58 years, this mine, beside a lake, has no water in it.

4: The second thing that they all do, after turning on the lights, is to jump on this rickety old wooden elevator to descend 2000 feet. This seems foolish to me especially for some caving "expert".

5: The two-way radios do not look like low frequency cave radios and their reception seems really really good after going through 2000 feet of rock?

6: Can you really get these rocket-propelled anchors that you can shoot into rock that will then hold firm enough to swing from? If so, shouldn't you test them before using them to swing across an abyss?

7: Why does a "caver" need a rocket-propelled emergency beacon?

8: The main character carried a very small back-pack. It seemed barely big enough for the rocket-propelled anchor with about 15 feet of rope, rocket-propelled emergency beacon and explosives that he took. I am not an expert but I would have taken more caving equipment like torches, ropes, helmets, slings, harness.

9: Why do the "laser rifles" need to be cocked (but not reloaded) every now and then? Where does the rock go when it is disintegrated?

10: I didn't know that emeralds actually generated their own light. But they looked pretty.

11: I saw baby monster beetles coming out of a dead mans mouth. If the young are only 2 inches long, then why are the eggs nearly a foot long?

12: Why kill the old man if that meant that they would only be able to make one trip down the mine to get emeralds? Why not leave him alive and sneak down as many times as they wanted and get as many emeralds as they wanted? Why are the bad guys so dumb?

13: Why kill Colm Meanie before he has helped carry emeralds to the surface?

14: Who keeps a loaded shotgun hanging on their living room wall?

In all sincerity, I really like finding a movie with this many gaffs.

Watched this tonight...it was a forced endeavor after the first few minutes. The Sci Fi Network has some real need of new creative staff, writers and directors. This was a poorly done venture of a pitiful film. While I enjoyed seeing Colm Meaney (Vincent) and Christopher Atkins (John Palmer) again, even their acting was rather bleak. The plot was interesting, but overdone - huge mutant beetles living underground for who knows how long. While the bugs themselves looked 'real', the editing was painful! There were really bad clips during the entire movie. Pay attention to a scene early in the movie when the group is going down the mine shaft – one guy nearly falls out – watch the 'skillful' editing when they get him back on the lift! Amateur film makers with Hi-8 Video Cameras could have probably done a better job. What was up with the actors who played the kids? Chelan Simmons (Emily Palmer) and Stevie Mitchell (Miles Palmer) were real screamers! I had to check the cast list to make sure that the actress who played Emily wasn't the daughter of Kate Capshaw! (Remember all the shrill, needless screaming she did in Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom). All Chelan/Emily did was scream nearly the entire movie. If the writers were more realistic, the character of Emily would have been more of a fighter and helped her mother, Samantha (played by Angela Featherstone). At one point, I hoped Samantha would just shoot Emily to shut her up. I love the Sci Fi Channel because I really love Science Fiction and Adventure films, but the bigwigs in that network need a reality check and clean house of those who are producing their network movies. Most Sci Fi Channel/Network 'Original' movies have been absolutely horrible. Why do I even try to watch their 'Original' movies? Because I do live this type of movie and want to give them a chance and...I must also be a glutton for punishment...I keep expecting that they will finally get with the right picture.

Sci Fi DOES have some great and very creative commercials - maybe they need to have the people making those promotional spots produce their network movies.

Plenty of action for fans of these big mutated bug creature movies. Since the focus is just to showcase the inflated insects chasing and feeding on screaming extras, the feeble plot full of familiar devices really doesn't hurt. It's low budget stuff all the way, but fun.

Many Sci-Fi channel flicks like to mix some "bad victims who deserve to die in a poetic justice way and you can't wait until they get it" with some "good innocent victims in the wrong place at the wrong time who ought to live but some of them don't" types. This routine of course insures plenty of blood, and so it is this time: crooks want to get at some valuable jewels or something underground in a mine somewhere, and trick a guy into leading them to it. Said guy has teen daughters, etc. Guess what? You'll never guess! Giant bugs are there, too! The bugs are cheaply rendered, the CGI animation look like somebody glued a magazine photo of a bug on your TV screen, and slid it around with a pencil.

Familiar territory, and most of the actors failed Drama 1A. But it still can entertain if you take it for what it is, campy fast food b-budget sci-fi/horror.