Les 7 Momies

Having seen a lot of B movies, I can tell you that the idea of criminals on the run with a hostage encountering supernatural horror is not an original idea. But I wouldn't have minded seeing it again had this effort been well executed - which it isn't. It's a slow-moving story, and despite the slow pace the movie doesn't try to expand on the characters very much. In fact, I don't think you even learn the names of the prisoners! Movie also suffers from setting most of the movie in near-total darkness, which makes it hard to determine at times just what is going on. The rap and thrash metal songs on the soundtrack also seem out of place.

Oh, and if you are thinking of seeing this movie because you are either (or both) a fan of Danny Trejo or Billy Drago, be warned - Trejo just has basically one brief scene, and Drago's role isn't that much bigger.

Having just watched Ted Mikels' film "Apartheid Slave-Women's Justice", I was amazingly lenient when it came to viewing "Seven Mummies". That's because "Apartheid" and many of Mikels' other films are NOT on the IMDb Bottom 100 list--and should be. So, by comparison, "Seven Mummies" doesn't look THAT bad--but it still is bad.

The plot is the weird sort of concept that works best as a video game--sort of like "Red Dead Redemption Undead Nightmare". Seriously--which is the zombie western sequel to "Red Dead Redemption". It has plenty of shooting and violence and bloody gore, but as a film, it lacks plot and dialog--minor things that tend to make a movie worth watching! This movie begins in the present day with a group of prisoners escaping and heading into the desert. They wander into a strange western town--circa 1870. Now this SHOULD have been their first clue that this was NOT a town where they should stay. But, there are lots of hookers--and these sleazy men have been locked up for some time. So, they stick around for some fun--and in the middle of this, the townspeople become zombies of sorts--and the zombie prostitutes start tearing several of the prisoners apart. However, the townsfolk seem relatively easy to kill--and you don't even need a head shot! But, there are so many, they still don't seem to stand a chance. And, after a while, it all becomes more and more boring--as there is NO PLOT--just zombie/vampire/mummy folks trying to kill our anti-heroes. I say zombie/vampire/mummy because they eat flesh (so they must be zombies), they call each other vampires (ditto) and the film has mummy in the title (ditto). Whatever...all I know is that the film was, as I said, like watching a video game. Not much plot, terrible acting and dialog--I can see how it made the Bottom 100 list, but frankly it's not among the 100 worst films I've seen. Isn't it sad that there are MANY films worse than this?!

Admitted, I love bad movies (eg. Evil alien conquerors) and horror movies, but this movie was however bad in a REALLY bad way. It made absolutely no sense what so ever, horrible lighting, disastrous camera work, acting, etc...

It seems the people writing the script thought of "cool" ideas for a 30 minutes movie and then just filled in the rest with meaningless nonsense. I cannot believe anybody would put their names on this kind of crap.

I could go on for pages about how horrible it was, but being the optimist I am, I will mention the only two good things about the movie: It was the first movie I have seen, containing Ninja-Priest-Mummies and it contained quite some large boobies. Besides that it absolutely sucked ass!

Do not watch this movie without serious masochistic tendencies!

Two haggard old men are dragging a coffin full of gold coins out in the desert, long story short they're killed. Fast forward to present day which has 6 convicts escaping when their transport crashes in the same aforementioned desert. Taking the hot prison guard hostage, and on their way to the border of Mexico, they run into an elderly Indian (played by Danny Trejo!!) who tells them of how riches beyond their wildest dreams could be had buried under an old ghost town. They decide to take a detour to get this gold while Trejo laughs... for minutes on end. However all the denizens of said town are a little long in the fang, to say the least. The community headed by Drake (good ol' Billy Drago) has plans for these convicts. This flick while never something even approaching what someone might deem good, was enjoyable enough...up to a point. That point being when all the illogical nonsense going on got so high that I didn't know what the hell was going on, much less cared. It would have made an interesting 20 minute short MAYBE, but as a feature film, it meandered too often. Drago was the main draw for this one, as Danny Trejo, normally great, is just plain weird in the movie. Too make matters worse the nudity is very poorly lit.

Eye Candy: it's very darkly lit, but Ananda St. James does bare her humongous rack

My Grade: D+

Nothing special here. A low budget film shot in a low budget place. Bad guys try and take something from worse guys without understanding the price they may have to pay. Escaped convicts fall upon an old Spanish treasure protected by Priests that have become mummies whose soul purpose in death is to protect the treasure. The acting was OK for the most part. The script was nothing special. The camera work was low budget. If you want to see a bunch of people and monsters killing and being killed, then this is for you. Moderate amount of gore. Cerina Vincent was hot in her usual white muscle shirt. Danny Trejo was good, as always, in his character. Billy Drago was born with, and perfected, that creepy bad guy image.