It Waits

OK, but basically an average horror movie.

The most-excellent Cerina Vincent makes this better than it has any right to be.

I was not aware that US Forest Service rangers regularly operate hydroelectric generation plants. I also thought that they were armed, but apparently not.

The idea of a ladder-climbing elk is pretty good, though. But I didn't know that elk could turn vehicles over with their antlers. Guess you learn something new every day.

Very non-scary beast/demon/creature. Fortunately, they hold off showing it until a good way into the film.

Again, Cerina Vincent rescues this from the ho-hum.

Okay so at the beginning of this one some people blast an opening to some cave where they find some glyphs / 'ancient markings' .

Then we meet Danielle, who apparently works as some Engineer monitoring some dam or something, she has a parrot and loves to drink vodka right out of the bottle.

And JUSTIN, her BF? He has a couple of great lines when they speak

+1 Star for California Elk Pi$$ line

Wait is she not an engineer? She's some forest Ranger? Little bit of huge responsibility for a Forest Ranger to be draining a dam? And I can tell that the way Danielle talks she has no business being a forest ranger anyway. She sounds like a nutter.

-1 Star for Forest Ranger Danny being a nutter......

Apparently Danny's best friend Julie died in a car accident that was Danny's fault and Danny blames herself for her friends death. And Danny is obviously not dykey enough to be a forest ranger either. Anyways at least we get past all the mushy stuff and we get to Justin and Danny doin' it. Will they break the rule??? Yes it appears they will!!!!

-1 Star for a sex scene with absolutely no nudity. We don't approve!

Then somehow all their clothes got back on . There's some creature outside making noise. Justin says that ain't no bear!! He tells Danny to call for help and he gets his rifle!!!

Anyways that crisis passes. Then they meet the token couple hiking in the woods. They warn this couple of the creature that might be out there. Male hiker he doesn't like being warned! And he has a great line!!!

+1 Star for a great line!

Then that couple they run into that creature in the WOODS!!! And they both get a GREAT DEATH!!! And then RANGER TEAM they find their JEEP ripped apart,. And the camper bodies have been stsashed on top of their RANGER TOWER!!! Oh dear this creature is smart too!!! How it hung up that dead couple in the ranger TOWER!!! Wow really they bury this couple?? They got time to dig 2 graves? That's just really dumb. This creature could be anywhere.

-1 Star for not worrying about creature at all who just ripped 2 hikers up hung them up and skinned them

Then it's a good time for flirting and kissing. Danny and Justin just can't keep their hands off each other, despite being in TREMENDOUS FEAR FOR THEIR LIVES!!! IT IS TIME FOR SOME TONGUE HOCKEY!!!

-1 sTAR AGAIN!!!

THEN It appears that JUSTIN runs into the creature in the WOODS. I don't think he's gonna walk away from that one. Then Danny finds Justin's body on top of the TOWER. Danny has time for digging a grave for him too!!!! REally weird how much time she has to spend digging graves, with this creature out there who could appear ANYTIME!!!

OKAY now RANGER DANNY IS ON THE CASE!!! SHE STARTS opening cans of corn and beans and making a giant pile of......well OF CORN AND BEANS.....!! What is that supposed to be?? Bait???

So something shows up and Danny blasts that thing!! But there is no body!!! And Danny decides to escape with the PARROT!!! WAIT she's gonna track this thing?? LOL too far to walk to get the heck out of there?? But I can go track this creature to 'where it lives'. Oh dear.

Oh she finds that Justin's head was put on display also!!! And she digs a grave for Justins head!!! Oh and while she's wandering through everything she meets UNCAS, and UNCAS just happens to be living in some trailer nearby and tells her all about the CAVE SPIRIT that his students uncovered!!

But then she doesn't give up!! She continues her hunt!!!! She is rewarded!!!! She meets the creature and it doesn't kill her!!! It takes a bite of flesh out of her and flies off!!! Why?? Why does it fly off?? Why didn't it kill her????

-1 STar because it killed everyone else it met, except her.....

Okay so she finds the hiker's phone and calls her BOSS. HER BOSS comes and picks her up and on the way back they find A BODY MOUNTED ON A POLE!!!!

+1 STAR FOR THAT BODY MOUNTED ON THAT POLE RIGHT UP HIS COLO!!! Man you cannot unsee that lol

But BOSS he gets crushed!!! And Danny she's driving the JEEP now and she's on the run!!! Creature can fly and it's chasing her a$$!! Omg she craftily kills it with dynamite???? Wow is she smart!!!

So now she can walk out of there. Then she's talking to a COP? She says there's bodies up there somewhere, and she doesn't know who killed them!!! And then...THE PARROT shows up at her HOUSE?? How did the Parrot find her HOUSE? Okay what is the final score for this stinker???

I guess it finished with a 3. Boy what a pile of crap. A couple of good lines but the rest of it, pretty damn bad. 3/10.

Casual channel surfing this morning-and ended up watching this On SciFi Channel. I was kind of impressed- The main character's angst and predicament and her guts in confronting the bad stuff reminded me of Siggy Weaver's Ripley character. I liked the setting and the Ranger stuff. I liked Dr Riverwind(for all of 5 minutes). The character parts of the story were more interesting than the actual "horror movie" stuff. Actually made me care enough to sweat out the action sequences. I was curious who the writer was and when I saw Richard Matheson it confirmed my suspicions that this script was not dreamed up in a frat house over a vat of vodka jello shots but was the work of a decent writer. I thought Cerina did a great job in her portrayal.

And Hoppy ROCKS! He and Jonesie from Alien should get together someday( over vodka jello shots) and trade war-stories.

You have to give the writers and producers at least some credit for daring to release a horror movie that is called "It Waits". That's like openly claiming: our movie will be boring and don't pretend we didn't warn you in the title. The good news, however, is that "IT" (which is this time a mythological Indian demon instead of Pennywise the Clown) only waits for a good half hour – until the inevitable dramatic sub plot and dull character drawings are over and done with – before going on its outrageous murderous rampage. I even daresay "It Waits" is a fairly enjoyable creature feature as long as you manage to look past all the dreadful genre clichés and nonsensical plot elements. The central character is a young and hot Canadian ranger stationed in a tower post somewhere in the middle of an extensive forest. Poor Danielle St. Claire drinks a lot of Vodka because she can't deal with being responsible for the death of her best friend in a car accident. This means that for the first half hour, "It Waits" only features dull guilty speeches and a forced dramatic atmosphere. Danielle's traumas all become meaningless when she and her boyfriend Justin face the bloody battle with a demon that accidentally got unleashed from its prison cave and now runs amok in the woods. There's a terribly lame sub plot trying to trick us into believing the mythological creature actually feeds and strengthens on misery and sadness (and thus Danielle herself attracts it), but I strongly advise you to disregard the ludicrous dialogs and fully focus on the special effects and gory massacres. "It Waits" borrows ideas and elements from at least a dozen of other (and more successful) horror movies, but hey, you've surely seen a lot worse already and at least the second half provides plenty of carnage and the creature's design is reasonably horrific. The filming location is stupendous and reminded me of those glorious early 80's slasher movies that also entirely took place in forestry regions, like "Just before Dawn" and "The Final Terror". Cerina Vincent isn't very believable as a park ranger heroine, but she has obvious other qualities like her incredible good look and an impressive rack. Yes, I am aware that's a shallow remark but it had to be said! Besides, her tight ranger outfit as well as the smooth cinematography leave no opportunity untaken to emphasize her yummy boobs, neither.

Okay - I realize this movie belongs to a genre that is, for the most part, immune to scrutiny. Nevertheless, it is always disappointing to see the same ridiculous clichés about stupid people doing stupid things in order to give the unseen monster easy pickings (not to mention to keep the writer, director, and producer from exerting themselves by actually trying to think up a fresh idea.) How many times do we need to see someone skipping out into the woods in the middle of the night when they know there's a monster bumping people off? Or the contrived love scene (after a bloody discovery) designed to show off the lead actress's exquisite breasts? And the talking bird sidekick? Bottom line: bad acting, worse script - would have been more satisfying to see everyone killed in the first five minutes and then watch the monster wander around aimlessly in the woods for a few hours.